How do I stop the urge to constantly fuck up my nails?

[Cauliflour]

I don't really know where else to ask this so here I am ig.

I can't stand the feeling of long nails, never have. I used to bite them so much that them getting infected was fairly common. Then I moved onto using scissors, tweezers, really anything sharp that I could use to cut them down. I used a box cutter about 5 minutes ago to whittle them down (the index and thumbs are the ones that always bother me) and they hurt in a different way than usual and the cuticle (edge bit) might as well be non-existent. They are so short, I can never use them for normal nail opening things but the second they're long enough that I can slightly feel them, I have an urge to chop them down. I've put a load of nail polish on them now to hide how fucked they look (my left thumbnail had considerably less layers than the right one so i was cutting off layers to make them more symmetrical when I press down on them, but I think I've gone a little too deep) but the inconsistencies I leave is bugging me too (not to mention all the choppy skin and parts of the fingers that like to hurt). I've tried growing them out but the feeling of nail against any surface really annoys me so I've never had normal length nails to the point I think my fingernail shapes have grown weird.

I want proper looking nails: how do I get this very specific sensitivity thing to go away? It's so common that when I got bored in a specific class back when I was in 6th form, I would get out my paper scissors from my pencil case and start fucking up my nails. I self harm, in case that means anything, so I guess there's something in my nature but nails take ages to heal and look ugly.

I've never tried acrylic nails because I assume the second I put them on, I'd be trying to peel them off and fiddling with them.

 

[whitetaildeer]

God I could have written this myself. I do the same, but instead of using scissors or proper nail clippers, I peel the nails off myself. I've pulled off entire nails before and despite that experience, I still haven't been able to shake the compulsion.

Nail polish can suffice if trying to keep your nails looking presentable is good enough motivation, but bandaging them is always a good bet and that's the one I recommend; the less you look at your nails, the better. Plus you'd have to remove the bandage yourself to start picking at them. I recommend giving r/calmhands a look too, there's plenty of tips and advice for nail biters/pickers and how to curb that habit.