Discussion How many women are incels?

[Chili]

Okay, so first and foremost I'm not an incel.
And actually the reason I'm asking is because I find most of the men on this site are incels.
So I'm just curious if the majority of people's wanting to CTB is because of lack of sex/being touched starved OR if that's just a more gender specific problem.

I've seen femcels, but not as many? I can't relate to men's struggles as much. Most men are AOK with me being unhinged as long as I'm skinny and somewhat decent to look at lmfao. The underlying issue I think for all parties is that MOST men I have met do not really care about my personality nearly as much as I care about theirs and their general habits.

I think we have more incel men because what they want from a relationship and what we want is very different. I don't care if a man is ugly, tall, etc. I do care if he doesn't match other criteria (Doesn't believe men should be able to perform basic living tasks, such as cleaning, for ex.). I also ironically find it hard to be attracted to a man who has extreme mental health concerns (which I have), which I think most people in the thread have kind of linked to being an incel. Women who aren't on the website can absolutely tell when you are struggling. Women might say, ew he doesn't shower, etc. The deeper you go into this depression and inceldom, the harder time you'll have finding a partner. Kind of ironic lmao

 

[SpinandPainr]

Not an incel perse anymore but permanently heavily influenced by them. I look OK now. I used to be a very ugly lady and 99% of my interactions with both sexes have been heavily altered by pretty-tying myself.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

This is absurd. Of course there are rules. They aren't explicitly written anywhere, but unspoken or unwritten rules are still rules.


I'm a man. What are you talking about


Huh? What does this even mean? Especially this:

I clearly stated I was using "you" in a general sense.


No, pronouns shouldn't have to be "earned". If you misgender someone because they haven't "earned" your respect, you're just transphobic. Correct me if I've misunderstood your point here.

I have no clue why you responded to me the way you did and I'm genuinely confused. All I said was it isn't right to generalize and that it makes sense for people being generalized to be offended by it.

Im going to make this clear to you.
Your views are different than mine and I do not need to change my CORE BELIEFS because you demand that I do so. You literally had the nerve to report me to the admin, yet you expect tolerance and acceptance? I am entitled to be who I am and that INCLUDES my beliefs. I have gender dysphoria, but did you ask? No. You assumed that because I believe what I believe that I'm some how transphobic. You're intolerant of anyone else's opinion other than your narrow minded perspective and it needs to stop.

I don't like you because you're a Karen who I've seen take a very aggressive and intolerant stance towards other people in regards to their religion and core beliefs.
Move.on and stop flaming posts for attention just
because I chose to be the bigger person and I refused to respond to you.

I've seen femcels, but not as many? I can't relate to men's struggles as much. Most men are AOK with me being unhinged as long as I'm skinny and somewhat decent to look at lmfao. The underlying issue I think for all parties is that MOST men I have met do not really care about my personality nearly as much as I care about theirs and their general habits.

I think we have more incel men because what they want from a relationship and what we want is very different. I don't care if a man is ugly, tall, etc. I do care if he doesn't match other criteria (Doesn't believe men should be able to perform basic living tasks, such as cleaning, for ex.). I also ironically find it hard to be attracted to a man who has extreme mental health concerns (which I have), which I think most people in the thread have kind of linked to being an incel. Women who aren't on the website can absolutely tell when you are struggling. Women might say, ew he doesn't shower, etc. The deeper you go into this depression and inceldom, the harder time you'll have finding a partner. Kind of ironic lmao

I think everything you said is very valid. Honestly men who only want you for your body are only going to be bad for you.

I think most incels are people who are shallow and refuse to believe that looks and hygiene are separate factors.

Not an incel perse anymore but permanently heavily influenced by them. I look OK now. I used to be a very ugly lady and 99% of my interactions with both sexes have been heavily altered by pretty-tying myself.

If you are the person in your pfp (in case it's a celebrity I don't know about) you look pretty, so do you mean you struggled with hygiene issues or just grooming expectations? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. The only woman I've dated that I would consider a femcel was a person who had no issues grooming but she did have to be reminded to shower because of being a little maladapted. Also, the only habit I found unattractive was she had a spit jar near her nightstand.

Other than really wild things like that, I hope you've managed to keep your autonomy. I feel like autonomy and social expectations are constantly at war with each other, and it's easy to have a mindset of extremely left or extremely right,
But neither one is exactly healthy. So while everyone should try to be the best version of themselves... No one should be uncomfortable within themselves or as themselves.

