How do I overcome the guilt of hurting my parents?

[V0latile]

I was abused as a child and was adopted by a nice couple. They're also very sensitive people, which is where my intense guilt comes from. I wish they were stoic. They've been good to me, but my mental issues are getting worse all the time. Years of therapy and medication has failed. I also developed severe acid reflux (meds don't help) and I'm constantly coughing to keep saliva from going down my windpipe. That alone adds a lot of suffering. I have to sleep on my stomach and drool all over myself in order to avoid my saliva from going down my windpipe as I sleep. Swallowing makes me cough.

I'm late 20s. One of my mental problems (ocd) prevents me from working so I'm stuck on disability. People I meet regularly mistreat me when they find out. I hate being on disability and wish I could work and be normal. It's so infuriating. I hate this life and I hate being poor!

 

[I’vehadenough]

I was abused as a child and was adopted by a nice couple. They're also very sensitive people, which is where my intense guilt comes from. I wish they were stoic. They've been good to me, but my mental issues are getting worse all the time. Years of therapy and medication has failed. I also developed severe acid reflux (meds don't help) and I'm constantly coughing to keep saliva from going down my windpipe. That alone adds a lot of suffering. I have to sleep on my stomach and drool all over myself in order to avoid my saliva from going down my windpipe as I sleep. Swallowing makes me cough.

I'm late 20s. One of my mental problems (ocd) prevents me from working so I'm stuck on disability. People I meet regularly mistreat me when they find out. I hate being on disability and wish I could work and be normal. It's so infuriating. I hate this life and I hate being poor!

Hmm there are plenty of people with ocd who work
Maybe you just haven't found the right kind of work? I think working or keeping busy would give you some purpose and a reason to live. There are unconventional jobs out there too like artistic jobs

 

[ChristopherWalken]

If you are lucky enough to have good parents, it's ok to lean on them again even in your 20's. I wish I had reached out to my mom during a critical phase in my 20's and I wouldn't be where I am right now. But I felt guilty about being a burden to her after she'd done so much for me. So I muddled through and ended up completely screwing up my life permanently. That's the best advice I can give from my own personal experience.
I know it's torture but there may still be a solution out there to your medical problems.
To address your question about the guilt though, I have no answer, I don't think it's possible. You have to think about yourself and if the suffering is indeed too much you will need to convey that to them somehow.

 

[V0latile]

Hmm there are plenty of people with ocd who work
Maybe you just haven't found the right kind of work? I think working or keeping busy would give you some purpose and a reason to live. There are unconventional jobs out there too like artistic jobs

Don't make the mistake of thinking everyone with ocd suffers the same amount.

If you are lucky enough to have good parents, it's ok to lean on them again even in your 20's. I wish I had reached out to my mom during a critical phase in my 20's and I wouldn't be where I am right now. But I felt guilty about being a burden to her after she'd done so much for me. So I muddled through and ended up completely screwing up my life permanently. That's the best advice I can give from my own personal experience.
I know it's torture but there may still be a solution out there to your medical problems.
To address your question about the guilt though, I have no answer, I don't think it's possible. You have to think about yourself and if the suffering is indeed too much you will need to convey that to them somehow.

The acid reflux alone makes me suicidal. I take Flonase, prilosec, and another med. it doesn't help.

 

[Astral316]

I'm around your age, also on disability and no one would hire me for anything...

You can't really overcome the guilt of hurting your parents unless you become critical of them somehow or you get desperate enough to end your suffering no matter the consequences.

 

[V0latile]

I'm around your age, also on disability and no one would hire me for anything...

You can't really overcome the guilt of hurting your parents unless you become critical of them somehow or you get desperate enough to end your suffering no matter the consequences.

How do you cope with being on disability? I'm going to be stuck renting a room in someone's house forever. I hate living with strangers.

Hmm there are plenty of people with ocd who work
Maybe you just haven't found the right kind of work? I think working or keeping busy would give you some purpose and a reason to live. There are unconventional jobs out there too like artistic jobs

I'm not much of an artist. I tried to get into it because Van Gogh got into art around my age. I'm better at writing, but freelance writing pays jack shit.

 

[Astral316]

How do you cope with being on disability? I'm going to be stuck renting a room in someone's house forever. I hate living with strangers.

Well I just moved into an apartment on a voucher, maybe you can look into those... I buy food with an EBT card, do free things to fill up my day like going on walks or to the library... it's an easy existence but it's empty and it's without a long-term future. I don't socialize with others well and would do poorly in a work setting, imo... maybe I could volunteer at the local animal shelter or something I don't know. The only thing that brings me true joy is planning my suicide, that's how I cope essentially.

 

[snorli]

I'm not much of an artist. I tried to get into it because Van Gogh got into art around my age. I'm better at writing, but freelance writing pays jack shit.

For what it's worth, Van Gogh wasn't considered much of an artist during his life either.

