Venting How has bullying affected your life?

[vonvonwantpeace]

Despite being 29 and feminine Bi male, I still suffer from debilitating shyness and it made me socially anxious, I have huge insecurity problems and I hate myself more. Now I've become so uncomfortable in society, where bullying is endlessly present in so many forms that I just try to stay away from people.

 

[Arrow]

I still suffer from debilitating shyness and it made me socially anxious

same. i have bad social anxiety from time to time.

 

[Smashingairwaves]

I can't go a day without all the shit my sister and my parents would say to me going through my mind

 

[Pryras]

I was the only POC in my high school but suprisingly I was not racially targeted or bullied for it. I was VERY scared, anxious as a teen and kept to myself. I didn't "exist" and no one really bullied me for that reason alone.

Oh besides 1 year where a group of guys would run up and down the halls rating the girls based on appearances. I got a solid 0 and overheard one of them say they'd rather date another guy than go anywhere near me.
I grew up with body dysmorphic disorder but that experience I remember vividly years later.

 

[Csmith8827]

Ummm yeah I'm bullied daily at the age of 31. It's incredibly stupid and basically the reason I'm a member of this site. People are crazy.

 

[Arrow]

People are crazy.

for sure.

 

[madbananas]

Bullying made me suicidal and now being suicidal has led me to being bullied and shunned. It has however hugely developed my empathy and I will help and stick up for others being bullied or wronged in any way. Wish people would in my life would do the same for me. Sorry for the victim mentality, it's the mood I'm in today and fed up with the world.

 

[coyguy]

I got bullied kinda passively, if that's a thing. I got ignored and wasn't let into groups. Might've been because I used to be overweight, I have a very noticeable lisp and I'm ugly overall.

Nowadays I'm incredibly shy and awkward in social situations. I assume that every single person hates me that I come across. And I'm overall very critical about my appearance and voice.

 

[Luchs]

Despite being 29 and feminine Bi male, I still suffer from debilitating shyness and it made me socially anxious, I have huge insecurity problems and I hate myself more. Now I've become so uncomfortable in society, where bullying is endlessly present in so many forms that I just try to stay away from people.

I've been bullied in middle school, I don't know why they singled me out. The depression was already there before that, I think the bullying just made me stronger, more resilient, stronger and more closed off to the world.

 

[dwarff24]

Bad English. I'm sorry

I was bullied in high school, after a few months they got tired of it but the damage was already done. They were making fun of my long hair, so i cut my hair, the day after that they called me all sorts of things in front of like 30 or more students because of how easily they broke me... and then i became the loser with no friends, the weirdo who's sitting alone in the hall while others were pointing at me and laughed at me. This went on for 2 years and than i just stopped going to school and they fired me. My family thinks i was lazy that's why i didn't finished school, but the truth is they did broke me there. At age 24 i have no education, no job, no relationships, or friends. My social anxiety is so bad that i'm afraid to go to the store alone and if i have to go alone i'm sweating like hell and i talk awkwardly af.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

for sure.

They didn't come very far from chimpanzees.

 

[darkhorse256]

I was always the "smart" one in school and people bullied me for it. It gave me a whole lot of self worth issues where I felt (and still feel) that grades make up who I am. I was always reduced to my grades but it didn't make me hate doing well, I loved it. I saw it as a pride thing, where even if I was getting bullied, I could think "haha, sucks to be you, at least I'm doing well".

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

Despite being 29 and feminine Bi male, I still suffer from debilitating shyness and it made me socially anxious, I have huge insecurity problems and I hate myself more. Now I've become so uncomfortable in society, where bullying is endlessly present in so many forms that I just try to stay away from people.

Tbh being BI and feminine male are normal in the 21st century...
I had insecurity as hypogonadism caused me to actually develop feminine traits and behaviours... (I have since masculinized with TRT)
My point is that if a group of LGBT are in a group drunk and walk past a lone person who appears straight they will likely say something derogatory.
PEOPLE no matter what gender, shape, colour, height. Can be prejudice against others they see as different.
It sucks. But that is humanity.

Bullying ruined my life from a child. Emotional bullying by family. And physical and mental bullying in school stopped me socializing. Spending so much time in solidarity has made me completely socially incompetent.
It took me till I was 18 to develop independent thinking, 20 to start fighting back. I'd destroyed myself by 23 and 25 I'd settled to live another decade or so and try to feel some life experiences so all the suffering wasn't for nothing, to find out I'm terminally ill in January.

 

[Pan]

I can't help but she a tear for your plight, friend. Like you, family and school bullying and teasing did me in, if you will. No matter what degrees/academic honors I accrued, there was always this pain, this fear, this despair. Like voices ringing in my head, the past beckons me to ctb in the present, for future tense.

