Discussion Have you ever self-harmed?

[Davy]

Please only answer if you are comfortable with it talking about it.
I am referring to about self-harm without the intent to ctb.

I don't do it myself anymore but there is a stigma against it, and people think that the ones doing it are all edgy teens or attention seekers which isn't usually the case.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Extensively

 

[Mr. Hang Man]

I'm curious, how does it feel?

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I'm curious, how does it feel?

The cutting sensation?

 

[Mr. Hang Man]

The cutting sensation?

Yeah, does it remove tension/anxiety?

 

[DepressionsAHo]

When I first started yes, for a short time it was to focus on the physical pain rather then the psychological
Same concept as "id rather go through physical abuse then mental" (which as a person whose gone through both is VERY VERY true)
Now, not so much. I do it as a past time because I like the scars they create

 

[agreement]

Yup: more recently punching myself in the head almost breaking my hand, in the past with some light cutting/scarring, and I'had also microfractured a vertebra with punches and other various hits many, many years ago.

 

[lemmeeleev]

Yes, many times in the past. I started because I wanted to die, and cause I hate myself. I used small things like rubber bands across the wrist, punching without brusing, and scratching a little bit, anything that would leave much of a mark. Then I just said fuck it and did whatever I wanted, still to this day no one knows and I've been covering up scars for over a year without a problem. I don't do it as much anymore, but when I do I don't really have a reason, I just do it for the blood, scars, and because I can't kill myself yet.

 

[Jc40]

I've done it for a long time and I do get relief when I do deeper cuts, I usually do deeper cuts when I just go and do it though. Sometimes I have hundreds of little cuts and I would of felt better if it was one or two deeper cuts. Seeing the blood pour out calms me down. I punch hard surfaces because it gets it out of me. I bought a punch bag so trying to use that more. I punch my head and thighs too but not as frequent. I do wish I'd never started though.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I used to. I had about 130 days clean but I broke my streak because I needed it. I'm disappointed but it had motivated me to built it back up again, the streak i mean.

 

[Jc40]

I used to. I had about 130 days clean but I broke my streak because I needed it. I'm disappointed but it had motivated me to built it back up again, the streak i mean.

What did you do, how did you manage 130 days? Think that's really good and glad you'll try and build it up again

 

[SadGirl]

The scars on my arms, they say for me. I have not done anything like this for a long time.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

What did you do, how did you manage 130 days? Think that's really good and glad you'll try and build it up again

Its going to sound really dumb but I think it is just will power. If I have a future i dont want my own kids ever to ask me what those white lines are.

 

[S5E51mbB]

Yeah I did, but I do wonder why. I certainly didn't self harm as much as other people who've self harmed, at least from what I've read on various forums.

To be honest it had a really soothing effect. Endorphins I guess. Seeing the blood drip out, or seeing the knuckle(s) turn blue just made me feel better.

I'd say I just wanted to physically hurt myself in response to whenever I felt inadequate or failed a task. You know, a bad football session, being unable to solve a physics problem. It probably sounds silly, but those things still trigger me and takes some serious will on my part to not self harm when they happen. Just the perfectionist in me I suppose...

 

[ayanonikki]

yes i have. i will admit i was curious and i did it in the middle of a nervous breakdown too, so emotions were running high and impulse was on show. i went straight for it and initially it was painful, but then somehow it managed to relax me among all those racing thoughts. the physical sensation of stinging was enough to distract me, but somehow the blood trickling down my arm was so fascinating, relaxing... enough to make me not want to end the moment i was having. but i regret it big time. now i do it whenever i am in the middle of a crisis. it's become my worst coping mechanism and yet my best because it always helps me, but only for a few minutes. and as well as that it's so hard to hide it from my sister and my mother. what will i do in the summer...

i think anybody who has gotten to a state where they are considering self-harm is already in a state of extreme isolation, boredom, anxiety, depression... something. no matter if they are an attention seeker or edgy teen. there is obviously something wrong and their acts of self-harm shouldn't be minimized just because people who self-harm for socially accepted reasons don't like that this is the stigma of them. we should be concerned for anybody who self-harms. there is no correct reason to self-harm, which a lot of people make out that there is.

