How do I stop making assumptions about everything?

[Weebster]

It's how I've always navigated life.

 

[symphony]

I don't think it's humanly possible to make no unfounded assumptions ever. Could you be more specific about what types of assumptions have become problematic for you?

 

[Weebster]

I don't think it's humanly possible to make no unfounded assumptions ever. Could you be more specific about what types of assumptions have become problematic for you?

I make snap judgments about everyone I meet by quickly compiling info I observe about them. I end up misjudging and writing off a lot of people.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Become, uncaring robot person, then no one's interesting enough for you to bother assumptioning about.

 

[Weebster]

Become, uncaring robot person, then no one's interesting enough for you to bother assumptioning about.

I have ptsd so I have to due to hyper vigilance

 

[Negrathecat]

I make snap judgments about everyone I meet by quickly compiling info I observe about them. I end up misjudging and writing off a lot of people.

I am the same way, I also suffer from ptsd. I could share with you some of the advice my partner has told me because he was the one who started telling me I make too many assumptions and that is ask question, the more you ask the more you know without assuming it. Hope that helps.

 

[Weebster]

I am the same way, I also suffer from ptsd. I could share with you some of the advice my partner has told me because he was the one who started telling me I make too many assumptions and that is ask question, the more you ask the more you know without assuming it. Hope that helps.

Not every question can be asked though, and it's not certain the other person will give an honest answer.

 

[Iamchickenhat]

Not every question can be asked though, and it's not certain the other person will give an honest answer.

No one ever always tells you the truth. I'm stupid and my natural hardwired thoughts are incredibly innocent and dumb so I trust ppl. I should be more like you.

 

[Gordy99]

I have ptsd so I have to due to hyper vigilance

I know what it's like to be hyper vigilant. I don't want to explain why I was hyper vigilant because it will derail this thread. I would literally analyze every person and every situation that occurred on a daily basis. I wish I kept a journal at the time. I made tons of assumptions about why people acted a certain way and why certain cars parked in certain parking spots where I lived.

The hyper vigilance was almost like unnecessary noise that wouldn't go away. The only way I could fix it was to go on medication in order to calm down. I still notice plenty of things about people and certain situations but I'm able to move on from it very quickly (within minutes). The thoughts pass through my head and it doesn't bother me.

The way I see it...hyper vigilance will cause a tremendous amount of stress and the only way I could solve it was to go on medication. I'm not sure if you are on medication but if not you might want to consider it.

 

[Weebster]

I know what it's like to be hyper vigilant. I don't want to explain why I was hyper vigilant because it will derail this thread. I would literally analyze every person and every situation that occurred on a daily basis. I wish I kept a journal at the time. I made tons of assumptions about why people acted a certain way and why certain cars parked in certain parking spots where I lived.

The hyper vigilance was almost like unnecessary noise that wouldn't go away. The only way I could fix it was to go on medication in order to calm down. I still notice plenty of things about people and certain situations but I'm able to move on from it very quickly (within minutes). The thoughts pass through my head and it doesn't bother me.

The way I see it...hyper vigilance will cause a tremendous amount of stress and the only way I could solve it was to go on medication. I'm not sure if you are on medication but if not you might want to consider it.

Which medication? Are the thoughts produced by hyper vigilance to be ignored?

 

[Gordy99]

Which medication? Are the thoughts produced by hyper vigilance to be ignored?

I take risperdal and klonopin. The thoughts produced by hyper vigilance should mostly be ignored. If you notice something that is going to cause danger in your life then definitely act appropriately. However, the majority of it should be ignored. This is just my opinion of course.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I make snap judgments about everyone I meet by quickly compiling info I observe about them. I end up misjudging and writing off a lot of people.

would you be able to explain this thought process, each step of the way? pm if you wish

 

[waitingforrest]

I don't think it is possible to not make assumptions on some things. Assumptions can be useful for avoiding bad situations, ie: gut feeling.

It's a hard balance on when to trust your assumptions or not. I still have a hard time trusting people even though it doesn't make sense sometimes.

I find it somewhat easier for me to not ever fully trust someone and avoid giving them emotional ammo to use against me. But close enough to still enjoy their company.

