How do u get the courage to stop living

[Serio]

I want to die but often I think of false hope scenarios and it's always false hope Bc I always end up worse off then I was whenever I get hopeful things will get better and it's a horrible loop….. because nothing will actually get better but my brain tricks me which then makes me nervous to die even though I don't entirely have the will to live….. so anyways I guess the question is how do u all deal with this or if u have anything similar? Or how do u finally give into ur suicidal urge and stop ur brain from tricking u. Or just give ur thoughts ig

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

often I think of false hope scenarios and it's always false hope Bc I always end up worse off

This has been my whole life, too. I first expressed a suicidal intent out loud (to myself) at 9. My biggest life mistake was NOT finding a way to end it then. Every single week since then has gone downhill. People tell you to hold on. They tell you that you don't know what tomorrow will be like (but somehow, they do...). But none of them can guarantee being there with you, for you if things get worse. And if things get much worse--especially for a long time--there's a big chance everyone encouraging you to stick it out will vanish. Except, of course, for those who make money off of dealing with you. And even they will "fire" you if they think you're becoming a liability to them, professionally.

Then, if you're "lucky," you wake up one day, after hoping-N-sticking-it-out, to learn you're old and worn out. Society sees no use in you anymore. They couldn't give a damn if you die painfully of some disease or stewing in a rotten diaper waiting to die, abandoned, in a state-run nursing home or even homeless in a gutter. Just hurry up and die already.

Hope was the final monster left trapped in the box.

 

[ClownMe]

Hope is a very dangerous thing, I gave up on it recently when I realised that I was never going to get better because my brain is simply poop and there's nothing I can do to fix it. My advice is pretty vague, id just say live life the way you're living it now but just don't expect anything from life (if that makes sense, I hope it does). As for the fear of dying and letting go, I think everyone, even those without hope struggle with that, there's not much you can do about it.

 

[1up]

This has been my whole life, too. I first expressed a suicidal intent out loud (to myself) at 9. My biggest life mistake was NOT finding a way to end it then. Every single week since then has gone downhill. People tell you to hold on. They tell you that you don't know what tomorrow will be like (but somehow, they do...). But none of them can guarantee being there with you, for you if things get worse. And if things get much worse--especially for a long time--there's a big chance everyone encouraging you to stick it out will vanish. Except, of course, for those who make money off of dealing with you. And even they will "fire" you if they think you're becoming a liability to them, professionally.

Then, if you're "lucky," you wake up one day, after hoping-N-sticking-it-out, to learn you're old and worn out. Society sees no use in you anymore. They couldn't give a damn if you die painfully of some disease or stewing in a rotten diaper waiting to die, abandoned, in a state-run nursing home or even homeless in a gutter. Just hurry up and die already.

Hope was the final monster left trapped in the box.

This is very relatable. My life has progressively gotten worse the longer I've lived.

 

[Chiisai]

I dont really. In actuality, Im scared that if I CTB-ed I would miss out the chance that there would be a good opportunity or news that would have made me feel better. However, I feel I am tired of waiting anymore as my experience has become a vicious cycle; I would have good opportunities but then after a few years it gets pulled down by opportunistic people or for being too generous and sympathetic. I couldn't take that away from me yet Im tired of society who takes advantage off of it.

 

[ziplockzzz]

It's perfectly natural for your brain to trick you into continue living on, as that is the purpose it has been evolving for almost a millennia, not getting you killed. However, beating your natural inhibition is not so hard as you might assume. Most people reach that state naturally, after they get shit on one times too many, have their dreams crushed or whatever. Life will squeeze you hard enough sooner or later, and when you are that down in the dumps it's harder to make those comforting excuses.

 

[watereyes]

found the courage. it was sitting at the pharmacy. called benzos.

 

[Jblack]

I prefer to think of things differently. Where do I get the strength to keep living. I have more reasons to exit then I have to stay. Yet somehow I remain. I really don't understand why. I am not convinced it is just SI.

 

[Chiisai]

I prefer to think of things differently. Where do I get the strength to keep living. I have more reasons to exit then I have to stay. Yet somehow I remain. I really don't understand why. I am not convinced it is just SI.

A sliver of hope maybe?

 

[tabletop]

The first time I became suicidal about 7 years ago I was so miserable. I tried pumping myself up everyday at work telling myself "Okay, when I get home from work today I'll do it. Today is the day I'll kill myself". Clearly I didn't though. I think this went on for months. Just saying as others have, I don't really know if there is a way to make committing to the act easier.

 

[Chiisai]

found the courage. it was sitting at the pharmacy. called benzos.

Are they OTC? I would really like to have some.

 

[tabletop]

Are they OTC? I would really like to have some.

Nope. Benzos are by prescription.

 

[Chiisai]

Nope. Benzos are by prescription.

I see. Not associated with any GP sadly.

 

[Mr2005]

You don't have to die to stop living. It also takes courage to live

 

[Chiisai]

You don't have to die to stop living. It also takes courage to live

Agree. As I am now, Im more on surviving rather than living. :)

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I no longer have any hope. I have made peace with my decision to ctb, I know that it is inevitable and it will happen someday.The thing that holds me back is the SI as us humans are programmed to survive. I believe I will reach a point of desperation and hopelessness and I will be able to overcome it.

 

[Chiisai]

In my case, I no longer have any hope. I have made peace with my decision to ctb, I know that it is inevitable and it will happen someday.The thing that holds me back is the SI as us humans are programmed to survive. I believe I will reach a point of desperation and hopelessness and I will be able to overcome it.

I feel you. I have already the items prepared for my method yet it just sits there and im just staring at it everyday.

 

[xrafinha]

As I've readed somewhere else in this forum "very few fishs will slip thru the net of survival instinct"

 

[Soulless Angel]

How do you get the courage to keep living? I fight each day, slap on the smiles, and wait, though what I am waiting for I don't know, I have tried and will try again, but considering I am never left alone this part is the hardest,
To die by your own hand isn't strength or about courage, its about ending a existence that is deemed more important to society regardless of your own physical/mental/emotional state, its about taking a future reality and bringing it forward a few years

 

[rosie93]

I want to die but often I think of false hope scenarios and it's always false hope Bc I always end up worse off then I was whenever I get hopeful things will get better and it's a horrible loop….. because nothing will actually get better but my brain tricks me which then makes me nervous to die even though I don't entirely have the will to live….. so anyways I guess the question is how do u all deal with this or if u have anything similar? Or how do u finally give into ur suicidal urge and stop ur brain from tricking u. Or just give ur thoughts ig

I think it really is false hope. No one's going to save us. Only we can do it. And if we know we're not going to help ourselves because we keep waiting for others to save us... than ctb is the only thing left for us.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i think when you're ready it will come to you

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

My life has progressively gotten worse the longer I've lived.

Notice how the "mental health" profession doesn't include us in its justifications for labeling us, locking us up. and forcing painful "treatments" on us against our will. The assumption is always that, of course, we'll feel much better after. But I've know MANY people like us failed by years and years of professional mental health treatment. :(

 

[Makko]

You have the question backwards. Instead ask yourself: how do I get hyped for death? How do I brace for the jump? Whatever pain stands between me and the boundary is a reasonable down payment for the best deal I've ever made.