How close are you to CTB

[WhiteRabbit]

I have N, I'm just waiting until I absolutely can't take it anymore. I'm not sure how many more months I can take. Everything just keeps getting worse.

 

[DraktarLim]

How close are you to CTB

Very close. I have everything done. What's holding me back is the fact that for someone to hang themselves without a trigger (something to give you a little push) is very difficult. I wouldn't say I don't have the courage, but i think there's something missing. I'm waiting for the right moment. It's a very difficult feeling to explain to be honest. I think someone who's going to do hanging can understand what i am talking about.

 

[lili]

My SN arrived yesterday but wish I had N. I'm waiting off on mid April still. Want to finalize a few projects. I just hate having waited so long for the SN since my emotions shift. Right now I don't feel as bad as I did a few weeks ago, although my personal situation isn't any better.

I think as I've read around this forum, knowing that my SN has just arrived has relaxed me a lot more, it makes me feel like I have more control of my life somehow, that if I can't handle anything anymore I know it's there.

 

[deathbydragon]

My life is around 98-99% done, that's for sure.

 

[its-about-time]

Tonight I would likely take my SN if I had it. I've had a pretty nice day and I just am feeling motivated to die. It's en route though, I should have it by mid-April.

 

[Chiisai]

This close.

 

[Talvikki]

It's been enough. I'm ending it this week.

 

[downndone2]

I suppose I still have a glimmer of hope but it is small. I hang to this terrible life for my kids and dogs. If things arent better by March of 2023 (when my life ins suicide and contestibility clause ends) then I plan to ctb on my birthday.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I have primary method decided and almost prepared for, and two back-up methods decided and fully prepared for. It's going to take 6 months to accumulate all of the ingredients from my doctor necessary for the primary method, so in the meantime I'm going to see a private 'specialist' about my afflictions, because I have nothing to lose, and some cash at my disposal. May aswell give it one last try...

 

[fastlife]

It's been enough. I'm ending it this week.

he has gone

rest in peace friend

 

[Laowaiboss]

The older I get (I'm 32, 33 next month) the more I think about it. Just a few years ago I was still chasing my dreams, traveling the world, making money, meeting interesting people, etc... Now I truly don't care anymore, I have done the traveling part, been all over the world, not every countries but close, I find people boring and I realized that having lots of money won't solve my problems. I'm just tired with everything.

 

[lostmylove]

Method set, know what I'm doing.

Gotta month or two to decide the right time I'm trying to holdout for my partner who's no longer with me's birthday. I still have reservations but this is best option for me as there's no chance of my life improving now he's gone.

 

[Zebedee]

Quite close... I have all the equipment I need for my chosen method (CO poisoning) and think about suicide pretty much every day, but I lack the courage it takes to ctb.

 

[Siterfau]

Not close enough.

 

[CaramelDragon]

Attempting hanging again tomorrow morning. Will try partial and hopefully have courage to step off ladder for full if that doesn't work. So tired of failing.

 

[stellabelle]

Nothing stopping me, for sure.

Sad as fuck.

Just fucking sad.

Acquiring the necessary substance to do so?

Probably "easier" now than it was in the past based on location.

Overcoming the "mystery" of "should I just hurry up and get it over with?" Or "try to survive a little while without a determined time period and 'enjoy' what is left to the last of my ability, which it isn't really enjoyable anyway…."


Literally nothing would change how I feel. How I feel about the past, what lead to the present, and the ultimately doomed and pointless foreseeable future.

So how close am I?

Hand me the pills, kiss it goodbye.

"Life" used to be "worth it" and "fun" until they destroyed it. And they'll just continue to do so. So who fucking cares? Nobody.

 

[Sunset Limited]

CTB after 5-6 months. For some personal reasons I have to wait. I've prepared everything about my method.

 

[BigGimpin]

I have had my N since last week, the past few days has been HELL! The pain wont stop, Im popping Oxy like they are kit kats, I cant take this much longer.

I told my 80yr old mother what I plan on doing, we are very close and she wants be there when I do it.

As far as a timetable? I never have set a date, but April 5th is coming soon and that is the day both Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley were found dead, they mean so much to me and I would not be here without their music.

We will see and keep you posted.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I want to do it now. God, I wish

 

[UnravelingWinter]

Once I get my N, it will either make me feel safer and I'll comfortably postpone ctb for a few more months, or I'll just take it when I get it in 2.5 weeks.

Either way, I'm dead sometime this year.

 

[IWTD]

Last night was close. I want it to look like an accident for my children's sake. My mind is tortured, day in day out. When it becomes quiet my thoughts are the loudest.

 

[yardflower98]

I am prepping to ctb in a few weeks. It's a long time coming, and I am at peace with it. But I am concerned with the impact to a few people in my life that will not understand, so I am looking for a way to shroud it under the guise of an accident. I welcome any insights and/or experiences that can help me achieve that goal.

Last night was close. I want it to look like an accident for my children's sake. My mind is tortured, day in day out. When it becomes quiet my thoughts are the loudest.

likewise for me... any thoughts you can share about your "accidental" method ?

 

[Hope:-)]

Very.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I have absolutely no hope… But no desire to CTB….

 

[IWTD]

I am prepping to ctb in a few weeks. It's a long time coming, and I am at peace with it. But I am concerned with the impact to a few people in my life that will not understand, so I am looking for a way to shroud it under the guise of an accident. I welcome any insights and/or experiences that can help me achieve that goal.

likewise for me... any thoughts you can share about your "accidental" method ?

I need it to look like an accident, I've tried several not so fool proof methods; like crashing a couple cars. Last week when I wrote this I was about to jump in front of a speeding car on the "hwy" My wife followed me barefoot as I was entering the highway.

We have been going through a very tough time, and she has no trust or respect for me. She's only with me now fearing If she left I would finish the deed.

 

[tired868686]

Ready to go now. Just need a way that's effective.
I've never enjoyed life at all.
"Life's not for everybody" as someone once said.

 

[Hope:-)]

2 weeks time if I can get the meds this week.

 

[Howdiditcometothis?]

Closer and closer. I was a healthy 36M up until a cataclysmic health failure. I'm shitting blood, losing weight, have neurological issues that are Multiple Sclerosis . I am so ill and it's getting worse
Constant tinnitus, spasms and many other issues.


My body has failed itself. Health services don't give a fuck. Neither do my family they think it'll all be fine. No it won't. No idea what MS is and what I'll be like. I kind of fancy sticking around and being disabled so they see.

With each month I am pushing closer to CTB. I just don't know how I am going to go. I wanted to load up nitrogen cannisters and seal myself somewhere and just go.

It's just hard to do it.

 

[BloodyNobody]

Early Jan I'm hoping for. Gives me time to save up for my cremation and I can leave my family with some happy memories from the Christmas holidays that way. They don't care about me when I'm alive but I know if I died they would care and I want to make it as easy for them as possible.

 

[Mjølnir]

Closer for every day that passes