Homelessness, chronic torturous illness, alone, no family, poverty or ctb?

[BlazingBob]

My health is deteriorating, I'm living in a very abusive situation, I'm running out of money, my career and education is down the drain because I'm too sick, I have no family to turn to. Horrendous childhood and severe treatment resistant mental health struggles. 50 years old, never married, no kids, never even had a real relationship. I've tried and tried to get help only for it to be ineffective or worse, or just been rebuffed. I'm about to be booted from where I'm living and will have to live in my car. The disease I have is progressive and incurable. It greatly interferes with sleep. I'm so sleep deprived and in so much physical pain I can barely get out of bed. My situation is fucking unbearable. There's a lot more and I've only scratched the surface. I'm a burden. It's either going to be a nitrogen exit bag or partial suspension. It's not necessarily what I want but I just don't see a point in continuing to struggle. Right now I'm beyond exhausted but my neurological problem won't let me sleep. I wish leaving this world were easier.

 

[OceanBlue]

Sounds so tough, it's really surprising how much we can endure.
Humans will figure out that vad is a human right, but it will be too late for us.
Hope this forum is making you feel a little better.

 

[FuneralCry]

That certainly sounds so horrific what you've had to go through, just the fact that such suffering exists truly proves that this world is such a hellish place, it disgusts me how there is so much unnecessary torture being experienced here, yet no straightforward way to permanently free ourselves. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

There are millions of people in this world who are suffering . And many millions of people like you who are suffering extremely. Notice how there is not one news organization in the world campaigning for the suffering people to have a way to escape extreme suffering through assisted suicide , nembutal etc.. Instead we have the New York times lying about this website and trying to get this website banned. The Ny times article brought a lot of pro-lifers and law enforcement to this website and these got nembutal sources banned and imprisoned. So now the world has no Nembutal sources . another news organization spent months to get Kenneth Law put in prison for selling SN and nitrogen suicide masks and kits.

They banned assisted suicide, nembutal and have totally restricted SN in the U.S. They have taken away a person's right to escape torture , suffering and pain.

 

[The anhedonic one]

We are in the same boat here.
I've been clinically depressed since age 6. I'm 59, and have absolutely no family and friends. Ive also been living in my car since last August.
I thought I had it rough, but your situation sounds truly nightmarish.
If you need any help as regards living in a vehicle and surviving just DM me and I will be glad to help you.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

We are in the same boat here.
I've been clinically depressed since age 6. I'm 59, and have absolutely no family and friends. Ive also been living in my car since last August.
If you need any help as regards living in a vehicle just DM me and I will be glad to help you.

You're 59, OP is 50 ,both suffering extreme torture. They took away your and everyone's right to escape torture. They won't even allow anyone over 50 to buy nembutal. that is evil to not allow someone even older people to escape suffering by buying nembutal.

Notice no one is making this point why won't they allow at least people over 50 or age 40 to buy nembutal without a prescription no questions asked. I guess they'll come out with another fake study saying the brain is not fully formed until age 51 . it's all about control. the brain is already in decline by age 25 : We see inductive reasoning declining from age 25

Anyone at least by age 18 should be allowed to purchase nembutal online no prescription. A couple of clicks. But our slavers won't allow escape of the prison.

 

[The anhedonic one]

You re 59, op is 50 ,both suffering extreme torture. They took away your and everyone's right to escape torture. They won't even allow anyone over 50 to buy nembutal. that is evil to not allow somone even older people to escape suffering by buying nembutal.

Thank you my friend. Yes, these pro-lifers are evil. I truly believe they lack the capacity to feel empathy and are psychopathic in nature, because no normal human being could allow so much suffering, when that suffering could be relieved so easily with Nembutal.

 

[Hollowman]

You're 59, OP is 50 ,both suffering extreme torture. They took away your and everyone's right to escape torture. They won't even allow anyone over 50 to buy nembutal. that is evil to not allow someone even older people to escape suffering by buying nembutal.

Notice no one is making this point why won't they allow at least people over 50 or age 40 to buy nembutal without a prescription no questions asked. I guess they'll come out with another fake study saying the brain is not fully formed until age 51 . it's all about control. imo the brain is already in decline by 30 .

It's all about $$ there's a lot more to be made off the living.

 

[BlazingBob]

We are in the same boat here.
I've been clinically depressed since age 6. I'm 59, and have absolutely no family and friends. Ive also been living in my car since last August.
I thought I had it rough, but your situation sounds truly nightmarish.
If you need any help as regards living in a vehicle and surviving just DM me and I will be glad to help you.

