Discussion How much of a role do finances play in your decision to ctb?

[makeitstop___]

My life has been steadily falling apart for a little over a year now due to an ongoing legal matter that I did not initiate, but must respond to. So much is at stake -- literal lives. So I've hung in there. And I've fought. And I've tried. Tried everything within my power while remaining true to who I am as a person, and not compromising my values to protect the ones I love. But it has taken my loved ones. Hurt them. It's ruined my relationship with my partner -- driven it completely and utterly into the ground-- the one and only person I've really allowed myself to get close to and rely on. The stress, and overwhelm of dealing with this daily has taken a drastic toll on my mental health, as well as physical. As of this week, we hit rock bottom financially. I have been. He now is on the cusp of complete and total financial depletion. Two months. That's what he has. Two months to live on. And that's provided nothing else crops up. That's just fixed expenses. I feel like we have no choice but to give up. And I can't bring myself to live in a world where this isn't fixed. I know my ctb will not "help"-- it won't resolve a damn thing. The bad guy will still win. And will very likely rejoice. But simply put, I don't want to exist in this world where such a thing is possible. Everything about this has felt so nightmarish and made me question reality, because for such evil and disorder to prevail this just can't be like... Can it? People will say money is the root of all evil. And while it absolutely can be used by bad people, with evil intentions, it sure can help people also. So, I feel led to ask... does any one else feel this way? How much of a role, if any, has your financial situation played in you mental health / being here at this point? My situation seems so far beyond any hope of fixing at this point. And the problems, the cost to resolve them, and make anything better seem absolutely insurmountable. To be clear, it gives me absolutely no pleasure to admit this, nor would I find any in someone else experiencing these same feelings. I just wonder how many of us there are that may feel this way. To live in a world, or in a society where things financial and judicial systems are so broken.... it just shouldn't be like this. I have to pull the plug on our efforts though. There's no way to continue on anymore.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

How much of a role, if any, has your financial situation played in you mental health / being here at this point?

Our situations and what lead to financial problems are different. In my case 100% financial situation. I could be fixed and wouldn't be suicidal if I won the lottery jackpot.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My financial situation is alright but it's not good long term. More money could always help but it won't fundamentally change who I am or make me any less evil, if anything it would make me more evil and make my CTB more of a mandatory requirement for other people to be safe and happy.

 

[fearkob]

I Feel your pain as I'm going through something similar but maybe not as bad legally!. It has crippled me in all ways I now have an addiction to medications what I toy with. My life and me has changed I just hope I can hang on to see it through or ... Let it take me. I hope you find it with in yourself to carry on and not let this make you do something what other wise you wouldn't do

 

[setmefreenow]

I am sorry to hear what you and your partner are going through. I hope you find a way to overcome the situation.

As for your question, it's my bipolar disorder which ruined my finances. Almost everything was gone in just a few months when I was manic. It's utterly devastating losing everything I had worked so hard for in my 47 years of existence.

My financial situation plays a large role why I am here on this forum. Maybe around 80% or so. The other reason is losing most of my friends along with damaging all the great relationships I had with my coworkers. I will forever be remebered as this crazy person rather than someone who has a mental illness and I just can't live with that anymore.

 

[makeitstop___]

Our situations and what lead to financial problems are different. In my case 100% financial situation. I could be fixed and wouldn't be suicidal if I won the lottery jackpot.

I wish for you is that you do, my friend. I'm so sorry you have had to carry to weight of that.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Hope you find the freedom you're looking for. The world's absurd amount of evil is also what makes me want to leave it.

 

[makeitstop___]

My financial situation is alright but it's not good long term. More money could always help but it won't fundamentally change who I am or make me any less evil, if anything it would make me more evil and make my CTB more of a mandatory requirement for other people to be safe and happy.

I can relate to that. It's when I'm at my worst, I find I have deeply negative, self-loathing, self-sabotaging thoughts. They always end the same -- that I shouldn't remain here and that those few that tolerate me would be better off without me. That my continued existence is pulling them down. Which, the shit of it is, when I think like that, when I sink into that space it does repel absolutely anyone who I may have had left near me. I'm in that spiral now.

I Feel your pain as I'm going through something similar but maybe not as bad legally!. It has crippled me in all ways I now have an addiction to medications what I toy with. My life and me has changed I just hope I can hang on to see it through or ... Let it take me. I hope you find it with in yourself to carry on and not let this make you do something what other wise you wouldn't do

Thank you, friend. I appreciate your compassion, and I'm sorry for the turn things took in your life. I hope you're able to experience some kind of improvement to things and find peace and happiness.

Hope you find the freedom you're looking for. The world's absurd amount of evil is also what makes me want to leave it.

Thank you. That's been the hardest thing for me. I knew that things weren't fair. Nothing is guaranteed. People can be evil... all the sayings. Life has beat almost all hope out of me. But the older I've gotten, the more I see, I still continue to be shocked, and profoundly disturbed at how much evil is not just allowed - but facilitated.

I am sorry to hear what you and your partner are going through. I hope you find a way to overcome the situation.

As for your question, it's my bipolar disorder which ruined my finances. Almost everything was gone in just a few months when I was manic. It's utterly devastating losing everything I had worked so hard for in my 47 years of existence.

My financial situation plays a large role why I am here on this forum. Maybe around 80% or so. The other reason is losing most of my friends along with damaging all the great relationships I had with my coworkers. I will forever be remebered as this crazy person rather than someone who has a mental illness and I just can't live with that anymore.

