How can I belong here? Or have I overstayed my welcome?

[DetachedDreamer97]

I used to call it a home, and I always had much more to contribute than I do now, besides tips on methods for ctb. I used to be able to come up with worthwhile things to say, that wasn't just about me or my venting. But I have dumbed down and I can't really think of anything other than just having my perfect method at hand. That's been my entire focus. In hindsight, I should've been more active, and chatted. But I don't think that goes well since I'm invisible. Maybe I'm overthinking, but I've dealt with enough of the bullshit already. What's the point of being part of a community when you're just gonna be ignored, disregarded, misunderstood and labeled as a bigot, or thrown under the bus by some failed detective for something I didn't do, despite being a part of the community even before this site was created?! I'm tired of trying to fit in. I'm tired of trying to be cordial. There is no point.
But perhaps I'm too damned angry and that I should calm down and accept the change. Nothing is the same, nor will it ever be.

I don't know which section it belongs to, but if I'm in the wrong place, so be it. Feel free to move it to offtopic. I've said my piece for the night.

For those few who have been a friend to me, thanks. I may not say it to you directly, but thanks.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Not sure where this post has come from, as in wht prompted it, but I actually logged on this morning, wondering why I am on here? I have been here for 2 yrs (this was a new profile last year due to be found) and I am unnoticed, and don't know any one, (thes ones I used to know have moved on, some to recovery, some got fed up of the forum other CTBd)
I do wonder why am I still here, when the threads are the same constantly now, similar title different poster.
These forums though, I realise get like that after a while, people come and go, people fall out, people make *friends*

Take a breath, take a breather, maybe take a break from the site?

 

[Marktheghost]

As far as I'm concerned, you're welcome here.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

There are periods when I don't "contribute" at all or am a net-negative and other times where people like my posts. Maybe you'll get your flow back later.

 

[Life sucks]

I feel alienated sometimes because most of the people I know disappeared or ctbed. I'm not much active nowadays also. I used to think that I should quit or something because I'm an old member but not anymore. I think its my home until I ctb or die.

 

[insipixiecat]

I feel alienated sometimes because most of the people I know disappeared or ctbed. I'm not much active nowadays also. I used to think that I should quit or something because I'm an old member but not anymore. I think its my home until I ctb or die.

I can relate to that feeling very much. It feels very odd to be in a community where the peope you intimately bonded with have long since passed on, in one way or another. All that remains is the question of why we still bother coming here. The feeling of loneliness that answering said question ensues is incredibly overwhelming.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Sometimes doing a new activity constantly can burn you out mentally; until eventually it no longer feels enjoyable anymore, but instead just like another monotonous chore. Perhaps you could take a step back, if you have not already done so, and try to use the forum less. Then your ideas for posts might come back? This is only a suggestion.

As for your first question: no; you have not overstayed your welcome. This community was founded on the pro-choice stance after all, so only you can make a good judgement on whether or not you want to continue using the forum. There is no time limit or requirement to leave after a certain amount of time, so please do not leave unless that is what you desire, and not because you feel pushed.

 

[Seiko]

I'm glad to say I'm slowly starting to get better. For that, I don't frequent this site anymore. Being here helped immensely in finding a reliable exit, but since certain factors of my life have improved, I feel no need to CTB (yet). Being here while nothing is wrong is like listening to a sad song when you're just fine. It can be a downer.

But yes, there have been some moments of snark (not against me) that I have witnessed here. It is disappointing to see it on a forum dedicated to discussing the most serious things you can do, but it is what it is. This site is still subject to all the faults of the internet. Don't leave—unless that is your choice.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I'm kinda new here. I did made a few friends but I'm SO bad at conversations.
Sometimes I try to help, but if people wanted to hear helping tips they would call the helpline. Sometimes I try to comfort, but I'm terrible at speaking, I try my best.

Yet I come here because I .. like it?

Knowing that I'm not alone in this world comforts me. There are people out there that understands my troubles, I guess.
Plus, I'm at a very difficult time in my life, I have like 2 irl friends and they are living happily ever after, which is awesome, but make them simply "disconnected" to me.

This place is somewhat comforting.
It annoys me too, I wish I was the only one to suffer.
I also get really bad when I see a ctb thread. But that's the kinda of the point of the website.

Anyway ... It's kinda like we're all brothers and sisters helping each other, the proof of that, is that I could relate to your thread.

