how do I reconcile my love for others with my desire to die?

[uniqueusername39]

I've been led to a corner where I've been told, "If you kill yourself, that means you don't love me."

This is far from true. But I see their point how they arrived at that conclusion... I told them I want to die because I'm tired of living, and see no purpose in living.
"Aren't I a purpose worth fighting for?" Yes, they are worth fighting for. But I just...can't anymore. It doesn't mean I don't love my dog if I die, or my parents, or my hobbies, or everything that gave me joy. Of course I love them all. I just don't want to stay anymore. I've been wanting my death for as long as I can remember. Maybe it's true that I don't think any of them worth staying for? But I don't want them to think that...

I don't know how to articulate to them how untrue their conclusion is. Obviously when I go I don't want them to think I didn't love them, or that they weren't worth it. I have the SN and metoclopramide and intend on catching the bus soon, if it helps to take me seriously when I ask this of you... Thank you for your attention.

 

[tiredcat]

maybe perhaps you can try explaining that the feeling of wanting to die doesnt mean you have lost all emotion for the things around you. (for some people this is the case though) in the end you are hurting, and maybe explain that living for others feels significantly different than living for yourself.

you are the one who's going through this. you may be in pain but that doesnt give them the right to assume you also want them to be in pain. maybe you might've wanted to keep trying but doing that for the sole purpose of others happiness and not ur own is not a valid motivator. you have to be the one who wants to see life through, not them. just be wary there is the chance of them never understanding that you did care for them after you decide to ctb. people with that mindset tind to be stubborn, but i hope in the end they do understand where you were coming from.

sending love and respect for ur decision. <3

 

[misthios2040]

You can kind of reverse what they say: "i don't want to stay because you don't love me enough..." right? I don't know. Sounds like you are in a pickle. Seeing as I have no friends and am too lazy to do homework, I'm going to answer this post.


First, obviously you love your dog. I mean who doesn't love their pets. Family on the other hand is complicated. they are inherently being selfish because they are asking you to ignore your pain so that you don't inconvenience them with losing you. I've struggled back and forth with this and objectively my situation is different from yours because my family never gave a shit about me. It's sort of like Stockholm syndrome. I thought that i love them, but really it was just an abusive relationship.

Understandably, I am pro-ctb. I believe that no man, God, or institution can tell you whether you should live or die. Since we are conscious enough to make decisions and procreate, we should have the curtesy to leave earth whenever we want. Living isn't meant for all of us. there are people like you who gave up on life and there are people like me that are too dumb to function. to each their own I always say. love your family but know if you leave it is not your fault. it's the fault of society for letting you down and disappointing you. ok, byeeeee :)