How can a mother be unable to love her own child?

[lawlietsph]

How is this possible?
Why can't she love me?
Why can't she have any nice words to me?
How is she able to be such a fucking asshole to me?
Why can't she love me?
Am I really unlovable and worthless? Why didn't she aborted me if I am the reason for her being unhappy?
How does it feel to be unconditionally loved?
Shouldn't it be unconditional love?
Doesn't it come naturally, instinctively for a mother to love her own child?
What is wrong with her, what is wrong with me?
I always remember the Columbine school shooting, how one of the shooter's mom is still giving interviews about how she'll always going to love her son no matter how much he destroyed their entire life. She is still talking with so much love about her son. A murderer.
But me, who's always always trying to be the best child in the entire world, to never cause any problem, I am hated and neglected.
I am a little girl in a 28 years old body. I just want my mom and my dad. I just want them to love me for once in my lifetime.
How does it feel like to be loved?
What's it like when you have someone to call when you are so sad?
What's it like when they care about you ending your life?
My mother doesn't care about it. I've told her when I've tried to hang myself, and her answer was "And? What should I do about it?"
Why can't she love me or at least leave me alone?
Why is she such a bitch to me?
Why am I never good enough?
I am just a child, I'm so scared and I need my mom and dad to hold me just once in this lifetime.
What does a hug feel like? Or any kind of touch?
Why am I not worthy of basic human needs?
Am I really so bad and disgusting?
I just want to be loved, everything hurts so much.

 

[Namelesa]

To me the worst thing someone could ever do in life is create a new life and not take care of them and instead neglect or abuse them. They have caused this person to go through unnecessary suffering and they have decided to make it even worse for them. If someone has to go through this painful world then at least give them a good start by taking care of them and loving them. Any biological parent that doesn't do this are honestly worse than anything else in life.

I do understand if some people can't be parents as it does require a lot of time and effort to raise a child and they may feel like they obligated to become one because of society and that a lot of people have children but it doesn't excuse them for being bad at it and causing more suffering onto the child when they have gone through the decision to create this new life.

You are not bad or disgusting. No one is when they have been forceful been brought here. You deserve to be loved and cared for at least by your parent/s as they are obligated to cus they created you and caused your future suffering. Your mum is the bad and disgusting one here.

In terms of ways to feel like a child and be looked after by a parental figure, look up what age regression is and see if that can help feel the void of what your mum wasn't able to do. It has helped my best friend as he has an neglectful abusive mum and so was able to experience parental love through it with me as his caregiver and mother figure.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I personally think that unconditional love doesn't exist and that most parents has some sort of conditional love for their child (and then there are the rare edge cases of parents having no love for their child at all). I've seen it time and time again where some parents hate their child for being neurodivergent or for being part of LGBT. It's all conditional and being a parent doesn't automatically mean that they will have a lot of love for their child. Some parents just don't care

I can't really assume what's happening in your situation but, nonetheless, I think that you deserve to be loved. I'm sorry that you aren't getting that love

 

[CatLvr]

Man, I don't have a clue and my heart breaks for anyone whose mom (or dad, for that matter) is that way. (For the record, my mom was Satan incarnate -- her children were just an means to an end -- and my dad enabled that bullshit.)

My children saved my life -- literally. I would die for them. It is my JOB to protect and care for them, even if they don't understand why or agree with the things I say or do. They are all adults now, but I still feel that way. They are the ONLY reason I haven't ctb already.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

 

[lawlietsph]

I

To me the worst thing someone could ever do in life is create a new life and not take care of them and instead neglect or abuse them. They have caused this person to go through unnecessary suffering and they have decided to make it even worse for them. If someone has to go through this painful world then at least give them a good start by taking care of them and loving them. Any biological parent that doesn't do this are honestly worse than anything else in life.

I do understand if some people can't be parents as it does require a lot of time and effort to raise a child and they may feel like they obligated to become one because of society and that a lot of people have children but it doesn't excuse them for being bad at it and causing more suffering onto the child when they have gone through the decision to create this new life.

You are not bad or disgusting. No one is when they have been forceful been brought here. You deserve to be loved and cared for at least by your parent/s as they are obligated to cus they created you and caused your future suffering. Your mum is the bad and disgusting one here.

In terms of ways to feel like a child and be looked after by a parental figure, look up what age regression is and see if that can help feel the void of what your mum wasn't able to do. It has helped my best friend as he has an neglectful abusive mum and so was able to experience parental love through it with me as his caregiver and mother figure.

