Venting How Am I Supposed To Cope

[BorderlineInvane]

A family member has mental illness and I'm also struggling with life as it is.
Yesterday, I was tired and I couldn't focus on anything: Exams, studying, University choices, etcetera.

Because I couldn't force myself to pay attention, I get the silent treatment today. This lead me to think about why I wanted to CTB:
People who claim and cry about my death are the same people that wouldn't waste a single second to force me to have these thoughts. When I express my hatred of these feelings I'm met with "go cry about it", but when I actually do want to do it, I'm told "you don't care about my feelings".

Well, what is it, Narcissus? Do you care or don't you care?

 

[derpyderpins]

A family member has mental illness and I'm also struggling with life as it is.
Yesterday, I was tired and I couldn't focus on anything: Exams, studying, University choices, etcetera.

Because I couldn't force myself to pay attention, I get the silent treatment today. This lead me to think about why I wanted to CTB:
People who claim and cry about my death are the same people that wouldn't waste a single second to force me to have these thoughts. When I express my hatred of these feelings I'm met with "go cry about it", but when I actually do want to do it, I'm told "you don't care about my feelings".

Well, what is it, Narcissus? Do you care or don't you care?

They don't care until they think it will affect them. That's the sad truth. It's why it's "suicide prevention," and not "depression prevention." If you're just in pain in your apartment alone, that doesn't affect them.

 

[BorderlineInvane]

They don't care until they think it will affect them. That's the sad truth. It's why it's "suicide prevention," and not "depression prevention." If you're just in pain in your apartment alone, that doesn't affect them.

Thank you for saying what I think about this.

I also have to understand what they feel, but I can't always cope with the things they put me through. They aren't the reason for me wanting to CTB, but they aren't changing my mind by acting like I'm the reason for all of their problems.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

One of the things that holds me back from CTB is the bitter feeling I have that all the normies in my life are going to use my suffering and death to justify their own maladaptive behaviours, and they will say awful things about me in death. I don't like losing and it feels like losing. I'm not sure how to tell people that I think they're all emotionally predatory selfish fucks and even good intentions aren't good enough if the perspective is egocentric...

 

[BorderlineInvane]

One of the things that holds me back from CTB is the bitter feeling I have that all the normies in my life are going to use my suffering and death to justify their own maladaptive behaviours, and they will say awful things about me in death. I don't like losing and it feels like losing. I'm not sure how to tell people that I think they're all emotionally predatory selfish fucks and even good intentions aren't good enough if the perspective is egocentric...

derpyderpins said it best.

 

[divinemistress36]

At the end of the day you only have yourself