Discussion How do you deal with knowing others are doing worse than you are?

[Neroidism]

Personally, I ponder this question a lot, but it's something I've heard very little discussion about from other people, so I want to know other views on it.

 

[DeathSleep]

Oh, someone told me this recently to make me feel better I guess. Knowing that others are suffering more than me just reminds me of how cruel the world can be and makes me want to CTB more.

Of course it also makes me feel pathetic for having it a lot better than some others and wasting my existence which also makes me want to CTB.

 

[DeadNotSleeping]

Despite how I'm doing I've always been the kind of person to put others before me and help however I can. That means I've heard a lot of stories from people who have it way worse than I do. Hell even browsing this website for 5 minutes you'll see stuff like that.

Pain, trauma, depression, mental health in general are all hyper subjective. What may just roll off your back may be completely debilitating for someone else.

I've always had the opinion that however someone is feeling is completely valid. Something clearly happened that got them into that state of mind and it affected them. That can't be minimized. If you start minimizing your own feelings because of how you think other people have it worse off than you you'll never fully accept how you're feeling. This can be good if you're looking for recovery, or just fully understanding why you want to ctb in the first place. Helps you look at yourself through a more refined lens.

 

[theolivanderroach]

I don't deal with it because it has nothing to do with me. There are literally billions of people worse off than me. Whatever they want to do with their lives is up to them. I'm sure most find happiness and good for them.

 

[affirmatice]

That's one of the main things that is always brought up. A situation itself is not necessarily indicative of suicide. At the end of the day, that's a surface level observation, but the most important thing about our entire existence is our mental state.

Studies have shown that it's not a situation itself that leads one to suicide, but all about how your life compares to the expected version of your life in your head. It's all about how you personally interpret your situation.

When people say that others have it worse, I would argue maybe no one has it worse. Because even if they're poorer than me, less healthy than me, less attractive than me, etc. etc. They may not even consider suicide, whereas I do. Does anyone really have it worse than you, if whatever situation your in has become so unbearable to you to the point where you're considering ending your own life?

 

[Leiot]

I feel sad for them, and helpless that I can't do anything.

 

[pandorasactor]

Oh, someone told me this recently to make me feel better I guess. Knowing that others are suffering more than me just reminds me of how cruel the world can be and makes me want to CTB more.

Of course it also makes me feel pathetic for having it a lot better than some others and wasting my existence which also makes me want to CTB.

Everyone suffers in different ways, I hate that pro lifers use the "your pain is not worse than theirs" tactics.

Like for me, I always felt that my abuse was not bad then what it seemed but then I played out my trauma, analysed it and said yeah, I actually do have it tough.

You want to commit suicide, that all the reason you need.

 

[CogitoMori]

Hearing that others have it worse just makes me want to die more, because this suffering is already so terrible I wouldn't want anyone else to experience a fraction of it, much less have it worse.

 

[Chaosire]

"Comparison is the thief of joy", but it also works in the opposite direction.
Suffering is very subjective. It's about how you experience it. There's no need to invalidate your own suffering because of what others are experiencing.

 

[astr4]

i think i've left this exact comment somewhere else before but here's my take: you know how some people don't let themselves feel sad because "other people have it worse?" i'm of the opinion i'm not allowed to be happy because other people have it worse.

i feel like if i let myself be happy i'm ignoring all the awful things around me in the world. in some ways i think i've just subconsciously justified my depression but idk. feels selfish to feel anything better than just meh.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel really bad for them. However- I think people use this a lot as a guilt trip to try and shame us into feeling better, make more effort, stop complaining. I don't appreciate that tactic. Just because I feel sorry for myself over some things, that doesn't mean I've lost the capacity to feel sorry for others too or, recognise that they may actually have it worse.

