Venting How long

[BrokenLine]

That's the question, how long do you go on knowing fearing your life's never getting better? hope buys or just piles on more time.

Right now what I'm thinking tomorrow I volunteer 9 till 2 I'm thinking of using the time from going to sleep and 2:30 as my SN routine (Fear it may have lost its potency) at 2:15pm I'll be back home and take it, I just wish it was N. that would be easier. And no its not written in stone in the morning or by the time i get home or even 5 minutes from now i could feel different. SI is a bitch so is hope.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate hope. Having hope just leads to more suffering when it is taken away. I see my situation as hopeless. My life will not get better. I have accepted ctb as my decision and I have made peace with it. For me it is just overcoming the SI, and I think I will reach a point of desperation and hopelessness and then I will be able to leave this world.