How do music, books, and films make you feel?

[Tally]

It may sound a strange question, but in our suicidal states, be they recurring or constant, how do music, books and films effect your emotions and feelings?

I watched the film "warrior" tonight. It was a great film, but makes one realise how easy it is to show emotion through what is largely a "physical battle". The emotional tribulations are there of course, but it shows the disparity between understanding emotion, compared to a very obvious physical battle.

 

[Spartacus00]

Louis Armstrong what a wonderful world is a song I will die to brings so much emotion to me it hits hard

 

[TiredHorse]

Even the most innocuous movies can induce more anxiety than I can bear. It often takes me several days to watch a movie in its entirety, returning to it several times each day to work my way through tense moments, often with the volume very low and the screen dimmed.

The right song can reduce me to a useless heap on the floor.

It never used to be that way.

 

[spanishguy22]

empty

brb lots of suicidal people here can still enjoy a lot of things unlike me
brb still alive lul

 

[Josewantsaday]

It may sound strange, but in this state of mind, knowing that I can end everything in any second and whenever I want, every book, song, movie etc gives me a shit ton of adrenaline, it's pure bliss. I try to enjoy everything the most before it's too late and I snap, but definitely, being suicidal made me appreciate x10 everything around me like it was the most amazing and beautiful thing in the world, because you know, it may be the last time I see it, so yeah, weirdly enough, I can get some satisfaction from it, even the oldest songs from my playlists, the ones that I played on repeat for years and years, I can still enjoy them like it's the first time.

 

[Empty Smile]

Music consoles me, so basically it's my life. Pink Floyd relaxes me.

Books, bleh.

Films... comedy or action is what I'll watch.

 

[Escaper Boy]

Fiction is my number one method for escapism. It feels comforting to just pretend to be someone else temporarily, living totally different life, experiencing different kinds of drama. It doesn't matter if it's a survival horror story. I can still use it for escapism.

Sometimes, I wish some earthquake or tsunami occur at my city. I want to experience the "rush" of facing a life threatening catastrophy.

Edit:
I also love watching telenovela due to high dose of drama in it.

 

[Apostle]

As stereotypical as it is, I'm very drawn toward the doomer aesthetic, especially in music. It doesn't really work as escapism but it calms me to a small degree, and makes me feel a bit more comfortable with my situation and the way I feel, in an odd way.

 

[JoeFailure]

None of that gives me enjoyment anymore, unfortunately. It just makes me sad. Sad that they were things I used to be able to enjoy.

This will sound weird, but the song that gives me hope that there's something peaceful after this is Norah Jones's Come Away With Me.

I hope that there's a way in an afterlife where I can experience that song peacefully with a woman and actually not be messed up from what happened in my childhood.

 

[discokicks]

I'm definitely in the adehonia stage. Unless I'm drunk then I play my music. I do watch short little clips of Family Guy and I managed to get through a whole novel in the psych ward (mainly because there was nothing else to do and I hate TV) but in general I spend my time in bed online wishing for sleep. Honestly I can't overestimate how much I love sleep

 

[JadedGray]

Books, films and music used to be my only escape, but these days they're only a distraction. I used to enjoy reading but I'm just not able to anymore because of lack of concentration and cognitive issues. I used to be able to read a 400pg. novel in one sitting and now I can barely read a 5pg. electronics manual. I watch films occasionally, but not as much as I used to. I used to watch 2x day, but now it's more like 1x week. My short attention span makes it difficult to watch films these days. I still listen to music everyday like I always have, but it's just not the same. I felt before the music used to be an experience that transported me out of my environment, now it's just background noise. I used to always say I would CTB when I no longer enjoyed music... I guess I know that now is the time.

 

[Weems]

The right song can reduce me to a useless heap on the floor.

It never used to be that way.

Yeah. I'm like this now too. I'm not strong enough for anything melancholy. Which is a shame because this weird increased sensitivity is allowing me to notice how really good some of these songs are. "Hey Jealousy" killed me the other day

 

[toolateforme]

I'll be catching the bus soon. Quite a few artists I like have been/are releasing new music, so I'm very grateful I'll be able to listen to them before I go since I don't have much time left anyway. I don't have the attention span to read books right now because I'm so obsessive over dying, I've been keeping this website open all day and obsessively refreshing in hopes someone answered my request to partner. Movie wise, usually I find myself getting too distracted to enjoy them unless I'm REALLY into what I'm watching, but I have a small list of movies I'd like to see before CTB as well.

 

[TiredHorse]

Yeah. I'm like this now too. I'm not strong enough for anything melancholy. Which is a shame because this weird increased sensitivity is allowing me to notice how really good some of these songs are. "Hey Jealousy" killed me the other day

For me it was Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris".

 

[Allpainnogain]

empty

brb lots of suicidal people here can still enjoy a lot of things unlike me
brb still alive lul

I don't enjoy anything at all anymore

 

[Mbound]

It varies, since sometimes my anxiety-destroyed attention span makes me unable to fully enjoy books, shows, etc, but

I take great pleasure in a lot of them. I love beautiful, melancholy, indie-folk/rock music particularly. I could listen to only Elliott Smith and maybe a couple other artists and be totally happy. It makes me feel like I have a place in other peoples hearts, and that like maybe my suffering, or at least some of it, is connected to something bigger and something that could even be turned into something beautiful.

I also love books that are in-depth character studies on people whose problems and outlooks I relate to. That stuff is really soothing and affirming to me.

There's a lot more books/movies/shows/music I want to experience before I ctb. That's for sure at least. And I've got at least 3 books I want to reread before I ctb too.

 

[SlippingAway]

Some TV shows make me want to kill myself even more, for example anything to do with space, because they make me want to live in their alternate reality, and escape from this world.

 

[Alan James]

I don't enjoy anything at all anymore

So do I. I have not been able to enjoy anything for a long time, but I played video games just to distract myself from reality. This is what I would like to do if my life could be started over again, I would like to do video games all my life. But I can no longer play because my brain is dead, the reaction and coordination of movements are disturbed, I can't focus on anything, my whole body hurts (especially the spine and the head), I cannot remember anything, I feel a strong weakness, also insomnia, I can't play games anymore. I constantly feel like the most useless worthless piece of shit in the whole world. And my computer is very old and I can't play new games, I can't buy a new one. Of all the things that happened to me, it was especially disgusting, since it was the only thing and the last thing that had any meaning and helped to endure somehow, for me it is much worse than death.

 

[Help_Me]

It used to be a pretty nice distraction sometimes. Yet, it does not work properly and may even make everything worse. Examples : I can watch some common slasher movie and get envy I am not living in 70-80s in the land of camps and freaky friends (I was born too late in the wrong place). I can listen to some old stuff and start b_tching about they don't make such cool music anymore / the epoch has ended / the band sold off and so on.. Things are getting a bit better when we are talking about video games. I have lots of undiscovered old gems here, which brings me back to my childhood again, when everything around and my life itself seemed full of meaning. Those were the days... Recently I've been playing some zelda games and I must say I like it very much. The main idea of my narration is "f___ modern world !"

 

[NOT]

I don't need Hoĺlywood my life is a movie. I feel like 007 trying to puzzle the pieces for suicide.

 

[Kta1994]

With the pain im fewling nothing excites me anymore

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

With films, usually nothing but sometimes I'll have extreme reactions. I watched war and peace (the lifetime series) like a week ago and felt very strong feelings afterwards, which took me by surprise because I was expecting a boring masterpiece theater-esque period piece. I mostly like the kind of new age pseudointellectual stuff like the fountain and mr nobody. It makes life seem like a blip, or like the pain in it only exists from within it, and when you look at it from outside it's gone.
Books almost always hit me hard. They're a lot more immersive. I don't read often though.

