how long to wait after falling out with a freidn to kill myself

[autisticalex]

don't want them to blame themselves

 

[Sensei]

I'm sorry to say it, but I think they'll blame themselves no matter when you do it. Is it totally impossible to repair your friendship?

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

They will always blame themselves, it is just how it is. My mother committed suicide and I blame myself everyday, regardless of my views and postings on this site. You can't change how people will be affected by your death, really it is out of your hands. Those that care or love you will always think they could have done more or said something or tried something to help. I would wait and think this through as long as possible before you do anything impulsive though.

 

[Mentalmick]

Unless you make up beforehand there's not much to be done.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

Unless you make up beforehand there's not much to be done.

Mending relationships is better than burning bridges, at least for others sake too. Maybe it is my personal opinion but suicide impacts more people closer to you, so try to at least repair the relationships before you leave.

 

[WornOutLife]

They will always blame themselves, it is just how it is. My mother committed suicide and I blame myself everyday, regardless of my views and postings on this site. You can't change how people will be affected by your death, really it is out of your hands. Those that care or love you will always think they could have done more or said something or tried something to help. I would wait and think this through as long as possible before you do anything impulsive though.

I totally agree with you!

 

[autisticalex]

I'm sorry to say it, but I think they'll blame themselves no matter when you do it. Is it totally impossible to repair your friendship?

yes I was on my ADHD medication and they caused me to become very aggressive, I insulted her calling her childlike and also sexaulised her faith for no reason.

To be honest the relationship was bound to go south, I am ugly and dumb and she is pretty and smart.

No one owes me anything in life, and I have to understand I will never have any close friendships as I seem to always hurt those I become friends with.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

yes I was on my ADHD medication and they caused me to become very aggressive, I insulted her calling her childlike and also sexaulised her faith for no reason.

To be honest the relationship was bound to go south, I am ugly and dumb and she is pretty and smart.

No one owes me anything in life, and I have to understand I will never have any close friendships as I seem to always hurt those I become friends with.

You sound like me and my mother, I too was on ADHD medication during the last few years and our relationship became very cold, I became very aggressive towards her, antisocial, easily angred. If I could go back in time, I would tell her how much she meant to me and would have dropped those pills in a heartbeat, if she were still here today. Are you still on the pills? If you are, I would advise you to stop them. You still have time to make amends, even if they don't forgive, at least for yourself before you decide on what you are doing can feel secure in that.

 

[autisticalex]

You sound like me and my mother, I too was on ADHD medication during the last few years and our relationship became very cold, I became very aggressive towards her, antisocial, easily angred. If I could go back in time, I would tell her how much she meant to me and would have dropped those pills in a heartbeat, if she were still here today. Are you still on the pills? If you are, I would advise you to stop them. You still have time to make amends, even if they don't forgive, at least for yourself before you decide on what you are doing can feel secure in that.

The pills really help deal with day to day life, I am unable to function without them.
I really have a hard time understanding emotions (my own too) only when I was walking today did my heart go down and my world tipped upside down. I think she is better off without me and I am a burden to her. I really want to give her space; I feel like my suicide will impact her less if I die when we aren't friends, maybe she never even wants to talk to me again and she never finds out I'm dead.
I am so sorry about your mother, but don't blame yourself.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

The pills really help deal with day to day life, I am unable to function without them.
I really have a hard time understanding emotions (my own too) only when I was walking today did my heart go down and my world tipped upside down. I think she is better off without me and I am a burden to her. I really want to give her space; I feel like my suicide will impact her less if I die when we aren't friends, maybe she never even wants to talk to me again and she never finds out I'm dead.
I am so sorry about your mother, but don't blame yourself.

Oh no I was just saying it was relatable is all, ADHD medication is truly odd, sometimes I like them, sometimes I hate them. I feel like an entirely different person on them which I cannot lie am happy for.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

don't want them to blame themselves

Is the fallout with your friend, the reason you are going to ctb?

 

[autisticalex]

Is the fallout with your friend, the reason you are going to ctb?

one of them yes. I don't really have any friends irl besides my roommate. I have been alone so long, we met each other on the interent and spoke everyday. We were planning to live together.

