hopeless after infertility diagnosis

[opiategirl]

on my birthday last year i found out i had contracted pelvic inflammatory disease, caused by chlamydia from my boyfriend i'd only been with for 4 months (i know i was 'clean' before then, i always get tested) and since then i've had multiple scans etc and the damage is far worse than first thought. i am essentially infertile without IVF.

i've now also been told i have PCOS and they want to remove my fallopian tubes entirely, that will happen in march.

all i ever wanted in life was to be a mum. i have no hope left. nobody wants me and certainly, no man would want to take on a drug addict with serious mental health problems. i've OD'd twice but failed since my diagnosis. spent a week in a psych ward also which was hell.

i'm finished with life now. i have a huge amount of xanax, diazepam, zopiclone, zolpiderm & such. i'd like the 'night night' method if possible but as i said before, it hasn't worked.

i have a high tolerance to benzos now so i'm not sure where to go or what to do. i've got gorilla tape also so it's an option but i'd rather just get high, fall asleep and never wake up.

any suggestions of mixtures of benzos/opiates? what have i been doing wrong?

 

[21Neberg]

any suggestions of mixtures of benzos/opiates?

Most overdoses fail, look at this source: http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods/statistics-most-lethal-methods
Overdoses have a 6 or 12,3% success rate, depending on whether or not they're prescribed.

There however is the SN (Sodium Nitrite) and N (Nembutal) method. Both of these seem relatively peaceful. Check this megathread on SN:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-megathread.1156/

I don't know much about the Nembutal method, other than that there is one seller in the world, his name is A and he's in Mexico. I've read good reviews of him on this forum. You can find more information on how to contact him in the peaceful pill handbook.

 

[opiategirl]

There however is the SN (Sodium Nitrite) and N (Nembutal) method. Both of these seem relatively peaceful. Check this megathread on SN:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-megathread.1156/

I don't know much about the Nembutal method, other than that there is one seller in the world, his name is A and he's in Mexico. I've read good reviews of him on this forum. You can find more information on how to contact him in the peaceful pill handbook.

thanks, i'll look into that.

 

[311]

on my birthday last year i found out i had contracted pelvic inflammatory disease, caused by chlamydia from my boyfriend i'd only been with for 4 months (i know i was 'clean' before then, i always get tested) and since then i've had multiple scans etc and the damage is far worse than first thought. i am essentially infertile without IVF.

i've now also been told i have PCOS and they want to remove my fallopian tubes entirely, that will happen in march.

all i ever wanted in life was to be a mum. i have no hope left. nobody wants me and certainly, no man would want to take on a drug addict with serious mental health problems. i've OD'd twice but failed since my diagnosis. spent a week in a psych ward also which was hell.

i'm finished with life now. i have a huge amount of xanax, diazepam, zopiclone, zolpiderm & such. i'd like the 'night night' method if possible but as i said before, it hasn't worked.

i have a high tolerance to benzos now so i'm not sure where to go or what to do. i've got gorilla tape also so it's an option but i'd rather just get high, fall asleep and never wake up.

any suggestions of mixtures of benzos/opiates? what have i been doing wrong?

For a benzo I'd use Flubromazolam, is the most powerful I know of and you can get it in powder form for a massive dose. Then I would suggest you take a large amount of opiates and then top it off some booze.

 

[opiategirl]

For a benzo I'd use Flubromazolam, is the most powerful I know of and you can get it in powder form for a massive dose. Then I would suggest you take a large amount of opiates and then top it off some booze.

perfect thanks, i can top it off with my favourite rum

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Well if the only complication is you can´t have kids then it´s objectively a good thing since having children is selfish people don´t have children because the world is just such a wonderful place that another person simply must experience it but rather solely because it´s what they want it´s their next experience in life now at least another person doesn´t have to go through the hardships of life.

 

[anelakapu]

Well if the only complication is you can´t have kids then it´s objectively a good thing since having children is selfish people don´t have children because the world is just such a wonderful place that another person simply must experience it but rather solely because it´s what they want it´s their next experience in life now at least another person doesn´t have to go through the hardships of life.

Its also another child that doesnt have to be raised by a "drug addict with serious mental health problems". This desire is very short-sighted and the diagnosis has a very thick silver lining. Having a child isnt some whim that you fulfill or some craving/desire to satisfy to make yourself feel better. Just go to burgerking and get some funnel cake fries or hey go to therapy but please dont have a kid specifically just to make yourself feel good. I dont underatand what is so offensive about being upset at things like this.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

dont have a kid specifically just to make yourself feel good. I dont underatand what is so offensive about being upset at things like this.

