How do you feel about your parents…

[TDF]

I have very mixed feelings, we've never been close. The fear of abandonment is a huge part of my despair.

(Really sorry I deleted an earlier post by mistake, sorry to those that already replied!)

 

[jj#blm]

Don't love them, don't hate them. We don't see eye to eye on much. They're both hardcore Christians who went hard on me growing up and still kinda are assholes. They think laughing at me is acceptable and occasionally threaten to evict me. My mom was pretty negligent and wasn't watching me when I was 3 and tragically injured myself. My dad has anger issues and used to beat the shit out of me all the time. But some credit is due for what they've done. My dad introduced me to anime and taught me how to use computers when I was young. My mom did (and still does) most of the house work including cooking meals for the family.

 

[fleshcult]

shes very selfish and narcissistic. she doesnt understand that im disabled and have no energy. sometimes she means well, but shes also very emotionally immature and stubborn... we get alng sometimes and its nice, but it feels shallow. i feel very alone living with her

 

[TRIXI3]

My mother that cared about me and loved me passed away in 2016. My dad cares but just doesn't show it like I feel that he should, and typically chooses to put other things before me… so idk, he might just find out soon how that affected me.

 

[Kerock]

My mother that cared about me and loved me passed away in 2016. My dad cares but just doesn't show it like I feel that he should, and typically chooses to put other things before me… so idk, he might just find out soon how that affected me.

I feel like I'm your dad but with my sis. Not sure if it's depression or I'm selfish but I'm genuinely tired of her and I do avoid her. And I guess I care for her in the sense like she's my sister and I care for her well-being and maybe feelings. But I honestly won't go out of my way to show affection or show that I do care about her. Same situation for my mom. It sucks because they know I'm giving them the cold shoulder and I do feel guilty about it. But I'm not gonna try to get closer to them since I know it'll be awkward and hurt both of us. My dads pragmatic bastard and he knows the best thing for him to do is to get out of our lives. And yet he genuinely loves us and sacrificed a lot for us. In the end ive just learned to wait for my mom to die. My sister to get sick of me. And my dad giving up. Sucks we were forced to be together under the weight of "family"

 

[leloyon]

I hate my mother and my feelings towards my father fluctuate between pity and hatred.

 

[chahan.trading]

I feel sorry for them, for having a son like me.

For having a poor life. For having a poor mind.

 

[sometimes.sometimes]

It is complicated. My dad was an awful man, but a part of me still loves him. I think it is because he is blood, and we had a lot of fond memories together. When it comes to my mom, we have a very strained relationship, but I still love her.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really have much of a problem with them apart from the fact that I hate how they forced me to exist in this dreadful world, I wish that I never existed more than anything.

 

[Victim.Of.Life]

I have very loving parents. It will break their hearts if I ctb. But sometimes you got to put yourself first.

 

[plushjuggybandit]

im similar to you. very mixed feelings. i developed a fear of abandonment because of their constant fighting and threats to leave growing up, all the way up until i moved out. i was very resentful of them until i moved back in with them recently. they started showing more care towards me and more understanding that i really am mentally ill. they arent fighting as much anymore, most of it was the stress of their uncertain future as struggling immigrants i think. they have a house they can call their own now. things are a little less uncertain so they arent taking their stress out on me or eachother anymore.

after moving back in with them i realised they really are just trying their best. theyre human, and yes they made mistakes but nothing unforgiveable. i think they loved me always, they just didnt know how to show it. i have much better memories in this house compared to the old one.

