FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,835
Hello everyone
Remember me i just one day left the forum because I had doubts and wanted to give life a chance. I thought everyone found my posts annoying. It didn't work out .
I joined an online depression forum called dealing with depression which allows people with depression to come together. The forum users are mainly British women 30-40+ and there male users as well . I got banned from the forum and my ban is for life.
The women on the forum didn't listen at all.
I mentioned on the forum i wished I died of covid19 because i dont deserve to be alive( i wish i didn't think like this). Seeing a doctors and nurses die i felt like dont deserve to be here. The medical people are good people and so much to live for.
One of the women she wrote"my cousin died of covid19 and he never got to say goodbye you dont know what you are talking about"
The same woman attacked me saying " i wish i was young, had a law degree and a family who cared for me"
The women constantly kept saying go see your gp and book appointment. They said i need to "fight" to get treatment and i have "been looking for excuses"
I live in area in which mental health services are appalling. In my area the waiting list for therapy is 10 months and you cant quickly move up the list. There is nothing that can be done. I have tried in the past. UK mental health system is the worst.
The women had dysfunctional relationships with family and partners i noticed as well by reading their posts.
I got banned for saying Caroline flack suicide media attention made my suicidal thoughts worse because seeing all the loving tributes i began to feel people care if you die and remember all the good things about you. The moderator restricted my account and said my posts needed to be approved only. After applying to have my account deleted i cant make another one.
After being banned from the forum i began to miss the SS forum a lot. Everyone here on the SS forum listens to you and nobody judges you. Everyone here is real
When i entered this forum i saw people here as strangers on the other side of the world now you became my friends.
Everyone here i see as a friend i can express myself in a way the outside world wont let me
On the outside world i am alone. My family dont listen , my friends have their lives together. I stopped talking to my friends because I dont have job and on benefits. It is humiliating.
I got shamed by Macdonalds delivery man for not having a job. He told me i "should be working " and questionined me for not driving. He so bloody patronising
I am 23 and have nothing to show for my life. The pressure to have it together is too much.
I wanted to live i really did but cant cope with the outside world. If i was helped to create a routine, find my purpose, be a real adult and just helped to deal with my self loathing. If i was helped to live i wouldn't feel suicidal. I realise now i dont belong here in this world.
All i ever wanted was to make the world a better place and be a in a relationship with a man who deeply loved me for me.
I dont know my purpose in life anymore. The lockdown has shown me i am a failure. I am not a superhero doctor or a nurse or someone high profile. I am nothing. I am nothing. Seeing people my age moving out of their homes, getting married, being famous due to activism or getting in to high office.
I dont belong in this world. I feel empty and would give anything to be happy again.
All i want for Christmas is to be happy i said this to my stepdad last year he thought i was joking.
I am all on my own .
You are all my friends and some of you are also see the older siblings i have always wanted.
I dont want to see the next 10 years of my life. The future scares me too much.
Love
Firefox
Remember me i just one day left the forum because I had doubts and wanted to give life a chance. I thought everyone found my posts annoying. It didn't work out .
I joined an online depression forum called dealing with depression which allows people with depression to come together. The forum users are mainly British women 30-40+ and there male users as well . I got banned from the forum and my ban is for life.
The women on the forum didn't listen at all.
I mentioned on the forum i wished I died of covid19 because i dont deserve to be alive( i wish i didn't think like this). Seeing a doctors and nurses die i felt like dont deserve to be here. The medical people are good people and so much to live for.
One of the women she wrote"my cousin died of covid19 and he never got to say goodbye you dont know what you are talking about"
The same woman attacked me saying " i wish i was young, had a law degree and a family who cared for me"
The women constantly kept saying go see your gp and book appointment. They said i need to "fight" to get treatment and i have "been looking for excuses"
I live in area in which mental health services are appalling. In my area the waiting list for therapy is 10 months and you cant quickly move up the list. There is nothing that can be done. I have tried in the past. UK mental health system is the worst.
The women had dysfunctional relationships with family and partners i noticed as well by reading their posts.
I got banned for saying Caroline flack suicide media attention made my suicidal thoughts worse because seeing all the loving tributes i began to feel people care if you die and remember all the good things about you. The moderator restricted my account and said my posts needed to be approved only. After applying to have my account deleted i cant make another one.
After being banned from the forum i began to miss the SS forum a lot. Everyone here on the SS forum listens to you and nobody judges you. Everyone here is real
When i entered this forum i saw people here as strangers on the other side of the world now you became my friends.
Everyone here i see as a friend i can express myself in a way the outside world wont let me
On the outside world i am alone. My family dont listen , my friends have their lives together. I stopped talking to my friends because I dont have job and on benefits. It is humiliating.
I got shamed by Macdonalds delivery man for not having a job. He told me i "should be working " and questionined me for not driving. He so bloody patronising
I am 23 and have nothing to show for my life. The pressure to have it together is too much.
I wanted to live i really did but cant cope with the outside world. If i was helped to create a routine, find my purpose, be a real adult and just helped to deal with my self loathing. If i was helped to live i wouldn't feel suicidal. I realise now i dont belong here in this world.
All i ever wanted was to make the world a better place and be a in a relationship with a man who deeply loved me for me.
I dont know my purpose in life anymore. The lockdown has shown me i am a failure. I am not a superhero doctor or a nurse or someone high profile. I am nothing. I am nothing. Seeing people my age moving out of their homes, getting married, being famous due to activism or getting in to high office.
I dont belong in this world. I feel empty and would give anything to be happy again.
All i want for Christmas is to be happy i said this to my stepdad last year he thought i was joking.
I am all on my own .
You are all my friends and some of you are also see the older siblings i have always wanted.
I dont want to see the next 10 years of my life. The future scares me too much.
Love
Firefox
Last edited:
