Story Hellholes full of utter human garbage

[miss soon-to-die]

In middle school, I was always hated. I never really understood why. A passed note here and there, "JR is a slut." and people scribbling all over my backpacks with black Sharpie whenever I left the room. Pencils being thrown at me when I'm trying to do my schoolwork and being ignored and slandered when I stand up for myself. A whole room of people who knocked me to the floor and started kicking me while I laid there.

I remember the day when I learned that there was a whole classroom of people who planned on jumping me behind the school. I remember the times I stood behind the school planning when I was going to kill myself. I remember the people who were nice to me, but in a really passive way and they'd forget about me as soon as they graduated. I remember in elementary school, I promised two of my classmates on graduation day that we'd all meet up at the next school carnival even though we'd all be in middle school. My shitty father dismissed my question of whether or not I could go see them there just because "you're already graduated, you don't need to go there."

Sometimes I wish I didn't have friends. They are the only reason I haven't killed myself yet and at the same time I'm glad I do because if I do kill myself anyway they'll be hurt.


I miss my mom. I remember when she failed to stay sober for our court-appointed visitation sessions that were arranged for me as a birthday present, and one day she showed up stoned out of her mind and throwing up on the therapists car. But at least she tried. She stayed clean for a couple months until that happened. My dad never tried, and always blames me for every little argument we have and claims that I'm the one who starts them. I hope he dies a slow, painful death.

 

[Nembutal dreams]

Schoolkids are often sadistic little creatures. Backstabbers and bullies everywhere.
I had a terrible time at school too, I think schools need to be much harder on bullies instead of doing very little to protect vulnerable children.
Sorry you are going through this and sorry about your dad too.

 

[kindalone]

Those sound like awful people. I'm sorry you had to go through that. School was a nightmare for me, too. I hated every single day of it. The amount of people who got off on trying to make somebody's life miserable for fun was utterly atrocious. I don't believe children should ever be put together in an environment that is so unsupervised like this.
The situation with your family sounds awful, too. You had to go through a lot of suffering just to stay alive, it seems. Your strength is commendable. But of course, it would have been nice to not have these obstacles. You deserved a lot of love and care. It's pleasant to hear that you got friends to support you, though, who seem to love you a lot. It speaks to your character that people want to be around you.