Discussion How do you keep going?

[ScarsAndStitches]

How do you keep yourself going? I try to use anything positive in my life to find a reason to keep going.

 

[Nem]

Holyfuckingshit I have no idea how I've kept going...absolutely none
Peace

 

[Circles]

Right now I'm trying for my family mostly my mother, but the darkness can be so debilitating at times that I can't think of nothing but suicide. I feel like I've already reached my limit each day, but my laziness, survival instinct and the doubts on my method are keeping me distracted until I go to sleep, then rinse and repeat each day. Though my reasoning for living for my family is dangling by a thread at this point. I wish there were more reasons than this, I'm just sorry you're in this position too. Hugs to you.

 

[Skathon]

I do not. I just... wither, emptying beyond limits.

 

[nothingleft]

I guess, for now, because I can't deal with destroying my mom's life...she's been there for me through everything, the only person in my life that puts my needs before her own always. It hurts knowing I'm such a burden on her, but I'm not deluded enough to think my death would be easier for her to take.

Before it ended, Game of Thrones kept me going while I was really suicidal. Too bad that's done.

 

[oopswronglife]

I hate change. As miserable as it is now, I can't be arsed to modify the arrangement at the moment. It's a bit like tumbling down a hill and rather than spending all that hope and energy that the branch you lash out for will stop you...right before it snaps off, you just tuck and roll and go with it. "Ouch...hnng...ouch ....ooooff....aaahhh....ouch" etc. Gotta get to the bottom sometime right?

 

[StillWaiting]

I watch shows that give me false hopes.
Now it doesn't work as much as it used to anymore.
Nothing really keeps me going on.
I am just afraid to take a step forward to change how things are now

 

[stellabelle]

How do you keep yourself going? I try to use anything positive in my life to find a reason to keep going.

I just drag myself up and try to appreciate the day and the beauty of it or something in it at the very least. I go out into the community and laugh and spend time with people that I enjoy seeing. I work a lot. I try to acknowledge that the things I'm doing matter and as much as I want it all to stop sometimes, I know that it's best to carry on and pull through. At least for now.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Unfinished business, or maybe I'm just trying to hang in there for as long as I possibly can. I really want to live but I also feel that need to die and the two opposing forces are pulverizing me constantly, driving me insane.

 

[woxihuanni]

I don't really keep going. Sort of shedding emotional weight, too.

It'd be a pity to die while there is still anybody in the world who thinks I am meek, or fodder for something. I've just shut up because it was wise, but now I hate the silence.

 

[oxymoron]

How do you keep yourself going? I try to use anything positive in my life to find a reason to keep going.

By telling myself that today's gonna be the last day of my fucking life.

 

[sadgirl2002]

He is the only reason I'm still here, why I didn't end my life when I had originally planned to last year around this time. I'm just waiting for him to either come back to me or to find someone better. I hate not knowing anything. I'm stuck between living and dying, it's frustrating.

 

[woxihuanni]

He is the only reason I'm still here, why I didn't end my life when I had originally planned to last year around this time. I'm just waiting for him to either come back to me or to find someone better. I hate not knowing anything. I'm stuck between living and dying, it's frustrating.

Ah, I know what it is like. Though once I have my poison, that waiting can be cut down any moment.

 

[ReverendGreen]

There's bands I'm planning to see live. That's the only thing keeping me here.
While I'm waiting I constantly distract myself with videos or podcasts.

 

[woxihuanni]

There's bands I'm planning to see live. That's the only thing keeping me here.
While I'm waiting I constantly distract myself with videos or podcasts.

What sort of music do you make/play?

 

[Beautifulletdown]

Holyfuckingshit I have no idea how I've kept going...absolutely none
Peace

Hear hear, Nem.

 

[sadgirl2002]

Ah, I know what it is like. Though once I have my poison, that waiting can be cut down any moment.

You're lucky, I'm ready to buy my N if he tells me one day that he's found someone else. I don't think he will because he thinks he can find me in someone else. The worst thing would honestly be if I never get a response. I hope you find peace.

 

[woxihuanni]

You're lucky, I'm ready to buy my N if he tells me one day that he's found someone else. I don't think he will because he thinks he can find me in someone else. The worst thing would honestly be if I never get a response. I hope you find peace.

I hope you find peace, too.

 

[ReverendGreen]

What sort of music do you make/play?

I listen to a lot of popular indie artists from the 90s and 2000s.
The music I make sounds like a combination of Modest Mouse and Animal Collective if neither band had any good songwriters. (I also make improvised noise music sometimes but that's just for myself when I feel like shit.)

