Hello, I dont know what to do now. I have declined to my worst point yet, I wonder if suicide is the best option.

[dnail]

Hi, I finished school last year in June, Barely. I cheated on all my exams during COVID and in return lost most of my knowledge during that year alone, Thankfully I passed and graduated. College is an obvious no. I am so stupid. I don't mean this as self pity. I struggle with typing on a keyboard, this has never happened before. I need meds. I am a diagnosed schizo, and my parents don't believe in things like that so I am forced to live with it as they taunt me for now going outside, getting a job, and not going to school. My teeth are rotting, I feel like I am getting dumber and dumber by the day. I have been addicted to nicotine and hate it. I have no money as of late, so I cant indulge in my only hobbies. The arcade isn't free, same with everything I used to enjoy when I was in school, and in a job. I got hung up on by Alex from the suicide hotline a few days ago, that was the original reason for me making this account. If I had some money, I would've bought myself a nice helium tank and would've been drifting in space by now. I lost my dream job that I applied to a few weeks ago, and since then I have been back to doing nothing. Not just nothing, I want to clarify that I'm not just saying this to express how little I have to do. I sit on my bed for 12 hours, take 20 melatonin gummies, and go right back to sleep. Most of the time, I hum or make noises when my parents are gone, but not even the slightest amount of entertainment goes on in the 12 hours I am awake. To those reading this, what are your thoughts?


is it really time to kill myself?
is there anything at all I can do to enjoy myself?

If I cant be happy, and feel fulfillment I do not want to be alive anymore, as selfish as it may sound.

 

[old_constant69]

You should see a doctor on your own and get some medication if you can.
Medication would probably help alot

 

[FuneralCry]

You cannot expect other people to tell you if you should ctb or not, when to leave this world is a personal decision that can only be made by the individual. But anyway it sounds really awful what you've had to go through, life really is so unnecessarily cruel and it's true that in this world many people can unfortunately be so insensitive. I wish you the best, suicide hotlines certainly are completely useless.