Help How do you force yourself to just do it?

[SadShitSack]

So, I'm currently halfway saved up to my goal of buying 2 bottles of N but I have one problem.

How do you force yourself to just do it? I'm scared I'll pour the bottles into the glass and then just stare at it, eventually sighing and dumping it out. In my previous "attempts" I've fucked it up in a similar way - I tried to jump off a bridge but I just couldn't let go. Then I was arrested and carted off to a hospital.

I really do want to die but when I get to the do or die moment (haha), I just freeze. How do you bypass that survival instinct? I'm such a fucking weak person. How do I man up?

Bonus question - I'm 5'2 105 pounds. Would 1 bottle of N be enough or should I definitely get 2 to be safe?

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

So, I'm currently halfway saved up to my goal of buying 2 bottles of N but I have one problem.

How do you force yourself to just do it? I'm scared I'll pour the bottles into the glass and then just stare at it, eventually sighing and dumping it out. In my previous "attempts" I've fucked it up in a similar way - I tried to jump off a bridge but I just couldn't let go. Then I was arrested and carted off to a hospital.

I really do want to die but when I get to the do or die moment (haha), I just freeze. How do you bypass that survival instinct? I'm such a fucking weak person. How do I man up?

Bonus question - I'm 5'2 105 pounds. Would 1 bottle of N be enough or should I definitely get 2 to be safe?

If I knew the answer to your question, then I would not still be here. I hope you find the courage to do what's best for you.

 

[Roadkill]

I wish I knew... I want to die really bad, but I am too much of a pussy to actually do it.. my main fear is fear of failure and ending up in worse shape than I am now

 

[Nitromask]

I feel like drinking N should be a lot easier than jumping. I could never jump because of the fear of the pain, but N seems peaceful - just a gross drink.

When I play the scenario over in my head I don't feel the same fear as for instance imagining the scenario of jumping or hanging. When it comes down to it, who knows, though...

 

[SadShitSack]

I feel like drinking N should be a lot easier than jumping. I could never jump because of the fear of the pain, but N seems peaceful - just a gross drink.

When I play the scenario over in my head I don't feel the same fear as for instance imagining the scenario of jumping or hanging. When it comes down to it, who knows, though...

It does seem a lot more peaceful and I definitely don't feel the same "this is a huge jarring thing" like I did with the other methods.
I guess I'm just scared I'll fuck it up like I did the other methods. $800 CDN mistake if I do.
Maybe I could trick myself somehow.

 

[Jacquelyn]

Since N is a barbiturate, I'm guessing you're gonna feel faded as fuck right before death. Sounds fun.

*shrug* idk what to tell you. Just do it quick without thinking at all.

 

[Nitromask]

It does seem a lot more peaceful and I definitely don't feel the same "this is a huge jarring thing" like I did with the other methods.
I guess I'm just scared I'll fuck it up like I did the other methods. $800 CDN mistake if I do.
Maybe I could trick myself somehow.

I think as long as you manage to get it all down and not vom, there's not really much that can go wrong. You could always combine it with an exit bag if you wanted to make even more sure

 

[Nitromask]

Since N is a barbiturate, I'm guessing you're gonna feel faded as fuck right before death. Sounds fun.

Yeah I imagine it feel great tbh

 

[SadShitSack]

Since N is a barbiturate, I'm guessing you're gonna feel faded as fuck right before death. Sounds fun.

*shrug* idk what to tell you. Just do it quick without thinking at all.

I think as long as you manage to get it all down and not vom, there's not really much that can go wrong. You could always combine it with an exit bag if you wanted to make even more sure

True - I'm prescribed methadone so mixing all of my daily doses with Zofran and N would probably work out great.

 

[Sickman75]

So, I'm currently halfway saved up to my goal of buying 2 bottles of N but I have one problem.

How do you force yourself to just do it? I'm scared I'll pour the bottles into the glass and then just stare at it, eventually sighing and dumping it out. In my previous "attempts" I've fucked it up in a similar way - I tried to jump off a bridge but I just couldn't let go. Then I was arrested and carted off to a hospital.

I really do want to die but when I get to the do or die moment (haha), I just freeze. How do you bypass that survival instinct? I'm such a fucking weak person. How do I man up?

Bonus question - I'm 5'2 105 pounds. Would 1 bottle of N be enough or should I definitely get 2 to be safe?

I think you have to familiarize yourself with death everyday to have the SI to be removed.
become antiquated with your ritual, so it becomes more of a habit instead of frightening experience.
thats my thought with that tho

 

[DeepSleep]

Maybe you can play Russian Roulette with it? Have a row of 6 glasses of something very bitter (Schweppes or Dry Gin Tonic with some harmless stuff like paracetamol).
Six harmless units, and one lethal. Shuffle them with your eyes closed. Pick any, but only 1 try per day.

But on a serious note, if you're not ready - don't.
Hesitation means that you still have something to lose.

 

[Kingkelly]

I could right now except I'm not alone right now sucks

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I wish I knew... I want to die really bad, but I am too much of a pussy to actually do it.. my main fear is fear of failure and ending up in worse shape than I am now

This exact thing keeps playing in my head all the fucking time.

 

[Kazilium]

I'm gonna trigger myself a psychosis. Not the ones you see in movies. Mine are like, crying continuously for ±6 hours, losing control to the point of s h, and occasionally screaming the same things all over again. It's the only moment when i can't think bout the consequences. I cannot be chill and drink my shit. I wanted to.