 

[Stayhomestaysafe]

I'm a femcel but that's because most men aka basically all of them disgust me

But that means it's your decision right? It's not involuntary, you just have an idea of what you want but it's like maybe 1/1000?

 

[25dRvS9Ka]

Just how they objectify me and don't care to actually know me.

Personally, I'd just like a guy try to approach me as a friend first and then we can let things progress from that, try to know me before trying to take me out I don't know...

It's just a detailed way of saying that you'd like to be treated with respect. It's not easy to read a girl write she just wish to be treated normally and kindly, it makes me sad.

I'm sorry girl

 

[RainAndSadness]

@TheLastGreySky making basic decency conditional (such as using correct pronouns) is kinda odd behavior. Do you treat all people like that? And where do you draw the line? Do you think using slurs is fine if someone is an asshole to you? Like are you one of these people who shout the N-word because someone who is a POC was an inconvience to you? Not that different than using the wrong pronouns on someone intentionally for doing something you don't like, given it has severe emotional impact on the person in question, as studies show. And it also highlights how you see trans people in general. Like imagine you have a friend who is trans, and they see you misgender someone for whatever reason. Do you think they'll feel respected if recognition of their gender identity is a conditional transaction and not something that's fundamental to their humanity?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

look at the amount of women who deal with SA. 81% experience it in their lifetime.

No, the site states that 81% of women have experienced sexual assault or harassment at least once in their lifetime. Not just sexual assault. Sexual assault is not the same as sexual harassment and is typically seen as being more severe. Along with that, you are also blindly trusting statistics. For one, we need to take into consideration volunteer bias. Women who may have experienced sexual assault or harassment in the past might have been more likely to agree to do their survey compared to women who haven't, for example. This can potentially lead to the results of their statistics being skewed. Along with that, men are socialized to respond to things, like sexual assault and harassment, differently from women. This can potentially lead to an underreporting of incidents of sexual assault or harassment experienced by men due.

This isn't to invalidate the statistics you pulled up or anything, but rather to point out the fact that you shouldn't be looking at them at face-value (which is something that even I need to get better at).

Most men are awful not only because they do these horrible acts, but because the ones that don't, downplay the hell out of it. They say we are over exaggerating.

I hate to break it to you, but women also have a long history of doing this shit as well. By this logic, most women are also awful because most women also engage in those same behaviours when it comes to cases of SA. That's not even getting into the ways in which women (in the West) who claim to "stand with other female victims" often only mean that in reference to other middle to upper-middle-class cisgender white women. Rich cisgender white women literally decided to steal a movement specifically created to bring more attention to SA in BIPOC communities (aka, the #metoo movement) and made it about themselves instead. Women are generally no better than men when it comes to fighting against SA and supporting SA victims.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

@TheLastGreySky making basic decency conditional (such as using correct pronouns) is kinda odd behavior. Do you treat all people like that? And where do you draw the line? Do you think using slurs is fine if someone is an asshole to you? Like are you one of these people who shout the N-word because someone who is a POC was an inconvience to you? Not that different than using the wrong pronouns on someone intentionally for doing something you don't like, given it has severe emotional impact on the person in question, as studies show. And it also highlights how you see trans people in general. Like imagine you have a friend who is trans, and they see you misgender someone for whatever reason. Do you think they'll feel respected if recognition of their gender identity is a conditional transaction and not something that's fundamental to their humanity?

I get what you're saying, but comparing calling someone by their preferred pronouns to calling them a racial slur is just not the same.

IF someone called me a racial slur then I could respond with a racial slur back, but...
I wouldn't want to lower myself to their level.

Respectfully, I don't have to conform.
It's not about "earning" the right to have me call someone by their pronouns. If I misgender you unintentionally... Tell me how that mistake happened? If you have a dog is it male or female and HOW do you know?

I don't know you, and if me not acknowledging your preference is enough to make you not like me, then well shit, you would of been a shallow friend anyway. It's a win really.

No, the site states that 81% of women have experienced sexual assault or harassment at least once in their lifetime. Not just sexual assault. Sexual assault is not the same as sexual harassment and is typically seen as being more severe. Along with that, you are also blindly trusting statistics. For one, we need to take into consideration volunteer bias. Women who may have experienced sexual assault or harassment in the past might have been more likely to agree to do their survey compared to women who haven't, for example. This can potentially lead to the results of their statistics being skewed. Along with that, men are socialized to respond to things, like sexual assault and harassment, differently from women. This can potentially lead to an underreporting of incidents of sexual assault or harassment experienced by men due.