I don't understand why they had to have me... My sister was born 4 years before me and they hated her. What made them think that having a second child would be a good idea? All we do is suffer. We suffered our entire childhood from physical and mental trauma from parents, and bullying from classmates, "friends". This is not life. It's torture.

 

[Mirrory Me]

It could be that your mother is hurt/stressed because of your behavior, and doesn't know how to cope with your situation. Like, if you are an adult who is not coping well in her adulthood, what should a mother do?"Of course you need attention, but you also need to fix your problems..(?)

 

[lawlietsph]

I personally think that unconditional love doesn't exist and that most parents has some sort of conditional love for their child (and then there are the rare edge cases of parents having no love for their child at all). I've seen it time and time again where some parents hate their child for being neurodivergent or for being part of LGBT. It's all conditional and being a parent doesn't automatically mean that they will have a lot of love for their child. Some parents just don't care

I can't really assume what's happening in your situation but, nonetheless, I think that you deserve to be loved. I'm sorry that you aren't getting that love

What I don't understand is why am I able to unconditionally love my pets for example? All of them. My dog was biting my hand when I tried to take away his food, yet I loved him in a way that I can't even describe. I used to have a lot of cats, I still have some cats, they don't give a shit about me because they are cats, but I love them and I would chop my arms off for them. And don't even get me started about my pony... She used to bite my hands, my face, my legs, my arms, kicking me in the stomach multiple times and I swear she is the only thing that keeps me alive, I would go through hell to save this pony from any kind of harm. She is my everything.
I think I am capable of loving unconditionally. Or maybe it's just something I developed because I was never experiencing love? I don't understand anything anymore.

 

[Namelesa]

I

I don't understand why they had to have me... My sister was born 4 years before me and they hated her. What made them think that having a second child would be a good idea? All we do is suffer. We suffered our entire childhood from physical and mental trauma from parents, and bullying from classmates, "friends". This is not life. It's torture.

They are even more despicable for having created multiple person to suffer because of them. Did your parents have children just cause of society pressure or only one of them wanted children or they just didn't use contraception during sex and were too lazy or thought it was immoral or just couldn't get an abortion?

I am sorry that you have never been cared for properly. You may be able to meet someone that can take care and love you tho it will be difficult to find that person.

What I don't understand is why am I able to unconditionally love my pets for example? All of them. My dog was biting my hand when I tried to take away his food, yet I loved him in a way that I can't even describe. I used to have a lot of cats, I still have some cats, they don't give a shit about me because they are cats, but I love them and I would chop my arms off for them. And don't even get me started about my pony... She used to bite my hands, my face, my legs, my arms, kicking me in the stomach multiple times and I swear she is the only thing that keeps me alive, I would go through hell to save this pony from any kind of harm. She is my everything.
I think I am capable of loving unconditionally. Or maybe it's just something I developed because I was never experiencing love? I don't understand anything anymore.

Some people I think just can't love unconditionally. Some people definitely can but it takes someone who is very kind, loving and caring to do that. I would say you are very good person with how you have taken care of your animals.

 

[lawlietsph]

It could be that your mother is hurt/stressed because of your behavior, and doesn't know how to cope with your situation. Like, if you are an adult who is not coping well in her adulthood, what should a mother do?"Of course you need attention, but you also need to fix your problems..(?)

What behavior? Me sitting in the corner in complete silence, not saying a single fucking thing in my entire life? Me doing everything around the house because she would not be capable of doing them physically? What behavior?
And who made me to be this way? Who beat the shit out of me because I couldn't understand homework? Who punished me by not talking to me for WEEKS? Who neglected all of my needs as a child? Who pushed me away when I wanted to hug her? Who told me that she wishes I was never even born? Who tortured me, broke me, made fun of me and destroyed my whole entire personality? Why am I not coping well in adulthood? Who's fault is that?
We are in a fucking suicide forum and you tell me to fix my problems?
Wow. Thanks, this is exactly what I needed right now. Suddenly i'm happy and not suicidal anymore

What behavior? Me sitting in the corner in complete silence, not saying a single fucking thing in my entire life? Me doing everything around the house because she would not be capable of doing them physically? What behavior?
And who made me to be this way? Who beat the shit out of me because I couldn't understand homework? Who punished me by not talking to me for WEEKS? Who neglected all of my needs as a child? Who pushed me away when I wanted to hug her? Who told me that she wishes I was never even born? Who tortured me, broke me, made fun of me and destroyed my whole entire personality? Why am I not coping well in adulthood? Who's fault is that?
We are in a fucking suicide forum and you tell me to fix my problems?
Wow. Thanks, this is exactly what I needed right now. Suddenly i'm happy and not suicidal anymore

Also, "what should a mother do?"?
I don't know, love me.. maybe??? Mothers don't love their adult children or what am I missing here? It is completely okay for her to abuse and hate me because I am an adult?

