Help How do you forget a person?

[ScornedStoic]

I've been struggling for almost ten years now to rid myself of all memories of someone, but they always comes back to haunt me. It's historically been one of the biggest reasons of suicidal tendencies for me.

If I can't forget, how do I block out or suppress them?

 

[Morphinekiss]

Short of amnesia I don't think you ever really forget a person that has had some impact on you.

there are people I would like to forget, and if they pop into my mind I quickly mentally list all the bad things about them, why I want to forget them. Over time I think of them less and less.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Suppressed memories still haunt you all the same, it's just you don't even have any idea on what is causing the problems. What worked for me in this month so far is reworking my approach to attachments, past and present, as not something crucial but rather just another (unstable) source of joy in a life.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I don't think there is any way of forgetting someone completely. Of course, there are short term solutions such as drugs and alcohol. Unless you get brain damage, lose your memories from an accident or ctb, it will be a permanent way. Suppressed memories still haunt me, I'm trying to forget my best friend of 8 years and yet, I can't bring myself to do it.

 

[Grandexit]

I don't think you can forget. The only way is to maybe find a counselor and diffuse the energy associated with this person's memory. Figure out how to cope with what happened. Maybe someone here knows of a specific type of therapy that can be useful in that goal.

 

[Cevapcici]

Although I haven't dealt with wishes of of getting read of " an unwanted someone" in my memory , I struggled with intrusive thoughts, and just really really bad memories haunting me for the past 5 years. Here's what I found that helped me a bit :

 

[ScornedStoic]

Fuck. I guess I'm screwed

 

[ReadyToFly]

From my experience
You really cant forget them..
You have to find the emotion they trigger inside you, why they do that, and figure out how to deal with it. Sorry I hate answers like this too but sometimes it's just the truth.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

It's not as ideal as you would think...

I have a condition that prevents me from having memories, i forget most of the people i've ever met ...not the blessing you may think the good vanishes also.

I wish you well moving forward though

 

[LittleJem]

I don't know if your situation is also one with an ex and if it was a strong love for you?

I know for me, I was just looking at photographs of myself with a much (at the time) loved ex tonight (because a photo site is closing and I am downloading my old photos) and I just wanted to delete them. Which feels really healthy. He was entirely not there for me as a friend in my darkest hour when I asked if I could just see him for a walk and told him how suicidal I was feeling (I just wanted him there as a friend and he was not). I now feel all the love I felt for him was unrequited. I have really discovered who my friends are this past year. So truly, good riddance to him. I don't wish him ill and I never want to see him again. Somewhere in my heart, I can remember the love, but I have also closed a door. It was the strongest love I ever felt, but it was not a healthy relationship as he was volatile and angry often and reacted strangely to things. He wouldn't listen to me, he would make assumptions.

I recommend focussing on the bad things about the relationship as an aid to letting it go .

For me, forgetting him was a matter of heartbreak and time and realising the love I felt for him was not two way.

For you, as time has passed, my suggestion as an option would be to watch some videos on NLP which is about reprogramming the brain with different memories or adjusting how the brain processes memories. Apparently the brain cannot tell the difference between memories that actually happened and memories we imprint.

Hope this helps a little.

Here are a few links. Disclaimer: I haven't watched any of them, but hopefully one of these or an alternative one is good:


this one is called how to forget your ex:
and there is another one

Hope one of them or something else is useful.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

there are people I would like to forget, and if they pop into my mind I quickly mentally list all the bad things about them, why I want to forget them. Over time I think of them less and less.

This is a really good idea.

I wonder if thinking of an "opposite" would also help, something positive to replace them with that would be beneficial to have come to mind. Maybe someone inspiring.

 

[Final Escape]

It's not as ideal as you would think...

I have a condition that prevents me from having memories, i forget most of the people i've ever met ...not the blessing you may think the good vanishes also.

I wish you well moving forward though

Damn u lucky person u lol!

