Discussion Hotel Planning

[EmpressDean]

So today I'm going to a gun store to purchase a semi automatic. I briefly thought of a place to take my own life. At first I thought of my car, maybe going to a parking lot at a store like Safeway idk. I don't have imagination for that. But then I thought of a hotel. I thought if Super 8 hotel. I lurked through a few other posts, and a few people mentioned going into the bathroom and shower/tub. So I think I will choose this hotel, get a clear tarp or just a thin one, tape it on the wall in th shower/tub. I haven't been to Super 8 before. Then I'll sit there and point my gun on the side of my head that is opposite to wall. That way the bullet goes though and the mess will be against tarp/wall of shower. I wonder if I will make a hole in the wall? Idk.

Why do I want to ctb? I have learning disabilities. Within 2 years, I got diagnosed with inattentive ADD, and I have taken so many stimulants but I can't seem to do any "real" thinking. I can't think and do multiple steps. I thought HR maybe my learning disabilities are more than ADD. I don't think medication can fix that…
I really noticed it at work for training this week. I print paper/posters for a school. And I kept getting confused even though I knew it wasn't complicated. It just struck me that maybe ADD isn't my only issue, and I might have some more learning issues. I don't understand concepts or complicated stuff. I registered for college for the 4th time (3x dropped out) and I think I don't know what I'm doing. There is no way I can get a degree that will help me make a better wage. Most stuff that does that are in the medical field. I was going to try for a Radiography program, but I realized if i get confused with printing stuff, how the hell will I study medical stuff? I'm so afraid for my future. I'm a single woman, with no friends. I live with family. But I can't live with them forever. At some point I will be 30 and then where will I go? How will I afford anything? I don't see any hope and I feel so insecure for my future. I feel so doomed.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

So today I'm going to a gun store to purchase a semi automatic. I briefly thought of a place to take my own life. At first I thought of my car, maybe going to a parking lot at a store like Safeway idk. I don't have imagination for that. But then I thought of a hotel. I thought if Super 8 hotel. I lurked through a few other posts, and a few people mentioned going into the bathroom and shower/tub. So I think I will choose this hotel, get a clear tarp or just a thin one, tape it on the wall in th shower/tub. I haven't been to Super 8 before. Then I'll sit there and point my gun on the side of my head that is opposite to wall. That way the bullet goes though and the mess will be against tarp/wall of shower. I wonder if I will make a hole in the wall? Idk.

Why do I want to ctb? I have learning disabilities. Within 2 years, I got diagnosed with inattentive ADD, and I have taken so many stimulants but I can't seem to do any "real" thinking. I can't think and do multiple steps. I thought HR maybe my learning disabilities are more than ADD. I don't think medication can fix that…
I really noticed it at work for training this week. I print paper/posters for a school. And I kept getting confused even though I knew it wasn't complicated. It just struck me that maybe ADD isn't my only issue, and I might have some more learning issues. I don't understand concepts or complicated stuff. I registered for college for the 4th time (3x dropped out) and I think I don't know what I'm doing. There is no way I can get a degree that will help me make a better wage. Most stuff that does that are in the medical field. I was going to try for a Radiography program, but I realized if i get confused with printing stuff, how the hell will I study medical stuff? I'm so afraid for my future. I'm a single woman, with no friends. I live with family. But I can't live with them forever. At some point I will be 30 and then where will I go? How will I afford anything? I don't see any hope and I feel so insecure for my future. I feel so doomed.

I don't say this to deter you, but if you have any doubts about ctb, then you could try college, see if it works, and if it doesn't then you always have the option of ctb.

If you are doubt free about it or just really want to do it, then by all means, you are your own person and you control your life, no one else. I have ADHD for sure and possibly PTSD and anxiety disorders (all unmedicated currently) so I suppose I can relate somewhat? No learning disability as far as I know. I'm also going to college.

My main point is if you have any doubts, I recommend trying them out because at least that way, when it's time to go, you won't have any regrets and know you'll have tried all the things you wanted to, rather than having doubt or anything build up.

I hope all this makes sense, and whatever you may choose, I wish you the best

 

[EmpressDean]

I don't say this to deter you, but if you have any doubts about ctb, then you could try college, see if it works, and if it doesn't then you always have the option of ctb.

If you are doubt free about it or just really want to do it, then by all means, you are your own person and you control your life, no one else. I have ADHD for sure and possibly PTSD and anxiety disorders (all unmedicated currently) so I suppose I can relate somewhat? No learning disability as far as I know. I'm also going to college.

My main point is if you have any doubts, I recommend trying them out because at least that way, when it's time to go, you won't have any regrets and know you'll have tried all the things you wanted to, rather than having doubt or anything build up.

I hope all this makes sense, and whatever you may choose, I wish you the best

Thanks for your sympathy. I just feel like a failure since I'm so insecure about my future. I feel like I have no prospects. I'm going to keep having a full time job and take 1 class. We will see. What is your college path if I may ask?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Thanks for your sympathy. I just feel like a failure since I'm so insecure about my future. I feel like I have no prospects. I'm going to keep having a full time job and take 1 class. We will see. What is your college path if I may ask?

You're welcome! I understand the feeling, I've felt it a lot as well. Thanks for asking, I plan on taking computer science, I'm not entirely sure if I'll like it or not, I hope I will as I have no plan B. I truly wish you the best in taking your college classes though, hopefully it helps you.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really tiring what you have to go through, it must be hard to deal with but anyway I wish you the best with your plans.