This isn't to invalidate the statistics you pulled up or anything, but rather to point out the fact that you shouldn't be looking at them at face-value (which is something that even I need to get better at).


I hate to break it to you, but women also have a long history of doing this shit as well. By this logic, most women are also awful because most women also engage in those same behaviours when it comes to cases of SA. That's not even getting into the ways in which women (in the West) who claim to "stand with other female victims" often only mean that in reference to other middle to upper-middle-class cisgender white women. Rich cisgender white women literally decided to steal a movement specifically created to bring more attention to SA in BIPOC communities (aka, the #metoo movement) and made it about themselves instead. Women are generally no better than men when it comes to fighting against SA and supporting SA victims.

There are a few things society doesn't allow us to discuss and as much as I love sanctioned this too isn't the place to discuss
•Female on male abuse.
I've tried to and was told I was victim blaming.
•Politics.
•racism.

I think these issues are hot button issues and only cause division. I'm not saying what you can and can't do I'm just telling you from personal experience, you'll probably end up being labeled a contrarian and invalidated instead of being heard out for representing your experience.

The truth is it's 2025 and to this day if your Caucasian or Caucasian appearing and male you're still not "allowed" to be oppressed under the general consensus of the majority.
I come from New Mexico and I'm Hispanic and white mixed but my skin is Ghost White so, naturally I've endured all kinds of racism towards me. Most people reading this probably think I'm just trying to include myself which is really sad that people to this day don't realize that the majority of classism is under the guise of racism.
They don't see that being poor subjects you to a lot more cruelty than if you were rich.

 

[Poiter1987]

I'm a male on this website. Definitely not an incel. Had plenty of sex. Except now I probably will be an intelligent just because my brain is fucked. I got shot up with an anti psychotic medication that has ruined my life.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I'm a male on this website. Definitely not an incel. Had plenty of sex. Except now I probably will be an intelligent just because my brain is fucked. I got shot up with an anti psychotic medication that has ruined my life.

Dang that sucks. What happened there?

 

[beelzebul]

Im going to make this clear to you.
Your views are different than mine and I do not need to change my CORE BELIEFS because you demand that I do so. You literally had the nerve to report me to the admin, yet you expect tolerance and acceptance? I am entitled to be who I am and that INCLUDES my beliefs. I have gender dysphoria, but did you ask? No. You assumed that because I believe what I believe that I'm some how transphobic. You're intolerant of anyone else's opinion other than your narrow minded perspective and it needs to stop.

I don't like you because you're a Karen who I've seen take a very aggressive and intolerant stance towards other people in regards to their religion and core beliefs.
Move.on and stop flaming posts for attention just
because I chose to be the bigger person and I refused to respond to you

Uh, good fucking god. You have me mistaken for someone else. I didn't say any of the stuff you're saying.

I'm so confused??????????????????????? I'll leave, but genuinely WTAF just happened

 

[gothbird]

Hot take. There are barely any real femcels. Not because women don't get lonely, but because most women aren't stupid enough to build their entire identity around not getting laid. We don't treat sex or relationships as the sole measure of self worth most of the time.

Men, on the other hand...yeah. Porn brained, emotionally stunted, and convinced that being touch starved is some grand cosmic injustice. They turn sexual frustration into personality, then spiral when the world doesn't hand them a girlfriend for existing.

Women are more likely to CTB over trauma, abuse, mental illness, chronic pain. Not "no one will fuck me."
Mainly because I think society .

Like women live in a constant state of risk management. Every day we assess whether we'll be followed, groped, stalked, attacked, or killed. One woman is killed by a man every few days in most Western countries, often by someone she knew. And that's just the ones that get reported, counted, or considered newsworthy. Walk home with keys in your fist. Share your location. Text when you're back safe. Carry fake phone calls. Plan your route around lighting and exits. Men don't think about this often. Women have to.
Add in rape. Not just the act, but the culture around it. Victim blaming, disbelief, the endless questions: what were you wearing, why were you alone, did you say no loud enough, did you report it, why didn't you report it. And if you survive that process? Good luck getting justice. Conviction rates are a joke.
Now layer in emotional abuse, medical gaslighting, being disbelieved by doctors, underdiagnosed, overprescribed, called hysterical, and having your trauma turned into a personality flaw. Pile on the wage gap, the unpaid labour, the beauty standards, the online harassment, the fact that our value still hinges on how attractive or fuckable we are. And then add in whatever else that woman is dealing with on a personal level.

