Have you ever thought about writing a letter or have you written one? So, what did you feel?

[Blueth]

Having to write a letter really sucks.

Initially, I wrote a collective letter to let them know that this was not anyone's or anything's fault, and at the same time, it was not something they could have prevented.

Later, I wrote other letters to each of them separately.

There are 6 letters in total now.

As I touched each letter while writing, I saw once again more closely that dying is much, much more difficult than living.

This is not a physical challenge.
It's a complete emotional challenge and also a devastation.

To disappear, to be erased from existence. From childhood, even in the womb or before, all you ever wanted was...

But it's too bad that it's so impossible to have this.

Every time before I sleep, when I wake up, I wish that I had woken up alone since the day I was born. That way, I wouldn't have anyone to think about when I ended my life.

Likewise, I wish to disappear as if I never existed. Or that this will be the last sleep.
But these miracles never come true.

Everything would be much easier if there was an undetectable pill.

Easy, convenience are things we never had!

 

[final_countdown12]

If you want to lessen the suferring to the loved ones after you CTB, a letter is extremely important.

I spent 2 months procrastinating this task, its fucking hard, specially for me who usually hates to write.

After the procrastinating phase, it took me around:
- 10 days to write an objective letter to the police /coloner;
- and then another 10-12 days to write a concise, objective and clear letter to my family;
- another 2 days for a specific letter to my sister
- another 1 day for a letter to my aunt
- finally 1 day to my closest friend.

I literally cryed after every paragragh i wrote The process is painfull but necessary. After writing all those letters i felt more in peace with my CTB.

 

[derpyderpins]

Having to write a letter really sucks.

Initially, I wrote a collective letter to let them know that this was not anyone's or anything's fault, and at the same time, it was not something they could have prevented.

Later, I wrote other letters to each of them separately.

There are 6 letters in total now.

As I touched each letter while writing, I saw once again more closely that dying is much, much more difficult than living.

This is not a physical challenge.
It's a complete emotional challenge and also a devastation.

To disappear, to be erased from existence. From childhood, even in the womb or before, all you ever wanted was...

But it's too bad that it's so impossible to have this.

Every time before I sleep, when I wake up, I wish that I had woken up alone since the day I was born. That way, I wouldn't have anyone to think about when I ended my life.

Likewise, I wish to disappear as if I never existed. Or that this will be the last sleep.
But these miracles never come true.

Everything would be much easier if there was an undetectable pill.

Easy, convenience are things we never had!

I have several drafts of letters around, some physical and some digital. Whenever I read them now I cringe a lot. The wording reminds me so much of some people I see on here, although a lot of the sentiment are still things I believe, it was just so extreme and everything was black and white. I always thought I had figured the world out, and I would put my logical hypothesis down on paper about how things are objectively shit and then when I'm dead people would read it and know I was right. It was a feeling of isolation and fear. Writing my note was my way of justifying myself and my pain, but mostly my weaknesses. I felt so guilty for being lazy in school, while having nightmares about having to work for the rest of my life. I wasn't functioning because I was scared of the future, change, and failure (not to mention that I'd end up all alone at some point). So my note was a chance to explain how I felt, and why I was that way. If it was simply the way of the world, and I was just too smart to mesh with it, then maybe it was okay for me to give up. [Yeah, this probably explains a lot about my replies here.]

I'd also have a bunch of philosophical ramblings about meaning and yada yada. It wasn't all bad, but looking back now I tried to write in a way that made me sound smart rather than being easy to understand.

Writing the letters was definitely more for me. I wouldn't have said that at the time, but looking back it was my way to get my "13 reasons why" reaction before that show was a thing.

 

[Blueth]

If you want to lessen the suferring to the loved ones after you CTB, a letter is extremely important.

I spent 2 months procrastinating this task, its fucking hard, specially for me who usually hates to write.

After the procrastinating phase, it took me around:
- 10 days to write an objective letter to the police /coloner;
- and then another 10-12 days to write a concise, objective and clear letter to my family;
- another 2 days for a specific letter to my sister
- another 1 day for a letter to my aunt
- finally 1 day to my closest friend.