I just wish I were better at talking. But my whole life were like this ... I need to accept that I will never learn.

 

[blue_muse]

I don't think you're overthinking. Maybe because I'm still a newbie, even after all these months ha, I feel like a latecomer to formal party because most SS members seem settled in their associations with one another.

Saying that, I've seen a few users try baiting me with threads. I end up seeing things, only a few people in real life know. But hey, just means I could be brushing shoulders with disguised Law Enforcement in the outside world.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I feel alienated sometimes because most of the people I know disappeared or ctbed. I'm not much active nowadays also. I used to think that I should quit or something because I'm an old member but not anymore. I think its my home until I ctb or die.

Yeah, I'll say that is the case. It's been long and I miss those days.

I'm kinda new here. I did made a few friends but I'm SO bad at conversations.
Sometimes I try to help, but if people wanted to hear helping tips they would call the helpline. Sometimes I try to comfort, but I'm terrible at speaking, I try my best.

Yet I come here because I .. like it?

Knowing that I'm not alone in this world comforts me. There are people out there that understands my troubles, I guess.
Plus, I'm at a very difficult time in my life, I have like 2 irl friends and they are living happily ever after, which is awesome, but make them simply "disconnected" to me.

This place is somewhat comforting.
It annoys me too, I wish I was the only one to suffer.
I also get really bad when I see a ctb thread. But that's the kinda of the point of the website.

Anyway ... It's kinda like we're all brothers and sisters helping each other, the proof of that, is that I could relate to your thread.

I just wish I were better at talking. But my whole life were like this ... I need to accept that I will never learn.

That is also it, I can't initiate conversations. It often quickly falls flat. I agree with the irl friends. I feel alienated from them being that we live different lives. Especially my best friend from high school. Talking to him often leaves me drained, and he probably thinks the same about me.

I don't think you're overthinking. Maybe because I'm still a newbie, even after all these months ha, I feel like a latecomer to formal party because most SS members seem settled in their associations with one another.

Heh! That is often the case in most places, even when I was here. A little late to the party, sir!
I suppose is why I thrive better in small communities vs large. Gives some of us more time to have a talking stick and be heard. I hope you're able to gain traction.

Saying that, I've seen a few users try baiting me with threads. I end up seeing things, only a few people in real life know. But hey, just means I could be brushing shoulders with disguised Law Enforcement in the outside world.

It is possible…

They bait you?

 

[FuneralCry]

I think in general, as time passes you can tend to feel differently about things. Things do change and that is a part of life and you often cannot go back to how things once were. There is no such thing as overstaying welcome with this site. For me I just find it comforting that this site exists and it is the one place where we can talk about these topics. I wish you well.

 

[blue_muse]

They bait you?

Some forum members have tried baiting; repeating things I've said to people in real life, which makes me doubt they're on SS for legitimate reasons. The mentions often happen hours or a few days after I've disclosed them in real life. I find it more grating than upsetting.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Some forum members have tried baiting; repeating things I've said to people in real life, which makes me doubt they're on SS for legitimate reasons. The mentions often happen hours or a few days after I've disclosed them in real life. I find it more grating than upsetting.

That is definitely pretty sussy. I'd be disturbed as well.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

For me it's more about having gotten somewhat better. This forum was part of what helped me steer myself out of severe depression but I can't seem to let it go. I guess because I know I have chronic mental health issues, ctb will always be at least at the back of my mind.

I only really regularly spoke (read: got drunk) with WornOutLife and now he's properly moved on of course...

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

For me it's more about having gotten somewhat better. This forum was part of what helped me steer myself out of severe depression but I can't seem to let it go. I guess because I know I have chronic mental health issues, ctb will always be at least at the back of my mind.

I only really regularly spoke (read: got drunk) with WornOutLife and now he's properly moved on of course...

Ironically, maybe I have gotten somewhat better (or have found hope), apart from needing my safety net… and maybe it kinda has me relating a little less with everyone. Of course, our problems are different by default, albeit similar… but different.

I never talked to WornOutLife, but his posts were wholesome. I wish him a prosperous life.

 

[Soulless Angel]

For me it's more about having gotten somewhat better. This forum was part of what helped me steer myself out of severe depression but I can't seem to let it go. I guess because I know I have chronic mental health issues, ctb will always be at least at the back of my mind.