We fell out due to me offending her, but I also feel like part of it is due to the fact she really said she didn't care how I looked and then when I shared my photo she was probably repuslused by my appearance lol. I think that she probably thinks I'm just weird. Maybe my last messages provided her with a perfect reason to stop talking to me as I am so ugly. Although the reality is it is 100 percent my fault, I sent her a terrible message whilst my brain was messed up on ADHD meds and also I am ugly, even if I didn't send the terrible messages I got to accept that know one owes me anything despite being ugly and autisitc.

Now she never wants to talk to me ever again, not even as friends, I respected the wish and don't pester or harass her I will never be able to make any other friends like her I just got lucky, if I didn't have these learnign disabilites and other issues I would have never hurt her and would probably not be so ugly so that we would have ended up living together, now I'm just back to accepting my shitty life. It was mainly the hope that things could turn around and get better and my life might have improved just a little bit. I accidently deleted all our messages but I do have one messsage screenshotted.

Since school ended everyone moved on and did there own thing, I have been so alone all this time. I will never fall in love or have friends this is the truth about autism, I spend every birthday party alone or with my parents, they are the only ones that love me, everyone else leaves me.

She goes to university and is third year, she writes on a blog, I checked the blog to read her last blog post but even that will end soon as she is about to finish university. Then she will be completely gone from my life, I hope she makes one more blog post before she graduates if I'm not dead cause I would like to check the blog and read it even though that is creepish and stalkerish.

I think the main part of my pain was the illusion that despite my disabilites I may have been able to enjoy normal things in life, like being loved, experiencing proper friendship so on so forth.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I know you might not believe me, but you can have a good life with autism I'm wondering if your parents encourage you to do things like join clubs like a gym or tennis or art class etc., where you can meet potential friends around your own age irl rather than just Internet friends. Is it possible that you can get a job, even if it's just voluntary work, there's a great potential to meet people and form friendships.
With regards the 'friend' who has fallen out with you, she was never a real friend was she, if she can discard you just because of the way you look. Getting on with people online is easy and is way different to how it is in real life, she may have regretted saying that she would live with you and was looking for a reason to fall out with you? Maybe, maybe not.
Making lifelong friends is more likely to happen when you meet in person and the friendship grows because it is real.
I can understand that you feel pretty much deflated and upset right now, but there are friends out there, you just gotta get out there and socialise, could your roommate help you with that?
I'm sorry if I'm beating up the wrong path, but it's sad to know that you're writing yourself off just because of your disabilities.
Are you male or female?
Sending hugs x

 

[autisticalex]

I know you might not believe me, but you can have a good life with autism I'm wondering if your parents encourage you to do things like join clubs like a gym or tennis or art class etc., where you can meet potential friends around your own age irl rather than just Internet friends. Is it possible that you can get a job, even if it's just voluntary work, there's a great potential to meet people and form friendships.
With regards the 'friend' who has fallen out with you, she was never a real friend was she, if she can discard you just because of the way you look. Getting on with people online is easy and is way different to how it is in real life, she may have regretted saying that she would live with you and was looking for a reason to fall out with you? Maybe, maybe not.
Making lifelong friends is more likely to happen when you meet in person and the friendship grows because it is real.
I can understand that you feel pretty much deflated and upset right now, but there are friends out there, you just gotta get out there and socialise, could your roommate help you with that?
I'm sorry if I'm beating up the wrong path, but it's sad to know that you're writing yourself off just because of your disabilities.
Are you male or female?
Sending hugs x

I'm male and i kind of feel like it was a convient way for her to end the friendship she could blame it entirely on me without feeling guilty for not wanting to remain friends because of my appearance.

Either 2 things:

1) I really did hurt her feelings and I'm terrible at social skills and will constantly hurt those I get close to.

2) she shifted the blame on me to not wanting to be friends with me anymore due to my appearance, avoiding any negative "things".

