transLucyd
Member
- Nov 5, 2024
- 26
I'm getting ever more tired of people.
I have some genuine friends that care about me, but they just don't seem to be enough.
Some of them I just barely like because they showed empathy to me, but I don't feel really interested in their conversations.
Others I like a lot to talk to, but they have their lives and the time they can afford spending with me doesn't seem to be enough.
I have a friend that I like so much and feel like I want her to be my sister. And although she always validates my feelings and tries to see me when she has time, I just know that she can't be there for me as much as I need.
I don't feel like making new friends, it always feels I'm starting a gamble that I'll lose.
Some weeks ago I went to a party and a girl asked me to kiss her. So we did. It felt good.
She added me in IG and we were talking about seeing each other again, but when she says that and makes no real plans it just feels like a lot of nothing. I'm also losing interest in talking to he...
I was looking for some other girls that I knew were bi or lesbian, but they always have a girlfriend already.
I feel lost and alone. I don't think that even if people tried to help me it would even work. I just wish I had a gun to pull the trigger and end things quickly. If it was so easy I probably would have done it already. But having to rely on SN makes me anxious.
I really feel that the only other way forward would be to live very cynically, not showing any kind of politeness to anyone, not looking anyone in the eye, not asking for help and just block anyone that tries contact.
But that would be hard for a normal person, and I am a transwoman. I just don't think I would be able to finish college if I didn't rely on other people to some extent.
I can't rely on my family for emotional support because they wronged me so much during most of my life and I just can't stand them.
I really don't feel I have any way out.
I have some genuine friends that care about me, but they just don't seem to be enough.
Some of them I just barely like because they showed empathy to me, but I don't feel really interested in their conversations.
Others I like a lot to talk to, but they have their lives and the time they can afford spending with me doesn't seem to be enough.
I have a friend that I like so much and feel like I want her to be my sister. And although she always validates my feelings and tries to see me when she has time, I just know that she can't be there for me as much as I need.
I don't feel like making new friends, it always feels I'm starting a gamble that I'll lose.
Some weeks ago I went to a party and a girl asked me to kiss her. So we did. It felt good.
She added me in IG and we were talking about seeing each other again, but when she says that and makes no real plans it just feels like a lot of nothing. I'm also losing interest in talking to he...
I was looking for some other girls that I knew were bi or lesbian, but they always have a girlfriend already.
I feel lost and alone. I don't think that even if people tried to help me it would even work. I just wish I had a gun to pull the trigger and end things quickly. If it was so easy I probably would have done it already. But having to rely on SN makes me anxious.
I really feel that the only other way forward would be to live very cynically, not showing any kind of politeness to anyone, not looking anyone in the eye, not asking for help and just block anyone that tries contact.
But that would be hard for a normal person, and I am a transwoman. I just don't think I would be able to finish college if I didn't rely on other people to some extent.
I can't rely on my family for emotional support because they wronged me so much during most of my life and I just can't stand them.
I really don't feel I have any way out.