 

[Jean4]

I honestly do not want to sound cold, and I have no family or friends, so I don't know what it is like to have anybody who cares. That being said, if you are dead, there is no guilt.

 

[V0latile]

For what it's worth, Van Gogh wasn't considered much of an artist during his life either.

I can't draw, so it wouldn't be considered art.

 

[snorli]

You can always make abstract art... just throw some paint at a canvas, a wall, a person...
Or just start doodling, swirly lines that swirl on and on and on, pale blue dots, body parts... Doodling always calms me down. The hardest part is finding the motivation to do it.

 

[V0latile]

Well I just moved into an apartment on a voucher, maybe you can look into those... I buy food with an EBT card, do free things to fill up my day like going on walks or to the library... it's an easy existence but it's empty and it's without a long-term future. I don't socialize with others well and would do poorly in a work setting, imo... maybe I could volunteer at the local animal shelter or something I don't know. The only thing that brings me true joy is planning my suicide, that's how I cope essentially.

That was basically my life for 5 yrs til I realized I couldn't afford a studio apartment anymore. Now I have to rent a room. Things haven't gotten worse. I should've killed myself back then.

 

[ronigail9]

Everyone dies. Everyone must accept death. It's normal. As long as you communicate your love to your parents in a note, they should understand that you needed your suffering to end and that you love them. Then they will be free and will start a new chapter in their life to learn acceptance and other different lessons they need.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I have OCD s well. When I was 15-17 I went through a terrible bought. And now that I have the highest ranking pain condition in medical history, the stress of that makes my OCD worse. But I'm not able to work because I'm physically sick. I also have acid reflux. Have you every tried Dexilant? It works great for me.

 

[MaybeSoon]

The guilt of hurting my parents and wonderful friends and loved ones is what is keeping me here. I don't know what's worse, wanting to die or knowing that doing so would hurt the people I love.

 

[V0latile]

I have OCD s well. When I was 15-17 I went through a terrible bought. And now that I have the highest ranking pain condition in medical history, the stress of that makes my OCD worse. But I'm not able to work because I'm physically sick. I also have acid reflux. Have you every tried Dexilant? It works great for me.

I haven't tried it. I've never been offered it by a doctor. I think it's because the brand is expensive.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I haven't tried it. I've never been offered it by a doctor. I think it's because the brand is expensive.

It depends if you have a prescription plan. Ask your doctor. It works amazing! It can't hurt to ask.

 

[V0latile]

It depends if you have a prescription plan. Ask your doctor. It works amazing! It can't hurt to ask.

I have Medicaid.

 

[ronigail9]

The guilt of hurting my parents and wonderful friends and loved ones is what is keeping me here. I don't know what's worse, wanting to die or knowing that doing so would hurt the people I love.

This is true for me as well, I have a child and that is what is worrying me. In the end, the will to die has to overcome the guilt of harming others in order to be successful, whatever that process looks like to get achieve. Everyone will move on and grow in their ways after my death. If they want to kill themselves they will. If they want to have a good or bad life it will be their choice. Only they can decide what they want to do. Idk

 

[Kronos]

I was abused as a child and was adopted by a nice couple. They're also very sensitive people, which is where my intense guilt comes from. I wish they were stoic. They've been good to me, but my mental issues are getting worse all the time. Years of therapy and medication has failed. I also developed severe acid reflux (meds don't help) and I'm constantly coughing to keep saliva from going down my windpipe. That alone adds a lot of suffering. I have to sleep on my stomach and drool all over myself in order to avoid my saliva from going down my windpipe as I sleep. Swallowing makes me cough.

I'm late 20s. One of my mental problems (ocd) prevents me from working so I'm stuck on disability. People I meet regularly mistreat me when they find out. I hate being on disability and wish I could work and be normal. It's so infuriating. I hate this life and I hate being poor!

From my similar experience, I can tell you that I'm alive so that I could take care of my parents once they are old. If they need me, I would bring them food, water, medication. And I could never hurt them in this way. Maybe this could be a reason for you to stay. I know it is tough, hang in there. Life's difficulties make us strong.

 

[V0latile]

From my similar experience, I can tell you that I'm alive so that I could take care of my parents once they are old. If they need me, I would bring them food, water, medication. And I could never hurt them in this way. Maybe this could be a reason for you to stay. I know it is tough, hang in there. Life's difficulties make us strong.

Fortunately my parents have many to assist them if need be.

 

[Kronos]

Fortunately my parents have many to assist them if need be.

This is wonderful. My parents aren't this fortunate, so I will be staying with them till the end.

 

[Foster13]

This is wonderful. My parents aren't this fortunate, so I will be staying with them till the end.

Oh Kronos, you couldn't suffer any more you poor soul. Rest In Peace buddy, no more suffering for you! I hope your as well as my family members will be fine without us..