How does it feels to be about to commit suicide?

[PlushieLover]

How does it feels to be about to commit suicide? I guess that you feel nervous, then fear and then panic and finally you calm down and you just try it but I don't know, I have not tried yet.

 

[TheUncommon]

I've been on the edge a few times, it's addictive in its own right to know that every single one of your issues is one action away from nonexistence.

Sitting on the edge of a high bridge.
Noose around your neck while you're wobbling to maintain your balance.
Going to sleep with a gun under your pillow in case you need an off switch at a moment's notice.

It's having that security where your life is in your hands, and not of anything or anyone else. That's what it's been for me.

 

[112]

I've been on the edge a few times, it's addictive in its own right to know that every single one of your issues is one action away from nonexistence.

Sitting on the edge of a high bridge.
Noose around your neck while you're wobbling to maintain your balance.
Going to sleep with a gun under your pillow in case you need an off switch at a moment's notice.

It's having that security where your life is in your hands, and not of anything or anyone else. That's what it's been for me.

Yep. For me: I went to bed wasted the other day and woke up in my vomit. I don't remember going to bed, don't remember vomiting, just woke up and the air was full of stench. In my head I feel that I could have died. And I feel more affected than by major attempts I've made before because it honestly wasn't my intention to hurt myself. I can't have it that it might not be in my control when it happens.

 

[deadverysoon]

How does it feels to be about to commit suicide? I guess that you feel nervous, then fear and then panic and finally you calm down and you just try it but I don't know, I have not tried yet.

yes - panic - calm - hope - anger - sadness - panic - hopeless - calm - panic - etc.

and than there is this very short moment where you can decide rational and thats the moment where i tried. this small moment of "its okay".

and i wait for this because i never felt that much "okay" ever. i would say never felt that okay in my life.

i was just too stupid to prepare an exit bag.

and i want to go back to this moment because i know it will be okay at the end.

 

[jusbug]

in scared, but it;s the only way to escape them

 

[weallneedtovent]

For me, and my few failed attempts, I've always felt sadness. Sadness for all the goodbyes you don't get to say, sadness for all the unanswerable questions from people close to you, sadness for all that could've been if things had just been a little bit different.

But in all that sadness, there is the calm and hope that very soon, none of it will matter.

 

[again_noidea]

I feel a kind of euphoric distance, a distance to myself, a strange kind of calm and an invisible silence wrapped in saudade.

 

[FuneralCry]

The time I was closest to ctb, I never made it that far in my attempt. I think, at least in my case a certain level of desperation and hopelessness is needed in order to overcome the SI. I think it depends on the person, how they feel. I was really desperate but at the same time I was at peace with everything as I thought I was about to leave it behind and I knew this life would soon not matter. (But of course I am still here)

 

[Dysgenic Pup]

I've felt it once when I had genuine plans to do it once and for all. Death anxiety, I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

 

[wanttheend]

nervous, very very scared, How will it be to not exist, will it feel like being given anesthetic for an operation. One moment you are aware and conscious and in a split second all thought, memory and knowledge is gone forever. You will never relive or remember the moment

 

[SpaceCadet]

I'm calm, methods that require preparation like Sn you enter in some kind of "methodic" mindset, you need to do things right to have the desired outcome.

 

[Green_pepper]

Feels like victory

 

[CommitSudoku]

Could be some of everything. I felt really peaceful for once before trying, only a bit sad and scared. But it was definitely so very painful in the act. A flight of panic even though rationally I know living is worse for me.

Now I'm just hating myself that I could try again but I haven't brought myself too. Feel somewhat sick to my stomach but more likely that's because I haven't been eating or drinking.

 

[Niirvana]

Could be some of everything. I felt really peaceful for once before trying, only a bit sad and scared. But it was definitely so very painful in the act. A flight of panic even though rationally I know living is worse for me.

Now I'm just hating myself that I could try again but I haven't brought myself too. Feel somewhat sick to my stomach but more likely that's because I haven't been eating or drinking.

It was painful? What method have you tried?

It makes me very anxious and sad

 

[MikeDeross82]

A mix of anxiety and relief

 

[CommitSudoku]

It was painful? What method have you tried?

Attempted hanging and that was very painful. I've ODed plenty in the past and tried various chemicals which weren't as poisonous as hoped, hanging was worse in that the effects are immediate. Less time to dwell on emotions but more ability to let SI get you out of it as opposed to ingesting anything. I guess my mind is quick to panic despite my history with it. If not for the panic and pain, I was much calmer today than any of the previous times I've attempted though. Since it felt much more immediate (note: clearly I'm still here though lol) it was a bit less nerve wracking than knowing I'd ingested something that might do whatever. Less unknowns in a way. But going full puts on a lot of pressure, I imagine that's why the pain and it was just an immediate panic on-set - dumb brain.

 

[TheDizzenter]

Well, It was something caught in surprise. If you ask me the sensation of death, depending of how, you are already tired of the typical " BS "
Depending of your method, you just go wasted and tired.
Some really are more about adrenaline to put your heart beat faster of fear, uncertain feelings.
When I used the drugs, they were really made to make someone doped, to just, not think so much, so the time I kept sleeping really didn't matter.
And when I almost died due an unexpected thing:
Epilepsy - Seizure that got me to almost reach death.
I was dreaming. Like I wouldn't be aware of the end of my life be a game.
It was calm when you didn't expect. When you are doing in purpose, I believe you may feel a bit nervous.

 

[vaguebluur]

How does it feels to be about to commit suicide? I guess that you feel nervous, then fear and then panic and finally you calm down and you just try it but I don't know, I have not tried yet.

I am splitting all the time out of one personality into the next, certain personalities are deleting my memories and destroying my CNS system, I'm dissociating all day every day. I cry then laugh simultaneously then I can't feel anything at all. I'm forcing a smile for the world then lashing out a people for no reason.

 

[RichardFirst]

Well now that my "exit kit" is coming together, I will soon be ready to CTB whenever I want. I actually feel better than I've felt in a long time. I'm in control.

Regarding the actual act itself, I would wager that it is an anxious moment, but I'd say that the anxiety passes.

 

[outrider567]

Well now that my "exit kit" is coming together, I will soon be ready to CTB whenever I want. I actually feel better than I've felt in a long time. I'm in control.

Regarding the actual act itself, I would wager that it is an anxious moment, but I'd say that the anxiety passes.

Yes , that's how I felt when the Nitrogen tank arrived, a sense of relief and now total control over my own destiny, with a painless method to depart from this world

 

[bigdog]

Desperation I think

 

[Catastrofe]

and i wait for this because i never felt that much "okay" ever. i would say never felt that okay in my life.

That is interesting ... maybe one must be "ok" with his/her own life to be ok with death too - like "ok, this is just shit, period".

Overall a very interesting question, and very interesting answers.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Meh. I'm actually at peace. I'm not mad. I'm not sad. I'm just going about my day. It's a bit of a relief to look at this life and where it's going, knowing that I won't have to see the end point of it. The things that used to trigger me and rile me up are now just funny and seem absurd to me. My attempt will be soon, so I want to be as calm as possible. I meditate. I take walks. I do little projects. Yeah... I feel fine.