I really think it's number 2. Either way both are my fault and not hers, I can't force someone to remain friends with me even if I'm ugly, by the way it was a little more than friends maybe we texted each other saying we loved each other etc... If I was better looking and not autisitc it surly could have gone somewhere. I'm not sure why I'm bothered about her at all she probably views me as an ugly freak and regrets messaging me at all and feels sick talking to me. I think that she was so repulsed by how I look I bet she told all her friends too. I really doubt she even cares too much about what I said and I've been feeling awful all this time for no reason.

Thanks my parents love me unconditionally and are the only ones that have stuck by me. I've spent every birthday party with them and not with any friends since I left school bar one.


My roommates are moving out soon, they have a month left here.

I was going social events but it's hard to fit in due to my autism I suppose.

It's not just learning disabilities that make me want to kill myself also the way I look too.

I'm wondering how much is fate or if there could be any change.

I'm applying for jobs but who wants a retard working for them? Most volunteering seems to be on hold due to the virus. I need a job because I'm really struggling with money, I rang the disability benefits people today but they were really not empathic at all and it spiraled me off into a suicidal depression, only reason im here because I had nothing to kick from underneath me. I went to hang myself but couldn't do it.

 

[Final Escape]

don't want them to blame

Give it like 6 months. Don't take my answer seriously. I purposely held off too because I didn't want someone to think it was bc they broke my heart. I had to quit ADD drugs or speed pills because they ruin relationships. I've heard lots of people say this. Yea they help but daily use will mess up your life. They are not great to use everyday. The trouble is it's so habit forming that it's difficult to take days off because u will be tired and groggy. But they are incredibly hard on the body. The older u get the worse the side effects become. Difficult to give up once u have used for a long time but it's definitely possible and u can change your life enough to get used to not depending on them. ADD meds increase your suicidal thoughts and depression too. I'm not telling u to quit but be careful because they can really alter state of mind if u use daily without breaks especially and at the dosage they recommend.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

Give it like 6 months. Don't take my answer seriously. I purposely held off too because I didn't want someone to think it was bc they broke my heart. I had to quit ADD drugs or speed pills because they ruin relationships. I've heard lots of people say this. Yea they help but daily use will mess up your life. They are not great to use everyday. The trouble is it's so habit forming that it's difficult to take days off because u will be tired and groggy. But they are incredibly hard on the body. The older u get the worse the side effects become. Difficult to give up once u have used for a long time but it's definitely possible and u can change your life enough to get used to not depending on them.

That is true, they ruined my relationship with my mother because they took away my empathy and emotions, lost some friends and never liked doing anything that wasn't productive or doing pointless busy work, in the end they've not really helped. Considering quitting them myself and they are just shit in general hard to give up that high though, the only thing that keeps you going or content in life.

 

[Final Escape]

That is true, they ruined my relationship with my mother because they took away my empathy and emotions, lost some friends and never liked doing anything that wasn't productive or doing pointless busy work, in the end they've not really helped. Considering quitting them myself and they are just shit in general hard to give up that high though, the only thing that keeps you going or content in life.

Same thing happened to me. Iam numbed out and not as nice of a person on them. The crashes are terrible. U often need to use other drugs to make the crash less severe. I literally had no choice but to quit because i genuinely became afraid I would end up in jail or homeless. I just really pushed people away and they stopped working once I hit my late 30's. Still worked if I took 3 or 4 day breaks and then like a few days on. But that wasn't sustainable to feel awful for 3 days and then ok for like 2 or three lol! I had to just quit. I would start to become a little crazy or too depressed if I took more than a few days at a time.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

Same thing happened to me. Iam numbed out and not as nice of a person on them. The crashes are terrible. U often need to use other drugs to make the crash less severe. I literally had no choice but to quit because i genuinely became afraid I would end up in jail or homeless. I just really pushed people away and they stopped working once I hit my late 30's. Still worked if I took 3 or 4 day breaks and then like a few days on. But that wasn't sustainable to feel awful for 3 days and then ok for like 2 or three lol! I had to just quit. I would start to become a little crazy or too depressed if I took more than a few days at a time.

the issue with me is I would take some, become uber productive in my mind while just starring at my computer screen for hours on end while not bathing, cleaning the house or doing chores, never even wanted to leave the house or go outside to be around anyone just in my room taking more pills, even right now just on them. It isn't sustainable but I accepted that I will either have to force myself to quit or I am going down the road to addiction. Drinking alcohol usually during the comedown helps me feel better. But I hate feeling normal or hyper or stuff so its why I take it anyways. The price you pay for these pills are too high for the benefits in my opinion.