It just tends to reinforce my overall belief that life's full of shit! Lots of people struggle. It's unfair that any of us were brought here in the first place and expected to thrive in this environment. So- rather than make me feel like- they're struggling more so- I should stop whining about my problems. I tend to think- what kind of f*cked up system is it that celebrates suffering like this? That tries to shame you for not being able to cope with your own problems?

I suppose at times, I feel grateful that things are no worse but- that's messed up in its own way too. As in- thank goodness all that awful stuff is happening to that other person and not me. That's not exactly a nice way to think!

 

[Darkover]

Knowing that others have it worse can stir a mix of emotions, from guilt and gratitude to frustration and helplessness. One way to cope with this awareness is to remind yourself that suffering is relative—what feels difficult to you is still valid, even if others may have it worse. You don't need to dismiss your pain or challenges because others are suffering. Instead, you might use that awareness to stay compassionate toward others and yourself.

 

[kvorumese]

Oh well, when I remember that some people are doing worse than me, I just feel like a fake and that I don't deserve a place here. That's it

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally I find it horrific how existence causes all this endless suffering, it's so terrifying to me how there's no limit as to how much one can suffer in this existence I always saw as so cruel and torturous. I'd never wish for the burden of human existence rather such just feels like a mistake and a terrible tragedy to me, the way I see it existence truly does just cause harm and being aware of how much suffering and torture this existence causes just makes me wish for death even more, I only wish for non-existence, all I see as desirable is never suffering in this existence ever again.

 

[ThisGameIsOverrated]

It doesn't make me feel better if anything it makes me feel worse to be reminded of the potential for suffering that this world has and that the only thing really separating me from those people is sheer luck.

 

[ramon]

"How would you feel if you had to undergo the things the people of [war torn / poverty ridden / natural disaster struck / crime ridden] country undergo?!"

"If others who have it way worse than you would have the opportunities you have, would they complain as much as you do?"

"Instead of complaining about what you don't have, appreciate what you already have!"

While the aforementioned can help you to find the motivation to put your life back in order and to set you into improving other people's lives, they can also be used to manipulate you into accepting whatever selfish agenda you can think of.

Family, school and so called "good friends" of mine - using the "others are worse off than you" strategy - turned me into a people pleaser, a doormat, a brownoser, a yes man.

Should I complain about, question, or suggest an alternative to their agendas, the "others have it worse than you" approach would work wonders on me.

Sure it did help me get out of bed and give my best as a son, as a sibbling, as a friend, as a student, as a worker, you name it! On the other hand, it also forced a code of silence for various kinds of abuses on people I've met (who, by the way, I abused) and me.

Is someone telling you to pour your half full glass into their half empty glass and leave you to die of thirst?

Are those around you (pro-lifers included) helping you out of real selflessness or out of agenda-dictated selflessness?

 

[Nicholas22231]

Well, I've been guilt tripped like this alot.. But my life could be alot better, I'm worse off than my peers and my family but I'm in an okay condition in comparison to homeless people and orphans. Well my first thought to people who tell me that there are people worse off than me is--- well, it isnt my fault that theyre suffering, it might sound kinda mean but im no politician, scammer, banker, war general, im a nobody that have a okay-ish life, so i have no idea why some people use this guilt-tripping tactic whenever i tell them im depressed\suicidal

Im not lucky, im just not that fucked in comparison to other people

 

[maniac116]

I feel better about my life when I read some of the stuff that others on SS are going through. I realized my life is tolerable & maybe I can offer someone an ear to talk to on this forum

 

[CantDoIt]

It makes me a little guilty but I also realize how weird and messed up this world is. For example, I imagine what it must like to be a worker in a coal mine that caves in or someone sold into slavery. I feel like I have first world problems but realized that for some people, failing to go up on maslovs heirarchy of needs can make these things worse. I hope the world becomes a place where everybody living can be easily and equally satisfied and happy, sometime in the future.

 

[dinosavr]

It makes me feel upset about the cruelty of this world. It's unbelievable how awful it is and how everyone acts as if they were okay with that…

 

[Jeebo5021]

When people say that it is exactly like them saying "stop complaining, you've got so much to be grateful for, I've got it worse than you". It doesn't help and just invalidates your feelings. Like someone said before, it ignores the things that you made you feel bad in the first place. If we ignore bad things, then we are complicit.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't understand the logic behind it at all and how this is meant to make me feel grateful. If anything, it makes me feel worse about life itself because this life is shitty. Pro lifers are basically saying that somehow a even worse negative in comparison to your negative makes life a positive but it really doesn't. It's like saying that -5+-500=495 when that isn't true at all. The whole idea of walking upon the bridge across a pit of people's suffering is just so fucking sadistic. Plus they fail to acknowledge that pain tolerance is subjective and some people can deal with less pain compared to others and that should be respected imo.

Additionally, another problem with their argument is that the people who they often cite as those who we should look at and say "damn, we should be grateful that we aren't like them" also have better lives in comparison to some other humans that go through worse and this trend repeats until we find one singular human or sentient being who had it the worst meaning that every other sentient being should be grateful in return. It just makes no fucking sense and I have no idea how anybody can take their arguments seriously

 

[never mind me]

When I was young I hated myself for being unhappy, because I thought I had it better than everyone else (I wouldn't agree with that anymore looking back on it now, though). Over time it became irrelevant, if others have it worse. At least when I feel bad myself. When I feel ok, I can aprreciate the fact that my life isn't that bad really.

 

[L'absent]

It's a petty and manipulative strategy of pro_lifers. Only I know what I feel and I can desire death simply because I consider it senseless to live. These disagreements make me laugh, they are ridiculous and pathetic.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i won't accept even a tiny bit of pain or suffering or problems. . there is no reason to and no one can say an objective reason to put up with any pain, problems , suffering which is what this horrible evil life is.

why do i have to accept any suffering or pain at all ? there is no objective reason. i don't have to do anything.

all i want to do is kill myself . And once i do kill myself and reach non-existence then i will be a trillion times better off than any living sentient animal including any human. all the ones living still have to work 14 hours a day a job chores etc, feed themselves 3 fucking times a day , groceries , take out trash (fuck all that ), risk extreme torture , diseases , work , chores ,. stress, problems , boredom , try to solve problems, clean everything.... i could go on 1000 page book all the horrors of life / existence and this world . i won't have to deal with all those horrible things when i won't exist.

so if a pro-lifer tells me that bs i'll tell the pro-lifer very soon every human alive will have it worse than me because very soon i will not exist so "enjoy" fucking working your ass off , getting old and having others have to feed your ass pro-lifer idiot

 

[L'absent]

i won't accept even a tiny bit of pain or suffering or problems. . there is no reason to and no one can say an objective reason to put up with any pain, problems , suffering which is what this horrible evil life is.

why do i have to accept any suffering or pain at all ? there is no objective reason. i don't have to do anything.

all i want to do is kill myself . And once i do kill myself and reach non-existence then i will be a trillion times better off than any living sentient animal including any human. they still have to feed themselves 3 fucking times a day , groceries , take out trash(fuck all that ), risk extreme torture , diseases , work , chores ,. stress, problems , boredom .... i could go on 1000 page book all the horrors of life / existence and this world . i won't have to deal with all those horrible things when i won't exist.

so if a pro-lifer tells me that bs i'll tell the pro-lifer very soon every human alive will have it worse than me because very soon i will not exist so "enjoy" fucking working your ass off , getting old and having others have to feed your ass pro-lifer idiot

Sensational. Before you die you should write a book to awaken human stupidity, if that's possible.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

All it makes me think is that they're probably peoplewho want to catch the bus as well then.

 

[Jeebo5021]

There is also the flipside that you could say that people who have it better than me are depressed. Think of all the celebrities who ctbed, with their millions of dollars and popularity.