How far is too far gone?

[whenwillthepainstop]

I've been suicidal for many years now and it hasn't gotten better, but back then I never saw myself making a plan, or going into this site to research methods. I always felt like once I did that, it's too late and nobody can stop me. Am I too far gone because I made an account here finally? Should I accept the inevitable or try to get better? I'm aware nobody can tell me what to do but I would like to hear others opinions.

 

[kopebaldy]

Don't tell me, just answer to yourself

Do you want to get better?

Personally, I feel like if one still somehow feels like there's a way out, they aren't ready to ctb.

 

[L9my]

i would say that trying to get better is a good idea.

I think that just having methods and knowing they're there (especially with all the stuff going on rn, visa and mastercard (what's stopping them for stopping you from buying something like SN or even rope)) brings security.
though it adds an extra layer of trying to not do anything impulsively, but in my case i think that's worth the security of having a method.

Also I wouldn't say you're too far gone for making an account or researching methods.

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

Don't tell me, just answer to yourself

Do you want to get better?

Personally, I feel like if one still somehow feels like there's a way out, they aren't ready to ctb.

I'm not sure if there's a way out. I'm not sure if I want to get better, I just feel conflicted. Maybe I'm a coward

i would say that trying to get better is a good idea.

I think that just having methods and knowing they're there (especially with all the stuff going on rn, visa and mastercard (what's stopping them for stopping you from buying something like SN or even rope)) brings security.
though it adds an extra layer of trying to not do anything impulsively, but in my case i think that's worth the security of having a method.

Also I wouldn't say you're too far gone for making an account or researching methods.

What's the point of trying to get better? It has never worked for me

 

[s00ngone]

There is no too far gone until you've caught your bus. I can't speak to whether your situation is (or whether you believe it is) recoverable, but recovery is always on the table, even if "recovery" relative to suicide might just mean giving yourself the grace to take another breath.

Suicide is that imp on your shoulder that's never going to let you forget that it's an option, but you don't have to let it convince you it's an inevitability if you find it in your heart to live another day. There's no bad reason to stay, anyway. Plenty of reasons not to, and I'm sure you've exhausted those in your mind, but anything that genuinely keeps you here is something worth staying for.

So no, you're not too far gone. Far gone, maybe, but there's no shame in bearing the weight life has placed on your shoulders.

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

There is no too far gone until you've caught your bus. I can't speak to whether your situation is (or whether you believe it is) recoverable, but recovery is always on the table, even if "recovery" relative to suicide might just mean giving yourself the grace to take another breath.

Suicide is that imp on your shoulder that's never going to let you forget that it's an option, but you don't have to let it convince you it's an inevitability if you find it in your heart to live another day. There's no bad reason to stay, anyway. Plenty of reasons not to, and I'm sure you've exhausted those in your mind, but anything that genuinely keeps you here is something worth staying for.

So no, you're not too far gone. Far gone, maybe, but there's no shame in bearing the weight life has placed on your shoulders.

You worded this perfectly and I think you're right. Suicide will always be an option for me but that's all it is, an option. There are a million other options too. I choose to live for many reasons but it hurts too much to leave my boyfriend behind.

 

[L9my]

What's the point of trying to get better? It has never worked for me

rn for me. friends + it's not hopeless

before (for me) - forced to + what's the worst that could happen

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

rn for me. friends + it's not hopeless

before (for me) - forced to + what's the worst that could happen

What do you mean you were forced?

 

[kopebaldy]

I'm not sure if there's a way out. I'm not sure if I want to get better, I just feel conflicted. Maybe I'm a coward

So this is how I know I'm too far gone, note that this is just me, idk ab your circumstances.

I have a way out of my predicament, heck, I have multiples. But I decided to turn away from them all.

I can get better, I just don't feel like it's worth prolonging this suffering just for a few sparks along the dark corridor that is my life.

Whether how far is too far gone only you can decide.

 

[L9my]

What do you mean you were forced?

like i was forced to go to things that people thought would help me get better:

• the doctor
• school

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

So this is how I know I'm too far gone, note that this is just me, idk ab your circumstances.