It's just scary to trust anyone, overly friendly people make me think they want something. Strangers in public make me feel like they could try to kill me at any point.

For now at least, I will still make assumptions about people but I put them in the back of my mind and avoid acting on those assumptions.

Until I suspect my assumptions are true. If they break trust once, I will be more lenient as it could be a mistake, second time might be a coincidence so I grow a bit suspicious, and third time is when it's most likely they are doing this on purpose.

It's okay to have assumptions, it can keep us out of danger, it's just when it becomes overwhelming is when it can negatively effect us.

But I'm probably speaking baloney, because I'm also the one to be still to afraid to go in public spaces with many strangers around :P

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

One skill that could help would be active listening. With this, they'll basically hand you any information you might normally assume without you actually having to assume it. Learn how to ask the right questions to get people to say what they want and learn the right responses to keep them talking about themselves enough so that you don't have to make anymore assumptions about them. At the very least, listening and having patience will prevent you from making your incorrect assumptions known right away.

 

[Weebster]

would you be able to explain this thought process, each step of the way? pm if you wish

I see someone and then immediately search my memory for someone they remind me of and assume they're similar. Sometimes I'm proven right and other times I'm not. The problem is I can never really interact with these people fully and know if my assumptions are correct because they're strangers in public.

One skill that could help would be active listening. With this, they'll basically hand you any information you might normally assume without you actually having to assume it. Learn how to ask the right questions to get people to say what they want and learn the right responses to keep them talking about themselves enough so that you don't have to make anymore assumptions about them. At the very least, listening and having patience will prevent you from making your incorrect assumptions known right away.

What are some good questions to ask?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I see someone and then immediately search my memory for someone they remind me of and assume they're similar. Sometimes I'm proven right and other times I'm not. The problem is I can never really interact with these people fully and know if my assumptions are correct because they're strangers in public.

What are some good questions to ask?

Probably anything that gets a conversation going but it probably depends on what you're trying to figure out about them and what they're okay with. Wish I could give a specific example but It's not an exact science unfortunately. I can't claim to be a master of it myself, I mostly just practice a very cheap version where I wait for other people to just tell me whatever they feel like without any prompting and listen to that. Sometimes if I lose focus I try to just follow up with something like "oh that sucks", "wow", or some other generic response.

 

[Weebster]

Probably anything that gets a conversation going but it probably depends on what you're trying to figure out about them and what they're okay with. Wish I could give a specific example but It's not an exact science unfortunately. I can't claim to be a master of it myself, I mostly just practice a very cheap version where I wait for other people to just tell me whatever they feel like without any prompting and listen to that. Sometimes if I lose focus I try to just follow up with something like "oh that sucks", "wow", or some other generic response.

In my experience, most people reveal things that are irrelevant. The deep stuff doesn't come out much.

 

[WhiteDespair]

sounds like when I had to learn to accept smiles from other people. the first real step is to realize it's going on when it's happening. then, you have to look at the situation and figure out what the prior assumption is and whether it's useful or not. if it's not, you'll need to kinda reason your way out of it. I said something along the lines of, "people smile when they're happy. I'm getting a smile because someone liked what I said. this is not a threat." to myself when it happened. eventually it worked and smiles didn't cause me to freak out.

 

[Weebster]

sounds like when I had to learn to accept smiles from other people. the first real step is to realize it's going on when it's happening. then, you have to look at the situation and figure out what the prior assumption is and whether it's useful or not. if it's not, you'll need to kinda reason your way out of it. I said something along the lines of, "people smile when they're happy. I'm getting a smile because someone liked what I said. this is not a threat." to myself when it happened. eventually it worked and smiles didn't cause me to freak out.

I see smiles as jeers.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I see smiles as jeers.

yeah, same here. thought it was a legitimate threat. it took a while and I was able to minimize that reaction. not easy, but possible.

it sucks when something as simple as a smile causes anxiety.

 

[Deadly_Intention]

If you ever figure that out, do let me know too!

 

[MegaGordo]

I assume you want to stop making assumptions.