 

[Mirrory Me]

What behavior? Me sitting in the corner in complete silence, not saying a single fucking thing in my entire life? Me doing everything around the house because she would not be capable of doing them physically? What behavior?
And who made me to be this way? Who beat the shit out of me because I couldn't understand homework? Who punished me by not talking to me for WEEKS? Who neglected all of my needs as a child? Who pushed me away when I wanted to hug her? Who told me that she wishes I was never even born? Who tortured me, broke me, made fun of me and destroyed my whole entire personality? Why am I not coping well in adulthood? Who's fault is that?
We are in a fucking suicide forum and you tell me to fix my problems?
Wow. Thanks, this is exactly what I needed right now. Suddenly i'm happy and not suicidal anymore

Sure, if she is a pain in your guts then why are you trying to fit her in? You know, it's only about making yourself feel loved and valued- make yourself have those things your parents wouldn't give to you.

 

[lawlietsph]

Sure, if she is a pain in your guts then why are you trying to fit her in? You know, it's only about making yourself feel loved and valued- make yourself have those things your parents wouldn't give to you.

lol, OK
you just cured billions of peope's generational traumas and basically mental illnesses around the whole world like a magical fairy I assume that I should start thinking positive thoughts too and maybe try yoga and meditation, right?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

What I don't understand is why am I able to unconditionally love my pets for example? All of them. My dog was biting my hand when I tried to take away his food, yet I loved him in a way that I can't even describe. I used to have a lot of cats, I still have some cats, they don't give a shit about me because they are cats, but I love them and I would chop my arms off for them. And don't even get me started about my pony... She used to bite my hands, my face, my legs, my arms, kicking me in the stomach multiple times and I swear she is the only thing that keeps me alive, I would go through hell to save this pony from any kind of harm. She is my everything.
I think I am capable of loving unconditionally. Or maybe it's just something I developed because I was never experiencing love? I don't understand anything anymore.

Oh, hmm, this made me change my stance. Perhaps unconditional love is possible after all, I completely didn't think about pets when I made my post. I think that pets are different though since people tend to see pets as innocent and sacred whilst I don't see humans hold that same standard for other humans. It's a weird unwritten social norm and I wish it didn't have to be this way since a lot of us would benefit from being loved by somebody the way that you love your pets. It sounds like a nice fantasy to be in a world where we would still be loved no matter what we did but unfortunately reality isn't that nice. I'm sorry for what you have to go through. Hopefully you find somebody one day that genuinely loves you the way you love your pets

 

[Mirrory Me]

lol, OK
you just cured billions of peope's generational traumas and basically mental illnesses around the whole world like a magical fairy I assume that I should start thinking positive thoughts too and maybe try yoga and meditation, right?

Nah, it's better if you figure it out for yourself. Take care and merry x-mas.

 

[Jimmy.]

I feel you. Similar relationship with my mother.

She loves me, but sure as hell doesn't like me. Filters through to how she treats my kids too.

Ah well, what can we do about it?

Look after yourself and try to not worry about others.

 

[lawlietsph]

Nah, it's better if you figure it out for yourself. Take care and merry x-mas.

thanks for making me more suicidal.
merry x-mas.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

My mum is exactly the same. I cut her out for good recently. She was very physically, emotionally and possibly sexually (I don't have a lot of memories, but based on what I do remember, and from reading about things that happened to me that I was expressing at the time - that I don't remember now- it is highly likely she was, in ways) abusive during my childhood and adulthood, and she allowed me to be sexually abused by her partner at the time, and others. She tried to kill me as a baby, because she literally hates me, she blames me for my dads affair. And she tried it again as I grew up.

I am now in my mid 30s, and she will never change.

