Flume
Villain
- Oct 28, 2019
- 300
3 times, none of them gave a shit about me. The most recent one was this summer which really fucking hurt.
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justwhy?
Student
- Sep 27, 2019
- 151
Once. Maybe. It was definitely "real love", or at least certainly not lust/infatuation. The feeling itself only lasted 2 or so weeks though, a month at the most.
noctiva
the invisible girl
- Nov 6, 2019
- 393
I had 5 boyfriends and I thought I knew what love was. Until I met him, and I realized I had no fucking clue at all. So I have been in love once, and I still am in love with him.
peacefully31425
Dirtbag
- Aug 28, 2018
- 162
I've been infatuated a number of times, especially when I was younger. The closest I've ever been to being "in love" was with my ex. It was an incredible feeling, but incredibly deceptive. It's all just chemicals in the brain that wear off after a few months.
mathieu
Enlightened
- Jun 5, 2019
- 1,090
I'm not sure I ever have been. I was infatuated with a guy for two years in high school. That was the most intense romantic attraction I've had, even though I've had a few relationships since then. He didn't like me back so it was very painful experience.
Death.
Student
- Jan 5, 2019
- 140
Love, like life, is fleeting. Always. Perhaps it is best to be in love once, for the "record", and call it a day. Through poetry we are lead to believe that love is experienced through the heart. We are born and die with but a single heart, I do not believe it is fair to experience more than but a single heartbreak.
Much of life is a monotonous cycle with very little novelty with each day that passes. Many, and even most, are afraid to admit this bitter truth.
Much of life is a monotonous cycle with very little novelty with each day that passes. Many, and even most, are afraid to admit this bitter truth.
Moony21
Experienced
- Nov 23, 2018
- 273
RealLostSoul
once rock bottom, always rock bottom
- Oct 11, 2019
- 211
OneBigBlur
Experienced
- Nov 30, 2019
- 231
Never. The best that I can hope for is that it's something that can be found in the afterlife. I don't think I really believe in it in the world we live in.
Moonicide
ᴘʜᴀꜱᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴏɴ
- Nov 19, 2019
- 802
Twice, along with an almost love.
First love was young love. And we all know how that goes when you have two young people that have never been in love before trying to figure shit out. But it was a good learning experience. We were together on and off for 4 years. I loved so intensely and so deeply that I felt like the world was ending every time we'd part. Finally I decided to put an end to it as it was impacting his academics. He was very much loved and popular, which lead to him being a full blown narcissist. He started hanging out with the 'rich kids' and I was dirt poor. The gap grew bigger and bigger between us as he lived a very simple well rounded life and I was living in a very abusive and controlling environment which in return lead to being dysfunctional and actually dealing with real life problems instead of having first world problems like deciding whether to have an iced coffee or frappuccino today. Looking back at it, he would put me down for it. But love is blind. He had girls that wanted to be with him and he struggled with that as he was still in love with me. But I let him go as I knew it was the best thing for me to do for the both of us. It was terrible because I'd get text messages from girls calling me a slut because they hated me so much or they'd inform me how he was kissing other girls, lol... Things got really dark with him, he started self harming and drinking, etc. Wish it didn't end on such a bad note. I hope he's doing okay now... I wish him well. I always will.
Second love is my current boyfriend. We've been together for almost 3 years. He met me when I was severely ill. By the time I had met him I was broken and had given up on love. But he had a way of making me come out of my shell. I had never dated anyone younger than me before. I used to go for older men and they tended to be very emotionally unavailable. They were very much there, but not there, if you get what I mean. They were broken. Another woman had come before me and ruined that man. And I've always been the type to try to fix people. Always. It's always been my downfall... So I had given up on the idea of love after giving all my energy to these broken individuals that simply couldn't be fixed by love. But he was different. He was charming, full of life, and knew how to make me feel alright. He was so bright. He was like the sun to me. I was so drawn by his vibrant personality, the way he looked at life so optimistically, and was emotionally there. Like I could see him. He wasn't cloudy like the other men I had been with. I could see him clearly. He had this innocence to him and one of the many reasons why was because he had never been in love before. We had a good time getting to know each other... I've never felt a love like this one, in fact, it felt even more greater and intensely than my first one. I'd stay home due to my chronic illness, but I'd cheer him on with his college work. I'd help him study. There was a healthy balance there for a moment. We just loved so purely. He was and still is a very simple man. I never had to second guess with him... It's just now things have been rocky and it's because he's growing out of me and the relationship we have. I'm not surprised, but it still hurts. He now has a full time job and has realized how ill I am. He told me he worries about the future and he needs to be with someone that can pull their weight and can hold a job. I'm currently on disability and that's just not happening soon... He told me we'll end up breaking up if I don't get it together. Sad part is I'll never get it together. I tried really hard to do so... There have been times he'd try to leave me and I'd cry. I'd beg him to stay and I know he loves me. Because he has stayed every single time for me. I know he loves me. I know he does. But I know it's killing him. I am breaking that man down so badly...