 

[woxihuanni]

I listen to a lot of popular indie artists from the 90s and 2000s.
The music I make sounds like a crappy combination of Modest Mouse and Animal Collective if neither band had any good songwriters. (I also make improvised noise music sometimes but that's just for myself when I feel like shit.)

Aha, mellow I'd say. :) Mine sounds worthless like my everything else.

 

[Bathsheba]

Alcohol, music and razor blades

 

[ReverendGreen]

Aha, mellow I'd say. :) Mine sounds worthless like my everything else.

kinda mellow but I've been trying to make it more punk-y. Though it just sounds like a huge mess.

It all fills me up with worthlessness as well. The feeling that anything you make will never be near the level of the artists you admire is the worst.

 

[woxihuanni]

kinda mellow but I've been trying to make it more punk-y. Though it just sounds like a huge mess.

It all fills me up with worthlessness as well. The feeling that anything you make will never be near the level of the artists you admire is the worst.

It might be a beautiful mess. :)

I actually liked my songs a lot, I thought some of them would fit right in some of my favourite albums. It's just that somebody devalued me to the degree that now I hear them differently. As annoying noise.

 

[Nihil]

For me, my survival instinct and trying to enjoy the little things/pleasures in life (yummy food, going out in nature, showering, taking a nap, etc.). That's kept me together in my darkest hours.

 

[eve2004]

Holyfuckingshit I have no idea how I've kept going...absolutely none
Peace

Ditto.
Every hour, night or day, is agonizingly emotionally painful in my head.
Well to be honest lately being on here is keeping me alive.

 

[iiii5555]

Pfft, "keep going" implies the artificial imposition of deprivation. I'm content to just be doing whatever.

 

[pole]

I guess, for now, because I can't deal with destroying my mom's life...she's been there for me through everything, the only person in my life that puts my needs before her own always. It hurts knowing I'm such a burden on her, but I'm not deluded enough to think my death would be easier for her to take.

Before it ended, Game of Thrones kept me going while I was really suicidal. Too bad that's done.

the end of game of thrones made me even more depressed and suicidal.


For me, it'd be trying to do well this year in school and in life as a whole as one final chance; and if it doesnt work out, well atleast i tried.

 

[HGL91]

Ditto.
Every hour, night or day, is agonizingly emotionally painful in my head.
Well to be honest lately being on here is keeping me alive.

I look forward to my time on this forum.

 

[Alpha_Draco_Pegasus]

If I am to live, I must have the following things (to "keep me going") in order to successfully CTB:

MAIN
0. Self-control

PRIMARY
1. Health
2. Security/Safety

SECONDARY
3. Solitude
4. Freedom/Opportunity
5. Comfort

The primary and secondary categories help manage my self-control which is crucial to me if I want to control my fate. If I am to voluntarily kill myself, I must live the rest of my life with freedom over my choices/control of my decisions. It takes effort and work to maintain these categories. This is my motivation to work and try hard in life because it will most assure me a successful suicide.

• Without self-control I am basically insane, and insane people live in jails, prisons and hospitals and are given far fewer resources for suicide.
• Without good health, I am in reliance of others, i.e. hospitals, medicines, other people's care, etc. I am less independent. I could end up having to go to the hospital and take time off of work, meaning I would lose money or to the extreme, lose work.
• Without security, my possessions and my person is vulnerable, my valuables (money) is not safe, and I could be robbed, abused, etc. Financial security is crucial if I am to afford a place to live, insurance, etc. Being homeless would be a situation in which suicide would be more difficult as acquiring personal properties such as firearms would be more risky, and of course being homeless could always bring about the invasiveness of police, criminals, thugs, or anyone who could jeopardize my freedom and wellbeing.
• Without solitude I live in fear of being persecuted by others and also it is less comfortable for me to be in others' company.
• Without freedom/opportunity (jail, probation, criminal record (low job opportunities)), I can not control my fate to my own liking. Other people who own a greater part of my freedom will make my life more difficult.
• Without comfort, my life is uncomfortable of course, and why not strive for comfort if it is readily possible.

Whether I want to live or die, knowing all of this about myself and how life applies to me is what motivates me to live the way I do (in order to die the way I want at my convenience).

The alternative to "keep going" would be to "not keep going" which is what? Dropping deadweight on the floor, refusing to stand up to life's demands, be it even the most basic of tasks? That wouldn't last long. Inaction is not life. Life is made of work, force and motion. There will always be motivation to do something, no matter how depressed you are. Hate work? Hate moving? Well guess what, there's this thing called death where none of that is necessary. It is a dream come true. Unfortunately you have to "beat life" in order to make it though, unless you're lucky enough to suffer a spontaneous brain aneurysm, sudden cardiac death or something of the sort (I pray daily for such an event for me).

 

[Chalken]

I think the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I don't want to hurt my family and immense guilt.