I don´t think there is anything offensive about it at all, having a child is the most selfish egocentric thing you can possibly do because people have children just because they want to experience parenthood because it´s their next step in life it´s ONLY because of their desires NOT because life is so wonderful. At least if you had extremely rich parents where you were insured to have a good life with no financial stress then it makes a little bit more sense imo but even then it doesn´t justify creating life but it WILL make life more bearable to be rich.

I for example even had to sell my car back in December just a "cheap" Toyota Aygo 2012 that looked pretty and gave me so many options having a car is such a great cope going for night rides, driving to my childhood city to go for walks and reminisce about better days now I just run the same simulation every single day being stuck in my apartment going for the same walks all the time life is worse because I don´t have money and I would only need 200$ a month to have the car to pay for gas and insurance that kind of money is just a drop in the ocean, money is an illusion and still I can´t even have a cheap car to give me a little form of cope. Sorry I ended up ranting again I am just so angry I am born poor and I am forced to ctb because I run out of money in the end of this month it´s not fair.

 

[Logic]

on my birthday last year i found out i had contracted pelvic inflammatory disease, caused by chlamydia from my boyfriend i'd only been with for 4 months (i know i was 'clean' before then, i always get tested) and since then i've had multiple scans etc and the damage is far worse than first thought. i am essentially infertile without IVF.

i've now also been told i have PCOS and they want to remove my fallopian tubes entirely, that will happen in march.

all i ever wanted in life was to be a mum. i have no hope left. nobody wants me and certainly, no man would want to take on a drug addict with serious mental health problems. i've OD'd twice but failed since my diagnosis. spent a week in a psych ward also which was hell.

i'm finished with life now. i have a huge amount of xanax, diazepam, zopiclone, zolpiderm & such. i'd like the 'night night' method if possible but as i said before, it hasn't worked.

i have a high tolerance to benzos now so i'm not sure where to go or what to do. i've got gorilla tape also so it's an option but i'd rather just get high, fall asleep and never wake up.

any suggestions of mixtures of benzos/opiates? what have i been doing wrong?

Why do you want me to a mom? You can adopt rather than having kids.

Benzos were designed to be hard to overdose on. If you want a guaranteed way to die from a drug overdose you have to know what you are doing. Do not just take random pills, you will likely get sick, fail and cause brain damage(although the brain damage probably won't be noticeable)

 

[Logic]

I don´t think there is anything offensive about it at all, having a child is the most selfish egocentric thing you can possibly do because people have children just because they want to experience parenthood because it´s their next step in life it´s ONLY because of their desires NOT because life is so wonderful. At least if you had extremely rich parents where you were insured to have a good life with no financial stress then it makes a little bit more sense imo but even then it doesn´t justify creating life but it WILL make life more bearable to be rich.

I for example even had to sell my car back in December just a "cheap" Toyota Aygo 2012 that looked pretty and gave me so many options having a car is such a great cope going for night rides, driving to my childhood city to go for walks and reminisce about better days now I just run the same simulation every single day being stuck in my apartment going for the same walks all the time life is worse because I don´t have money and I would only need 200$ a month to have the car to pay for gas and insurance that kind of money is just a drop in the ocean, money is an illusion and still I can´t even have a cheap car to give me a little form of cope. Sorry I ended up ranting again I am just so angry I am born poor and I am forced to ctb because I run out of money in the end of this month it´s not fair.

That is ridiculous. People want to have kids for many reasons, regardless of if they are correct or not, they do not think like you do and if they do-they probably had the kid on accident. People have kids due to their understanding of reality, sexual desires etc. Even if you were correct, people would be having kids due to their incorrect understanding of reality. What you are implying is simply ludacris.

 

[iiii5555]

That is ridiculous. People want to torture others for many reasons, regardless of if they are correct or not, they do not think like you do and if they do - they probably had to commit sadism on accident. People have sadistic tendencies due to their understanding of reality, sexual desires, etc. Even if you were correct, people would be torturing others due to their incorrect understanding of reality. What you are implying is simply ludacris.

Same thought process; different crime.

Having kids should be outlawed, sorry to say.

 

[Logic]

Same thought process, different crime.

Having kids should be oulawed, sorry to say.

Prove why having kids should be outlawed. It does seem really fucked up that poorer people and people in countries with a much lower standard of living quality of life have much more kids than rich individuals.