 

[Darkover]

i was mostly happy growing up but my parents were neglectful they never took me to the dentist, i'm closer to my mom than my dad, my dad as always been distant never really been close to any of them but they have let down many times in the past, my sister was giving my weed for 11-12 years old i never went to school and i got into trouble with the law i feel like they never taught me anything they have mediocre minds unlike me

 

[whs]

My mother has been kind and honestly made my life so much nicer but my dad has basically ruined me and my mother has to agree with him on everything and everything I tell her she need to tell him so I can't trust her. It's frustrating. My grandmother is also a hardcore Christian who has this image of herself as a gentle giant whos the utmost compassionate but since she forces Christianity on to me as an openly gay person even knowing her peers won't accept me, she forces me to go to church and other events such as concerts where they constantly preach how being gay is a sin and those who have a**rtions will go to hell and being the only person in that entire hall who disagrees I left in a fit of rage and betrayal. Not to mention, she specifically said how this concert was not Christian which she has lost my trust since. My grandmother from my other side of the family abused me and my siblings. Every tiny little fuck up we made, she'd hit us with a ruler. She had a whole ruler drawer since they got snapped and broken often. She doesn't anymore but I think thats only because we've grown older and are now physically stronger than her. As well as also forcing us to go to church every sunday we we're staying with her. The only good thing my parents have done collectively is keep my sexual orientation from her.

 

[TDF]

Don't love them, don't hate them. We don't see eye to eye on much. They're both hardcore Christians who went hard on me growing up and still kinda are assholes. They think laughing at me is acceptable and occasionally threaten to evict me. My mom was pretty negligent and wasn't watching me when I was 3 and tragically injured myself. My dad has anger issues and used to beat the shit out of me all the time. But some credit is due for what they've done. My dad introduced me to anime and taught me how to use computers when I was young. My mom did (and still does) most of the house work including cooking meals for the family.

I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience growing up. Sounds like your parents didn't know how deeply their actions affected your feelings and wel-being, like they didn't know their actions were so cruel :(

My mother has been kind and honestly made my life so much nicer but my dad has basically ruined me and my mother has to agree with him on everything and everything I tell her she need to tell him so I can't trust her. It's frustrating. My grandmother is also a hardcore Christian who has this image of herself as a gentle giant whos the utmost compassionate but since she forces Christianity on to me as an openly gay person even knowing her peers won't accept me, she forces me to go to church and other events such as concerts where they constantly preach how being gay is a sin and those who have a**rtions will go to hell and being the only person in that entire hall who disagrees I left in a fit of rage and betrayal. Not to mention, she specifically said how this concert was not Christian which she has lost my trust since. My grandmother from my other side of the family abused me and my siblings. Every tiny little fuck up we made, she'd hit us with a ruler. She had a whole ruler drawer since they got snapped and broken often. She doesn't anymore but I think thats only because we've grown older and are now physically stronger than her. As well as also forcing us to go to church every sunday we we're staying with her. The only good thing my parents have done collectively is keep my sexual orientation from her.

Sigh that's really horrible I'm really sorry. People can be so righteous in their believes and stand by them while disregarding their own family's needs, to what, keep their own self image intact? Your mum sounds like she really cares but doesn't have the strength to stand up for you. I'm sorry all of this must have hurt a lot

shes very selfish and narcissistic. she doesnt understand that im disabled and have no energy. sometimes she means well, but shes also very emotionally immature and stubborn... we get alng sometimes and its nice, but it feels shallow. i feel very alone living with her

I'm sorry, it must be terrible feeling alone living with someonewho you desperately want to understand you and show you emotional support. I know that feeling well.

It is complicated. My dad was an awful man, but a part of me still loves him. I think it is because he is blood, and we had a lot of fond memories together. When it comes to my mom, we have a very strained relationship, but I still love her.

It must be confusing to feel all that love for them but also feel bad about your relationship with them, I'm sorry

im similar to you. very mixed feelings. i developed a fear of abandonment because of their constant fighting and threats to leave growing up, all the way up until i moved out. i was very resentful of them until i moved back in with them recently. they started showing more care towards me and more understanding that i really am mentally ill. they arent fighting as much anymore, most of it was the stress of their uncertain future as struggling immigrants i think. they have a house they can call their own now. things are a little less uncertain so they arent taking their stress out on me or eachother anymore.

after moving back in with them i realised they really are just trying their best. theyre human, and yes they made mistakes but nothing unforgiveable. i think they loved me always, they just didnt know how to show it. i have much better memories in this house compared to the old one.

