Discussion How do you make it through each day?

[SeekingOasis]

I work, talk to people online, sleep, watch youtube.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Distractions, weed, food and sleep mostly these days.

 

[DarknessAtNoon]

Compulsive internet use to distract myself from reality.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

Studying on autopilot till end of this week. Then job hunting. Fate to determine whether a job will prolong autopilot mode of existing, or until money runs out.

 

[danny10]

I keep living because of my daughter. If she wouldn't be here, I would have CTBd a long time ago.

 

[Shimidori]

At this point, I just live on autopilot mode, with a loose threat I gave myself like "The moment I fail an exam at vocational school, I'll just try again to end it all".

 

[Promised Heaven]

Dissociation. I don't even feel like I'm living sometimes, mostly witnessing my body do the mandatory stuff and wallowing in suffering when I get home from work.

 

[FoxSauce]

Idk I just tell myself that it will end just like everything. I just draw drawing really helps me to pour everything out while watching a documentary or a really good cartoon

 

[Hojag]

to distract myself I have a low chance of getting my life in order. I cling to this hope, though everything is uncertain. I try to sleep, read or play games to distract myself, but it doesn't always work.

Until things stay the same, the only thing that truly makes me try is the thought of my family and girlfriend. If I CTB, I kill them all - being them in a hard time. I can't do this to them, no matter how mean my mind may be.

Destroying them is the only thing that's worse than all this daily humiliation and pain. Just have to survive psychotic outbreaks... these are the ones I can't control at all.

 

[Georg]

With cigarretes and alcohol

 

[iwishtoturnbacktime]

I am somehow making through these days of suffering. As each days goes by I keep thinking about CTB. I hate this feeling even the gym or gaming isn't helping me. I don't know what else to do but consider buying a motorcycle and speeding to my death. I really can't be without her, I miss her so so much…

 

[Hojag]

Oh, and I come here. Makes me feel better to see there are people who can understand and talk about this situation. Thanks for the thread, by the way! Take your time, don't force yourself. I appreciate the kindness you had by replying as many people as you could.

 

[Brokensaddle]

For me work is an escape from the abuse at home and way I can pay my lawyer to get me the freedom I deserve. So I use off my energy and turn on flight response to get my ass to work. I hate my job and colleague but it pays the bills. Once I'm back home I lock my door and spend the rest of my free time with my cats. If I'm having a bad at work, I just try to take it hour by hour and hope I can make it Friday and rest for the weekend. If I'm truly having a bad night where I'm suffering from flashbacks and nightmares then alcohol and cutting. Also dreaming about planning my death and writing my final notes. Sometimes I get a headache from my depression that are so bad it makes me pass out

 

[SunriseParabellum]

Throwing myself at my work helps but there's a lot of down time (10-11 hour shifts where I see two or three people in a busy day) so at home/during that mostly just playing games, watching movies, or listening to music. I'm kinda on autopilot and just taking it day by day so every day is mostly just a fight of "ok well if I can make it through today I can go have a few drinks and be ok tonight" on loop.

 

[Boots2Scoots]

I keep living because of my daughter. If she wouldn't be here, I would have CTBd a long time ago.

I respect the hell out of you for that answer. Life is rough but your prolonged suffering is well worth her being happy.

 

[Slipofthetrigger]

Videogames, lots of videogames. Like one of the few reasons on why I'm still here, is because there's always some game that I'm looking forward to playing, or waiting to release. I know this sounds ridiculous, staying alive just because of videogames, but it's truly one of the last few things that give me joy.

 

[human909]

Most of the times, i just sit there and whisper to myself saying one day the time will come and you can leave just wait and see.

 

[Kyotospade]

Distractions, drugs , alcohol and did I say distractions?
Yeah you know it's bad when that's all you have going for you

 

[L'absent]

I have gone through all the phases of this journey: first, suicidal ambivalence, that time when the thought of the end clashed with the faint desire to stay; then the collapse of ambivalence, when the inner struggle broke apart and suicide became the only certainty. The world narrowed, shrinking into a tunnel with no exits, where all alternatives disappeared—along with every emotion. Then came the total calm, not a mere illusion of peace, but a deep, final stillness without cracks.
I no longer feel the need to distract myself, to fill time, to find diversions. There is no more anxiety, no more uncertainty. There is no battle to fight, no torment to overcome. Time flows, but it no longer matters. The conflict is over, the hesitation has vanished, everything has been reduced to a simple, clear horizon.
Now, there is only stillness. No more struggle, no more fear. Just the silence after the storm, the sea stretching flat beneath a windless sky, the slow descent of the sun over a world that no longer moves. There is no more waiting because there is nothing left to wait for.
And then there is everything around me—this grand theater of worn-out puppets, flailing for a script that was never written, performing for an audience that isn't there, convinced their act has meaning. Their passions, their fears, their endless struggles—all so clumsy, so predictable, so exhaustingly stale. I was never part of this farce, never drawn into their sleepwalking enthusiasm. There is nothing here worth a second thought, nothing deserving of attachment. It's a machine turning endlessly, consuming itself, producing nothing but the same tired cycle, over and over again. Watching it from the outside no longer stirs anger or irritation, just confirmation: it has always been this way, and always will be. But not for me.

 

[shrizoid]

Depends, my days vary a lot, one day could be happy, another could be so full of pain that I look into ctb again

 

[Pryras]

I sleep from 12am-11am and then spend 11am -2:30pm in my bed with my eyes closed. From 2:30-11pm I go to work.

When I'm not working I'm bed rotting and trying to dissociate

 

[Oliver]

Copes, simply. A few copes a day keeps the rope away.