 

[iiii5555]

Prove why having kids should be outlawed. It does seem really fucked up that poorer people and people in countries with a much lower standard of living quality of life have much fewer kids than rich individuals.

Are you being sarcastic? I live on Brazil, next to a favela (one of the places with the lowest life quality in the planet. Almost all of the poor people in this slum have at least 5 childrem. The "rich" individuals here have 1 child, that when they have any.

BTW, this statistical bastardization that you've regurgitaded as a reply hardly have any relation to weather or not someone should have kids. However, think about it, why do you defend the act of parenthood? Is it because that is the moral norm, thus making you a guardian of the cultural status quo just because? Did you had "positive" experiences in life, that's why people should have kids? Life is the imposition of uncalled necessity upon the perfectly peaceful state of non-existence, which is, by definition, creating pain. Giving birth is like making someone addicted to crack just because you think drugs feel nice.

All pain, torture and sadism is, ultimatly, the breeder's faulty for even bringing people to this hellscape know as Earth. I can't "prove" anything though, since the system is just as egocentric as all the other people, thus "outlawing" child-birth is only a metaphorical desire (albeit a very logical and rational one) of mine.

Now tell me why trapping a pure sentience into a world of pain, misery, frustration, poverty and depression should not be illegal?

 

[Logic]

Are you being sarcastic? I live on Brazil, next to a favela (one of the places with the lowest life quality in the planet. Almost all of the poor people in this slum have at least 5 childrem. The "rich" individuals here have 1 child, that when they have any.

BTW, this statistical bastardization that you've regurgitaded as a reply hardly have any relation to weather or not someone should have kids. However, think about it, why do you defend the act of parenthood? Is it because that is the moral norm, thus making you a guardian of the cultural status quo just because? Did you had "positive" experiences in life, that's why people should have kids? Life is the imposition of uncalled necessity upon the perfectly peaceful state of non-existence, which is, by definition, creating pain. Giving birth is like making someone addicted to crack just because you think drugs feel nice.

All pain, torture and sadism is, ultimatly, the breeder's faulty for even bringing people to this hellscape know as Earth. I can't "prove" anything though, since the system is just as egocentric as all the other people, thus "outlawing" child-birth is only a metaphorical desire (albeit a very logical and rational one) of mine.

Now tell me why trapping a pure sentience into a world of pain, misery, frustration, poverty and depression should not be illegal?

I meant to say much more kids.

Most individuals believe their life is worth living-so you are saying their judgment call is wrong. You would have to demonstrate that harms outweigh benefits, and if that is the case to what extent, does it always outweigh benefits or just soemtimes.

 

[iiii5555]

I meant to say much more kids.

Most individuals believe their life is worth living-so you are saying their judgment call is wrong. You would have to demonstrate that harms outweigh benefits, and if that is the case to what extent, does it always outweigh benefits or just soemtimes.

Their "judgment call" is nothing but submission to societal expectations. You have no autonomy, no objective happines, no way to live a life without being enslaved by someone else. Humans want control and somebody is always going to be at the other end of this, getting hurted. Relationships are pure cohersion. And that is just a thing that happens on the day-to-day, "trivial" scale.

Want a example of humans desperate need for control over others? Just look at how you ignored my question for you to explain your view on the matter. Empty questioning ontop of withdrawing of showing your own arguments are easy ways to express control over me in a debate. You don't want to grow from this discussion, you just wanna be right.

This is exactly how a parent feel. They don't want "the best for their childrem", they just want to have someone to control.

 

[ForWhomTheBellTolls]

There is a good book on Amazon.

Better Never to Have Been: The Harm Of Coming Into Existence

If you look hard, you can find the free PDF file.

I will never have children, but I would date someone who already has children or adopt.

I have sympathy for you. But it's not true that just because you are on drugs and can't have children nobody would want you. But I can understand your life is terribly difficult.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Logic]

Their "judgment call" is nothing but submission to societal expectations. You have no autonomy, no objective happines, no way to live a life without being enslaved by someone else. Humans want control and somebody is always going to be at the other end of this, getting hurted. Relationships are pure cohersion. And that is just a thing that happens on the day-to-day, "trivial" scale.

Want a example of humans desperate need for control over others? Just look at how you ignored my question for you to explain your view on the matter. Empty questioning ontop of withdrawing of showing your own arguments are easy ways to express control over me in a debate. You don't want to grow from this discussion, you just wanna be right.