 

[autisticalex]

I would do anything to talk to my friend again I want her back. It was bound to fail anyway. I just reading through the messages and her new blog post but cannot talk to her again ever. I want her back in my life, If I wasn't ugly and didn't have autism it wouldn't be too hard as I could make other friends but to have someone I consider my only female friend taken away from me I can't cope with it.

 

[autisticalex]

She almost certainly doesn't care about me and lost interest in me since I shared my photo. I don't know why I got upset over the whole situation she is probably sharing my photos and messages to her friends and they are all laughing at me.

I think I did her a favour sending them bad messages so she had a reason to stop talking to me without blaming herself. I bet she isn't even thinking about me at all. And just thinking ewww

 

[Final Escape]

I would do anything to talk to my friend again I want her back. It was bound to fail anyway. I just reading through the messages and her new blog post but cannot talk to her again ever. I want her back in my life, If I wasn't ugly and didn't have autism it wouldn't be too hard as I could make other friends but to have someone I consider my only female friend taken away from me I can't cope with it.

I wish I could give u a big hug. Sorry u lost your friend :(" I know how painful it is to lose someone u liked a lot and had feelings for. U feel like u wanna die. I still miss my person so much and can never see them again either. They hate me and think I'm trash.

 

[CatabolicSeed]

If you leave a note, include a "this is no one's fault" sort of deal in it

 

[autisticalex]

If you leave a note, include a "this is no one's fault" sort of deal in it

It's kind of fucked cause if I had friends I probably wouldn't kill myself but I can't blame people for not wanting to be my friend

I wish I could give u a big hug. Sorry u lost your friend :(" I know how painful it is to lose someone u liked a lot and had feelings for. U feel like u wanna die. I still miss my person so much and can never see them again either. They hate me and think I'm trash.

Well for me I know she hated my appearance and is disgusted by the way I look. It was very convenient for her to find a way to stop talking to me. I'm not sure why I have even thought about her when she probably didn't even care about any of the things I said and most definitely just doesn't want to talk to me because I'm ugly.
All this crying I did thinking I was a terrible person when she doesn't even care.
And if I kill myself and she found out she would not be upset, she would just think that creepy ugly weirdo who used to message her briefly killed himself and get on with life without much thought

 

[autisticalex]

sometimes i get anxious and think that everyone hates me, she probably hates me too and cant wait to never talk to me again cause i am ugly and creepy. sometimes i think that my parents hate me too and i push them away but i really love them so much. i love everyone (apart from the cunts at my old job & people at my old school).
i love my friend so much, but we can never talk again. I will never experience true love.

I would never kill myself due to someone but this has reminded me I will never be happy, most of my friends are very busy and i do not have very many nor is it possible to make any.

kind of feel pathetic really, need to get it through my thick skull i will never fit in or make friends, people will never accept me cause im autistic

maybe there is another chance at life and i can be a teacher or docotor or something and actually do shit with my life not just watch youtube all day.

my one shot of conciousness and i have to kill myself because society wont accept me & i cant change to fit in no matter how much i try.

 

[CatabolicSeed]

It's kind of fucked cause if I had friends I probably wouldn't kill myself but I can't blame people for not wanting to be my friend

If having friends would make you not want to ctb, you definitely shouldn't ctb! Making friends is hard when you're trying to do it with the people you just happen to be around, but pretty easy if you seek out specific environments. A little trickier in the era of covid, but you can try stuff like meetup.com to meet new people you share interests with!

 

[autisticalex]

I'm really a freak of nature so making friends is almost impossible