I literally cryed after every paragragh i wrote The process is painfull but necessary. After writing all those letters i felt more in peace with my CTB.

I've been thinking about writing for a few days. But I was always postponing it.

But today I decided to write.
I haven't written a letter to leave it to the police yet.

But equally, every letter I touched was accompanied by tears.
I'm not sure if they are in their final form. And I haven't put it on paper yet.

The process was unfortunately not complete for me.

 

[final_countdown12]

I've been thinking about writing for a few days. But I was always postponing it.

But today I decided to write.
I haven't written a letter to leave it to the police yet.

But equally, every letter I touched was accompanied by tears.
I'm not sure if they are in their final form. And I haven't put it on paper yet.

The process was unfortunately not complete for me.

Take your time.
As i said i literally cry after every paragragh i wrote. Lol its insanely a sad process. But its necessary if you want to lessen the suferring for the loved one after you are gone.

Some tips:
Try to be objective, clear and as neutral as posible. Make sure in the letter that You are the one responsible for your death and that was the best decision for you so you are leaving in peace. Also state that there was nothing else that could be done from your family that could change your decision. Be thankful for them and let them decide about the funeral (funeral is for the loved one left behind, not for you cause you will be gone).

 

[Blueth]

Take your time.
As i said i literally cry after every paragragh i wrote. Lol its insanely a sad process. But its necessary if you want to lessen the suferring for the loved one after you are gone.

Some tips:
Try to be objective, clear and as neutral as posible. Make sure in the letter that You are the one responsible for your death and that was the best decision for you so you are leaving in peace. Also state that there was nothing else that could be done from your family that could change your decision. Be thankful for them and let them decide about the funeral (funeral is for the loved one left behind, not for you cause you will be gone).

Even though I didn't share their beliefs, I didn't say anything about the funeral.
I know that this is a process that exists for them.

And I don't want to deprive them of that because I don't want them to be upset.
It felt good to write letters to each of them separately and guide them to support each other.

But this feeling does not last long.

I wish my mind would accept my request and realize the end.
This would be much easier and more natural.

By the way, thanks for the advice.

I have several drafts of letters around, some physical and some digital. Whenever I read them now I cringe a lot. The wording reminds me so much of some people I see on here, although a lot of the sentiment are still things I believe, it was just so extreme and everything was black and white. I always thought I had figured the world out, and I would put my logical hypothesis down on paper about how things are objectively shit and then when I'm dead people would read it and know I was right. It was a feeling of isolation and fear. Writing my note was my way of justifying myself and my pain, but mostly my weaknesses. I felt so guilty for being lazy in school, while having nightmares about having to work for the rest of my life. I wasn't functioning because I was scared of the future, change, and failure (not to mention that I'd end up all alone at some point). So my note was a chance to explain how I felt, and why I was that way. If it was simply the way of the world, and I was just too smart to mesh with it, then maybe it was okay for me to give up. [Yeah, this probably explains a lot about my replies here.]

I'd also have a bunch of philosophical ramblings about meaning and yada yada. It wasn't all bad, but looking back now I tried to write in a way that made me sound smart rather than being easy to understand.

Writing the letters was definitely more for me. I wouldn't have said that at the time, but looking back it was my way to get my "13 reasons why" reaction before that show was a thing.

I remember that series.
Maybe that's why opening the wrists vertically was my first thought. Until I did some research.

Thank you for sharing.

 

[Moniker]

I've written one note in my life. Back in late 2020, I wrote it on a little piece of notebook paper - about the size of a sticky note. It was kind of unremarkable. I just said sorry for keeping my thoughts to myself and that this couldn't end any other way.

There aren't any memories of crying while writing it or anything of that sort. My suicide plans had me too wound up and nervous to focus on the note. It was more of an impulsive thing.

I didn't go through with my attempt. I tore and crumpled up the note. I can't remember how I felt after that.