 

[Tintypographer]

I was bullied in middle school and high school in the 1980s. In the era of breakfast club as a geek or nerd. It was very bad with regular beatings, destruction of schoolwork and vandalism, and a continuous fear and wish that I hadn't made whatever mistakes I made to become a target. I was and am heterosexual but in the time of aids, "Gay" was a bullying, belittling slur thrown at anyone who was different. Oddly it was the heterosexual jocks at my school who rubbed their penises in my face for no reason calling me Gay that seemed to be engaging in homosexual behavior. I suppose that was sexual abuse. Such things were tolerated then.

Here was something strange that I felt during Columbine:. I never ever condone murder, terrorism and certainly not sadistic execution. But I felt sorry for those young men who had been bullied to the point that they were emotionally charged enough to go on a large scale murder suicide.

I feel the same way for anyone who was bullied today. I can't understand how that actually still occurs and why stealing a person's dignity is so important to bullies.

 

[ForensicallyAware]

It has probably affected my life a lot
It obviously deeply wounds you
And in the long run maybe affects the bullies themselves if they have a scrap of conscience
A lot of people are just scum but they always seem to be able to justify their behaviour to themselves

 

[Shinbu]

In my experience I learned bullies love picking on the people that are quiet, and talking trash about them behind their back. It made me cautious about people, I'm cautious about who I trust. Humans that act friendly can be the backstabbing type.

 

[littlelady774]

Bullies are the worst :( The most brutal years for me was probably between 8th and 10th grade. There was a group of girls who I thought were my friends but weren't. Name calling, mean comments, etc.

I remember developing emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and panic disorder around the end of 8th grade. We had to do a speech and my anxiety made me panic. During the speech I told the teacher I had to leave to go throw up.
2 years later, a girl I used to be friends with brought it up in front of the whole class.. I was so embarrassed..
Then one day I came to school with wavyish hair. I hadn't used a straightener that day. She's like, " Hey (name), Ever heard of a straightener?" Again, in front of the whole class.
A lot of times, I think I'd be better off than I am today if I had been homeschooled.

 

[Khyber]

Bullying was probably the beginning of all my mental problems. I was bullied daily through primary school (from age 5 - 11). Picked on because I was quiet and an easy target and continued bullying obviously made me even quieter and more afraid. My method of dealing with it was to do nothing but try to hide in plain site and hope that somehow I wouldn't be noticed and it would stop. Stupidly for me I still wanted to hang about with the crowd that were doing the bullying and they kept me close enough to abuse me daily. It caused so many long-term mental health issues (depression, anxiety, suicidal ideations), terrible social skills, ruined potential career prospects etc. All fucked before I was 11.

Ironically I became a bit of a bully myself in secondary school as I fell in with a rougher crowd and obviously did not want to be the victim again. I wasn't the worst bully but don't really have any remorse for my actions at this time, although I know it was wrong. Thing is that kids are horrible and I lacked the empathy to understand.

I often think about revenge on the main instigator of my bullying (28 years later and I still enters my head) but thankfully I've never been able to track him down.

Bullying is horrible experience for anyone to go through. I worked as a children's counsellor for a while in the past to try to help others but it seems impossible to eradicate bullying. I worry that my own kids might be bullied and how I would to take whatever action necessary to stop it.

My advice to anyone who is being bullied or knows someone that is; is to do something about it. Hoping or waiting for it to stop doesn't work. In recent years I've forced myself to stand up for myself more. However, this has brought it's own problems as I don't really know how to be assertive without overstepping the mark and getting angry, aggressive or even violent (particularly when drinking). However, I refuse to allow myself to be a victim again.

 

[rebelsue]

I was bullied in middle school and high school in the 1980s. In the era of breakfast club as a geek or nerd. It was very bad with regular beatings, destruction of schoolwork and vandalism, and a continuous fear and wish that I hadn't made whatever mistakes I made to become a target. I was and am heterosexual but in the time of aids, "Gay" was a bullying, belittling slur thrown at anyone who was different. Oddly it was the heterosexual jocks at my school who rubbed their penises in my face for no reason calling me Gay that seemed to be engaging in homosexual behavior. I suppose that was sexual abuse. Such things were tolerated then.

Here was something strange that I felt during Columbine:. I never ever condone murder, terrorism and certainly not sadistic execution. But I felt sorry for those young men who had been bullied to the point that they were emotionally charged enough to go on a large scale murder suicide.

I feel the same way for anyone who was bullied today. I can't understand how that actually still occurs and why stealing a person's dignity is so important to bullies.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s, too...lots of shit was tolerated back then that would appear criminal to kids now. And it was criminal. I had the same reaction to Columbine. I was the same age as those kids when it happened and was also being bullied and tormented. I can only imagine the pain they were in that would lead someone to actually go through such a horrible act.

It caused so many long-term mental health issues (depression, anxiety, suicidal ideations), terrible social skills, ruined potential career prospects etc. All fucked before I was 11.

Yep I can't get a job now due to social skill deficiencies. I am highly educated and even published original research but can't get a job because I don't interview well and don't know how to network.

