I tried to CTB around 4-5 years ago, since then I've kind of lost my sense of purpose, and now only live for my family. I got diagnosed with autism 3 months ago (because i was using alcohol to prevent anxiety, and it was starting to become A LOT, and unsustainable, so i needed medication and got referred to a psychiatrist, anyways..) and they gave me some "psychoeducation" material, and one page 'struck a nerve' so to say that many with autism have an extra need for "meaningfulness" and "interest", and since my attempt I lost basically any of that I had left which is why I guess I've just started to slowly wither away mentally. I get really stressed out about wasting time when I'm working since I'm not interested in my work, so I procrastinate with games which helps a bit, but then retrospectively I feel bad about that.. It's a big bad loop. Unfortunately for me I decided I'm not going to CTB while my parents are alive so I've got some 20-30 years left to walk this earth but I cannot figure out what to do with it.