Discussion How have your discussions about suicide gone in real life with other people?

[freedommatrix]

Family members, friends, coworkers etc..?

 

[Squiddy]

Haven't really talked about it to many people, but I tried to tell my dad and he recommended the hospital for me

 

[Brick In The Wall]

About as you'd expect. No one cares ultimately, you get the same "oh don't do it" or "should I call help?" Aka have you sectioned. It's definitely not recommended as it's a waste of time or a risk to your freedom.

 

[freedommatrix]

About as you'd expect. No one cares ultimately, you get the same "oh don't do it" or "should I call help?" Aka have you sectioned. It's definitely not recommended as it's a waste of time or a risk to your freedom.

Did you get the "selfish" and "cowardly" response?

 

[Carina]

Technically mom knew I "couldn't trust myself" like 2 years ago, she was "proud" that I put myself into a psych ward for a few days for help--not sure if she knew exactly what all that meant, but could have. Never brought up again. Doesn't know now.

Now with coworkers... this is interesting.
One coworker outright knows, she doesn't care (we're on practically the same meds-different reasons though), let's just say she wouldn't be surprised when it happens.
Two others I hinted at, never said, but I think they know just because one I think has been suicidal before (I get that... impression from looks, and such from her), the other, similar. A third it's never been brought up; however, she's older, and I strongly think she suspects I haven't said anything, but almost the day I knew it was time, and had the set date, the next day she kept on trying to get me involved with others, trying to get me to go out and do things, have a life....

My best friend will probably try to stop me, say "no" if I am like I should, but I can be open with him, and he doesn't tell anyone. Although he's currently saying "do so something stupid" so he's calling suicide a stupid thing, with the next step being "selfish" meaning he's done mourning our other friend.

Another friend knows and she was like "yeah I figured" ( I think she was suicidal before). I honestly only told him because we recently lost a friend to suicide, and as I had been planning on well, end of this year, I didn't want him to be blindsided.

Ironically me saying anything, even implying, to coworkers was a 'survival-like' thing if such a thing can apply to wanting to die, to make it seem that if I was open, I obviously wouldn't be planning anything. Ones I know would try to stop me--nope. Even my best friend, when I know the date is at 96 hour or so, I'll end up going into a calculated normal behaviour so he doesn't suspect.

Wow... I am manipulative.... but only in some things I guess.

Overall though, I wouldn't tell anyone normally--too great of risk of getting locked up, involuntary.

 

[Flume]

Terrible, people are fucking dumb and don't know what to say or do. But it really isn't that difficult... a hug goes a long way, start with that.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Did you get the "selfish" and "cowardly" response?

That and the you'll burn in hell type stuff too. They're so warm (literally) with their responses to it. Then they just try to ignore you for a while.

 

[LMLN]

It's never an option, there's always ways to work on the issues, it's a topic out of my expertise, what's wrong with you dont you know how much you will hurt everyone. Those are the answers I got. Oh, and "why would you do that to me?".

 

[Carina]

That and the you'll burn in hell type stuff too. They're so warm (literally) with their responses to it. Then they just try to ignore you for a while.

Wow, that's horrible. Granted I've avoided telling people that I could all-but guarantee that'd be the response, or if they found out--that'd be their response. I swear people think that would help, to me even hearing people calling someone stupid for it has pushed me further into depression.

 

[Sensei]

If you don't count psychiatric staff, I've only really talked about my suicidal drive with one person. She has exactly the same diagnosis as me and she understands, which is an enormous relief. However, I felt I had to stop doing that, and the reason is that her mother also had exactly the same diagnosis and, all too common for this diagnosis, committed suicide. Almost 30 years have passed since then, but she's still tormented by her mother's suicide. If you are a parent and think of offing yourself, think it through very carefully. Anyway, this is the reason I came here. It feels really good to have the freedom to talk openly about difficult matters.

 

[freedommatrix]

"why would you do that to me?".

This is what irks me the most, why do people think we are doing anything to them?

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Ironically me saying anything, even implying, to coworkers was a 'survival-like' thing if such a thing can apply to wanting to die, to make it seem that if I was open, I obviously wouldn't be planning anything.

This aspect has stopped me/made it difficult from.gaving comversations.