What did it for me was the fact she called me a liar when I reached out to her for support after being told I was being sectioned for trying to hang myself. That did it for me.

I didn't hear from her for months, not during my psych prison stay, nothing. She texted me on my grandads birthday (the only reason) 2 months later. She had no one to off load to (she always did this to me, even during my childhood), and so she texted me, because she was missing him. I ignored her.

Usually, even if I don't speak to her, I'd contact her on Xmas day, but this will be the first tim ever I won't, then she will know she's fucked up for good and I won't speak to her again. If it was a life or death situation, yes.

You deserve better than that. If you can, I'd move out and get away from her. My mum was the main cause for my mental health declining when we had contact, friends I had at the time mentioned it, and friends have mentioned they noticed she was abusive towards me (those that met her, now those aren't my friends anymore - for different reasons). Abusive people decide to be abusive, it's part of their personality, and unfortunately, they will never see they are in the wrong - even if none if their kids wish to speak to them for the same reason.

They won't get help for it. You could tell them in the most kindest, gentlest way, and they will perceive it as you're in the wrong, you need help. It's like bashing your head against a brick wall constantly. And you're always trying to help them with their problems, which is not your job, you're the kid, not the mother.

She will never care for you, nor love you in the way you want or should be loved. I'm sorry I'm being blunt about all this, but take it from me, someone that has an abusive mother, much like you're describing, they do not change. Abusive people do NOT change. EVER.

Unfortunately, these people are past help. If you can't see you're at fault, there's no changing that. I asked my mum about 13 years ago if she'd go to family therapy and she verbally attacked me.

Once you're away from your mum, you will grow to accept she will never change and you can either accept it, deal with her the way she is and keep her in your life, or go no contact like I did. The more you're around her, the more she will literally suck the life out of you and the more you're going to feel worthless, and want to hurt yourself. Trust me, I've been dealing with this my entire life.

I am so much more relaxed without my mum around. I miss her, of course, she's my mum, but you see we never bonded as mother and daughter, because she never wanted me, and it was made obvious to me from birth and as I grew up. I miss the idea of her, the idea of a mother, what one should be, and I've never had that nor will I ever, and I've finally accepted it.

I apologise that this is so long to read, but I wanted to try and add my thoughts surrounding abusive mothers, and what is likely in your best interests, because I've been there myself. You don't have to take my advice, of course, but I also wanted you to know you're not alone. I have actually seen posts on here from others that have been through similar.

You won't get away from her until you're ready though. That's what it's about. Being ready to move on, get some therapy and heal yourself. She is merely the person that gave birth to you, it doesn't make her a mother.

I hope this helps somewhat. Hopefully this wasn't too much information.

Wishing you all the best

 

[CatLvr]

What behavior? Me sitting in the corner in complete silence, not saying a single fucking thing in my entire life? Me doing everything around the house because she would not be capable of doing them physically? What behavior?
And who made me to be this way? Who beat the shit out of me because I couldn't understand homework? Who punished me by not talking to me for WEEKS? Who neglected all of my needs as a child? Who pushed me away when I wanted to hug her? Who told me that she wishes I was never even born? Who tortured me, broke me, made fun of me and destroyed my whole entire personality? Why am I not coping well in adulthood? Who's fault is that?
We are in a fucking suicide forum and you tell me to fix my problems?
Wow. Thanks, this is exactly what I needed right now. Suddenly i'm happy and not suicidal anymore

Also, "what should a mother do?"?
I don't know, love me.. maybe??? Mothers don't love their adult children or what am I missing here? It is completely okay for her to abuse and hate me because I am an adult?

I can see we have a lot in common when it comes to our mothers. I cannot tell you if this will help or hurt you in the long run but I can tell you what I did, which, looking back, I now believe saved my life.

I walked away. Literally. I went no contact with both my parents and my brothers and sisters (who my mom would always send to try and get me back in line -- "you know you are breaking Mom's heart right now", "you know she loves you, you just make her so angry when YOU act out", "just apologize and get it over with. It will be easier for all of us if you will", blah blah blah).

Both my parents are now long gone (and the world is a better place because of that), and I still have not had any contact with any of my brothers or sisters. Don't want to revisit any of their bullshit either so I'm perfectly happy to keep it that way.

