How good are you at hiding the urge to CTB?

[serah]

Family thinks I'm fine now. I actually spoke to my friends about my depression and constant struggle with suicide but they didn't really care much tbh. I guess I rather not hide it and just be open about it to friends.

 

[elfgyoza]

Only my close family and 3 friends are aware, because I've attempted in the past. I don't think my parents will be massively shocked when I CTB but to people who have no idea I'm even depressed, it'll be pretty shocking.
I doubt my GP and community mental health team will be taken aback either since they know the lengths I've gone to before lol

 

[Bruces]

I don't care to try and put a mask on it anymore,life's garbage and I know there's nothing left for me

 

[IamTristero]

Nobody knows about my recent suicidal thoughts, I'm pretty functional, I mean no one can spot a sign of despair.

 

[ocd is bad]

It's probably the only thing I'm good at

 

[FinalDestination]

No one at all. I mean how could they, it's strictly a don't ask and don't tell situation and I prefer it that way. It's calming to know I can slip away without having a heavy impact on anyone at all.

 

[Apathy's Girl]

My husband knows. We've been together since high school (just over 30 years together). He has seen me through previous attempts and knows daily life can be a struggle. I don't actively tell him I want to ctb anymore. It doesn't serve any purpose, he knows how I feel. My mom, on the other hand, has zero idea.

 

[catsarecool]

I was doing good for a while but now my facade is starting to crack. In real life no one knows but online there are a few people who know that I've come to the decision to CTB and it's been getting harder to act like I'm okay.

 

[donquixote42]

Some of my friends (who are also not exactly mentally sound) are aware, I wanted to let them know they are not alone in suffering mental torment. Depending on person, I have chosen to disclose the fact head-on or make subtle/not-so-subtle hints (for instance suicide jokes). As for others, hell no! There is too much stigma around mental health in this world and I feel that if I openly communicated how I feel, people would distance themselves from me, or worse yet, have me involuntarily admitted to one of those happy fluffy places.

 

[lucid]

I haven't exactly hidden much, whether that's because I'm unable to or choose not to. My family knows fully well that I'm depressed, and I even straight up told my mother that if it weren't for her still being here to support me I would probably be gone by now. I do a lesser job of hiding it from friends online, because I know they can't do much to stop me from doing things...and of course it makes me feel guilty knowing that. Friends IRL, yeah I try not to really mention anything asides from that I might be feeling a little crappy.
It's not like I plan on CTB any time soon since I decided it would be a better move to stick around longer, but I'm not sure if anyone thinks or knows I still plan on taking that route in the future regardless of what happens.