Thank you, I really appreciate it. With my health the way it is I'm going to ctb before living in my problematic 22 year old vehicle. I'm always around if you ever want to chat. I'm 8 hours behind you.

 

[SolomonKado]

My health is deteriorating, I'm living in a very abusive situation, I'm running out of money, my career and education is down the drain because I'm too sick, I have no family to turn to. Horrendous childhood and severe treatment resistant mental health struggles. 50 years old, never married, no kids, never even had a real relationship. I've tried and tried to get help only for it to be ineffective or worse, or just been rebuffed. I'm about to be booted from where I'm living and will have to live in my car. The disease I have is progressive and incurable. It greatly interferes with sleep. I'm so sleep deprived and in so much physical pain I can barely get out of bed. My situation is fucking unbearable. There's a lot more and I've only scratched the surface. I'm a burden. It's either going to be a nitrogen exit bag or partial suspension. It's not necessarily what I want but I just don't see a point in continuing to struggle. Right now I'm beyond exhausted but my neurological problem won't let me sleep. I wish leaving this world were easier.

Sometimes I feel that our SI is only here to put us through torture. Why make us endure the worst things know to human beings. Does it want to keep us here for fun…..

I hope whatever you choose you find the peace you are searching for. You deserve that.

 

[Nothere01]

My health is deteriorating, I'm living in a very abusive situation, I'm running out of money, my career and education is down the drain because I'm too sick, I have no family to turn to. Horrendous childhood and severe treatment resistant mental health struggles. 50 years old, never married, no kids, never even had a real relationship. I've tried and tried to get help only for it to be ineffective or worse, or just been rebuffed. I'm about to be booted from where I'm living and will have to live in my car. The disease I have is progressive and incurable. It greatly interferes with sleep. I'm so sleep deprived and in so much physical pain I can barely get out of bed. My situation is fucking unbearable. There's a lot more and I've only scratched the surface. I'm a burden. It's either going to be a nitrogen exit bag or partial suspension. It's not necessarily what I want but I just don't see a point in continuing to struggle. Right now I'm beyond exhausted but my neurological problem won't let me sleep. I wish leaving this world were easier.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, what country do you live in? if you live in USA you can file an application to get social security disability (monthly disability payments) because you do have a physical and or mental disabling condition and you have proof of it, it is free to get a disability attorney they get paid if you win the case, they get paid from your social security, and you also have disability rights to live in an apartment (public housing) look it up, if you need more help let me know

 

[BlazingBob]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, what country do you live in? if you live in USA you can file an application to get social security disability (monthly disability payments) because you do have a physical and or mental disabling condition and you have proof of it, it is free to get a disability attorney they get paid if you win the case, they get paid from your social security, and you also have disability rights to live in an apartment (public housing) look it up, if you need more help let me know

Thank you. I really appreciate it. I don't want to live, period. There's no cure for the disease I have and I'm getting the best treatment available. I'm exhausted, in pain and have zero quality of life. Most of my life is spent at home and in bed. I struggle to do pretty much anything. No amount of money can change what's happening to me physically. I've spent 20 years and a ton of money fighting but it's a losing battle. Then there's things like mental health struggles, no family, debt I'll never be able to repay. I checked the estimated amount I'd get if I were approved for disability and it's nowhere near enough to survive. I'd rather be dead than be poor and sick. Again, thank you sincerely for your concern.

 

[Moxim]

You're 59, OP is 50 ,both suffering extreme torture. They took away your and everyone's right to escape torture. They won't even allow anyone over 50 to buy nembutal. that is evil to not allow someone even older people to escape suffering by buying nembutal.

Notice no one is making this point why won't they allow at least people over 50 or age 40 to buy nembutal without a prescription no questions asked. I guess they'll come out with another fake study saying the brain is not fully formed until age 51 . it's all about control. the brain is already in decline by age 25 : We see inductive reasoning declining from age 25

Anyone at least by age 18 should be allowed to purchase nembutal online no prescription. A couple of clicks. But our slavers won't allow escape of the prison.

the brain is already in decline by age 25

Except in the graph you posted, numeric and verbal ability seems to peak at around age... 46? That's a pretty far cry from 25. Fluid intelligence and cognitive ability peaks in early 20s, this is pretty well known.

