Help How do you cope?

[kilowatt]

This is a last resort but I genuinely need help. I planned to be gone by the end of the year but as you see I didn't successfully go through with it. I'm in a very bad place in my life and even worse place mentally. I struggle financially trying to get through from a month to another. I very obviously wish to be gone out of this world but I don't have the stability or resources to do that as soon as I'd like.
I ran out of coping mechanisms. There's no solutions left I can try for my problems. My mental has gotten so bad it's affecting my health and day to day life. I believe so far I've tried everything I could think of in order to cope or get some relief on my own terms (alcohol, medicine, self harm, meditation, games, hobbies, getting into a healthy lifestyle, trying to socialize etc) but no matter what I do my thoughts take over any activity I do. I'm so stuck as of the past few weeks all I do every day is put up with withdrawals, hangover, sob all day or sleep. Is there anything else I'm missing? Any suggestions?
I've had previous bad experiences with therapy but even if it was an option I can't afford that. I'm also pretty lonely and isolated and don't wish to open up to the only friend I have left because I'm too scared of them walking out on me or not being able to handle it. I don't know what to do

 

[Sleeper System]

You're not alone. Many of us are living month to month. Check to check. Trying to keep our heads above water. It's a hard life. Anyone would call it quits. So I understand you.

I'm in the same situation. At this point im just tired. Call it depression call it laziness call it whatever. I just dont want to do this anymore. I dont care what the future holds so no point in just sitting here suffering.

 

[kilowatt]

You're not alone. Many of us are living month to month. Check to check. Trying to keep our heads above water. It's a hard life. Anyone would call it quits. So I understand you.

I'm in the same situation. At this point im just tired. Call it depression call it laziness call it whatever. I just dont want to do this anymore. I dont care what the future holds so no point in just sitting here suffering.

I'm so hopeless for the future it's not even an option. I'm really just trying to find a middle ground I can be stable on to not end up doing any sudden thing I know I'd regret. I just want it to be mildly bearable for a month or two so I can really plan my shit

 

[FuneralCry]

I could never cope with something as torturous and dreadful as existence, there is no peace and relief in being conscious burdened with this existence capable of suffering to unlimited extents and the suffering of existing really is endless, I just have no choice but to suffer as this existence was so tragically imposed and I exist in this terrible, dreadful reality where suicide is seen as a crime, it's just horrific evil extreme cruelty how humans are forced to suffer in this existence against their wishes, I always suffer so unbearably from how I cannot just have a death like never waking again to escape from this existence I just always saw as a mistake.

 

[Forever Sleep]

When it was more anxiety getting to me, I used to listen to music and walk miles and miles. I think just the contrast of being tired and cold at the end made me more grateful for simple comforts like being indoors again with a hot drink and some food. That's assuming you have time to do that and the consequences won't mess up having to work etc.

I suppose now, I feel a little less anxious. It was mostly work anxiety getting to me back then. I still feel like I'm stuck in limbo though- while I wait for my Dad to go first. I just do the very bare minimum to survive and try not to slip into illness, while distracting myself as much as possible. Weirdly, by assuring myself this isn't in fact forever- more a matter of slogging through, day to day, it makes it easier. Ironically- abandoning my hopes for a successful life has enabled me to feel more relaxed.

There again- it's usually when the big issues are troubling me that there's no real rest bite. For me- they have mostly been work related. Finding any employment, worrying about sustaining myself vs. wanting to work in a job I enjoyed and found purpose in. I've spent most of my life flip flopping between the two. I think sometimes, the bigger life problems have to be addressed to be able to relax at all.

 

[NoHorizon]

Running and music for me. Running is the only thing I really push myself to put effort into in life and basically my entire week passes by thinking about what run I'm doing today/tomorrow etc. I also love listening to music, but putting on a full album rather than a song or a playlist - by the end of the album then that's an hour done.

I feel like routines are really important to just getting by. It doesn't really matter what the routine is, and you can't beat yourself up if it slips or whatever, but just having stuff you do at certain points in the day or week are good anchors for pushing through and passing the time.

 

[instormdrains]

Running and music for me. Running is the only thing I really push myself to put effort into in life and basically my entire week passes by thinking about what run I'm doing today/tomorrow etc. I also love listening to music, but putting on a full album rather than a song or a playlist - by the end of the album then that's an hour done.

I feel like routines are really important to just getting by. It doesn't really matter what the routine is, and you can't beat yourself up if it slips or whatever, but just having stuff you do at certain points in the day or week are good anchors for pushing through and passing the time.

This is what works best for me I used to do the same exact stuff. Running winter track was really good for me especially because winter is the hardest season for me. I remember finishing my first 10k with an album called i didnt mean to haunt you by quadeca.

Respectfully cutting drinking and isolation will only make you feel worse. These things are quick dopamine but as soon as you finish you'll feel worse then ever. I know this sounds hard but try to make it outside to a patch of grass or a bench and just chill there for a bit. Being cold will wake you up and you need a change of scenery your room and bed will only make you more depressed.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I barely cope.
But I spend most of my time alone listening to music or practicing guitar.
Throughout the week I have group therapy, individual therapy, and physical therapy. I'm not looking to "recover", but the appointments force me to get out of bed, and I get my needed social interaction without the pressure of a job.
I do this through my county's free services for low income. Do you have anything like that?