 

[Life sucks]

Same to me, I can't forget some people or some incidents. I don't think I can actually forget. I distract myself with anything in life specially stuff like playing and music. Also time can make stuff weaker and with less effect, a bad thing happened before 10 years most likely will hurt less than the same thing if it happened before 10 minutes. What we think about is biological trigger that repeat itself, like you remember the last time you remembered that incident instead of remembering it directly. I think maybe instead of suppressing it, distraction and letting it go is better. I know its easier said than done specially when the trigger is very powerful or when pain is very large.

 

[purplemoon]

It depends on if you feel like they treated you badly or not. What happened? In a nutshell, what was your story with that person? If it's an ex friend or an ex dating relationship, And you feel like they did you wrong, you might want to consider reminding yourself that you only loved what you thought they were, you only loved the illusion of who you thought they were, something to that effect. Hope that helps.

 

[LittleJem]

When I was really ill late last year with depression (which I have been most of the time for a long time) I could not get repetitive thoughts about my former oldest friend dumping me for being ill out of my head. Even though I was on holiday with my bf and wanting to have a good time, all I could actually think about was fantasies about killing or wounding her, which was my response to the pain and let down of how she treated me when I was ill. It was where my head was at - she is the only person I have thought of in that way in my life - I have had no other murderous fantasies.

The only thing that stopped this thought going round is when I have had some substance that puts me in a better frame of mind. I'm guessing time might have helped too, but I don't know. In a better frame of mind, I think good riddance to her. When ruminating and depressed, my mind just keeps coming back to it.

At the moment, I am 3 days into Selegiline and it is helping me, so right now my frame of mind is better than it was. Also I found Modafinil really helpful - and am now told if combined with Memantine, you can avoid tolerance to Modafinil. So for me it seems I need something that helps Dopamine.

I also read that inositol can be good for repetitive thinking (it can help OCD for example). I haven't tried it properly but it is a natural sugar and available OTC - and the dosage and research for it is online.

What I mean to say is, I have learned that so many of my thought patterns, if not all of them, are a product of my brain chemistry. It's very strange for example, eg when I am happier on medication, my dreams change. The past two days or so my dreams have been happier and more normal. In the past, they were all about quests and deeper meaning - because I think my brain was trying desperately to try and give meaning to my life, as the days were so torturous. So while you think you cannot forget this person, the reason for this is your brain chemistry/brain patterns.

The other thing that might help - it was of great help to me for many years - but can be a double-edged sword and I don't know if it's safe for you, is weed. I used edibles which did make me hallucinate, but put me in a better frame of mind and in some ways have made me into a better person now I am off them.

 

[Sensei]

there are people I would like to forget, and if they pop into my mind I quickly mentally list all the bad things about them, why I want to forget them. Over time I think of them less and less.

That's exactly what I do to. I spend a few days focusing on all the bad sides of the person and ignore the good sides, and then they start fading.

 

[LittleJem]

Ps I have just been reading up on Memantine and it is good for calming the thoughts. Join Nootropics groups on Facebook to find out more, and there are user reviews on Reddit. It is prescribed for Alzheimer's, but like Ketamine works on NMDA receptors. In my group people take it with Selegiline and Moclobemide at a particular dose and have good success rates. I'm just taking the seleg right now but might add it in.

 

[ScornedStoic]

It's not as ideal as you would think...

I have a condition that prevents me from having memories, i forget most of the people i've ever met ...not the blessing you may think the good vanishes also.

I wish you well moving forward though

I want to get rid of the "good". It's what hurts.

 

[LittleJem]

I would actually highly recommend a trip on MDMA - if it's safe for you. It's quite amazing for healing. You can only use it I think 4X a year, so I am rationing my experience, but really on it, everythign is so much better. And perhaps the afterglow will stay with you.
You would need to check if it is safe wiht any medication you are on. And it doesn't work wiht SSRIs for example.

 

[azucaramargo]

I've been struggling for almost ten years now to rid myself of all memories of someone, but they always comes back to haunt me. It's historically been one of the biggest reasons of suicidal tendencies for me.

If I can't forget, how do I block out or suppress them?

Medications?

 

[rntmss]

I'm struggling with the same thing, my friend. My wife left me last year after 10 years of being together and about 5 years of marriage.