This is exactly how a parent feel. They don't want "the best for their childrem", they just want to have someone to control.

Why does control mean life is not worth coming into existence? What are.you talking about? I haven't even stated my opinion on the issue, yet alone only caring about being right. The parent generally believes their kid is better off for existing. Why are they wrong?

 

[Strumgewehr]

Its also another child that doesnt have to be raised by a "drug addict with serious mental health problems". This desire is very short-sighted and the diagnosis has a very thick silver lining. Having a child isnt some whim that you fulfill or some craving/desire to satisfy to make yourself feel better. Just go to burgerking and get some funnel cake fries or hey go to therapy but please dont have a kid specifically just to make yourself feel good. I dont underatand what is so offensive about being upset at things like this.

Well said.

 

[Strumgewehr]

Why does control mean life is not worth coming into existence? What are.you talking about? I haven't even stated my opinion on the issue, yet alone only caring about being right. The parent generally believes their kid is better off for existing. Why are they wrong?

Antinatalism aside, OP won't even be able to give her child a worthy life. She's a drug addict and probably will raise child as a single mother. OFC she will be suffering form depression and likely poverty. Would you really want your kid to be raised in such curcumstaces? I wouldn't want mine.

 

[Bilbobaggins]

Well if the only complication is you can´t have kids then it´s objectively a good thing since having children is selfish people don´t have children because the world is just such a wonderful place that another person simply must experience it but rather solely because it´s what they want it´s their next experience in life now at least another person doesn´t have to go through the hardships of life.

Life is going to get so much harder in the coming years. Limits to Growth, climate change. Breakdown of international relations. This would just be a terrible time to be born.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Life is going to get so much harder in the coming years. Limits to Growth, climate change. Breakdown of international relations. This would just be a terrible time to be born.

Also with all the technology and shitty internet no one even talks anymore back when I was a child we didn´t have phones although I got my first phone at 11 but you couldn´t do shit on those because there wasn´t internet so you still needed to talk to people.

 

[iiii5555]

Why does control mean life is not worth coming into existence? What are.you talking about? I haven't even stated my opinion on the issue, yet alone only caring about being right. The parent generally believes their kid is better off for existing. Why are they wrong?

Why control render life undignified? Yaeh, good point. We should enslave a racial group again. That would mean free manual labour, and our blatant control over their lives isn't a bad thing at all. How i was so blind.

Oh, and by not stating you opinion - only "questioning" mine - you make it impossible to debate with you in a proper manner. I have stated my points to a overwhelming degree. Now it is your turn. Don't let this discussion get circular.

 

[Logic]

Why control render life undignified? Yaeh, good point. We should enslave a racial group again. That would mean free manual labour, and our blatant control over their lives isn't a bad thing at all. How i was so blind.

Oh, and by not stating you opinion - only "questioning" mine - you make it impossible to debate with you in a proper manner. I have stated my points to a overwhelming degree. Now it is your turn. Don't let this discussion get circular.

No, I said why does control = life is not worth living for everyone? Life is a very complex, poorly understood system. Let's taking solving chess(playing a game of chess perfectly) It's so complicated you may need to be able to think through a billion moves a second. So complicated some experts currently, think there will never be an AI smart enough to play a perfect game of chess. Since solving chess is this complicated, imagine how complicated solving life would be. I do not know if life as a whole is worth it, especially future life that should be able to be theoretically modified by AI to have a much higher positive balance to such a high degree you could theoretically solve David Benatar symmetry, so life is worth it. I have no idea how you could determine if and when life as a whole is worth it. You know a very small amount of Information, about an incredibly complex poorly understood system. The human race as a whole does know most of the rules and laws information of this system and you saying I solved it here. My response is you don't know shit, you don't the rules laws and information to solve this incredibly complex equation.

 

[Asdr5633]

Are you being sarcastic? I live on Brazil, next to a favela (one of the places with the lowest life quality in the planet. Almost all of the poor people in this slum have at least 5 childrem. The "rich" individuals here have 1 child, that when they have any.

BTW, this statistical bastardization that you've regurgitaded as a reply hardly have any relation to weather or not someone should have kids. However, think about it, why do you defend the act of parenthood? Is it because that is the moral norm, thus making you a guardian of the cultural status quo just because? Did you had "positive" experiences in life, that's why people should have kids? Life is the imposition of uncalled necessity upon the perfectly peaceful state of non-existence, which is, by definition, creating pain. Giving birth is like making someone addicted to crack just because you think drugs feel nice.

