Discussion How does your mental illness affect you?

[Alcoholic Failure]

I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder(BPD) and bipolar depression. How does mental illness affect you?

 

[darkwater]

My mind is my own torturer no matter where I go it is always there. It creates voices that drive me mad and there is no way to escape it.

 

[tinyteefs]

I can't focus on anything anymore. All I can think about is whether my method is viable (1g propranolol + alcohol?). I hate when people say "it gets better". I see no other way out. I'm trapped, and everybody around me is choking me emotionally

 

[Alcoholic Failure]

I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder(BPD) and bipolar depression. How does mental illness affect you?

One of the things I hate is that I understand that the way I think is different from the majority. However, the cost of therapy and medication that will "potentially" change those things is astronomically high.
Everything is about money in America. Even and especially mental health.

 

[howl pendragon]

PTSD, BPD, DHD, social phobia, acute anxiety disorder and chronic depression here. I have really low energy, almost everything "good" is kinda "bland", my body does not produce enought serotonin that I can feel joy easily, and I get burnouts really easily. I take days to "recover" from anything. Emotional crisis? No energy for 3, 4 days and super sensitive to stuff.

 

[Alcoholic Failure]

PTSD, BPD, DHD, social phobia, acute anxiety disorder and chronic depression here. I have really low energy, almost everything "good" is kinda "bland", my body does not produce enought serotonin that I can feel joy easily, and I get burnouts really easily. I take days to "recover" from anything. Emotional crisis? No energy for 3, 4 days and super sensitive to stuff.

I appreciate your response. I am curious: are you prescribed any medication? And does your treatment include therapy.

 

[howl pendragon]

I appreciate your response. I am curious: are you prescribed any medication? And does your treatment include therapy.

Yes, got on and off medication, some mildly helped but some stuff kept around. Like I can have a little more energy with a type of medication called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, they help my brain to "manage" the little serotonin I get, so it dosent burnout all at once (kinda makes the brain drinks it more slowly instead of chugging it all at once lmao).

But I remain with several "symptoms" that make my day to day really exausting... imsonia, bruxism (teeth gryding), and low energy (it gets a little better but never enought...)

Therapy helped a little for a while, only with one therapist I was able to go for a while, but they were expensive and I was not able to aford for long to see if it was gonna change stuff for real.

I even got told sometimes that I would probably have to live w meds for the rest of my life bc of some of my disorders, my brain would probably never be able to function properly by itself. Yay!

 

[LikeAPendulum]

I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder(BPD) and bipolar depression. How does mental illness affect you?

I've never talked to a professional therapist, nor got an official diagnosis, but I've found myself relapsing into depression and pity-partying.

 

[Jezzibell]

Anorexia, diagnosed as well as bpd. Eating or not eating or binging and purging is my life. Nothing else. I'm exhausted by it. I am not this anorexic to be skinny. I want it to kill me but my body just won't play ball.

 

[EmmaD]

BPD is like taking something out the oven without oven mitts, or falling off a motorbike without leather clothing. My feelings are raw and naked and the slightest thing hurts me or makes my blood boil beyond all reason. One small comment can make me think.. yep, that's it, time to ctb. I micro-process everything that's ever happened to me. 100% believe I'm bad through and through. Hurting myself is the biggest buzz and I thrive on self-damage emotionally and physically. My mind is like being in a room with 50 radios playing different music all at once and ctb would be an off switch to all of those things.

 

[wiltingorchid]

I also have bpd. I can't regulate my emotions at all, at this point I rather just be dead because they're so horrible. I either feel too much or nothing at all, always at the worst times. I get attached to one person, and leave everything behind for that one person. Even my own needs.

I also have hallucinations, which are even worse. They are everyone, and sometimes and just stare into nothingness and seem half dead because they're so incredibly overwhelming. I mostly hear voices who insult me, they tell me to sh or to ctb.

 

[unnormal9]

For me, it causes both chronic physical and mental agony. The physical pain ranges from general fatigue to shooting pains, aches, pins and needles, throbbing, heart palpitations, headaches and migraines.
The mental pain is indescribable.

 

[toofargone6969]

Severe body dysmorphic disorder, depression, severe anxiety, severe insomnia here. Its debilitating. All I think about now is CTB because I know things will never get better.

 

[UsagiDrop]

I received a diagnosis for bipolar II a few years ago. I have really bad depressive episodes where I can't stand to even draw in a breath, and then brief periods of hypomania where I feel just okay. The depression is my baseline as those episodes last way longer. Hypomanic episodes are few and far in between. Lately I've been having mixed episodes which are a lot of fun, made me understand where the stereotype for bipolar folks came from lol.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living for a hypomanic episode because those are the times when I have the most energy, when I'm the most lively and likable, where I am most creative, when I feel the most normal. But before I was aware of my diagnosis they were also the times I hurt myself the most; impulsive/overspending, hyper-sexuality and overindulgence in drugs and alcohol are traps I can fall into when I go through these periods. I once ended up on a week-long xanax binge when I was hypomanic, haha. Went to work and everything, thankfully I wasn't driving. But I can't remember a thing. Those days are not behind me but I do try to manage them as best as I can.

Medication helped but I am not medicated right now. Kind of just feels like a really long and twisted rollercoaster and knowing I'm on it has only strapped me down for the ride. It mostly affects my moods and the way that I view the world at a certain time. When I was diagnosed with this, I also got a PTSD diagnosis as well. I'm guessing that manifests in my life in a number of ways specific to the events that caused it, making me sensitive to rejection and doubtful of everything that happens to me in general.

 

[CTB Fella]

I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder(BPD) and bipolar depression. How does mental illness affect you?

EUPD & OCD.

Controls my fucking existence.

 

[nanfranci]

i havent been medicated in over a year (not by choice, they were all flushed by my father who said i "didnt need them") and i can safely say its hell. i was diagnosed with ocd but im not sure how accurate that really is now. its just an endless loop of being tormented by my own mind, by thoughts that hurt me and control me endlessly. i never once get any kind of break its nonstop until i wake up and until i sleep.

 

[Lycan]

I have Aspergers and OCD Which are probably exacerbated by my Lyme Disease and Pandas. I constantly see the worst things in my mind like Killing and Raping my family members and I am compelled to do rituals. I also have severe Germ/Fecal Phobia. My Life is Hell.

 

[loyalskateboard]

It affects literally everything I do. In some ways I feel like I never had a chance. I have a laundry list of diagnosis considering I have been in therapy since I was eight. Reactive Attachment Disorder, Autism, ADHD, Generalised/Social/Unspecified/Separation Anxiety Disorder, Depression, PTSD. I've been admitted to the psych ward countless times and tried a billion medications and therapies.

I'm exhausted. I have been suicidal since I was 10 years old. I honestly don't think my brain can be fixed. I've never had a job, I struggle socially, I struggle with my emotions. I don't know what to do. It hurts.

 

[peaceindeath]

OCD. It makes me understand how nice death is

 

[LONE WOLF.]

For the past few months l've been very jumpy and paranoid, l don't know what l'm so jumpy about,l just feel like a Angry response is just a negative interaction away!

 

[nosoul]

Has destroyed everything my finances frie dships family.