 

[dyingtodie]

Sorry to read about peoples anhedonia in this regard. It's setting in for me too. Music used to keep me going and gave me a reason to live, so I could relisten to my favorite John Frusicante songs. Now I feel I've had enough. Sure, Pink Floyd is brilliant but music is just not making up for the daily suffering. I'm losing my concentration for books and don't currently have anything I'm interested in to read, if I do, I can read for an hour or two a day. I love Chess and play online and it's kept me going for most of this past year, but there are some days I can't concentrate or see the board clearly at all, it's frustrating as it can be so engaging and exhilarating, but if I'm truly down it's hard to care about it. I stopped watching movies as I spent most my teens and 20s watching films. Music does help soothe me or to release emotion by listening to a sad or angry song. Mostly I just want peace and quiet and to listen to nature, but there always seems to be an engine running, this is my constant torture. I'm starting to think that my favorite music comes from higher dimensions anyways so I'll eventually enjoy it again, after death. I do listen to a lot of comedy podcasts and anything educational I can find on youtube that intrigues me. But man...the isolation I'm feeling is too intensely painful for anything to make up for it.

 

[jrums]

I have PSSD with complete emotional numbing so I can't enjoy a damn thing. The reason I have to CTB.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I can't seem to enjoy these things like I used to. Music seems to bring back strong emotions of the past and make me think of someone I miss because he introduced me to so many great songs. So it has the opposite effect. I get even more depressed and miss that person and that time in my life. Literally certain songs will induce nausea in me if I hear them because it reminds me how wonderful my life used to be and how terrible it is now.

I never really enjoyed books but as far as movies go I can't enjoy them much either. I have a lot of triggers and not knowing what happens in a movie and being triggered can send me into a spiral for the rest of the day.

I do however have a few safe songs and movies that I'll still listen to/watch.

 

[spanishguy22]

I don't know if I'm a rarity but mfor me it actually takes REAL EFFORT to get myself into a movie or whatever hobby really, and then effort to maintain it due to extremely low amount of pleasure from it. I don't anticipate any pleasure because there's little to none so I never watch anything.
I can only enjoy food in life now and very special songs, that's it.

 

[JadedGray]

Sorry to read about peoples anhedonia in this regard. It's setting in for me too. Music used to keep me going and gave me a reason to live, so I could relisten to my favorite John Frusicante songs. Now I feel I've had enough. Sure, Pink Floyd is brilliant but music is just not making up for the daily suffering. I'm losing my concentration for books and don't currently have anything I'm interested in to read, if I do, I can read for an hour or two a day. I love Chess and play online and it's kept me going for most of this past year, but there are some days I can't concentrate or see the board clearly at all, it's frustrating as it can be so engaging and exhilarating, but if I'm truly down it's hard to care about it. I stopped watching movies as I spent most my teens and 20s watching films. Music does help soothe me or to release emotion by listening to a sad or angry song. Mostly I just want peace and quiet and to listen to nature, but there always seems to be an engine running, this is my constant torture. I'm starting to think that my favorite music comes from higher dimensions anyways so I'll eventually enjoy it again, after death. I do listen to a lot of comedy podcasts and anything educational I can find on youtube that intrigues me. But man...the isolation I'm feeling is too intensely painful for anything to make up for it.

You have exceptional taste in music. John Frusciante, Syd Barrett and Pink Floyd are all I listened to in my teens. Unfortunately, I don't listen to them as much because the nostalgia I experience from listening to them makes me even more depressed.

 

[Retched]

Used to be an avid reader, adored movies and loved music. Now I have to force myself to even turn on the car radio. A few series have passed some of my time, but movies leave me hallow, my thoughts used to be provoked... and sadly reading...I miss how I used to be able to inhale books. Now I find myself reading the same sentence over and over until I just put the book down.

 

[tomz323]

Its an escape, something to make me forget that I am me.

 

[Weems]

I used to be able to read a 400pg. novel in one sitting and now I can barely read a 5pg. electronics manual. I watch films occasionally, but not as much as I used to. I used to watch 2x day, but now it's more like 1x week.

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyep.

Used to be an avid reader, adored movies and loved music. Now I have to force myself to even turn on the car radio. A few series have passed some of my time, but movies leave me hallow, my thoughts used to be provoked... and sadly reading...I miss how I used to be able to inhale books. Now I find myself reading the same sentence over and over until I just put the book down.

It's that way with me too. Except instead of the rereading I just kinda skim without understanding anything. Being suicidal makes everything in human life seem so pointless. I imagine the author sitting down to write and think doesn't he know?