@setmefreenow , I can feel the pain in your words as I read them when you talk about how you imagine you'll be remembered. I completely understand what you mean. I wish more people understood illnesses that aren't physically apparent. To feel misunderstood, and prison to your own body and mind is it's own kind of hell. And it's certainly not something we choose, or something that can easily be alleviated or managed. We may not know one another irl, but if it's any consolation, I believe you. I read your earnest words and they transmit intelligence, and anguish. I have no doubt that you have made many, many positive contributions, professionally and otherwise. My wish for you is that more people than you'd ever think possible will remember you for those things and not the sum of your struggle.

I often wonder what happens after we go. I wonder if we get to spectate. The idea is both beautiful and terrifying to me.

 

[theboy]

I have no financial problems

 

[makeitstop___]

I am sorry to hear what you and your partner are going through. I hope you find a way to overcome the situation.

As for your question, it's my bipolar disorder which ruined my finances. Almost everything was gone in just a few months when I was manic. It's utterly devastating losing everything I had worked so hard for in my 47 years of existence.

My financial situation plays a large role why I am here on this forum. Maybe around 80% or so. The other reason is losing most of my friends along with damaging all the great relationships I had with my coworkers. I will forever be remebered as this crazy person rather than someone who has a mental illness and I just can't live with that anymore.

@setmefreenow , I can feel the pain in your words as I read them when you talk about how you imagine you'll be remembered. I completely understand what you mean. I wish more people understood illnesses that aren't physically apparent. To feel misunderstood, and prison to your own body and mind is it's own kind of hell. And it's certainly not something we choose, or something that can easily be alleviated or managed. We may not know one another irl, but if it's any consolation, I believe you. I read your earnest words and they transmit intelligence, and anguish. I have no doubt that you have made many, many positive contributions, professionally and otherwise. My wish for you is that more people than you'd ever think possible will remember you for those things and not the sum of your struggle.

I often wonder what happens after we go. I wonder if we get to spectate. The idea is both beautiful and terrifying to me.

I have no financial problems

That's good to hear. Feel free to share other motives or factors if you'd like, or would find it helpful.

 

[theboy]

That's good to hear. Feel free to share other motives or factors if you'd like, or would find it helpful.

what other factors are you referring to?

 

[makeitstop___]

Sorry, just wondering what circumstances, or feelings if any brought you here.

 

[Abyssal]

If I had money to spend I might be receiving better treatment, but honestly? I feel it wouldn't help. I'd probably be in the same spot emotionally.

So probably none

 

[Csmith8827]

Money would solve most of my problems IMO. I don't see how money couldn't solve anyone's problems. You could move out if you're in a crap living situation. Get a car/truck if that's what you want. Invest, pursue your dreams, etc. etc.

I understand the emotional/mental aspect but you could always see better doctors or just stay drunk/high all the time. Back when I lived on the streets I'd drink all day/everyday just to numb myself out and make my existence tolerable... I'd smoke weed too...not to say I was always "drunk" or "high" but I would be buzzing at least that's for sure. It definitely helped take the edge off of things...but trying to play guitar isn't the best thing to try to do under the influence... I'd smoke Sativa and try and play and boy that was a trip.

 

[martinso67]

It's the opposite for me. CTB is not possible for me, because I lack enough savings. Also having to live on my own and getting a 9 to 5 job could allow me to have access to CTB.

I only want to have the strength to cope with the jail which is called life, that I am in.
I envy those who feel they have autonomy over life.

 

[mehdone]

Finances actually play a pretty large role.
With my mental illnesses, every little tiny thing that gets piled onto my life makes it that much harder, brings me that much closer to breaking completely.

If I was set for life- I wouldn't need to be rich, just able to live comfortably- and knew that I didn't have to force myself to work, to waste my time at a job I hate (working drains the hell out of me- it takes my all with nothing left)- I might have the energy to make it through.

If I could afford it, I could try alternative therapies for my treatment resistant mental illnesses.

 

[Dark Moon]

I'm good with money at the moment, in fact I don't know what to with my money right now. I was thinking of going to Mexico or one of the countries where Nembutal is still available.

 

[voc_89]

finances mean everything to me. After my parent died in 2004 from cancer.... overnight my life went to care free to not knowing if/when the next meal was coming. How I was going to finish high school. What life in general I would have. I wanted out but I kinda got caught by my last remaining parent. Despite wanting me to I guess improve they never did anything to help me. Just made it worse. Bringing in emotionally abusive partners into my life. I vowed I would never rely on this person as an adult. And if i stay in this life its because I can provide myself the life that I deserve. I did accomplish that to some extent but life is a cruel mistress. I made some bad plays and came close to financial ruin April 2022. In that same month I came close to jumping (i think i would have gone through but I wasn't sure if the height was enough). I told myself ok, I'll make a better plan and push through the following month. Then my sibling lost his job and their fiance broke up with them soon after (surprise people are shit). I never saw them so broken up. I stayed to help him bounce back. Over that period I also did somewhat. So i'm here. Its hard going through financial turmoil. My heart goes out to u.

 

[Ww42]

Im in a job where i can have all my needs met and have some fun money and im off Monday through friday, and all I do is rot and am sad for those 5 days. Where others would feel so free with that instead of working a 9-5 everyday. But im still broken and sad. Finances can add to the stressors, but it doesnt make a difference in what im going to do soon over the summer