How do you go on as the one left behind?

[deflationary]

I lost my girlfriend to suicide about a week ago. I don't blame her for leaving, she had long-standing and progressive health problems and I understand her completely. I believe that she made the best decision for herself. But I have no idea how I'm supposed to go on. I lost the one person that offered anything truly positive to my life. I have other people I love (my family) but they seem more like a duty than a positive reason to go on living. I was a husk of a person before meeting her and she rejuvenated me, made me go back to school, gave me companionship and a sense of connection that I had never before had in my life. I dropped school and any aspirations I half-assedly had instantly. We were both suicidal when we met and things were never perfect or easy between us. It was always hard to see a happy ending, but this is just soul-crushing. No one can ever replace her and nothing else has offered me meaning in life like her. So I guess I'm back to being a husk, only with the benefit of further trauma to top it all off. I don't feel like I can follow her because of what it would do to my family, especially now that I have first-hand experience with quite how devastating losing a loved one can be. Wtf do I do?

R.I.P, my love.

 

[Ragtime piano]

so sorry for your loss and pain. What do you do? Give yourself time .. can you share what you've said here with your family and get their support? Your girlfriend will always be part of you .. allow yourself to grieve but I hope in time her positive legacy to your life will hold you up

 

[timf]

While time can provide healing, the present pain can seem overwhelming. You might consider building a collection of memories that you can sift through to savor the good times. This can help reduce the present pain as well as provide a resource to go to when you find the sense of loss returning in a painful wave.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I'm sorry for your loss. As I read what you wrote I'm struck by two things:

First, you captured my sentiments with your title. I feel exactly this but for different people who've left me behind. I'm traumatised and most days just shake from PTSD. It's a type of hell. I'm glad you have loved ones who can try to support you. Take what you can from them. They can't replace all that you've lost and probably can't relate to the idea of suicide but let them comfort you as much as they can.

Second, I'm happy for your girlfriend. She was blessed with your love in life and now she's at peace. Take some comfort in this. I know I won't have anyone to grieve for me like this. You can probably take comfort that you were loved and made a difference in her life. Cling to the beautiful memories and consider journalling (if you aren't already) - basking in the memories will be a nice escape and you will have the stories documented that you can keep forever.

And you have everyone here, including me

 

[Frauw]

There is no easy answer to this, perhaps some self reflection could offer some peace? death is quite the unavoidable thing, and we all have to face varying aspects of it within our lives at some point, whether it be ourselves passing on or others.

 

[justsad&done]

I am sorry for your loss. Without going into too much, I lost my fiancé to suicide recently. I'm broken and overwhelmed with grief. It's an unexplainable feeling of loss and nothing will ever be the same. PM me if you would like to talk with someone who can relate.

 

[SanJunipero1]

I also lost my fiancé to suicide in August 2019 which led to my own attempt in May last year. It's gut wrenching and soul crushing. For me, embracing my suicidal grief rather than trying to fight it has helped massively. I've accepted that I'd rather be dead but can't overcome my survival instinct. I now use my ambivalence towards life to not be afraid of anything so I'm currently writing a play about suicide, young widowhood and the dangers of toxic positivity. It's just been selected for an online theatre festival.
I hope you can find something that helps even if nothing will ever take the pain away. I also get a lot of comfort from a young widow support group I'm part of.