And here I am going to end my life. He'll end up becoming a broken man like the others I had been with. He's going to be carrying that darkness with him for as long as he lives and I'm afraid it will impact his future relationships... I'm so sorry. Love isn't easy especially when you're in love with a mentally ill person (aka me.)
First love was young love. And we all know how that goes when you have two young people that have never been in love before trying to figure shit out. But it was a good learning experience. We were together on and off for 4 years. I loved so intensely and so deeply that I felt like the world was ending every time we'd part. Finally I decided to put an end to it as it was impacting his academics. He was very much loved and popular, which lead to him being a full blown narcissist. He started hanging out with the 'rich kids' and I was dirt poor. The gap grew bigger and bigger between us as he lived a very simple well rounded life and I was living in a very abusive and controlling environment which in return lead to being dysfunctional and actually dealing with real life problems instead of having first world problems like deciding whether to have an iced coffee or frappuccino today. Looking back at it, he would put me down for it. But love is blind. He had girls that wanted to be with him and he struggled with that as he was still in love with me. But I let him go as I knew it was the best thing for me to do for the both of us. It was terrible because I'd get text messages from girls calling me a slut because they hated me so much or they'd inform me how he was kissing other girls, lol... Things got really dark with him, he started self harming and drinking, etc. Wish it didn't end on such a bad note. I hope he's doing okay now... I wish him well. I always will.
Second love is my current boyfriend. We've been together for almost 3 years. He met me when I was severely ill. By the time I had met him I was broken and had given up on love. But he had a way of making me come out of my shell. I had never dated anyone younger than me before. I used to go for older men and they tended to be very emotionally unavailable. They were very much there, but not there, if you get what I mean. They were broken. Another woman had come before me and ruined that man. And I've always been the type to try to fix people. Always. It's always been my downfall... So I had given up on the idea of love after giving all my energy to these broken individuals that simply couldn't be fixed by love. But he was different. He was charming, full of life, and knew how to make me feel alright. He was so bright. He was like the sun to me. I was so drawn by his vibrant personality, the way he looked at life so optimistically, and was emotionally there. Like I could see him. He wasn't cloudy like the other men I had been with. I could see him clearly. He had this innocence to him and one of the many reasons why was because he had never been in love before. We had a good time getting to know each other... I've never felt a love like this one, in fact, it felt even more greater and intensely than my first one. I'd stay home due to my chronic illness, but I'd cheer him on with his college work. I'd help him study. There was a healthy balance there for a moment. We just loved so purely. He was and still is a very simple man. I never had to second guess with him... It's just now things have been rocky and it's because he's growing out of me and the relationship we have. I'm not surprised, but it still hurts. He now has a full time job and has realized how ill I am. He told me he worries about the future and he needs to be with someone that can pull their weight and can hold a job. I'm currently on disability and that's just not happening soon... He told me we'll end up breaking up if I don't get it together. Sad part is I'll never get it together. I tried really hard to do so... There have been times he'd try to leave me and I'd cry. I'd beg him to stay and I know he loves me. Because he has stayed every single time for me. I know he loves me. I know he does. But I know it's killing him. I am breaking that man down so badly...
And here I am going to end my life. He'll end up becoming a broken man like the others I had been with. He's going to be carrying that darkness with him for as long as he lives and I'm afraid it will impact his future relationships... I'm so sorry. Love isn't easy especially when you're in love with a mentally ill person (aka me.)
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