How do I gain control of my life/my family for once without consequence?

[AnHeroTransGirl]

I was tempted to incorporate this thread into the one about my parents alcoholism but honestly I don't care anymore. I'm not looking for recovery anymore. I want control. I don't wanna be bossed around and treated like a 2nd class citizen where my words don't matter just because I have autism. My parents can't technically punish me but I'm 99% sure they can kick me out. No amount of talking it out or working it out can fix things for me. I want to take control of my life for once and no one is gonna stop me. I don't care how moral the method is but if the method of doing so is illegal then I'm going to need a way to avoid getting caught as well. Obviously I don't expect to become some sort of god or whatever but I want the ability to not be walked all over and not be their butler. I didn't choose to live with my parents again, I was forced to due to my grandparents passing away, yet I'm being punished for something out of my control by given the expectations of a butler and by being expected to do things that my parents should be doing themselves. So how do I go about this?

 

[todienomore]

maybe https://www.workaway.info ?

or wwoof ?

 

[estrangered]

glad to hear youre not gonna try 'fix' your alcoholic parents anymore, almost an impossible task. i cant recommend involving yourself in their issues if you can avoid it, i've just been staying on my parents good sides so they dont remove me from their will lol. they seem to just be taking advantage of your use to them purely because they can, they have survived until now when you were with your grandparents etc. if you can't move out into your own place/ with a friend how could you make yourself unavailable for them to take advantage of your use? could you spend the time you want to yourself out instead? maybe thats shit or obvious advice but anything is better in the meantime to finding a better situation, dont let yourself get into a routine they can rely on so you dont become stuck. just felt compelled to reply to you because i can sympathise (autism and insane parents) best wishes, hope you find yourself in a better situation soon <3.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

maybe https://www.workaway.info ?

or wwoof ?

How is working at a farm gonna help me gain control over my life?

glad to hear youre not gonna try 'fix' your alcoholic parents anymore, almost an impossible task. i cant recommend involving yourself in their issues if you can avoid it, i've just been staying on my parents good sides so they dont remove me from their will lol. they seem to just be taking advantage of your use to them purely because they can, they have survived until now when you were with your grandparents etc. if you can't move out into your own place/ with a friend how could you make yourself unavailable for them to take advantage of your use? could you spend the time you want to yourself out instead? maybe thats shit or obvious advice but anything is better in the meantime to finding a better situation, dont let yourself get into a routine they can rely on so you dont become stuck. just felt compelled to reply to you because i can sympathise (autism and insane parents) best wishes, hope you find yourself in a better situation soon <3.

Because it's gonna result in an argument I'm not willing to have. Last time I gave any sort of pushback resulted in the router getting unplugged.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Work towards getting a job or skill. I would recommend coding, it pays well and in just a few years you will earn 6 digits. It also requires no degree or qualification so you can learn it in your free time online. Once you have that high paying job you're free to do whatever you want.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Work towards getting a job or skill. I would recommend coding, it pays well and in just a few years you will earn 6 digits. It also requires no degree or qualification so you can learn it in your free time online. Once you have that high paying job you're free to do whatever you want.

I'm not exactly a believer in the "get better at life for revenge" rhetoric. I already have anger issues in regards to technology as is, not gonna go through that on the regular.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Are you able to move out? That's the only way imo.

 

[nembutal]

well, for one, you remind yourself constantly that you weren't placed on this earth to please anyone. the reason i mention that is because it's very easy to trap yourself in the mindset that you owe someone something by merely existing. which stagnates progress and continues the cycle of shame and guilt.
what i did when i realized i am not living for my parents and shouldn't take their toxicity anymore is i saved up enough money from work and birthday money to move out on my own. this didn't save me or remove all of my mental problems but it removed a large contributing factor.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Are you able to move out? That's the only way imo.

Not yet.

well, for one, you remind yourself constantly that you weren't placed on this earth to please anyone. the reason i mention that is because it's very easy to trap yourself in the mindset that you owe someone something by merely existing. which stagnates progress and continues the cycle of shame and guilt.
what i did when i realized i am not living for my parents and shouldn't take their toxicity anymore is i saved up enough money from work and birthday money to move out on my own. this didn't save me or remove all of my mental problems but it removed a large contributing factor.

It's not being a people pleaser that bugs me, it's having to not encounter an argument

 

[BloomingStrella]

I was tempted to incorporate this thread into the one about my parents alcoholism but honestly I don't care anymore. I'm not looking for recovery anymore. I want control. I don't wanna be bossed around and treated like a 2nd class citizen where my words don't matter just because I have autism. My parents can't technically punish me but I'm 99% sure they can kick me out. No amount of talking it out or working it out can fix things for me. I want to take control of my life for once and no one is gonna stop me. I don't care how moral the method is but if the method of doing so is illegal then I'm going to need a way to avoid getting caught as well. Obviously I don't expect to become some sort of god or whatever but I want the ability to not be walked all over and not be their butler. I didn't choose to live with my parents again, I was forced to due to my grandparents passing away, yet I'm being punished for something out of my control by given the expectations of a butler and by being expected to do things that my parents should be doing themselves. So how do I go about this?

Why are you treated as their butler? Though it is an unfortunate reality that even the smallest of brain "impairments" can be enough reason for others to downplay your words or actions, it shouldn't have gotten to that kind of a point.

Do they have you on some sort of an involuntary work-for-us-or-be-kicked-out deal? Your parents are full grown adults, and should be able to take care of themselves. Alcoholism isn't an excuse for them to be treating you this way.

