Discussion How many attempts have you made?

[Jisatsu]

All I can say about me is that I've made over 10 attempts and I've been to the hospital over 10 times for attempts .
I've been in psych wards 7 times and I doubt it will ever stop.

 

[hmnow]

I have made two serious attempts where I was hanging and ready to die. The anchor had other ideas

Other times I have tested by having a noose sling over a beam but held by my hand to see if I could pass out

 

[deep-sleeper]

2 but I don't really consider them real attempts because I was just being a dumb teenager and I was never in any real danger

 

[voyager_9999]

1, by exsanguination. failed horribly because of sheer incompetence and unlikelihood to work. it was a very impulsive decision...

 

[Wolf Girl]

2 OTC pill overdoses as a child
2 near-lethal partial hanging attempts as an adult
1 drowning attempt as an adult

So, about 5. I'm not including the countless rehearsals and practice runs.

 

[eattwinkiesseejesus]

Tried hanging once
Rubbing alcohol once
Bleach once
4 major Otc 'cocktail' overdoses

Only hospital stay was a result of me crashing out after being up for a week in full blown mania, tried to take a cocktail to sleep in desperation ended up with serotonin syndrome and they called it a suicide attempt. Led to a one week stay in the ward in December.

Currently have a hopeful method in progress, death by intentional organ failure thru long term acetaminophen abuse. The way my health is these days, this attempt has the high probability to be my last but if im still here by my birthday I have plans to "celebrate"

 

[onetimereject]

Twice hanging. Didn't even remember how i failed. Probably just dumb.

 

[kagebunshin]

Once last year by stabbing, I was 29.

 

[FuneralCry]

I haven't properly attempted as after all I'm so cruelly denied the option to just cease existing peacefully that is guaranteed so that finally I can be free from this dreadful, torturous abomination of existence I always saw as a mistake.

It's so terrifying to me how trying to cease existing can go wrong and lead to way worse torture and agony in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured and I just wish I never suffered at all, I see so much cruelty in how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing so finally I can be free from the abomination of existence.

 

[AreWeWinning]

All I can say about me is that I've made over 10 attempts and I've been to the hospital over 10 times for attempts .
I've been in psych wards 7 times and I doubt it will ever stop.

You make it sound like a competition.

I had 0.

I'll only have one attempt and make sure I succeed at it.

I don't know about you or anyone else's "attempts" (nor do I care), but in general, if someone has over 10 attempts, then I'm probably going to disagree with that person on what counts as an attempt.

For example, I once heard a woman on a podcast explaining in a bubbly but dramatic voice that "In my last attempt, I called my brother and told him I'm going to end my life, then I took the pills and lay down on my bed". Seriously? What does someone like that expect to happen?? When I hear people like that, I don't feel any sympathy. I hate them for abusing the concept of being suicidal and using it for their selfish attention whoring. It was just a random example to illustrate my point.

Seeing this, you're probably going to explain why you're different and why you are special... Go ahead. We're all special, just in different ways.

 

[smellyleaf]

You make it sound like a competition.


Seeing this, you're probably going to explain why you're different and why you are special... Go ahead. We're all special, just in different ways.

It's hard to read tone over the internet. We don't have any idea what else that guy thinks & I don't think it's fair to assume. I'm not that poster, but I've made 5 attempts in 20 years.

I can't speak for that guy, I can only speak for me: I'm not special. I'm just stupid & incapable & disabled. This is true for me in EVERY area of my life, not just my attempted suicides lol. When I was really young I didn't understand much about the body, & my first two attempts were never going to work because they were too painful, but I didn't understand the psychological reactions to pain at that age & thought I could do it. The third I was almost successful but I made a stupid error that cost me. The 4th was a complete failure because I tried another extremely painful method I made up….. 5th was the closest I ever got & I'm doing research now so I won't mess up ever again.

For me, I don't like myself. I'm sure that's common here, not special at all. So sometimes there is a huge temptation to self harm during my suicide. Sometimes even though I know some methods work better, they don't seem violent or painful enough for someone like me. I just have a desire to really make sure I suffer appropriately. Which is somehow counterproductive to my suicide. But I certainly don't feel special at all. I don't know why you'd assume that.

Most commonly I just feel enraged with myself that I am so worthless I can't even end my own life correctly. That's the entire reason I'm here, personally. I'm sure lots of people feel the same, it's not unique or special

 

[ElTopo]

Three

 

[EvisceratedJester]

5 serious attempts, 3 impulsive attempts

 

[unluckysadness]

None. I hope the only one will be effective.

 

[bloominghopelessne]

At least five times I've tried jumping from shared balconies, that's it. The next one will be fatal. Let it be so.

 

[starinthesky]

I had 2 attempts so far, both hanging. Went horribly because I'm too stupid for my own good. Second time I fell and hurt myself pretty badly, so I'm looking for other methods

 

[AreWeWinning]

It's hard to read tone over the internet. We don't have any idea what else that guy thinks & I don't think it's fair to assume.

I don't think it's hard to read tone over the internet. Based on a single post, yes. But after seeing a few posts from someone, you can get an idea of what kind of person they are.

