thing that keeps me going is my lack of balls to go ahead and ctb .... Coning in this forum helps a lot though.
What keeps me going now is that I can resume drinking coffee, it doesn't seem to irritate my stomach ulcer. COFFEE! Never take it for granted! It actually calms me down.
Food, sex, friendship, YouTube videos, gym, stimulant medication, weed, Starbucks, reading, that's about it at this time lol!
tbh i have no idea really I'm too scared to do anything to myself bc of the repercussions like getting my phone confisticated and getting the police called on me. I don't want to know how people will think of me after that if i fail but I Distract myself with music and daydreaming.
Lifetimepunishment
Member
- Feb 18, 2019
- 55
sammii
I have no idea what I’m doing.
- Oct 9, 2019
- 221
Right now I think the main things that are keeping me alive are feeling bad about not wanting to hurt my family and the fact that I really want to see Barry Season 3, that sounds ridiculous but I really love that show and they ended it on a crazy cliffhanger 
might ctb after that, we'll see..
might ctb after that, we'll see..Netflix, Prime Amazon, gym, some substances, coffee and sleeping as long as I possibly can was my only coping skill from botching an impulsive attempt. I'm tired of netflix, can't focus on watching, struggle to get to the gym, thank f..g gd for coffee which I live on, and am running out of prescription sleep meds so am getting my hands on anything I can that will work to sleep...
The therapist and psychiatrist has been shit lately and they were the only actual healthy thing keeping me alive so I'm constantly fighting the urge to CTB or non-fatally OD for a few days. I never know how I am gonna get through the day. I'm so tired of doing this. So f..g tired. I hate it.
sammii
I have no idea what I’m doing.
- Oct 9, 2019
- 221
Same. My family would be really sad but I feel like they'd be better off in the long run. I'm 28 years old, I still live at home, and I can't work rn. If I did ctb it would save them money and a lot of stress.
Fear and sheer bloody minded determination. Not doing myself any favors though.
Divine Trinity
Pugna Vigil
- Mar 20, 2019
- 310
Sweet emotion
Enlightened
- Sep 14, 2019
- 1,325
I have no friggin clue. I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I've had it for 14 years. I should have died a long time ago. I honestly don't know what keeps me going. It isn't hope and I have nothing in my life that gives me happiness. So I honestly have no idea.
I can relate to you. I think my mom keeps me going. I don't want to leave her alone. She's the only person in my life besides my grandfather that I would take a bullet for. My dad died 11 years ago and I'm an only child so I don't want to leave her alone.
It's natural. I'm scared too. Anyone would be. I'm scared it's not going to work. I wouldn't be able to deal with that.
My mom cares for me because I have something called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and it's painful. People kill themselves all the time from it. Sometimes I feel like a burden too. I'm 34 and I feel like this loser freak of nature because my mother has to care for me. She shouldn't have to do this anymore. But believe me I don't think you dying would make your parents happy. I don't think they're thinking about money when it comes to you CTB. If you want to private message me and tell me what's going on feel free.
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