Like people literally are like "well if you wanna die why are you telling me wouldn't you just do it"

 

[mediocre]

I've let it slip that I don't think I'll last much longer because of the physical pain I'm in and the response was "oh don't be so stupid" I don't plan on bringing up the topic again.

 

[Azzy69]

"Get outside more" & my mother's favourite quote: "At least pretend to look happy"

 

[Meant2Die]

I have a chronic illness that leaves me with a lot of pain and physical exhaustion, among other symptoms. The last time I had a very serious flare of unbearable symptoms that lasted weeks I joked a few times with my mom around, very light jokes mind you, something like when she asked how I was doing I'd say "gimme a gun" with a half smile. She would immediately become very angry and annoyed with me and say her fav line "people who want to kill themselves don't talk about it, they just do it". Oh boy did I take that to heart, she has no clue what's coming ... She's been taking care of me for a number of years and has grown softer in her demeanor and a better care taker in general, so I know she loves me. She's literally had to feed me and bathe me at times. My illness sort of had to break her in. But I guess that kind of talk really sets her off and I know she's thought about me doing it on and off for a few years, but prob figured I was too much of a coward... once again, she's in for a big surprise. The moment I decided to ctb I stopped any kind of talk like that bc I can't be interrupted or suspected in any way. If I'm doing it, it's gonna be done right.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Waste of time.

 

[Xebsora29]

Family members, friends, coworkers etc..?

I come from a big family and I wasn't surprised to see the mix reactions.

Some were devastated, others were understanding, and then there were those who simply proved why individuals like us built a barrier around us.
The discussion of suicide led to my stay in a mental hospital and well, it was quite unbearable and upsetting. I wasn't angry at my family, but more so disappointed. Being placed in a psych ward doesn't assist our mental health, however pushes us to further lengths on suicide. We are surrounded by individuals who claim to help us to the general public, but in reality treat majority of us as though we lack a sense of humanity. Perhaps my experience was different but the staffs weren't helpful as they claimed, and the only sense of warmth and love were the other patients. Those that were in the similar position and understood what each individual was essentially encountering.

In light of that, having a suicide discussion in real life with others puts you in a difficult situation. People are aware of your mental state and condition, which leads to downfalls or perhaps some good. Others will stare at you in disgust and disappointment, OR be compassionate and attempt to understand. That puts you in a tough circumstances because when you do CTB and are gone from the world, it leaves you (perhaps only me) worried for the sake of those that you loved and for those who tried to understand you. Often times, I appear worried and anxious that they might blame themselves when I do CTB and are devastated with questions unanswered.

Its a risk to be taken. I'm not saying that individuals similar with depression and suicidal thoughts shouldn't speak out because quite frankly, expressing emotions are significant and can lessen the pain. I'm just saying its a risk, when telling it to someone you love. The reality of the situation may unfortunately gear towards reactions different from your expectations and thus, will truly hurt you in the end. Hurt you in a way where all you wanted, was for someone to understand, and unexpectedly was left with the feeling of becoming a burden and worthless.

It might be different for everyone.

But generally, thats how I felt at times quite honestly.

I'm still hurting and in pain from some of the reactions I received, but not surprised. Absolutely not surprised at all.

 

[completelyincomplete]

I've been with my boyfriend for about two years. He is a psychiatrist. I asked him a couple of questions about N, SN, and other drugs. I am not afraid of him having me hospitalized, because he does not think it is a good place for most people. Especially the places in our area. He even tries to keep his actively suicidal patients from being sectioned, by involving family, if possible to watch them. Having them call daily to check in, taking after hour calls. He has a solo practice, and I cover the office if his employee needs a day off. I watch him act so empathetic towards his patients. They all love him. He will say I really feel sorry for so and so because....
When it comes to me he acts like my mental illness is something I should just get over, because it's annoying. I have been diagnosed with bipolar. My anxiety and depression can be crippling. I am being treated, but am obviously not his patient for ethical reasons. One time when he was drunk he admitted to me that he doesn't want to admit to himself how mentally ill I really am. In the meantime he gets pissed off when my anxiety changes our plans, or my depression stops me from keeping up with things. When I was talking to him about methods he actually said " you may think about suiciding, but I know you never will. I know you, and you are too chicken shit to do it" Basically he dismisses me, gets angry that my anxiety "is unfair to him, because it makes our relationship inequitable" while I watch him coddle for a lot less problems than I have. I would never admit to my actual DR that I have suicide ideation.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Pretty terrible. One of my exes said suicide is the most cowardly thing someone can do and another ex said suicide is stupid and threatened to call cops on me. It was really hurtful since I trusted them. The only person I can somewhat open up to is my mom because she knows a psych ward prison would only make me worse off.