My health is deteriorating, I'm living in a very abusive situation, I'm running out of money, my career and education is down the drain because I'm too sick, I have no family to turn to. Horrendous childhood and severe treatment resistant mental health struggles. 50 years old, never married, no kids, never even had a real relationship. I've tried and tried to get help only for it to be ineffective or worse, or just been rebuffed. I'm about to be booted from where I'm living and will have to live in my car. The disease I have is progressive and incurable. It greatly interferes with sleep. I'm so sleep deprived and in so much physical pain I can barely get out of bed. My situation is fucking unbearable. There's a lot more and I've only scratched the surface. I'm a burden. It's either going to be a nitrogen exit bag or partial suspension. It's not necessarily what I want but I just don't see a point in continuing to struggle. Right now I'm beyond exhausted but my neurological problem won't let me sleep. I wish leaving this world were easier.

This is nightmarish. I feel so much for you older folk. The thought of being so disconnected from all community is in a way scarier than dying itself. I at least hope you got to experience something beautiful, at least once, in your life. Experiencing something beautiful has always made me feel more connected to others, even if I was the only one to witness and experience it. I don't know, I've been imagining how I would feel if I was in this situation. This is probably the only thing that would make me feel "better". I wouldn't even use the term "better", actually -- more like "whole". Just to feel ever so slightly more human before you ctb. Always remember, nothing was squandered, and you'll pass with peace.

 

[tpboy]

Goddamit! My heart bleeds for you. I'm on my way to being in your exact same position. I sure wish there were something i could do to help us both.

 

[BlazingBob]

Except in the graph you posted, numeric and verbal ability seems to peak at around age... 46? That's a pretty far cry from 25. Fluid intelligence and cognitive ability peaks in early 20s, this is pretty well known.

This is nightmarish. I feel so much for you older folk. The thought of being so disconnected from all community is in a way scarier than dying itself. I at least hope you got to experience something beautiful, at least once, in your life. Experiencing something beautiful has always made me feel more connected to others, even if I was the only one to witness and experience it. I don't know, I've been imagining how I would feel if I was in this situation. This is probably the only thing that would make me feel "better". I wouldn't even use the term "better", actually -- more like "whole". Just to feel ever so slightly more human before you ctb. Always remember, nothing was squandered, and you'll pass with peace.

Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately beautiful experiences have eluded me. I've never been a fully independent adult because of physical and mental illness. I've never known the love of parents or what it's like to be a part of a family. Never married no kids, never been in love. Never had a place to call home.
Currently living in a very abusive situation, too sick to fight back and have nowhere else to go.
I feel like shit physically 24/7. My body is waging war on me. The list goes on.
To me suicide is a gift. I've fought very hard but I'm exhausted. Enough is enough. The only reason I'm still here is the dogs I take care of where I live. They're technically not even mine but if I were to ctb they'd be totally on their own and be lucky to get fed everyday, like they were before I moved into this prison. They're 18, 15, and 14. One is diabetic and going blind and another's kidneys are failing. They're a shit ton of work but if I don't take care of them no one else would and I just can't abandon them. Every day for me is absolutely unbearable. I'm get so hammered down. I'm being royally exploited. And the evil witch who owns the place who puts me through such hell, well she's doing just great. She has a loving family, great job. The dogs are hers but she can't be bothered with them. I don't know why she even got them. They were confined to a tiny spot on the side of the house and were outside day and night rain or shine. Now they sleep inside with me. I have at least improved their lives. One of them wouldn't be alive without me. They're the closest thing to a family I have.
Finally, probably one of the most painful things is that I have no relationships with any blood relatives. I talk to my chain smoking meth head mom occasionally but it's always contentious. She's cold. She's resented my existence from day one. My dad wants nothing to do with me. I haven't seen him in three years. He's actually suggested that I ctb.
Why shouldn't I be able to get euthanasia and have a peaceful exit.