 

[Wolfjob_dayjob]

Id probably get labeled attention seeker because I can't be bothered hiding my baby nicks once they scab over. I'm exhausted holding my shit together and they ARE my arms, I'm not flaunting them. I'm extremely people avoidant so idk who the hell's attention I want (or if they thought people could help them or accept them WHY that's so bad)

 

[Your Own Ghost]

When I was a teenager and into my early twenties I cut, and I cut a lot. At one point there was no visible skin on my arms, just healing cuts. Since those years I've been able to withhold doing so except for the truly bad times when it feels like my nervous system is under attack. I don't know how to explain it without misrepresenting my actions, but I know it was something that I felt like I had to do – like the pain had nowhere else to go and started manifesting on the surface of me.

I went to an intensive mental health program for high school and it was mostly tolerated because there wasn't much they could do besides try to figure it out and encourage me to quit. My parents took everything sharp out of my bedroom back then but I just did stuff like break glass to use. I started cutting my face at one point, though, and I got committed. So I stopped cutting my face. Over the years it became more and more of a secret when I did cut as I was trying to put on the cloak of adulthood.

People say that it feels good, but it never felt good to me. I think they're being too simple with their language. Like how the opposite of depression isn't happiness but vitality, to cut doesn't feel good but it feels like… finding a creature of comfort within pain. They say it releases dopamine, so I guess that makes sense on some level.

I'm 35 now and my arms and legs are mostly faded maps of old memories. …There's where I was going to cut with a razorblade attached to a Dremel, but it slipped out of my hand first and tore up my forearm enough that my fatty tissue was coming out. There's where I sliced into my wrist from a razor attached to my dresser top. There's where I took a knife and just swiped it through. Etc.

I'm not ashamed of my scars. Like I said, they're faded a good bit, but I don't hide what's left. Just the other week a woman at the hospital was all friendly with me until I rolled up my sleeve to get my blood taken, and then she shut down. Yes, lady, I have lived.

 

[muretax]

I did extensively for several years. Started when I was around 11 years old and increasingly got deeper and more often with freshman and sophomore year of high school being the worst. I made a conscious decision to try my hardest to quit self harming when I was 18 years old which ended up being successful with an exception with a few slip ups here and there.

Now whenever I want to hurt myself, I just drink all the alcohol and smoke all the weed.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yeah I use to cut my arms a lot back when I was 14-16 while I was Emo/Goth

 

[Wolfjob_dayjob]

Yes, lady, I have lived.

Not religious. Still...amen.

 

[FullCircle]

On and off for 10+ years.

 

[phoenixx]

Yep. Been self harming for 9+ years. Mainly cutting but I've also done burning, punching/bruising, overdosing, scratching and self embedding.

 

[esclava]

I'm 38. I've been self harming for 30 years, on and off. I haven't found anything else that helps in times of crisis. Years of therapy and meds haven't helped either.

 

[Skathon]

Regularly since 14.

 

[Please_stop]

Whenever I have a nervous breakdown

 

[housecat]

I never used to see the sense in it, even when feeling very depressed. I knew people did it but couldn't fathom why. But I think I started to feel more tempted by the idea in more recent years, probably after I started taking citalopram. The urges aren't strong enough to do it, but I find it interesting to have experienced a desire to do something that I never understood. I only take part in really minor versions of self harm, such as poor eating, or near obsessively picking at acne.

 

[CoolGuy9]

Sometimes I have a desire to be in pain. Now is one of those times. I don't physically do anything against myself, but mentally I'll tell myself I'm a loser so I can feel bad.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Biting, quick jolt of pain brings things to focus. If its really bad then I'll use blades, small cuts mind you. Its only more so for the quick pain that wakes me up, somedays its for the blood and other days its for the sensation of hurting myself because i am the only thing that I hate most.

 

[RM5998]

Sometimes. Has kept increasing in frequency with age, while still coming in intermittent periods. I don't even know why I do it - it's not even helpful in alleviating whatever is wrong with me. I do know that irrespective of the sharpness of the instrument used, it hurts more to pull on and cut the hair on my hand than to actually go through my skin. I presume that that is because there is no clot where my hair gets pulled out.

 

[chlorine]

Please only answer if you are comfortable with it talking about it.
I am referring to about self-harm without the intent to ctb.

I don't do it myself anymore but there is a stigma against it, and people think that the ones doing it are all edgy teens or attention seekers which isn't usually the case.

I do it for various reasons. It can be to fight depersonalization and feel like an actual human being even if for just a while, it can be to get some relief from emotional pain, it can be for the euphoria of cutting through my skin and see the blood flowing showing me that I'm not just a skin bag, or it can be to express externally internal built up anger without having to be aggressive towards other people. Sometimes it will be a sort of punishment as a result of self guilt or salf hatred.