I only really regularly spoke (read: got drunk) with WornOutLife and now he's properly moved on of course...

this forum has stopped me jumping from a bridge before, I think thats why I have stayed in some ways, this forum helped more then people in real life ever have

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

this forum helped more then people in real life ever have

Same (and that very much includes mental health services).

 

[goomsoom]

I am in the same boat, this forum is the reason I am still here. Logged in after a long time as most people I used to chat/discuss about everything are not here anymore and it feels really odd depressing. Even my thought process has changed I guess I am less depressed now idk what is it.

CTB will always be in the back of my mind and I don't want to lose this forum, that makes me panic making me feel there is no escape.

 

[9BBN]

Ironically, maybe I have gotten somewhat better (or have found hope), apart from needing my safety net… and maybe it kinda has me relating a little less with everyone. Of course, our problems are different by default, albeit similar… but different.

I think this has the ring of truth to it. Personally I'm here because this is my safety net. I don't have people in my life I can trust with everything I think and believe. Plus it's difficult to meet people during the pandemic.

You are certainly welcome here. Maybe not everyone knows you, but you're a valued member. I don't know the vast majority of people here, but it's nice to recognize a profile every now and then and hear about their news. You'd be surprised how many people at least recognize you.

Maybe I'm overthinking, but I've dealt with enough of the bullshit already. What's the point of being part of a community when you're just gonna be ignored, disregarded, misunderstood and labeled as a bigot, or thrown under the bus by some failed detective for something I didn't do, despite being a part of the community even before this site was created?! I'm tired of trying to fit in. I'm tired of trying to be cordial. There is no point.
But perhaps I'm too damned angry and that I should calm down and accept the change. Nothing is the same, nor will it ever be.

Sorry you had to deal with bullshit. That's what's not welcome here.

 

[chocolatebar]

I'm also finding it hard to interact around here lately, since nothing comes out from my mind and I'm having difficulties in writing coherently, but I still come often and, at least, give the people some hugs.

 

[blue_muse]

That is definitely pretty sussy. I'd be disturbed as well.

At this point, it's not disturbing anymore. When it happens now I just eye-roll and think aloud or quietly "Hmm, I wonder why you're suddenly mentioning a, b or c". Kudos to you for not writing me off as disturbed, which is the outside world's job.

For someone angry you make a lot of sense .

 

[clown_17]

Sometimes I don't feel valid here because I don't post regularly and I haven't attempted in a while. I mostly use this site for methods and venting. I think anyone's valid as long as you're suicidal, even passively. There's no huge checklist of requirements.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I think this has the ring of truth to it. Personally I'm here because this is my safety net. I don't have people in my life I can trust with everything I think and believe. Plus it's difficult to meet people during the pandemic.

Hehe, you're right about that. I'm not as social as I was in my youth, but yeah, an outlet is kinda all I need at this point, that and a "beacon of light" to guide and support me in my life.

You are certainly welcome here. Maybe not everyone knows you, but you're a valued member. I don't know the vast majority of people here, but it's nice to recognize a profile every now and then and hear about their news. You'd be surprised how many people at least recognize you.

Thanks! I appreciate it. As for the rest of who has replied.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

At this point, it's not disturbing anymore. When it happens now I just eye-roll and think aloud or quietly "Hmm, I wonder why you're suddenly mentioning a, b or c". Kudos to you for not writing me off as disturbed, which is the outside world's job.

That's good at least! And no problem! I don't think I'm in much of a position to decide on what makes someone disturbed as I'm a pretty disturbed guy myself.

For someone angry you make a lot of sense .

Thanks! Granted, I'm not entire angry… otherwise, I'd be very incoherent and lose whatever composure I have left.

 

[Mr2005]

Repeating myself while others move on is how I live my own life so it mirrors that quite well.

 

[blue_muse]

That's good at least! And no problem! I don't think I'm in much of a position to decide on what makes someone disturbed as I'm a pretty disturbed guy myself.

Thanks! Granted, I'm not entire angry… otherwise, I'd be very incoherent and lose whatever composure I have left.

You don't sound disturbed, you come across as a tactful straight-talker.

I know you're not angry, forgive my lame attempt at being tongue-in-cheek.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

You don't sound disturbed, you come across as a tactful straight-talker.

Mentally I am with the thoughts in my head. But thanks! That would be my nature to try and be tactful; I hate conflict.

I know you're not angry, forgive my lame attempt at being tongue-in-cheek.

Ohhh… no sweat! Lol