Same here. Currently sober, but have come very close to drinking again. But I dare not, because once I start drinking I literally cannot stop until I collapse into a drunken coma. But then again, I REALLY miss how it makes me feel as regards taking away my anxiety.
I've been there Brother. One particular bout of crushing depression turned me into a vegetable. Didn't shave or bathe for approximately 6 weeks, which was unusual because I have OCD and am usually very germaphobic. It sounds like you too are probably experiencing a particularly bad bout of depression. Please be wary of getting skin infections, lice etc. I had lice in my beard, pubes etc because I hadn't washed in ages. I hope you find a way out of this my friend. I hope you get better, if that's what you want.