All pain, torture and sadism is, ultimatly, the breeder's faulty for even bringing people to this hellscape know as Earth. I can't "prove" anything though, since the system is just as egocentric as all the other people, thus "outlawing" child-birth is only a metaphorical desire (albeit a very logical and rational one) of mine.

Now tell me why trapping a pure sentience into a world of pain, misery, frustration, poverty and depression should not be illegal?

"...why do you defend the act of parenthood? Is it because that is the moral norm, thus making you a guardian of the cultural status quo just because? Did you had "positive" experiences in life, that's why people should have kids?"

The cultural status quo is there for a reason. Culture is a product of biology. Without having biological humans who have evolved to have biological predispositions towards various thoughts/feelings/behaviours, there is no culture that can be created. And any culture that is created is the expression of the biological predispositions that we have evolved to have (in whatever environment we presently find ourselves in).

Evolution is constantly selecting for those that do indeed have kids, and trying to fight against this is a lost cause because you are trying to fight against the most powerful force that there is in any replicator. Even if you ran a very successful campaign of antinatalism, you would find all of your supporters replaced with people of different views by the next generation, because they would be having kids and you wouldn't. Not that I think you yourself are particularly serious about the feasibility of any antinatalist movement/ideas - the whole thing comes off as just a more nuanced way of to vent about your life. And I'm not saying anything is wrong with that and I'm not judging you for it, of course that is exactly the type of thing this website is for, but I'm just saying and sharing what I think too.

 

[opiategirl]

I don´t think there is anything offensive about it at all, having a child is the most selfish egocentric thing you can possibly do because people have children just because they want to experience parenthood because it´s their next step in life it´s ONLY because of their desires NOT because life is so wonderful. At least if you had extremely rich parents where you were insured to have a good life with no financial stress then it makes a little bit more sense imo but even then it doesn´t justify creating life but it WILL make life more bearable to be rich.

I for example even had to sell my car back in December just a "cheap" Toyota Aygo 2012 that looked pretty and gave me so many options having a car is such a great cope going for night rides, driving to my childhood city to go for walks and reminisce about better days now I just run the same simulation every single day being stuck in my apartment going for the same walks all the time life is worse because I don´t have money and I would only need 200$ a month to have the car to pay for gas and insurance that kind of money is just a drop in the ocean, money is an illusion and still I can´t even have a cheap car to give me a little form of cope. Sorry I ended up ranting again I am just so angry I am born poor and I am forced to ctb because I run out of money in the end of this month it´s not fair.

basically, fuck you. don't take out your anger on your lack of funds on me. great - you sold your car. irrelevant. the trauma this has caused me is immense. just back the fuck up.

 

[opiategirl]

Oh, and by not stating you opinion - only "questioning" mine - you make it impossible to debate with you in a proper manner. I have stated my points to a overwhelming degree. Now it is your turn. Don't let this discussion get circular.

precisely. this is getting so off topic it's ridiculous.

 

[opiategirl]

Antinatalism aside, OP won't even be able to give her child a worthy life. She's a drug addict and probably will raise child as a single mother. OFC she will be suffering form depression and likely poverty. Would you really want your kid to be raised in such curcumstaces? I wouldn't want mine.

actually, having a child would turn my life around. i wouldn't touch drugs again. my life would have meaning again. i certainly am in no form of poverty, i have an excellent job, i own my own home and my work comes with with a year of full maternity pay. you know nothing about me. yes i have depression - are people with depression not allowed kids?

 

[stellabelle]

actually, having a child would turn my life around. i wouldn't touch drugs again. my life would have meaning again. i certainly am in no form of poverty, i have an excellent job, i own my own home and my work comes with with a year of full maternity pay. you know nothing about me. yes i have depression - are people with depression not allowed kids?

You could set a goal and save money for IVF.
The general idea here I think is more along the lines of being mentally stable enough to properly care for a child.

 

[ForWhomTheBellTolls]

You could set a goal and save money for IVF.
The general idea here I think is more along the lines of being mentally stable enough to properly care for a child.

Would it work? That's a great idea for her! Find a man with enough money to pay for it.

I am an antinatalist myself, but I would make an exception in this case.

 

[stellabelle]

Would it work? That's a great idea for her! Find a man with enough money to pay for it.

I am an antinatalist myself, but I would make an exception in this case.

OP mentioned it above. She could pay for it herself, and doesn't necessarily need a partner.