I really relate to this, and I'm so happy to hear you have a much better relationship now with your parents and you understand each other much better. I too am an immigrant and my parents tried very hard to give me a good life, I saw the everyday stress and strain they toook upon themselves. I know they did their best in their own way.

 

[Vivisection]

My feelings on my mom conflict in such a painful way
She has been nothing short of abusive and neglectful while still insisting she cares

Ive raised my younger sister and my niece my mom decided to adopt

She stood by my stepdad when he has sa'd me and my sister numerous times
she stood by everytime he hit us
we begged for years for her to leave but she likes his money, and I guess we're not worth it

It's exhausting, she uses me a her "best friend" to rant to about everything and asks me for advice for things I have no way of even beginning to know about. and when I can't comfort her or can't give advice she turns to insults and screaming for hours

but i dunno,,, i wish she was nicer,, i wish I could love her

haha but my dad can go to hell idc

 

[liljeep]

I absolutely loathe my mom. My dad is alright. I find him unpredictable and controlling. I don't necessarily love him, since I don't know him well or have many memories with him. I couldn't care less if my mom lives or dies.

 

[TDF]

My feelings on my mom conflict in such a painful way
She has been nothing short of abusive and neglectful while still insisting she cares

Ive raised my younger sister and my niece my mom decided to adopt

She stood by my stepdad when he has sa'd me and my sister numerous times
she stood by everytime he hit us
we begged for years for her to leave but she likes his money, and I guess we're not worth it

It's exhausting, she uses me a her "best friend" to rant to about everything and asks me for advice for things I have no way of even beginning to know about. and when I can't comfort her or can't give advice she turns to insults and screaming for hours

but i dunno,,, i wish she was nicer,, i wish I could love her

haha but my dad can go to hell idc

I'm really sorry you went through that. Sounds like your mother never really gave you the opportunity to be a child who is protected and cared for, she put a lot of adult responsibilities on a child while shirking her own responsibilities as a parent/adult :(. It's not your fault to not be able to love someone who betrayed your trust like that

 

[Lily (Osako)]

I miss them terribly. I feel absolutely guilt ridden for not being a better child and hate myself for not appreciating them when they were here.
I'd give anything to have them back.
They were far from perfect, but not having them in my life anymore has shown me how lucky I was to have parents that genuinely loved me. They did the best they could and I wish I could repay them. I wish I could make sure they knew how much I love them.

 

[TDF]

I miss them terribly. I feel absolutely guilt ridden for not being a better child and hate myself for not appreciating them when they were here.
I'd give anything to have them back.
They were far from perfect, but not having them in my life anymore has shown me how lucky I was to have parents that genuinely loved me. They did the best they could and I wish I could repay them. I wish I could make sure they knew how much I love them.

Hi lily, I'm sorry you miss them terribly and feel so guilt ridden. I'm sure they knew very well that u loved them, even if u were not a perfect child loving parents always knows, because they know what love looks and feels like, and you certainly have, missing them so much is evidence of that.

I too feel very guilty for not having much of a relationship with my parents and not being able to no matter how hard I try, and also knowing that they did their best I really do believe that, even then I just haven't been able to.

Neither of our guilt helps anyone :(

i was mostly happy growing up but my parents were neglectful they never took me to the dentist, i'm closer to my mom than my dad, my dad as always been distant never really been close to any of them but they have let down many times in the past, my sister was giving my weed for 11-12 years old i never went to school and i got into trouble with the law i feel like they never taught me anything they have mediocre minds unlike me

I'm sorry darkover :(, sounds like they popped out kids and then failed to properly care for you emotionally and physically, u needed their attention but they didn't give it

I absolutely loathe my mom. My dad is alright. I find him unpredictable and controlling. I don't necessarily love him, since I don't know him well or have many memories with him. I couldn't care less if my mom lives or dies.