Women don't CTB because they're not getting laid in my experience. That's a male problem, born out of entitlement and ego and built on a structure they made.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Uh, good fucking god. You have me mistaken for someone else. I didn't say any of the stuff you're saying.

I'm so confused??????????????????????? I'll leave, but genuinely WTAF just happened

Should I screenshot the report?
Either way, if the sass match is over then we're good. Good to see you again. Etc.
I'm going to be the bigger person and saying it was left open to human error. You know the truth I know the truth, but if you're not wanting to fight about it then respectfully ignore this comment and I won't bug you any further either. Life is too short to hold grudges.

Women don't CTB because they're not getting laid in my experience. That's a male problem, born out of entitlement and ego and built on a structure they made.

I disagree with this hot take because I'm seeing most women build their whole identities around whether or not people find them attractive.

I think there rarely are any femcels in comparison because most men unfortunately will cat or hit on every single female they seen public until one says yes. This is grave injustice and I'm really glad that you brought up risk assessment because more men need to be made aware of it as I think that's something most men don't even know exists.

However, the rest of your post gives a vibe of Misandry. I in no way want to make you feel invalidated, however it basically sounds like you're saying men as a gender are responsible for the social environment that they made...
How is rational for you to say when that would ensure that by that logic; women would of made the very social environment that prays on them?

I think you have a lot of hurt and a lot of anger towards men, and understandably so...
But black and white thinking is only going to cause division. And I don't care if I get a strike for saying this, no gender is morally Superior or better than the other. I don't think men should talk down to women or about women as if they're objects,
But you sound like you think you're better than all men, and I'm sorry if I misunderstood what you were saying.

I will say you definitely are better than all the men who've hurt you, but that's a choice you have to make daily.

 

[gothbird]

I disagree with this hot take because I'm seeing most women build their whole identities around whether or not people find them attractive.

I think there rarely are any femcels in comparison because most men unfortunately will cat or hit on every single female they seen public until one says yes. This is grave injustice and I'm really glad that you brought up risk assessment because more men need to be made aware of it as I think that's something most men don't even know exists.

However, the rest of your post gives a vibe of Misandry. I in no way want to make you feel invalidated, however it basically sounds like you're saying men as a gender are responsible for the social environment that they made...
How is rational for you to say when that would ensure that by that logic; women would of made the very social environment that prays on them?

I think you have a lot of hurt and a lot of anger towards men, and understandably so...
But black and white thinking is only going to cause division. And I don't care if I get a strike for saying this, no gender is morally Superior or better than the other. I don't think men should talk down to women or about women as if they're objects,
But you sound like you think you're better than all men, and I'm sorry if I misunderstood what you were saying.

I will say you definitely are better than all the men who've hurt you, but that's a choice you have to make daily.

That reply was pretty presumptuous about me in particular, but I digress.

I didn't say women never care about being attractive, by the way. I said they don't generally tie their entire self worth to sex and relationships the way a lot of men in incel spaces do. You're flattening the nuance.

I appreciate that you acknowledged the risk assessment point because that part's important. But trying to dilute the rest of it into "hurt people hurt people" misses the core. It's about recognising structural harm.

Pointing out that men, as a class, built and maintained the systems that harm women isn't the same as saying "all men individually are bad." It's just historical reality. The structures we live under (legal, economic, social) were largely created by men, for men. That doesn't mean every man is evil, but it does mean that men have collectively benefited from and upheld systems that disadvantage women. That's not "black and white" thinking.
Your logic that if men created this system, then women are equally responsible for it harming them doesn't hold. It ignores how power actually works. Being trapped inside a system isn't the same as building it. Women didn't vote, hold office, own property, or have legal personhood in many places until very recently. We didn't have the authority to shape the world around us in the way men did.
Also, calling it a "vibe of misandry" kind of proves my point. You're uncomfortable with generalised criticism of men as a group, but women are expected to tolerate violence, dismissal, objectification, and discrimination without ever speaking about it in collective terms. When we do, we get called divisive or bitter. That's part of the double standard.

I don't think I'm better than men. I think I'm tired of watching women be told to be polite about systems that hurt them.

 

[leloyon]