Help with SN

[anywherebuthere]

Hello all ,

I'm brand new here and I'm going to ctb . My life has become unbearable. There has been a series of traumatic events that recently occurred that just proved that life is just not worth living .. I feel like Im here just for the satisfaction of others to save them the sorrow . I have absolutely no desire to keep on "keeping on" . Don't get me wrong , I've had my ups , but my downs have far outweighed them .. the recent events is just the straw that broke the camel's back .
Anywho , I'm interested in the SN method . My only concern is I'm not sure which brand to get. If allowed , can somebody share with me a reputable brand . Preferably from Amazon or online . Also , if it helps . I'm located in Florida.
If I'm not able to get my hands on SN , then I just plan on booking an Airbnb, a high rise condo with a balcony , go on the balcony , sit on the rail, then eat my 9mm Taurus , pull the trigger . which will eventually cause me to fall backwards to ensure that the job gets done . My only concern is I'd rather not traumatize innocent bystanders & my family when they identify me . So I'd much rather go with SN. Any help would be appreciated :)

 

[hummmingbird]

Hey, do you want to talk about what's going on?

 

[anywherebuthere]

Hey, do you want to talk about what's going on?

I lost my son . I don't want to be here any longer . He's the only reason why I got myself out of my last depression . His birth was my rebirth .

 

[StevieNixs]

Unfortunately you have to have submitted, I think it is 7 more posts (?) before you can private message and vice versa.
I am so very sorry for your loss and feel that I might understand some of what you are feeling. My sister died suddenly a few weeks ago. Like you I
made the decision to CTB and like you it was a culmination of traumas ending with my sister's death.

Users are not permitted to post specific details of websites, brands etc on these open threads to protect the sources, protect minors who might have circumnavigated their way onto this site and also not to encourage etc etc.
I hope you find the solace you are seeking x

 

[anywherebuthere]

Unfortunately you have to have submitted, I think it is 7 more posts (?) before you can private message and vice versa.
I am so very sorry for your loss and feel that I might understand some of what you are feeling. My sister died suddenly a few weeks ago. Like you I
made the decision to CTB and like you it was a culmination of traumas ending with my sister's death.

Users are not permitted to post specific details of websites, brands etc on these open threads to protect the sources, protect minors who might have circumnavigated their way onto this site and also not to encourage etc etc.
I hope you find the solace you are seeking x

Thank you, I'm sorry for your loss as well.
and Ahhh, okay I see. I'll just have to wing it and hope that whichever one I purchase is the correct one. Or just go with the second option. but I really don't want to add to anybody else's trauma.
My biggest fear is failing because my family will do whatever they can to ensure I don't have another chance to attempt again. But they don't understand that keeping me here is very selfish of them. They're not the ones that have to continuously wake up feeling numb, dragging myself and pushing myself through days. Oh how I wish I can just die from a brain aneurysm in my sleep.

 

[StevieNixs]

Thank you, I'm sorry for your loss as well.
and Ahhh, okay I see. I'll just have to wing it and hope that whichever one I purchase is the correct one. Or just go with the second option. but I really don't want to add to anybody else's trauma.
My biggest fear is failing because my family will do whatever they can to ensure I don't have another chance to attempt again. But they don't understand that keeping me here is very selfish of them. They're not the ones that have to continuously wake up feeling numb, dragging myself and pushing myself through days. Oh how I wish I can just die from a brain aneurysm in my sleep.

Just submit a few more posts and I am sure someone will be able to point you in the right direction. I know someone who is a cop who dealt with someone who jumped and lived - for a short while, but it was not a nice experience for the person who jumped. I honestly know what you are feeling. I just want to be with my sister now. I found this site a short time after my sister died. I bought a rope and then realised it was not going to work for me. I started to read through the threads - the resources, the info and within a very short time, I was able to post PM's to people and receive them. But strangely enough, after a couple of failed attempts to buy SN (as it is not easy to buy in my country without a licence from the seller and then the person buying has to be a "company" or something). I literally went on a common type of website and there it was. Until you are able to PM if you look through the search facility, I am sure you will see references to sources. xxx

 

[AndyRooney]

Thank you, I'm sorry for your loss as well.
and Ahhh, okay I see. I'll just have to wing it and hope that whichever one I purchase is the correct one. Or just go with the second option. but I really don't want to add to anybody else's trauma.
My biggest fear is failing because my family will do whatever they can to ensure I don't have another chance to attempt again. But they don't understand that keeping me here is very selfish of them. They're not the ones that have to continuously wake up feeling numb, dragging myself and pushing myself through days. Oh how I wish I can just die from a brain aneurysm in my sleep.

Do you have any pets?
If so, have you already made arrangements for them to go and live on a farm, or something?

 

[veronique]

I lost my son . I don't want to be here any longer . He's the only reason why I got myself out of my last depression . His birth was my rebirth .

hello A, I am using a translation tool because English is not my language, I apologise if I do not use the exact words - I just want to say I am very sorry for your loss. I understand your fear. I cannot help you because I am a new member on the forum and I am sorry for this.

 

[hummmingbird]

I lost my son . I don't want to be here any longer . He's the only reason why I got myself out of my last depression . His birth was my rebirth .

I can only imagine what it's like to go through that. It's hard losing the people who have supported you through recovery. Being separated from the ones you love is incredibly difficult - and so is being alone with your thoughts. Maybe it would help you to write letters to him, as if he were still around - that way you're still able to share precious moments with him. I don't know anything about your situation, or what you're going through but I do know that you are very important to your son - NO MATTER WHAT STATE YOU ARE IN. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about things... that being said I personally chose the SN method. SUPER easy to find after finding tons of information on this site. I also recommend accessing the wiki page on SN.