:( I'm sorry @liljeep, your mum must have done something terrible.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

very mixed feelings. from seething hatred to guilt to boderline forgiveness. ive never and dont think i ever will forgive them tho, at least not if i never got therapy for trauma.

 

[Elliana Berriana]

I love and care about my parents, just as they love and care about me. But I wish they didn't, because people caring about me is the only thing preventing me from ctb. They try to help, but they don't realise how I feel, because I hide it still. I hate myself, my parents love me for some reason. Despite what a horrible person I am, their love is unconditional, and I love them, too.

 

[leavingsoon99]

My father left me when I was 4. My mother and her boyfriends/husbands mercilessly abused me physically and emotionally. I hate them both and do not regret hating them both. Fuck em.

 

[alonely]

My memories of parents consist solely of getting screamed at, made fun of, gaslit, being forced to do things past my physical and mental capabilities, not being allowed out, being called names, etc. No one that I confided in believed me because they would act "normal" if anyone else was around, to the point where I wished I was physically abused in order to have had the bruises or wounds so that someone would believe me. I moved out to go to college and went no-contact shortly after.

 

[MrDarkness]

My dad never wanted to have kids, be spent playing cod instead of bonding with his kids, my mother had cancer earlier on, so I was essentially left alone for half my childhood. My childhood just consisted of going to school, then going home and playing games

 

[day]

Dads broke and has always given the worst advice, judges people for skin color, sex, and sexual orientation.

Mom was nice and still is however is an aggressive alcoholic who attacks and uses me for money pretty frequently.

I don't hold them high and mighty at all, I give them props to raising me I suppose but that's really all I can do in that department outside of raising me they've caused lots of trauma.

 

[hag]

Loved my Dad. My mother abused me terribly from a very young age. I used to hate and fear her, but since I was around 45 or so, haven't felt anything regarding her.

 

[TDF]

Loved my Dad. My mother abused me terribly from a very young age. I used to hate and fear her, but since I was around 45 or so, haven't felt anything regarding her.

She got old and less intimidating and you got stronger

My dad never wanted to have kids, be spent playing cod instead of bonding with his kids, my mother had cancer earlier on, so I was essentially left alone for half my childhood. My childhood just consisted of going to school, then going home and playing games

I'm sorry mr darkness, I can relate, I played a lot of computer games and read a lot of books

 

[BlazingBob]

"I left your mother because of you kids!" said my dad many times and looking me straight in the eye after he walked out when I was 10. My mom told me she wished I were never born and how much she regretted having kids. She never told me she loved me or hugged me, ever. Not once. She showed her 'love' by beating me with hot wheel tracks. My dad broke both of my hands. This isn't even scratching the surface.

To answer the question, let's just say they aren't exactly my favorite people in the world.

 

[TDF]

"I left your mother because of you kids!" said my dad many times and looking me straight in the eye after he walked out when I was 10. My mom told me she wished I were never born and how much she regretted having kids. She never told me she loved me or hugged me, ever. Not once. She showed her 'love' by beating me with hot wheel tracks. My dad broke both of my hands. This isn't even scratching the surface.

To answer the question, let's just say they aren't exactly my favorite people in the world.

I'm sorry that sounds absolutely horrid, it sounds like my abusive husband thaf just left me, I'm really sorry you had to go through that as a child, it must have been so difficult to trust after that, amongest other things, that is just been so directly cruel, kids should never be blamed for anything let along being a punching bad for their parents anger and issues

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

I've had to try to forget the trauma they gave me when I was young. It's still there and it affects me everyday. I'd like to believe they tried their best, but my mom is very stupid, anxious, and mentally ill and my dad is angry and lazy. They could have done a lot better. I would forgive them for all of the other things if they didn't give me the certain trauma. They made me feel so awful and worthless and stupid a lot. They also forced me into a religion I hate. I had no support when I went through my eating disorder, suicidal thoughts, and other things growing up. I couldn't trust them or go to them for help or support.