I have a way out of my predicament, heck, I have multiples. But I decided to turn away from them all.

I can get better, I just don't feel like it's worth prolonging this suffering just for a few sparks along the dark corridor that is my life.

Whether how far is too far gone only you can decide.

I think I could get better if I REALLY tried but it's so much effort and me being(mentally) sick to begin with makes me not wanna bother and it's an endless loop.

 

[s00ngone]

You worded this perfectly and I think you're right. Suicide will always be an option for me but that's all it is, an option. There are a million other options too. I choose to live for many reasons but it hurts too much to leave my boyfriend behind.

It can be eerie to read people reassure others that "ctb is always an option" in that casual, friendly way that you only ever see people talk about suicide here, as if the unspoken message is "and you will end up choosing it."

There's a song I think you might like, since you mentioned how much you love your boyfriend. It's part of an album that follows an older woman and her long-distance relationship told through ambient music and voice notes. The rest of the album is worth listening to, but this song is the culmination of the love and hardship that she expresses. Even if ambient music isn't your cup of tea, I hope you enjoy it.

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

It can be eerie to read people reassure others that "ctb is always an option" in that casual, friendly way that you only ever see people talk about suicide here, as if the unspoken message is "and you will end up choosing it."

There's a song I think you might like, since you mentioned how much you love your boyfriend. It's part of an album that follows an older woman and her long-distance relationship told through ambient music and voice notes. The rest of the album is worth listening to, but this song is the culmination of the love and hardship that she expresses. Even if ambient music isn't your cup of tea, I hope you enjoy it.

Aww that's sweet of you. The song gives me a certain feeling, I don't know what it is. It makes me kind of sad. But yeah, it does feel eerie to hear the way people talk about suicide here however what else can we expect on this site? This is what I signed up for I guess

 

[Worndown]

Getting an account here doesn't mean you will ctb. It means you recognize there are problems and this is but one of the possible resolutions.
You are checking out these options.
You should also work on your other options to overcome these problems.

 

[L9my]

It can be eerie to read people reassure others that "ctb is always an option" in that casual, friendly way that you only ever see people talk about suicide here, as if the unspoken message is "and you will end up choosing it."

sorry, i see it in a "oh my goodness, natural death does not sound pleasant" kind of way
i've never thought about it like that, interesting perspective

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

Getting an account here does mean you will ctb. It means you recognize there are problems and this is but one of the possible resolutions.
You are checking out these options.
You should also work on your other options to overcome these problems.

I assume you meant doesn't mean you will ctb.

 

[s00ngone]

sorry, i see it in a "oh my goodness, natural death does not sound pleasant" kind of way
i've never thought about it like that, interesting perspective

I don't mean it in a negative way, either, to be clear. This is a weird, nebulous space where we discuss rope lengths and poison protocols like talking about the weather, and I, for one, am determined to expedite my exit within the next week, if I can help it.

There's just a macabre sense about being here, in all the acceptance and discourse absent anywhere else. You recognize we're fellow travelers both gritting our teeth at each other hard enough to seem like a smile if you squint.

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

I don't mean it in a negative way, either, to be clear. This is a weird, nebulous space where we discuss rope lengths and poison protocols like talking about the weather, and I, for one, am determined to expedite my exit within the next week, if I can help it.

There's just a macabre sense about being here, in all the acceptance and discourse absent anywhere else. You recognize we're fellow travelers both gritting our teeth at each other hard enough to seem like a smile if you squint.

Yeah you're right, but it's comforting to know we are all basically in the same boat. Normal people would be appalled at the discussions here

 

[Worndown]

I assume you meant doesn't mean you will ctb.

No. Many come here with one solution in mind and after some time find a way to live. There are many threads on problems and options for recovery or managing the issues that drove them here.
Full service. That is what the sites detractors do not see. The bus can also go the other direction.

 

[whenwillthepainstop]

No. Many come here with one solution in mind and after some time find a way to live. There are many threads on problems and options for recovery or managing the issues that drove them here.
Full service. That is what the sites detractors do not see. The bus can also go the other direction.

"The bus can also go the other direction" well put.