Could you share some more info, if you're comfortable? This sounds like a losing battle, honestly.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I relate with this with the exception that my parents aren't alcoholics. Nonetheless, my parents are controlling and I don't really have any freedom due to them and also due to my autism. I am fully dependent on them. I wish I knew how to gain control but it genuinely seems different. So all I can say now is that I relate. Hopefully we find the answers sooner than later

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Why are you treated as their butler? Though it is an unfortunate reality that even the smallest of brain "impairments" can be enough reason for others to downplay your words or actions, it shouldn't have gotten to that kind of a point.

Do they have you on some sort of an involuntary work-for-us-or-be-kicked-out deal? Your parents are full grown adults, and should be able to take care of themselves. Alcoholism isn't an excuse for them to be treating you this way.

Could you share some more info, if you're comfortable? This sounds like a losing battle, honestly.

Because they're lazy, not formally but I don't doubt they can do that. Now actually tell me a way please

I relate with this with the exception that my parents aren't alcoholics. Nonetheless, my parents are controlling and I don't really have any freedom due to them and also due to my autism. I am fully dependent on them. I wish I knew how to gain control but it genuinely seems different. So all I can say now is that I relate. Hopefully we find the answers sooner than later

Okay so where's the solution?

 

[BloomingStrella]

Because they're lazy, not formally but I don't doubt they can do that. Now actually tell me a way please

Okay so where's the solution?

Your attitude isn't really helping. There's no magic pill cure for anything in life, except of course for suicide itself.

As cliché as it may sound, you should just try to ignore them. They'll either be forced to do things for themselves, or will try to force you to once again do things for them. If things get heated, then call the police on them. It should be evident that you're getting mistreated, right? You mentioned your parents are alcoholic. Use that against them.

From the way you're making it sound, you'd be far better off living in a foster home. In that case, you'd have nothing to lose. Make up a case, gather verifiable evidence, pull out all the stops, and get yourself a one way ticket out of your parent's lives, hopefully forever.

Remember no one owes you anything. Neither of us had to reply to your thread, we just chose to do so. I'd suggest you don't give people an attitude, because you're the one seeking help from us.

Keep me posted if possible.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Your attitude isn't really helping. There's no magic pill cure for anything in life, except of course for suicide itself.

As cliché as it may sound, you should just try to ignore them. They'll either be forced to do things for themselves, or will try to force you to once again do things for them. If things get heated, then call the police on them. It should be evident that you're getting mistreated, right? You mentioned your parents are alcoholic. Use that against them.

From the way you're making it sound, you'd be far better off living in a foster home. In that case, you'd have nothing to lose. Make up a case, gather verifiable evidence, pull out all the stops, and get yourself a one way ticket out of your parent's lives, hopefully forever.

Remember no one owes you anything. Neither of us had to reply to your thread, we just chose to do so. I'd suggest you don't give people an attitude, because you're the one seeking help from us.

Keep me posted if possible.

Well the reason I want control is also because I want them to properly start giving a shit about my younger siblings. Plus I want compensation for how they treated me for 23 years of my life.

 

[BloomingStrella]

Well the reason I want control is also because I want them to properly start giving a shit about my younger siblings. Plus I want compensation for how they treated me for 23 years of my life.

Do you think it's reasonable for POSes like them to care about your younger siblings, if they can't even care for their eldest sibling?

Also, throw compensation out of the equation. There's no way in hell you're going to get any type of "compensation" from alcoholic parents. You'd be more likely to win the lottery.

You're absolutely fighting a losing battle. Realistically, the only way out of this is somehow gaining custody of your siblings, and maintaining them as if you were their mother. Contesting custody with your parents is no small feat, you know. There's a lot of money and hard work involved, but if you're up for it, then you can go for it.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Do you think it's reasonable for POSes like them to care about your younger siblings, if they can't even care for their eldest sibling?

Also, throw compensation out of the equation. There's no way in hell you're going to get any type of "compensation" from alcoholic parents. You'd be more likely to win the lottery.

You're absolutely fighting a losing battle. Realistically, the only way out of this is somehow gaining custody of your siblings, and maintaining them as if you were their mother. Contesting custody with your parents is no small feat, you know. There's a lot of money and hard work involved, but if you're up for it, then you can go for it.

Well I can barely even get my own house let alone get custody of someone else. And I know I can get compensation somehow with the right influence. I don't deserve to go through hell for so many years and not get anything out of it

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bumping because I still hate living here

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bumping because there's no limit to how much I can do this and I really want to get control. I don't care how many times I'm told it's impossible, I will get it or someone is gonna receive some sort of revenge.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bumping again because if I don't gain this control I'm most likely gonna go homeless after Christmas/in march willingly and out of spite.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

Bump

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

bump

 

[Passersby]

I really hope you don't have to be homeless. I know how terrible it is to be trapped in an unwanted living situation with no way out. I hope you can get out and find a way.

 

[cryone]

i think people already answered your question. you can only really gain control by getting a job. people have provided suggestions, but you've instantly turned all of them down. If you don't like technology nor want a degree, you can try being a sales representative or a freelancer. Just something to look into.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

I really hope you don't have to be homeless. I know how terrible it is to be trapped in an unwanted living situation with no way out. I hope you can get out and find a way.

I mean it'll have to be homelessness if I don't move out in a timely manner.

i think people already answered your question. you can only really gain control by getting a job. people have provided suggestions, but you've instantly turned all of them down. If you don't like technology nor want a degree, you can try being a sales representative or a freelancer. Just something to look into.

Yeah I've already told those same people many times how their plans don't work and I've made it clear multiple times that nothing is off the table for me morally.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

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[AnHeroTransGirl]

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[AnHeroTransGirl]

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[AnHeroTransGirl]

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[AnHeroTransGirl]

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[AnHeroTransGirl]

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