 

[Trisolaris]

It's pointless to share suicidal thoughts. If the people are healthy, they wouldn't understand and just be scared and angry. If you share it with a person who is depressed and suicidal himself, it'll just make him feel worse.
I once shared with an ex of mine that I don't want to keep on living and her reaction was that we should break up because she doesn't want to be there when it happens.
People just don't understand it. It's the same as with trying to explain mental illness, you're just expected to snap out of it.

 

[RestingGirl23]

I've tried to tell friends in a nonobvious way like "I feel dead" for a couple of weeks and most responses that I got were that I was "tired" and that "it would soon pass". Although, to be completely honest I don't blame anyone for not knowing how to reply to me in a way that would bring comfort.

I've been in the opposite end where I had a lonely person in high school confess to me that he was regularly beat by his mother and the only thing I could think of why was he telling me this (I used to hang out alone at lunch time, and he told me this in our first conversation) and that I felt terrible akward and wanted to run away from there.

Sometimes, people are not knowledgeable enough or emotionally competent to deal with a bomb like that you are thinking of committing suicide. Not everyone will be open-minded to hear you out without jumping to conclusions and calling for help aka get admitted. Of course, it also depends on how close you are to the person you are telling it to.

 

[56709]

Actual responses:

"Alright, just don't do it in my house or I'll have to clean it up."
"You'll never do it."

They seem to think that I am not seriously at risk and just gesturing, or incapable of following through with it...

 

[CyanideSoup]

I don't think this is something that ever goes well. Even as a pro choice person I'd still be devastated if somebody I loved ended up taking their life. Obviously they made the right choice for them but it's hard.

I don't think its a good idea to talk to family about suicide unless you want support getting better, not everyone is a pro choice and not everyone understands the pain you feel every day. They will only want to stop you, as its "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" or "just a cry for help" .

 

[R_N]

My mother cried when I told her that I will commit suicide. She even said she is going to do it herself if I do it. She loves me too much unfortunately but I can't live like this forever.

 

[Sensei]

I don't think its a good idea to talk to family about suicide unless you want support getting better, not everyone is a pro choice and not everyone understands the pain you feel every day. They will only want to stop you, as its "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" or "just a cry for help" .

I generally agree with you. However, let's not forget that some people do have loving and understaning families which can handle the situation and help.

 

[CyanideSoup]

I generally agree with you. However, let's not forget that some people do have loving and understaning families which can handle the situation and help.

That's true. Obviously everyone is different. I should have said I was coming from my own experience and not generalised.

 

[LivingToLong]

This is what irks me the most, why do people think we are doing anything to them?

I know what you mean but, be honest with youself, you are doing something to them - you'll be making them (or at least some of them) feel grief. People don't want to feel sad - that's something we can all understand. Certainly, I can understand their response. BUT whether you want to do anything about that is another matter entirely.

I know my partner would be devastated if/when I cbt. That wouldn't stop me though. Maybe that's selfish, maybe it isn't, but I certainly acknowledge that they will feel like that. And probably be very angry with me too.

Edit: to the wider point, be very careful who you talk to about suicide. There are not many people who like or can handle the subject.

 

[freedommatrix]

Pretty terrible. One of my exes said suicide is the most cowardly thing someone can do and another ex said suicide is stupid and threatened to call cops on me. It was really hurtful since I trusted them. The only person I can somewhat open up to is my mom because she knows a psych ward prison would only make me worse off.

Was your ex religious by any means? From a strict household?

 

[deflagrat]

That and the you'll burn in hell type stuff too. They're so warm (literally) with their responses to it. Then they just try to ignore you for a while.

That makes me remember a scene from a movie.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

it's a topic out of my expertise

At least this response is honest while unhelpful.