 

[Moxim]

Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately beautiful experiences have eluded me. I've never been a fully independent adult because of physical and mental illness. I've never known the love of parents or what it's like to be a part of a family. Never married no kids, never been in love. Never had a place to call home.
Currently living in a very abusive situation, too sick to fight back and have nowhere else to go.
I feel like shit physically 24/7. My body is waging war on me. The list goes on.
To me suicide is a gift. I've fought very hard but I'm exhausted. Enough is enough. The only reason I'm still here is the dogs I take care of where I live. They're technically not even mine but if I were to ctb they'd be totally on their own and be lucky to get fed everyday, like they were before I moved into this prison. They're 18, 15, and 14. One is diabetic and going blind and another's kidneys are failing. They're a shit ton of work but if I don't take care of them no one else would and I just can't abandon them. Every day for me is absolutely unbearable. I'm get so hammered down. I'm being royally exploited. And the evil witch who owns the place who puts me through such hell, well she's doing just great. She has a loving family, great job. The dogs are hers but she can't be bothered with them. I don't know why she even got them. They were confined to a tiny spot on the side of the house and were outside day and night rain or shine. Now they sleep inside with me. I have at least improved their lives. One of them wouldn't be alive without me. They're the closest thing to a family I have.
Finally, probably one of the most painful things is that I have no relationships with any blood relatives. I talk to my chain smoking meth head mom occasionally but it's always contentious. She's cold. She's resented my existence from day one. My dad wants nothing to do with me. I haven't seen him in three years. He's actually suggested that I ctb.
Why shouldn't I be able to get euthanasia and have a peaceful exit.

Jesus that sounds so awful. Apologies for my late response, you poured your heart out here and I didn't even reply. I've had to live in uncomfortable living situations with my parents, where the relationships have been extremely strained. It's borderline unbearable. I found I was perpetually exhausted when I was living like this. One fight with my mother and I would sleep 15 hours the next night. Are you sure you have no blood relatives, by the way? I did a search to see if anybody in my family had unclaimed monies in Australia and was very surprised to find numerous blood relatives who shared the same family name. Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[lita-lassi]

Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately beautiful experiences have eluded me. I've never been a fully independent adult because of physical and mental illness. I've never known the love of parents or what it's like to be a part of a family. Never married no kids, never been in love. Never had a place to call home.
Currently living in a very abusive situation, too sick to fight back and have nowhere else to go.
I feel like shit physically 24/7. My body is waging war on me. The list goes on.
To me suicide is a gift. I've fought very hard but I'm exhausted. Enough is enough. The only reason I'm still here is the dogs I take care of where I live. They're technically not even mine but if I were to ctb they'd be totally on their own and be lucky to get fed everyday, like they were before I moved into this prison. They're 18, 15, and 14. One is diabetic and going blind and another's kidneys are failing. They're a shit ton of work but if I don't take care of them no one else would and I just can't abandon them. Every day for me is absolutely unbearable. I'm get so hammered down. I'm being royally exploited. And the evil witch who owns the place who puts me through such hell, well she's doing just great. She has a loving family, great job. The dogs are hers but she can't be bothered with them. I don't know why she even got them. They were confined to a tiny spot on the side of the house and were outside day and night rain or shine. Now they sleep inside with me. I have at least improved their lives. One of them wouldn't be alive without me. They're the closest thing to a family I have.
Finally, probably one of the most painful things is that I have no relationships with any blood relatives. I talk to my chain smoking meth head mom occasionally but it's always contentious. She's cold. She's resented my existence from day one. My dad wants nothing to do with me. I haven't seen him in three years. He's actually suggested that I ctb.
Why shouldn't I be able to get euthanasia and have a peaceful exit.

youre too kind and good for this world. those dogs are so lucky to have you and so is their awful owner. its horrendous she doesnt realize the truth. you absolutely should be able to pick peace friend i am so sorry youre in this position and i wish you a content and easy journey out of life

 

[MeltingBrain]

My health is deteriorating, I'm living in a very abusive situation, I'm running out of money, my career and education is down the drain because I'm too sick, I have no family to turn to. Horrendous childhood and severe treatment resistant mental health struggles. 50 years old, never married, no kids, never even had a real relationship. I've tried and tried to get help only for it to be ineffective or worse, or just been rebuffed. I'm about to be booted from where I'm living and will have to live in my car. The disease I have is progressive and incurable. It greatly interferes with sleep. I'm so sleep deprived and in so much physical pain I can barely get out of bed. My situation is fucking unbearable. There's a lot more and I've only scratched the surface. I'm a burden. It's either going to be a nitrogen exit bag or partial suspension. It's not necessarily what I want but I just don't see a point in continuing to struggle. Right now I'm beyond exhausted but my neurological problem won't let me sleep. I wish leaving this world were easier.

God, That sounds so awful, even one of those issues is enough to put a lot of people off a normal life, let alone all of them combined .
I am your mini version . Around half of your age and half of your issues, and it's already getting too much .