Help How do you stop hiding?

[angelicism999]

So like I feel like I hide trauma (and flaws, and generally anything I think would bother people) very constantly and it's starting to totally destroy my ability to function. Like I have no relationship to my own feelings, I have no idea how to react to things or what normal responses even are. The alienation is so real, and people just think this is how you are as a person because duh you never told them anything about your real feelings and experiences? Which feels dehumanizing but it's dumb cause I'm literally doing it to myself and have no idea how to stop

 

[pole]

So like I feel like I hide trauma (and flaws, and generally anything I think would bother people) very constantly and it's starting to totally destroy my ability to function. Like I have no relationship to my own feelings, I have no idea how to react to things or what normal responses even are. The alienation is so real, and people just think this is how you are as a person because duh you never told them anything about your real feelings and experiences? Which feels dehumanizing but it's dumb cause I'm literally doing it to myself and have no idea how to stop

times where i feel like i'm living as one person when im alone with myself and my thoughts, then its like i just toss on a mask and im just a whole new person when i leave the house.

its exhausting, and you can really only do this for so long, which is what iv come to. but it does start with being real with urself above everything. just analyzing and thinking alone and sorting you're thoughts out. im going through this, im going through that, i hate this about myself, this still traumatizes me, etc. being real and confronting ur feelings instead of shutting them out and trying to forget about them; u cant, there apart of you, and thats what makes up you, you can only run from this for a certain amount of time till you just exhaust urself. also, understanding that those who you think you might be heartache to irl, in terms of venting, genuinly might care about you. its just ur thoughts making you think that this person doesnt care, that no one does, and that ur feelings are pathetic and useless like you are. theres only so much someone could hold in, emotionally till you start believing these thoughts; and its so hard to get out of your own thoughts, if you've been drowning in them for so long.

but it starts with talking about it, and i fucking HATED talking about it till recently. like when i ghosted my friends, or went through times where i just didnt wanna talk, they would get mad at me lmao; but i dont blame them, im a bitch like i have so many mood swings, and i keep them in the dark so they think im just this wierdo, but its cause i dont talk to them about HOW I FEEL. And its only a few days ago when i did start talking to my bestfriend about how i feel, and he told me he was relieved for me to finally open up to him, cause its what he was waiting for me to do. he said i was just a completely different person.

sometimes the people you think might be annoyed by ur venting, or these talks just genuinly really wanna help you. but till you try, you wont know.

i hate putting the weight of my problems on the shoulders of others, when they already have so much weight from their own problems holding them down already. but iv realized, those who are broken, and going through just as much, would do anything to have someone they can relate to, talk to and help and fix because they know how it feels to be broken and unfixable.

you care so much about the boundaries and spaces of others, and being so wary of like going past those boundaries and invading their space and being a heartache. and thats an AMAZING sense to have, really not many people are that thoughtful of those and their surroundings, especially if their own going their own problems; there usually so caught up with their own problems, that they dont have the strength to understand these things, but you do and thats such a good thing.

but i'd look at this sense of being attentive more critically, you think of putting urself onto others as a negative, but maybe from now, just think about it in a positive aspect? maybe that person needs someone to talk to as well, more than willingly wants to help, and simply because you havent reached out yet means you just dont know.

to grow and get better, we have to do things were the most wary, uncomcortable and scared about. do the things that scare you, they'll only help you grow.

i wrote a fuck ton holy fuck, but i relate to this so much. most of what iv said here is what im dealing with.

 

[angelicism999]

times where i feel like i'm living as one person when im alone with myself and my thoughts, then its like i just toss on a mask and im just a whole new person when i leave the house.

its exhausting, and you can really only do this for so long, which is what iv come to. but it does start with being real with urself above everything. just analyzing and thinking alone and sorting you're thoughts out. im going through this, im going through that, i hate this about myself, this still traumatizes me, etc. being real and confronting ur feelings instead of shutting them out and trying to forget about them; u cant, there apart of you, and thats what makes up you, you can only run from this for a certain amount of time till you just exhaust urself. also, understanding that those who you think you might be heartache to irl, in terms of venting, genuinly might care about you. its just ur thoughts making you think that this person doesnt care, that no one does, and that ur feelings are pathetic and useless like you are. theres only so much someone could hold in, emotionally till you start believing these thoughts; and its so hard to get out of your own thoughts, if you've been drowning in them for so long.

but it starts with talking about it, and i fucking HATED talking about it till recently. like when i ghosted my friends, or went through times where i just didnt wanna talk, they would get mad at me lmao; but i dont blame them, im a bitch like i have so many mood swings, and i keep them in the dark so they think im just this wierdo, but its cause i dont talk to them about HOW I FEEL. And its only a few days ago when i did start talking to my bestfriend about how i feel, and he told me he was relieved for me to finally open up to him, cause its what he was waiting for me to do. he said i was just a completely different person.

sometimes the people you think might be annoyed by ur venting, or these talks just genuinly really wanna help you. but till you try, you wont know.

i hate putting the weight of my problems on the shoulders of others, when they already have so much weight from their own problems holding them down already. but iv realized, those who are broken, and going through just as much, would do anything to have someone they can relate to, talk to and help and fix because they know how it feels to be broken and unfixable.

you care so much about the boundaries and spaces of others, and being so wary of like going past those boundaries and invading their space and being a heartache. and thats an AMAZING sense to have, really not many people are that thoughtful of those and their surroundings, especially if their own going their own problems; there usually so caught up with their own problems, that they dont have the strength to understand these things, but you do and thats such a good thing.

but i'd look at this sense of being attentive more critically, you think of putting urself onto others as a negative, but maybe from now, just think about it in a positive aspect? maybe that person needs someone to talk to as well, more than willingly wants to help, and simply because you havent reached out yet means you just dont know.

to grow and get better, we have to do things were the most wary, uncomcortable and scared about. do the things that scare you, they'll only help you grow.

i wrote a fuck ton holy fuck, but i relate to this so much. most of what iv said here is what im dealing with.

Hasss u are for real like the sweetest, kindest person ever omg

 

[Tabbyql]

I do the same I literally hide my illnesses, emotions and everything. I don't wanna bother anyone, I don't want anyone see how I feel. It's effing me and my life up even more, it effects my treatment from mental health nhs. As they only ever get part of the story. I cannot help doing it, it's just a subconscious, automatic thing I can't control. I feel for you.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I used to hold everything in but I found that just talking to people was very healing. I was always worried about being a burden but I don't think listening ever hurt anyone. A support group may be a good place to start because you will know that people are there to support each other and they have similar problems. Of course you know that everyone on this site would "listen" to your problems.

 

[BipolarExpat]

^^ Me too.

Generally don't want to burden anyone with my unfortunate problems.

But I have done so...in the past.

It has never gone particularly well because to share means we have a very close relationship, so any thoughts/feelings hinting at self-destruction will surely be met with fear, denial and then every cliched "buck up" phrase one can imagine.

Recently I made the mistake of dropping hints towards my wife. Naturally she's horrified.


My issue (and I'm sorry for being negative about this topic of opening up - I still advise it for others) is...

I feel like my problems are so personal, so individual that not only can no one else truly relate but certainly they cannot help. Help with what? Paperwork at the psych ward?

Nevertheless, I admire and envy those of you seeking help. If venting and then listening helps to ease some pressure, by all means - try and do everything you can.

Best of luck!

 

[woxihuanni]

I don't know what it is like not to hide. I remember once I almost drowned (not suicide, accident). I was predictably scared. Then I got saved by some random stranger, got out of the sea, went back to the hotel and had a giant breakfast as if nothing had happened. Told no one. This is how I handled most things.

Because the slightest indication of having a wound makes sharks circle around you. Later on when I let somebody smell a little bit of blood, they did make me regret it.

 

[oopswronglife]

I know this doesn't make it easier...bu nearly EVERYONE hides. Even the most seemingly outgoing person that "everybody loves" isn't that person in their head or alone in the shower. I have met 2 or 3 completely authentic people in my life and I am probably wrong about them too, but compared to most people they were so consistent and reliable that they just seemed entirely open.

It's skirting nihilism but my view is most people simply get along ok with their hiding because the rest of their life feels ok or good to them and its a tactic they don't think about much or that consumes them like it does us. Once you can no longer keep up with the game it becomes harder to ignore and more obvious. About all you can do is examine each thing...each behavior...and try to be honest with yourself about why you have it. Are you afraid of airplanes because you were in a crash as a child? You can look at statistics and talk to people and see that's not a big risk in reality and when you have those fears try to reframe them with that knowledge. But say you were in three plane crashes, every time you got on one, well even though that's insanely unlikely...its what happened and of course you would fear it again. It's even harder with things like people...and how they treat you...since it's so wildly variable and even the same person can be the best or the worst. Sometimes its perfectly logical to be afraid and conditioned...and all you can do is actively try to reframe things, but that is work, and it doesn't always help. But sometimes its does so it's worth trying.

I'm sure none of that helped in any measurable way. What all of us here really want is solutions...not commiseration. It pains me we can't give more of those solutions to each other.

 

[sadsadinfp]

I wish I could give some more helpful answer to this question, but I do the same thing.