 

[Tintypographer]

My advice to anyone who is being bullied or knows someone that is; is to do something about it. Hoping or waiting for it to stop doesn't work. In recent years I've forced myself to stand up for myself more. However, this has brought it's own problems as I don't really know how to be assertive without overstepping the mark and getting angry, aggressive or even violent (particularly when drinking). However, I refuse to allow myself to be a victim again.

No matter what advice you get in this world, I have seen time and time and time again that standing up to bullies immediately, forcefully, strongly and with unwavering determination causes them to find another target or slink off in anger. I don't know why that is with their psyche but it's somehow true. My advice for anyone dealing with a bully is to repeatedly and concretely stand your ground whether physical or verbal/emotional. Even if they are stronger, smarter etc than you, they don't like to bully people who are not victims who could cause then to lose face in front of their audience. It's a very strange psychology. They have no empathy for a weak kid they are hurting but they are petrified that somehow a victim or prey will win a fight and they will lose the respect of people around them.

 

[rebelsue]

.....but they are petrified that somehow a victim or prey will win a fight and they will lose the respect of people around them.

""they are petrified that somehow a victim or prey will win a fight and they will lose the respect of people around them. "
-- This is a narcissism trait so I guess that makes sense.

I could personally never master the confidence needed to convince them that this was a risk. My attempts at standing up for myself would be ridiculed as well.

 

[Meowkin]

It's made me take a lot of blame on myself. I only realised this recently. I find it a bit sad. Like I was carrying burdens which were not mine to carry.

 

[Emily123]

Despite being 29 and feminine Bi male, I still suffer from debilitating shyness and it made me socially anxious, I have huge insecurity problems and I hate myself more. Now I've become so uncomfortable in society, where bullying is endlessly present in so many forms that I just try to stay away from people.

I understand your feeling . For some reason that I can not understand people enjoy bothering me . Anytime that someone is looking for trouble ,he/she comes directly to me . it can happen in the street , workplace and any place that I am going. A friend told me that my behaviour or appearance casuses this problem but I don't believe so . . Even if it is the case I don't like to be someone else that I am not .

 

[sadgirl2002]

Being bullied is one of the reasons why I'm suicidal and I hate people who say "it's in the past" or "don't think about it", as if the pain is invalid. I was bullied throughout all of high school by girls older than me and also my year group. No one liked me, I was quiet, shy and timid. I had such terrible social anxiety my whole life and now, I have to try and force myself to suppress it which is difficult at times but I know how fake people are. I don't trust anyone, I saw how fake everyone was where they would gossip or talk shit about others and later, become "friends" with them. A few reasons why I was bullied and hated more was because of a few mistakes of my own, I was a stupid kid who wanted to fit in. I deserve the pain anyway...

 

[itsamadworld]

I'm sorry that you have to suffer through bullying @vonvonwantpeace and everyone else too that is/was. Being bullied is one of the reasons I have the troubles that I do with mental illness. I was bullied non-stop at my house. I was the youngest, and my brother the oldest. We were both bullied badly especially by our parents, and at school. My family members took the rage out on mainly me and the family pets, who were also abused. I was the sacrificial GOAT! My dad would spank us with boards on our asses, punch, kick, pull, etc..he even used to do tickle torture, even to me when I was sick with my fevers, or my brother would poke at me. My mother was very psychologically abusive , and sometimes physically. She was angry ALL THE TIME! She would sob, and throw fits of hysterics. My sister talked so damn loud all the time, but was the golden child.... I just wanted to die. Human are just nothing but apes in suits,,,,The only difference with humans, is that we crawled out of the trees!

 

[SheJumped]

I was bullied most of my life, I can recall as early as grade 1 and that went on through high school.
It's left a long lasting impression on me, depression and suicidal thoughts to name a few.
I never wanted children due to my experience as a child, but I do have one, the thought of them being bullied gives me extreme bouts of anxiety.

 

[terry_a_davis]

I've been lucky that I've only experienced bullying for a brief period of my life. Two older men who i briefly moved in the same circles as when i was about 20, both bigger than me physically, one was 6'5 and about 18 stone of muscle, both nasty people, horrible people. They bullied a few that i know of and got physical with a couple, they didn't with me. I was afraid of them and it felt horrible.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Not read the replies, but I have accepted it's part of my life, I take it as normal now, bullying is all I deserve, it can be hard but I accept it,
My confidence is non existent, who I am I have no idea, but everyone else is happy that's all that matters :)

 

[LostMyWay]

It made me very self conscious about my appearance. I was constantly being criticized for being overweight, or wearing the same clothes often (I guess I kind of deserved this, but I was picky when it came to clothes), and even bullied because I had Tourettes Syndrome (to be fair most kids didn't know I had it, I was too embarrassed to tell them that I'd just shoulder the insults). It made me very untrusting of people and really turned me off from people in general for a while. Fast forward to today, I have a very small pool of people I consider my friends that I talk to as a result. I was never really good an socializing even before the bullying, so it only made things worse. On the bright side, I guess I could say it made me have thicker skin as a result, which is good.