Hiding

[Maya]

ok so how do you all feel about the fact we all have to hide so hard? No in my life knows im like this except my psychologist and honestly id prob ctb if they did find out from pure humiliation.
Do any of you flaunt it? Talk about it openly? I always hear that "if your loves one makes suicide jokes or talks about it to get help" but i dont talk about it. Do any of you?
Do people confront you about it?
Do you lose people over it?
Honestly i just hide. Cant imagine it helps anything.

 

[Saiyanprincess]

I've made plenty of jokes and no one seems to notice. I've been giving subtle signs that I'm going to do it just so when I do people won't be able to act like they had no idea. For example I'm a B- student but this last semester I've been failing, not purposely just more I don't have the energy to even try, and no one has said anything to me about it. Not my teachers, advisor, Dean, etc. I've also not been taking care of myself, like I'm not showering regularly, eating right or just cleaning up my room and doing laundry. And honestly the longer it is that no one's noticing the more it's pushing me to get it over with.

 

[Maya]

I've made plenty of jokes and no one seems to notice. I've been giving subtle signs that I'm going to do it just so when I do people won't be able to act like they had no idea. For example I'm a B- student but this last semester I've been failing, not purposely just more I don't have the energy to even try, and no one has said anything to me about it. Not my teachers, advisor, Dean, etc. I've also not been taking care of myself, like I'm not showering regularly, eating right or just cleaning up my room and doing laundry. And honestly the longer it is that no one's noticing the more it's pushing me to get it over with.

So youre sort of testing the waters? Trying to prove to yourself they care? I think its been so long since i did something like that and no one noticed id rather keep it to myself.

 

[Malice1]

I don't hide it. They all know im suicidal. Now the humiliation of failing an attempt i am worried about. It motivates me to get it right the first time, and i will.

 

[millefeui]

People close to me know I want to die, but they don't seem to grasp that wanting to die means I am likely to kill myself. That said, I am very much a loner, so it is not like I have a lot of people to talk about suicide, nor do I wish for that.

 

[skyofAuroras]

I sometimes make jokes about it, but I try not to as it make my friends worry. Few people know I have attempted to die before but no one knows I still think about it. As far as most are concerned I'm "better." I don't plan to tell anyone. People think I'm better now and it would just be embarrassing to admit I'm still suicidal. So yeah I try to hide as much as I can.

 

[ProlongedSentence]

ok so how do you all feel about the fact we all have to hide so hard? No in my life knows im like this except my psychologist and honestly id prob ctb if they did find out from pure humiliation.
Do any of you flaunt it? Talk about it openly? I always hear that "if your loves one makes suicide jokes or talks about it to get help" but i dont talk about it. Do any of you?
Do people confront you about it?
Do you lose people over it?
Honestly i just hide. Cant imagine it helps anything.

It is so hard not to vent. But. Yeah. Most of the successful trip takers hide their ticket and destination.

 

[Iman]

I was obsessed with the idea of talking to people close to me about it.
Making them understand and accept,that I feel like I want nothing more, than to be dead/non-existent.

After a few years of bottling it up, I gave in and have told people close to me that I want to die.
I feel like it didn't help at all, but it made me realize that there is no point in doing that, atleast not for me.
Because they can only accept my decision or try to stop me. And both of these outcomes don't change my feeling of wanting to ctb.
Maybe there is a point in talking about it, if you still have some hope left of changing your mind.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

ok so how do you all feel about the fact we all have to hide so hard? No in my life knows im like this except my psychologist and honestly id prob ctb if they did find out from pure humiliation.
Do any of you flaunt it? Talk about it openly? I always hear that "if your loves one makes suicide jokes or talks about it to get help" but i dont talk about it. Do any of you?
Do people confront you about it?
Do you lose people over it?
Honestly i just hide. Cant imagine it helps anything.

I know many people that joke about it and aren't serious. I also know and knew many that were serious.
The only person in my life that knows is my husband, we talk about it openly and freely. We don't flaunt it, we just acknowledge the thoughts and feelings we have and discuss it with the other. We've discussed methods and plans in great length, too.
As for anyone else in my life, well, I'm sure they'd have a pretty adverse reaction. I joke about killing myself, but nobody thinks it's serious. My friends think it's funny, and my family just shrug it off.
Being the weird one has its advantages, I guess.

 

[Dead beat dad]

ok so how do you all feel about the fact we all have to hide so hard? No in my life knows im like this except my psychologist and honestly id prob ctb if they did find out from pure humiliation.
Do any of you flaunt it? Talk about it openly? I always hear that "if your loves one makes suicide jokes or talks about it to get help" but i dont talk about it. Do any of you?
Do people confront you about it?
Do you lose people over it?
Honestly i just hide. Cant imagine it helps anything.

There are times when I will literally hide, in the office, in the car, when I'm with customers, at home.
More figuratively I don't tell anyone how I feel, what are they going to do and more importantly what do I want them to do, what's the point?

 

[LivingToLong]

I think I hide it to prevent awkwardness - people just don't know how to respond as a rule.

I think I'd be quite open about it - in fact, I know I am. I was chatting to a guy last year and the conversation went that way. I was quite open about what I felt was the futility of life and the logic of suicide, then he kind of got defensive and wanted to change the conversation - with a flippant 'oh that's too depressing, let's change the subject' kind of remark. Thing is, he started the subject and I really have no problems in talking about it. I'll talk about just about anything, I don't find any subject depressing. Or should I say, not to the point that I can't handle it. Sadness is an emotion as much as any other, it's a part of life I can accept and I don't freak out about it.

I know my partner doesn't like to talk about my suicidal thoughts and I use them as a kind of measure or sounding block for what I can and can't talk about (I'm not very good at chit chat in social situations and need 'rules' and help in knowing what's acceptable)

One of the rules I've learnt is not to talk to people about 'sad' subjects. People generally really don't know how to handle conversations about death and dying, so it's easier (for them) for me to not say anything. I accept that, and understand it to a degree, but it does leave me alone with it.

 

[antivita]

I joke about it a lot, but I'm trying to stop. Luckily it's not really that big of a deal with my friends because we all say stuff like "I wanna kill myself," so I don't think any of them know. The issue is that when I do CTB, I'm worried they'll kick themselves for not "noticing the warning signs" even though it's really not their fault because I've given them no serious hints. Essentially I'm just trying to be more aware of the fact that people will probably over analyze their last interactions with me when I'm gone and I don't want anyone to blame themselves.

 

[BACONF]

I have made some jokes and most of my new cricle seems to know I have depressions. Most of us jokes about this because its seems in Arts there is a lot of this feeling of every one is depressed so cool idk. Also theres have been this romantic idea of mental illnes. It drives me nuts.
The only ones that seem to get angry are my parents for obvious reasons.