I keep everything in, friends and family don't really know anything about my past, my parents don't even know that I was bullied in school. I don't feel comfortable talking to people in my family about my problems because I know anything I tell anyone will spread like wildfire, and I'll never hear the end of it. I think if I opened up to certain friends about what's happened in my life and actually talked about my feelings they'd be very understanding, but I just can't get past this sort of mental block I have about it. Keeping everything in is just a habit.

All I can say is that if someone has genuine affection for you (I know it can be hard to believe that anyone does when you're mentally ill, trust me on that one) they will not get upset with you or kick you to the curb for opening up about what's hurting you. I know there are some things, like childhood trauma and abuse, and other things, that are really hard to open up about. But I think or at least hope that it gets easier with practice.

And on the positive side, since you already keep everything in, I guarantee nobody is going to see you as a drama queen for starting to actually talk about and show what you're feeling

 

[PatKat]

I dont leave my room. I hate leaving my bed i cant deal with the world. Noone even check on me anymore i am lost, and forgotten. I hate people.

 

[Susannah]

times where i feel like i'm living as one person when im alone with myself and my thoughts, then its like i just toss on a mask and im just a whole new person when i leave the house.

its exhausting, and you can really only do this for so long, which is what iv come to. but it does start with being real with urself above everything. just analyzing and thinking alone and sorting you're thoughts out. im going through this, im going through that, i hate this about myself, this still traumatizes me, etc. being real and confronting ur feelings instead of shutting them out and trying to forget about them; u cant, there apart of you, and thats what makes up you, you can only run from this for a certain amount of time till you just exhaust urself. also, understanding that those who you think you might be heartache to irl, in terms of venting, genuinly might care about you. its just ur thoughts making you think that this person doesnt care, that no one does, and that ur feelings are pathetic and useless like you are. theres only so much someone could hold in, emotionally till you start believing these thoughts; and its so hard to get out of your own thoughts, if you've been drowning in them for so long.

but it starts with talking about it, and i fucking HATED talking about it till recently. like when i ghosted my friends, or went through times where i just didnt wanna talk, they would get mad at me lmao; but i dont blame them, im a bitch like i have so many mood swings, and i keep them in the dark so they think im just this wierdo, but its cause i dont talk to them about HOW I FEEL. And its only a few days ago when i did start talking to my bestfriend about how i feel, and he told me he was relieved for me to finally open up to him, cause its what he was waiting for me to do. he said i was just a completely different person.

sometimes the people you think might be annoyed by ur venting, or these talks just genuinly really wanna help you. but till you try, you wont know.

i hate putting the weight of my problems on the shoulders of others, when they already have so much weight from their own problems holding them down already. but iv realized, those who are broken, and going through just as much, would do anything to have someone they can relate to, talk to and help and fix because they know how it feels to be broken and unfixable.

you care so much about the boundaries and spaces of others, and being so wary of like going past those boundaries and invading their space and being a heartache. and thats an AMAZING sense to have, really not many people are that thoughtful of those and their surroundings, especially if their own going their own problems; there usually so caught up with their own problems, that they dont have the strength to understand these things, but you do and thats such a good thing.

but i'd look at this sense of being attentive more critically, you think of putting urself onto others as a negative, but maybe from now, just think about it in a positive aspect? maybe that person needs someone to talk to as well, more than willingly wants to help, and simply because you havent reached out yet means you just dont know.

to grow and get better, we have to do things were the most wary, uncomcortable and scared about. do the things that scare you, they'll only help you grow.

i wrote a fuck ton holy fuck, but i relate to this so much. most of what iv said here is what im dealing with.

Wonderful written. And I believe that's absolutely true. I can relate. Take baby steps. Good luck

 

[Midnight]

I know this doesn't make it easier...but nearly EVERYONE hides. Even the most seemingly outgoing person that "everybody loves" isn't that person in their head or alone in the shower.

That's food for thought. It's often overlooked but yeah everyone has their demons. Some more than others though.

 

[Baskol1]

That's food for thought. It's often overlooked but yeah everyone has their demons. Some more than others though.

And nearly everyone has something to hide, or dirty secrets.

 

[Sweet emotion]

So like I feel like I hide trauma (and flaws, and generally anything I think would bother people) very constantly and it's starting to totally destroy my ability to function. Like I have no relationship to my own feelings, I have no idea how to react to things or what normal responses even are. The alienation is so real, and people just think this is how you are as a person because duh you never told them anything about your real feelings and experiences? Which feels dehumanizing but it's dumb cause I'm literally doing it to myself and have no idea how to stop

You have to be truthful with yourself. You can't always do things to please other people or give them a different impression if you because I can see that you are suffocating yourself on the inside. Why do you find it so hard to be just you?