I have my children. And my pets. I prefer to spend my time and affection on those who are willing to return my love, not turn on me like a rabid dog for some perceived slight. There are kids in my neighborhood whose parents are struggling financially. I have taken a family of those children under my wing. The kids hang out with me after school while mom and dad pick up extra shifts to make money. I took the youngest kids Christmas shopping to get gifts for Mom, Dad and their big sister and brothers. We had a blast picking out presents and wrapping them! I promise you it did my heart more good than it did theirs and they were ecstatic! Lol

The only thing I have done wrong when it comes to dealing with my mom, dad and brothers and sisters is I waited until I was in my 30s when I walked away, instead of doing it when I turned 18. I wasted SO much time and energy trying to get along. Trying to figure out what it was that my parents were actually trying to accomplish in their relationship with me. Once I realized that my mother actually WANTED me to kill myself (so she could be the consummate victim -- she "tried and tried with me but just couldn't get anywhere"), even though I was actually having thoughts of ctb-ing and had been actively SH-ing for several years I am just stubborn enough that I was determined to survive just to stick my proverbial thumb in her damned eye. Fuck that bitch.

Has it been easy? No.
Has it been worth it?? Most assuredly.
If someone doesn't love you, no matter who they are, they are not worth the effort you will put in trying to "make" them.

Forget them and move on with your life. You will find some happiness in other places. You will mourn what you didn't have. That is normal. But it does get better with time. Now I am pretty ambivalent about the whole parent thing. They were horrible people. That was not my fault. So, I guess what I am trying to say is mourn what you did not have and then move on and live your life best you can.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I can see we have a lot in common when it comes to our mothers. I cannot tell you if this will help or hurt you in the long run but I can tell you what I did, which, looking back, I now believe saved my life.

I walked away. Literally. I went no contact with both my parents and my brothers and sisters (who my mom would always send to try and get me back in line -- "you know you are breaking Mom's heart right now", "you know she loves you, you just make her so angry when YOU act out", "just apologize and get it over with. It will be easier for all of us if you will", blah blah blah).

Both my parents are now long gone (and the world is a better place because of that), and I still have not had any contact with any of my brothers or sisters. Don't want to revisit any of their bullshit either so I'm perfectly happy to keep it that way.

I have my children. And my pets. I prefer to spend my time and affection on those who are willing to return my love, not turn on me like a rabid dog for some perceived slight. There are kids in my neighborhood whose parents are struggling financially. I have taken a family of those children under my wing. The kids hang out with me after school while mom and dad pick up extra shifts to make money. I took the youngest kids Christmas shopping to get gifts for Mom, Dad and their big sister and brothers. We had a blast picking out presents and wrapping them! I promise you it did my heart more good than it did theirs and they were ecstatic! Lol

The only thing I have done wrong when it comes to dealing with my mom, dad and brothers and sisters is I waited until I was in my 30s when I walked away, instead of doing it when I turned 18. I wasted SO much time and energy trying to get along. Trying to figure out what it was that my parents were actually trying to accomplish in their relationship with me. Once I realized that my mother actually WANTED me to kill myself (so she could be the consummate victim -- she "tried and tried with me but just couldn't get anywhere"), even though I was actually having thoughts of ctb-ing and had been actively SH-ing for several years I am just stubborn enough that I was determined to survive just to stick my proverbial thumb in her damned eye. Fuck that bitch.

Has it been easy? No.
Has it been worth it?? Most assuredly.
If someone doesn't love you, no matter who they are, they are not worth the effort you will put in trying to "make" them.

Forget them and move on with your life. You will find some happiness in other places. You will mourn what you didn't have. That is normal. But it does get better with time. Now I am pretty ambivalent about the whole parent thing. They were horrible people. That was not my fault. So, I guess what I am trying to say is mourn what you did not have and then move on and live your life best you can.

I haven't met anyone else that had a mother that wanted their kid to kill themselves, not nice to know, but it does make me feel less alone.

I wish I'd gone no contact at 18 too, but it wouldn't have worked then. You know what they say, "better late than never" any age is better than never doing it. Sadly, some continue for life, and will never get away. Heartbreaking really.

Everything you've said is so true, and OP, it will be very painful at first, but you'll get through it, and the more you're able to, the easier it gets. You'll feel so free, like you can accomplish absolutely anything!

It's always important to keep away from toxic people, no matter who they are - family, friends, partners, kids. You don't owe anyone anything, if someone is abusive, step away. It'll teach you to respect yourself and love yourself more, too!