 

[Circles]

I think it has to be a spur of the moment thing based on the emotions you feel. You just have to be desperate enough thinking what's one hell to trade for another. Everytime I attempt I try to visualize all the future shit and suffering I'll save myself from experiencing if I do it. But somehow your survival mechanism doesn't think long term, it cares for only what's happening at the moment instead of bypassing all the moments you'd feel if you keep living.

 

[whatever1111]

I think you have to familiarize yourself with death everyday to have the SI to be removed.
become antiquated with your ritual, so it becomes more of a habit instead of frightening experience.
thats my thought with that tho

I was thinking the same thing, about jumping - getting used to heights, standing on the edge etc., but I hate creeping through other people's buildings, trying to find an adequate roof or window, and the bridge is 4 hours away...

 

[throwaway123]

I wish I knew... I want to die really bad, but I am too much of a pussy to actually do it.. my main fear is fear of failure and ending up in worse shape than I am now

Welcome to my world.

I was thinking the same thing, about jumping - getting used to heights, standing on the edge etc., but I hate creeping through other people's buildings, trying to find an adequate roof or window, and the bridge is 4 hours away...

same here

 

[Dutch]

N is the best method so that makes it maybe a bit more easier? i never did do an attempt so it's hard to give advice, maybe you need to find a way that makes you really relax, and maybe some drinks help? or smoke weed?

 

[angie]

I think it has to be a spur of the moment thing based on the emotions you feel. You just have to be desperate enough thinking what's one hell to trade for another. Everytime I attempt I try to visualize all the future shit and suffering I'll save myself from experiencing if I do it. But somehow your survival mechanism doesn't think long term, it cares for only what's happening at the moment instead of bypassing all the moments you'd feel if you keep living.

cant really be spur of the moment with N you have to take anti emetics prior then wait for 45min.. otherwise it could be a spur of themoment thing and perhaps be lot easier to do i think .

 

[Marc]

You could play the Shia Labeouf video

 

[Redt2go]

You could play the Shia Labeouf video

solid advice

 

[RRH]

Maybe you can play Russian Roulette with it? Have a row of 6 glasses of something very bitter (Schweppes or Dry Gin Tonic with some harmless stuff like paracetamol).
Six harmless units, and one lethal. Shuffle them with your eyes closed. Pick any, but only 1 try per day.

This is fantastic!

I am in the same boat as you though, SadShitSack

 

[Meretlein]

I'm going to think about how are the pain and humiliation that I have suffered in my life will be voided. Also might use deep sleep's method.

 

[essbet]

Seems like I have to be feeling both emotionally hopeless and physically overconfident to get anywhere close to overcoming SI (and I admit I haven't yet).

I'm definitely adding being drunk to my preflight checklist. Benzos make me feel calm, but also weak/uncertain. Definitely not confident.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I plan on taking some benzos because i'm sure i'll be nervous.

I know I can drink the N, I also know I could NEVER jump off a bridge, lol.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Can or can't drink N?

I'm pretty sure when the time comes i'll be able to drink it. It's stuff like jumping from buildings and in front of trains that I could never do.

 

[JustAboutDone]

But on a serious note, if you're not ready - don't.
Hesitation means that you still have something to lose.

Such sound advice here.

If you have any doubts or discomfort then you're not quite ready. It's not about forcing yourself. When you are totally ready you will know. When the pain of living outweighs the fear over doing the act you can do it and that moment is when it's right

 

[whatever1111]

Such sound advice here.

If you have any doubts or discomfort then you're not quite ready. It's not about forcing yourself. When you are totally ready you will know. When the pain of living outweighs the fear over doing the act you can do it and that moment is when it's right

makes sense, and I would never want to encourage someone to do sth they are not sure they want to - but on the other hand, I think some people are more fearful and passive than others and thats its always more difficult for them... in other words, someone with a strong personality will propably be very decisive, and will be more capable to carry it through till the end without hesitation... for example, if I had nembutal or even cyanid, I think i wouldnt hesitate - but since I dont, and there are very few methods at my disposal at the moment (more or less, right now jumping, and I guess train, but thats also dubious since the trains here are awful) Im afraid will I manage to do it somehow. also its interesting to think why different psyches do it and how - I got the impression, for an example, that a lot of people with schizofrenia jump. on the other hand, I got the impression a lot of depressed people hang themselves (for one, a lot of famous people)... maybe the rationale of a narccisistic person for commiting suicide is lot different than a depressive, lets say...

 

[JustAboutDone]

@whatever1111 that was really interesting to read and I think you're spot on about different illnesses e.g. Schizophrenia and depression and personality types in their choice of method and I wonder if - with jumping and train there almost has to be an element of impulsiveness to it. I am looking into this more. Thank you for the food for thought

 

[SadShitSack]

N is the best method so that makes it maybe a bit more easier? i never did do an attempt so it's hard to give advice, maybe you need to find a way that makes you really relax, and maybe some drinks help? or smoke weed?

I can't really drink or smoke weed. I was a drug addict (tried every main drug and some research chems, but my mains were mdma, coke, oxy, heroin and fentanyl, somwhow I lived.) for like 4 years, and now literally every substance gives me mad anxiety. If I smoke weed I literally panic the whole time. If I drink while I'm out I just analyze the feeling of being drunk until I freak out, and then have to leave whatever event I'm at.

Idk what's wrong with me. I'm always way too stuck in my head. Even with this suicide attempt, haha.