Help How do I explain how things like “we’ll miss you” doesn’t help?

[imsorrythatimhere]

I'm quite bad at putting things into words, but it's just so meaningless. I get that people are trying to help, but it inevitably annoys me to the point where I feel like I can't really rant.

some other empty platitudes
-you're a good person (this one isn't as bad I guess
-suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it on to others (I don't think this is the correct wording but oh well)
-you can be happy
-things get better

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, my conclusion is that the best to do is ignore these kind of comments because those type of people will never understand individuals like us.
They're just programmed to live no matter what and in their eyes, we're nothing but cowards who can't endure life, which is the most precious thing in the world (for them).

So, in my opinion, just don't explain anything to them lol

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Well, my conclusion is that the best to do is ignore these kind of comments because those type of people will never understand individuals like us.

Well, my conclusion is that the best to do is ignore these kind of comments because those type of people will never understand individuals like us.



There are people that do understand, but will miss a person being around. Not everyone is desperate p save. But we all have feelings

 

[Bigpink]

Those empty platitudes are utterly meaningless. Easier than admitting life can be a meaningless empty void. I like the void

 

[Busridin'26]

If the person is listening then I think it takes a bit of time to explain.

Being honest about your feelings and difficulties. So in that saying "I understand you are trying to help but statements such as that do not help me bc... It makes me feel... It makes it hard to speak/rant bc...
(or whatever version of that)

Then in my experience, people ask how would you like them to respond/say etc etc. (If they haven't experienced suicidality themselves bc I think usually the response is dif if they have.)

 

[Sprite_Geist]

-suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it on to others (I don't think this is the correct wording but oh well)

This prompts the question: why are suicidal people responsible for the feelings of others? I am not saying that I believe this rhetorical question to be true, necessarily, but this is something to think about because it is the other side of the argument that many with an anti-choice stance do not consider. Given that we are told to take ownership of our own happiness, and to not blame others for our sorrow, it then seems hypocritical for the anti-choice crowd or society as a whole to then offload their grief and pain onto somebody who has ended their life, as if they are suddenly in control of everybody elses emotions - despite always being told otherwise.

-you can be happy

Happiness does not always equate to being comfortable (not suffering) in life, or having your basic and important needs meat. Also happiness needs to be better defined, because everybody has their take on it, but certain perceptions of happiness are damaging. For example some individuals think being "happy" means suppressing negative thoughts, and putting on a struggling smile while saying "I'm fine!" - even when you are clearly not okay. This contributes to the stigma of opening up about your feelings which, in turn, can lead to suicide.

-things get better

Peoples situations do not always get better; a person who is terminally ill who spends the last few months of their lives writhing in agony, or the countless homeless and impoverished who are swept under the rug because they are viewed by some as an inconvenience. These are just two examples, out of so many, were somebodies situation does not get better. The world is not a fairytale. Not everyone gets to marry the prince/princess and live "happily ever after". There are so many variables in this existence that make it impossible (from our current understanding) to be completely free of cruelty - which is horrible.


I do not believe that the platitudes you have mentioned can be argued against easily. They are repeated so many times that not many actually stop to question whether or not they are true; they are seen as facts just because everybody else repeats them. All that you can do is try to make reasonable arguments against them; then others will either see your point, or they will not. The stigma surrounding suicide is concrete and it is likely that it will only diminish slowly and gradually over time, as more and more individuals are exposed to the insanity that we call reality.

 

[Trisolaris]

You can't really explain it to those who haven't been there.

 

[hans0solo]

people try to guilt you. they try to use morality. or religion to manipulate you. they uphold this taboo around talking about death, the reality that people deal with unjust lives. they want to perpetuate the super happy fantasy of social media lives. it sucks. it sucks the oxygen out of people who are struggling with histories of bad shit happening. it invalidates our suffering. The one thing people can do to help with no effort is see our pain, believe us. pain shared is pain lessened. We don't need to justify our feelings.

 

[hatedanddestroyed]

I'm quite bad at putting things into words, but it's just so meaningless. I get that people are trying to help, but it inevitably annoys me to the point where I feel like I can't really rant.

some other empty platitudes
-you're a good person (this one isn't as bad I guess
-suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it on to others (I don't think this is the correct wording but oh well)
-you can be happy
-things get better

#1 way to tick me off- say some stupid platitudes. For some unknown reason some people think "prayers" or "thinking of you" will make everything ok. Guess what? It's not going to stop anything, doesn't help, and it's one less stupid, meaningless BS that after ctb I will NOT have to endure.

 

[Kristicide]

I'm quite bad at putting things into words, but it's just so meaningless. I get that people are trying to help, but it inevitably annoys me to the point where I feel like I can't really rant.

some other empty platitudes
-you're a good person (this one isn't as bad I guess
-suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it on to others (I don't think this is the correct wording but oh well)
-you can be happy
-things get better

Those are the "thoughts and prayers" statements for those of us who want to ctb

 

[Seiba]

I've been in a similar situation and I struggle with articulation as well due to former homeschooling related lack of socialization. I've just generally told the person I don't care if she's upset with my death and that I'm not going to live for others. For the circular issue of it just being "not normal" and caused by depression I haven't really been able to articulate anything other than saying I don't think that's accurate. For the it's gets better bit you'd get told you could simply tell them that's fortune telling and they have no way of knowing your future.

For the passing of pain, it depends on how blunt you are. I've just outright told the household member I won't live for others and anyone is free to leave. I've said multiple times that I think it's someone choice to leave or stay -- which would otherwise imply having a life ruined by someone you know attempting suicide is chosen since the person can leave at any time. You could otherwise try going for a more idealized version and just tell them there's a difference between grief, of wanting to obtain or keep a person around versus the feeling of wanting to kill yourself for a long time. They are two different kind of pain entirely, and it is not comparable.

I understand it's different when other people are aware -- the validation in some way of a concession or someone actually listening to points you make would be nice but it's in all likely hood not going to happen and could result in severe betrayal like them calling the police on you if you don't concede. Tread carefully with these people -- they're not interested in a philosophical debate when it concerns a friend or family member doing something as desperate as ending their life. They will use further platitudes, guilt trips, and even police if you are not careful enough.