 

[lawlietsph]

I think this thread of mine got misunderstood a little bit. I was only just venting, that's all I wanted.
This was the first time when I've genuinely felt judged and looked down on by someone here on this forum:

It could be that your mother is hurt/stressed because of your behavior, and doesn't know how to cope with your situation. Like, if you are an adult who is not coping well in her adulthood, what should a mother do?"Of course you need attention, but you also need to fix your problems..(?)

Nah, it's better if you figure it out for yourself. Take care and merry x-mas.

This is the first time I don't feel safe sharing my pain here. I've never gotten any negative messages here before, so this was my safe place. Now I feel like I cannot share anything anymore and that I am unwanted even here. When I get any, I mean ANY negative stuff on social media, I can't just get over it. I can't. I am heartbroken by it for weeks if not forever. My soul is like glass and every tiny bit of rudeness destroys me.
Am I too sensitive? Yes, definitely.
Am I overreacting? Yes, probably. But this is how it made me feel.
Do I still think these comments were rude, uncalled for and absolutely not relevant in my case? Yes, absolutely.
Does this person wanted to hurt me? Probably not, but this was still extremely rude in my eyes.
Am I a special butterfly? No, I'm just extremely sensitive, autistic, broken beyond repair and I have ZERO self esteem. I am almost dead, I soooo don't need this.
Now I feel like this place is destroyed for me forever. I'll never be brave enough to post anything anymore, because all I see is how unwanted and stupid I am.
Again, am I overreacting? Yes, of course, a normal person would never ever be sad because of a comment like this. But I am not normal, I am on the verge of suicide and my brain is extremely fragile.
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. If you don't understand a situation, don't assume anything without knowing the facts.
All I wanted is just to vent. I've been in therapy for YEARS, I did what I could to understand the dynamic with my parents and how it affects me on a daily basis. No, I don't think my mother will change. I don't live in a fairytale. I don't have any kind of behavior. I am in COMPLETE silence, doing everything she asks me and even more. No, physically it is not possible for me to move out. YES, I AM AWARE THAT I AM AN ADULT AND I SHOULD FIX MY PROBLEMS.
Sometimes I just need to vent. That's all I wanted. I am not stupid or less than you, stop treating me like a dumb nobody.
Honestly, I am sad as fuck and now I have no desire to be here on this page anymore which is sad because this was my only safe place. I know nobody gives a shit about me, but it's sad FOR ME because for the first time in my life i've felt like I can be heard.
Crazy how one rude comment can destroy all the kindness I've got here. Because some of you were really kind to me and I won't forget that.

 

[CatLvr]

Don't leave just because one person lashed out at you. There is almost always gonna be one person who lashes out -- I have found that it is usually because some part of your story triggers them in some way.

 

[lawlietsph]

Don't leave just because one person lashed out at you. There is almost always gonna be one person who lashes out -- I have found that it is usually because some part of your story triggers them in some way.

thank you for even caring I can't fully leave, but for sure I am going to think twice before I say anything

 

[Namelesa]

I think this thread of mine got misunderstood a little bit. I was only just venting, that's all I wanted.
This was the first time when I've genuinely felt judged and looked down on by someone here on this forum:

This is the first time I don't feel safe sharing my pain here. I've never gotten any negative messages here before, so this was my safe place. Now I feel like I cannot share anything anymore and that I am unwanted even here. When I get any, I mean ANY negative stuff on social media, I can't just get over it. I can't. I am heartbroken by it for weeks if not forever. My soul is like glass and every tiny bit of rudeness destroys me.
Am I too sensitive? Yes, definitely.
Am I overreacting? Yes, probably. But this is how it made me feel.
Do I still think these comments were rude, uncalled for and absolutely not relevant in my case? Yes, absolutely.
Does this person wanted to hurt me? Probably not, but this was still extremely rude in my eyes.
Am I a special butterfly? No, I'm just extremely sensitive, autistic, broken beyond repair and I have ZERO self esteem. I am almost dead, I soooo don't need this.
Now I feel like this place is destroyed for me forever. I'll never be brave enough to post anything anymore, because all I see is how unwanted and stupid I am.
Again, am I overreacting? Yes, of course, a normal person would never ever be sad because of a comment like this. But I am not normal, I am on the verge of suicide and my brain is extremely fragile.
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. If you don't understand a situation, don't assume anything without knowing the facts.
All I wanted is just to vent. I've been in therapy for YEARS, I did what I could to understand the dynamic with my parents and how it affects me on a daily basis. No, I don't think my mother will change. I don't live in a fairytale. I don't have any kind of behavior. I am in COMPLETE silence, doing everything she asks me and even more. No, physically it is not possible for me to move out. YES, I AM AWARE THAT I AM AN ADULT AND I SHOULD FIX MY PROBLEMS.
Sometimes I just need to vent. That's all I wanted. I am not stupid or less than you, stop treating me like a dumb nobody.
Honestly, I am sad as fuck and now I have no desire to be here on this page anymore which is sad because this was my only safe place. I know nobody gives a shit about me, but it's sad FOR ME because for the first time in my life i've felt like I can be heard.
Crazy how one rude comment can destroy all the kindness I've got here. Because some of you were really kind to me and I won't forget that.