I can't speak for that guy, I can only speak for me: I'm not special. I'm just stupid & incapable & disabled. This is true for me in EVERY area of my life, not just my attempted suicides lol. When I was really young I didn't understand much about the body, & my first two attempts were never going to work because they were too painful, but I didn't understand the psychological reactions to pain at that age & thought I could do it. The third I was almost successful but I made a stupid error that cost me. The 4th was a complete failure because I tried another extremely painful method I made up….. 5th was the closest I ever got & I'm doing research now so I won't mess up ever again.

You seem like someone who sees her situation for what it is. You're honest with yourself, and probably with others as well (based on your comment). You're looking at the nature of your problem in a constructive way instead of just making meaningless shitposts flaunting your 'numbers' like they were some sort of achievement. You're not using the term "suicide attempt" in an unreasonable way. You're not the kind of person I was describing.

For me, I don't like myself. I'm sure that's common here, not special at all. So sometimes there is a huge temptation to self harm during my suicide. Sometimes even though I know some methods work better, they don't seem violent or painful enough for someone like me. I just have a desire to really make sure I suffer appropriately. Which is somehow counterproductive to my suicide. But I certainly don't feel special at all. I don't know why you'd assume that.

By saying "feel special", I was being sarcastic. The implication was that I don't understand why some people feel like they have the special privilege to cry 'suicide' when all they need is just attention. Seeking attention, expressing emotional pain, and asking for help are absolutely fine. Just be honest about it.

I don't judge people who self-harm either. But if your goal is self-harm, then don't call it a suicide attempt. (I'm not saying you did that. I'm talking in general.) Throwing the term around is dishonest when all the person wants is just attention. It's like going to the doctor and saying your stomach hurts when in reality you just want to talk to someone. It's annoying, it doesn't help the person, and it's just a waste of time.

 

[Eriktf]

12.

close to stop counting if i fail again.
im so fucking useless i cant even kill myself

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

One that almost succeeded, I don't count the other times.

 

[Painismyname]

2 times.... And no car today

 

[Forveleth]

Two serious, 10-12 semi-serious, like 50 half-ass attempts.

 

[AfroWarTiger]

5 attempts. Almost ctb on the last one. Haven't ever since, though

 

[WhiteSkinRedBlood]

Minus the really dumb ones or the ones I didn't go through with and the ones I didn't set up right and partial hanging which does nothing for me
2 attempts. Both overdoses.

 

[backtoearth]

5 ODs on OTC meds (that I now know would never have worked quickly or peacefully but a few were impulsive) and 2 failed partials because I just can't get it right. I wish I had more options...

 

[undo445]

Like 5. But I'm pretty sure if I get full suspension hanging right this next attempt will be successful

 

[dontwakemeup]

I've had 3 attempts and headed for my 4th until I posted my idea here. Whether people believe me it doesn't really matter. What I hope people take from these numbers are how low one must feel to draft a plan and carry it out! It's such a lonely, scary and frightening point in one's life no matter the method to accept the plan in hopes of dying. Some people could never imagine going that far. I'm not bragging but I understand how low I felt during those 3 attempts.

I always hate the saying, "There were no signs!" We don't bluff, we don't seek attention, we don't want anyone to stop us, we simply want to leave quietly in peace! I'm sure everyone here can agree we have shared these thoughts and we're quickly shut down and made to feel ashamed, so we go silent! There are no signs because society has told us to shut up!

All we want is to say goodbye and tell everyone we aren't afraid. Our decision is simply our decision. Whether I try again, probably at some point. If I do, there won't be any signs.

 

[Ashu]

Five, between the ages of fourteen and twenty-four. The last was the best, and yet I failed, so I gave up on suicide, transferring my hope onto the possibility of drinking myself to death instead - which didn't happen either. I'm now fifty-five.

 

[salviap]

All I can say about me is that I've made over 10 attempts and I've been to the hospital over 10 times for attempts .
I've been in psych wards 7 times and I doubt it will ever stop.

i have only gotten very close at an attempt i made about 4 years ago. April 21 2021, and i had taken pills. So, one attempt.
I have gotten very close to attempting many other times.

 

[TheUncommon]

I got myself hit by a car in 2018 which landed me a coma but nothing long term other than brain damage and memory issues.
2020 saw a handful of hanging attempts, and some combination of these and the 2018 event landed me seizures, some of which were grand mal types that have landed me in the hospital multiple times, especially when they happen in public. Last year, I got sent to the ward for saying "my life is over" if every time I am shoved to the ER each time it happens and I cannot consent, then I'm living my life to pay the medical system. I expressed no suicidal intent in that phrase.
Later that year, I tried to commit to VSED, took over 30-40 laxatives, and proceeded to limit all food and liquid intake to zero for the next 100+ hours. Nothing happened, I wasn't even low on energy by then. I failed because at this rate, I would pass out or be found out in a public location where I'd be hospitalised and then IV'd nutrients against my will, so the entire thing was futile.

Earlier this year, I made another attempt using SN, but I was found and subsequently sent to the ward again for a week after being hospitalised. That resulted in the complete erosion of my social life that I've built for the decade ever since, since word got out about my supposed death while I was in the ward. That's not something you can just bounce back from.

It's hard for me to put much faith in any attempt that doesn't result in instant death.

My total number of attempts exceed 15-20. I've honestly been looking for a partner that will straight up shoot me ever since in the partner's megathread.

 

[iamnotadinosaur:(]

None yet, I keep chickening out before I can seriously attempt