I haven't cried in a very long time. If I let myself show any emotions at all people start accusing me of taking drugs again. Fair play if I had actually done so, but I haven't and I am tired of being accused of doing things I have not done. Last time I dared get upset, I'd been up all night in mind blowing pain from my untreated endometriosis pain (that's what I think it is anyway) and dared to shed a tear to someone who was supposed to be 'supporting' me and the first thing they asked was 'what have you taken'. I guess my resolve cracked, I should have known better.
Incidents like that must have built up with me, in the past year I have become very reserved and stoic, I just shoulder hardship and carry it with all the weight already on my back, if it is not as bad as benzo withdrawal, then it does not even register with me, the world could end and I would not cry over it, I'd probably enjoy some aspects of it, no more people accusing me of shit I had not done and so fucking what if I did it. Crying over it has never changed anything for me. Yesterday marked the anniversary of my stepdad's death, never cried over that either. I sometimes feel bad for not crying over something, but what will it change?.