I am sorry that person wasn't understanding or caring. There will be people who just don't understand and will judge you no matter what but there will be nice people here. Just use the ignore function on them so you don't have to see them again. Maybe reread the stuff you found to be kind and to remind yourself that you are deserve to be treated with kindness and empathy.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

And don't even get me started about my pony

Unrelated, but you had a fucking pony? Were you guys rich or something?

 

[lawlietsph]

Unrelated, but you had a fucking pony? Were you guys rich or something?

Are you serious? I still have a 'fucking pony' and no, I rescued her from an abusive environment. She was starved and was standing in her own shit. She is a rescue. What the hell is this question about?
I was never ever rich. If you ever read any of my other posts, I talk on a daily basis about how I couldn't buy clothes for years now, how I only have one pair of shoes and how I was starving for days last month because I've spent my tiny little amounts of money on my dying dog and cat. What the fuck
Thank you, this is what I am going to do.

I am sorry that person wasn't understanding or caring. There will be people who just don't understand and will judge you no matter what but there will be nice people here. Just use the ignore function on them so you don't have to see them again. Maybe reread the stuff you found to be kind and to remind yourself that you are deserve to be treated with kindness and empathy.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Are you serious? I still have a 'fucking pony' and no, I rescued her from an abusive environment. She was starved and was standing in her own shit. She is a rescue. What the hell is this question about?
I was never ever rich. If you ever read any of my other posts, I talk on a daily basis about how I couldn't buy clothes for years now, how I only have one pair of shoes and how I was starving for days last month because I've spent my tiny little amounts of money on my dying dog and cat. What the fuck
Thank you, this is what I am going to do.

Jesus, calm the fuck down. I was just asking because I was curious.

 

[lawlietsph]

Jesus, calm the fuck down. I was just asking because I was curious.

I am calm, just don't really understand why you have to be asking this in such a rude way.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I am calm, just don't really understand why you have to be asking this in such a rude way.

Are you sure, because your last response said otherwise.

Well, looks like I have someone new to add to my ignore list

 

[CatLvr]

Unrelated, but you had a fucking pony? Were you guys rich or something?

I had several horses over the years. And no, you don't have to be rich to have ponies ...

 

[LastLoveSong]

it takes a certain type of evil to bring a child/children into this world and to subsequently not care or love them, a certain type of evil that is unfortunately common among our society. Having children is looked at more as a fun thing to do or a quota to fill rather than something that should actually be logically thought through, and the biproduct of this haste and overall boredom with life is a living breathing soul that lesser beings will choose to mistreat or abandon. nobody actually wants to think about if their partner is healthy for the relationship in the long term or if they're responsible enough to raise a child or even if they themselves can, they just want to have a child so they can "show" others and themselves that they're doing something with their lives. Essentially its sacrifice with less steps. My mother has told me she wouldnt care if i died before, my father has told me im someone that "needs to be abused" and the rest of my family is more of the same, people who dont give a fuck and are too absolutely terrified to drop their own image that they all end up festering narcissism in themselves and the people around them, any semblance of intelligence or cognitive thought becomes null because why would you want to be truly happy when you could be the worst person in the world? all a ploy to plead the victim. I too wonder what it would be like to be hugged by a parent that actually loved me, to actually look at the people who raised me with love instead of contempt or indifference, and why the universe has made their lives into ones where im somebody that cant be ignored but instead has to be tortured. I really struggle to understand how someone could willingly bring a living breathing human into this world and then not love them, even if you realised that early on why would you not give the child away? What a faulty race we've evolved to be