(how) does school affect your thoughts about ctb?

[nails]

personally, uni is one of the only positive aspects of my life at the moment. it's stresses me out to no end, but it makes me happy. i've considered ctb because of feelings of incompetence due to my grades. academically, i set very high expectations for myself and i get suicidal if i don't meet them. recently, i cried because i only got a high B on a math exam instead of an A. but other than that, i've been meeting and exceeding my expectations, so uni continues to be a source of happiness for me and even motivates me to stay alive.

whether you're in your final year(s) of high school, in college/university, or are just in the process of getting the education that you couldn't get in your earlier life, experienced trauma regarding education, the list goes on...

i know school is often a huge (negative) factor for a lot of people who want to ctb, whether they maintain good grades or not.

i'd like to know how everyone feels.
thank you

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It makes me feel worse because of all the stress and hardship it causes. It also pisses me off that I'm forced to do so much work all because of humanity's arbitrary system. Humans are the only species to do this shit. I see education as a trap like everything else humans have designed to keep people so focused and addicted to life to where they would only do what the elites want them to do and nothing more. People look at university students and think that they're smart but, honestly, they're dumb as rocks as they can't see the trap that they're in.

I want to kill myself to escape this trap. I also think that it's unfair that I have to go through this shit to begin with since I was born against my consent. It's like being kidnapped and then being forced to do labor for your kidnapper

 

[Mirrory Me]

I think the school buildings and environments are a bit stressful and dull, and they expect you to pay attention to that. I am glad to learn new things, but going back to regular school sounds like a pain in the ass.

Nowadays you can just buy all the course material and watch tutorials independently online, but it doesn't get you a certified degree of your capabilities and knowledge.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

My feelings are mixed. The stress from it definitely has had a negative impact on me and has contributed to my suicidality, but at the same time, there are also aspects of it that are positive. I wouldn't say that its ever impacted my life in a way that makes me want to live longer though.

 

[TransfemCutter]

I like to measure my mental health in frequency of my cutting. In breaks where I'm just hanging out with friends or my (soon to be ex) girlfriend, I actually feel fairly content, given I'm at least distracted, but while I'm at school or I have obligatory things to go to, I just get more and more miserable for every day that passes. Last summer I cut a total of twice. Since uni started (3 months ago) I have probably cut upwards of 10-15 times, not to mention the fact that I'm now on SaSu daily

 

[endless-void]

I have mixed feelings about my highschool years. Having a routine that involved seeing other people helped sometimes. One problem is that everyday I woke up feeling like someone else. Going to class having to act a way so people wouldn´t be weirded out about my behaviour or concerned really drained me and I felt worse as months passed. I was in so much distress I ended up drinking daily before class and in recess and cutting myself frequently. This still happens in uni but I can just not go if I don´t feel like it, which is a good thing. I don´t know to what extent though because having a routine really helped me to distract myself from doing bad stuff.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I was close to graduating uni when I joined this site but even in the years before most of my classes made me suicidal and angry all the time the point where my best coping mechanism was drinking multiple Starbucks green tea Frappuccinos everyday using the Starbucks on campus. This led to me getting type 2 diabetes at the age of 26.

 

[nom nom]

Im watching this thread since its been posted to make sure that i am not the only one that thinks that it is a significant factor for wanting to ctb, i assumed it would be for most people here

I like to measure my mental health in frequency of my cutting. In breaks where I'm just hanging out with friends or my (soon to be ex) girlfriend, I actually feel fairly content, given I'm at least distracted, but while I'm at school or I have obligatory things to go to, I just get more and more miserable for every day that passes. Last summer I cut a total of twice. Since uni started (3 months ago) I have probably cut upwards of 10-15 times, not to mention the fact that I'm now on SaSu daily

hey, why do you say your soon to be ex girlfriend? what do you mean by that?

 

[depthss]

going to school doesnt make me want to CTB, but the fact that i dropped out of HS is what makes me feel worse. i dont think having my HS degree and being in uni would make me want to live, not at all, but it would probably make me feel a bit better

 

[Kinasea]

For while i thought school was the main reason. I hate waking up early and going to that horrible place with mostly horrible people. But honestly even after graduating the feelings are the same. Yes now its a bit easier to get my mind off things with plenty of free time. And now that im doing online college i dont have to worry about any of the negatives from in person school (besides worrying about assignments but im kinda over that). But even so i still wanna CTB.

 

[SixNeufUn]

Don't have bad thoughts about school. I certainly didn't like it but overall it was okay. I had friends, not bullied, good grades.

I was just lost

 

[willitpass]

Logically I know it's good for my mental health. It gets me out of bed a couple of times a week where I would otherwise just be laying around. It challenges my brain and when I'm able to get invested in a topic I genuinely do enjoy learning. Even with everything that's been going on I'm obviously smart enough for it as you could never tell how bad my mental health is based on my grades.

My mental illness hates it though. A place where I am expected to be a couple times a week that people notice if I'm not there and if I miss enough I would actually be dropped from my degree program. Expectations of assignments and exams and grades that I have to live up to both for myself and to ensure my grades are high enough to stay in the program. Having to put on a face for people that everything is fine and well when it absolutely is not. It's draining and I wish I could quit but people in my life would be concerned beyond measure if I did and I've already thrown so much time and money into it it'd be a waste.

 

[qu13t5l33p]

I'm extremely fortunate to be able to go to uni in the US debt free. I also am majoring in something I'm passionate about. Sometimes when I'm feeling down I work ahead, and that can help my mood. Overall though, it doesn't help a ton to overcome the pain of life. I enjoy learning, but death is far more enticing.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

System here is so stupid, where cheaters got grades higher than me with my own work and where I couldn't amount to much because teacher's expectations are very defined and far from mine (when talking about creative work and allat). Otherwise it's a test simulator here, tests every week.

Overall too much stress and the population of schools here is mostly people that make me want to die even more due to their behaviour (or rather misbehaviour).

Education makes me feel hopeless, especially after I saw my dreams shatter because of it. I'm so tired, so damn tired. I used to be the one to like school but motivation over time dropped to zero and then went negative.

 

[Morte]

School has always been one of my main reasons for CTB, because of my incompetence. I have the intelligence to get high grades, but a lack of motivation has always prevented me from reaching my potential.

 

[noname37]

It was very stressful for me while I was still in it. Wasn't the most popular person. Thought about CTB almost 24/7.
I dropped out and got my GED instead and passed with flying colors.
I enjoy the work, just have always had a very difficult time with the social environment

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

I genuinely enjoy what I am learning in my university courses even though I feel completely incompetent. It gives me a remote sense of purpose at least. Currently taking a class in Python as I am studying for a bachelor's degree in software engineering. However, given my depression and mental health symptoms, I highly doubt I'll be alive to see myself get a job in the field. As an introverted computer nerd, programming has always been a curiosity of mine since I was a teenager. Never actually pursued it though until 8 months ago.