I go through weeks where I don't think about her and then sometimes everything hits me like a rock and I get crippled. She was my best friend.

I don't think I'll ever forget her and I just get overwhelmed with regret that I screwed it up. Just should have got help for my sex and porn addiction before it spiralled into the disaster that it became.

 

[Final Escape]

It's very easy to forget most people unless I really liked them a lot. I forget most people I've met and only few many make it into the longterm memory. They had to be very special to me in some way, or maybe helped me in some way to get the privilege of long term memory lol!

 

[Majin K.]

I've been struggling for almost ten years now to rid myself of all memories of someone, but they always comes back to haunt me. It's historically been one of the biggest reasons of suicidal tendencies for me.

If I can't forget, how do I block out or suppress them?

There's this one thing a close relative has done to me I had tried to forget for years, but eventually I changed my mind and decided to do the opposite. I must never forget my pain and my hatred and what he's done to me. I must keep these heavy memories and remember how they've destroyed my self esteem and robbed me of my human dignity. I cannot allow myself to forget his sins and pretend that nothing happened should I ever meet him again, let alone act nice towards him. Ensuring that I'll never have to meet that person ever again is the main reason why I want to die so badly. But should I be forced to meet him ever again I will get my revenge and then not even death will be a fitting punishment.

 

[Secrets1]

I don't know if your situation is also one with an ex and if it was a strong love for you?

I know for me, I was just looking at photographs of myself with a much (at the time) loved ex tonight (because a photo site is closing and I am downloading my old photos) and I just wanted to delete them. Which feels really healthy. He was entirely not there for me as a friend in my darkest hour when I asked if I could just see him for a walk and told him how suicidal I was feeling (I just wanted him there as a friend and he was not). I now feel all the love I felt for him was unrequited. I have really discovered who my friends are this past year. So truly, good riddance to him. I don't wish him ill and I never want to see him again. Somewhere in my heart, I can remember the love, but I have also closed a door. It was the strongest love I ever felt, but it was not a healthy relationship as he was volatile and angry often and reacted strangely to things. He wouldn't listen to me, he would make assumptions.

I recommend focussing on the bad things about the relationship as an aid to letting it go .

For me, forgetting him was a matter of heartbreak and time and realising the love I felt for him was not two way.

For you, as time has passed, my suggestion as an option would be to watch some videos on NLP which is about reprogramming the brain with different memories or adjusting how the brain processes memories. Apparently the brain cannot tell the difference between memories that actually happened and memories we imprint.

Hope this helps a little.

Here are a few links. Disclaimer: I haven't watched any of them, but hopefully one of these or an alternative one is good:


this one is called how to forget your ex:
and there is another one

Hope one of them or something else is useful.

Needed to read that right now thank you

 

[terry_a_davis]

I need help to alter my dreams. I regularly dream about a particular ex many years after splitting up and it hurts when i wake up and realise it was just a dream.

 

[ScornedStoic]

I need help to alter my dreams. I regularly dream about a particular ex many years after splitting up and it hurts when i wake up and realise it was just a dream.

Literally same here...

 

[terry_a_davis]

Literally same here...

It's pretty annoying isn't it? I can cope with the thoughts/feelings i have of her when i'm awake, I might get a bit of sadness but nothing more. I also dream a lot about other people who used to be in my life with no negative emotions afterwards, but when i dream about her and wake up it gets to me.

 

[ScornedStoic]

It's pretty annoying isn't it? I can cope with the thoughts/feelings i have of her when i'm awake, I might get a bit of sadness but nothing more. I also dream a lot about other people who used to be in my life with no negative emotions afterwards, but when i dream about her and wake up it gets to me.

It takes me out of comission for the week, realizing it wasn't real.

 

[NeverMatteredAnyway]

You remember the reality of why theyre not there with you. And realize, theyre not worth missing. Thats what works for me when I have a glimmer of a memory of someone. The ppl in my life were never good, for a zillion reasons
But theyre all I knew. Theyre all I have to remember. I just make sire I remember them for what they really were.