EddieAllenPoe
Specialist
- Mar 19, 2019
- 304
I was reading a post the other day where a person was describing how their mind was driving them crazy. They wanted to CTB because they just wanted their mind to stop. It was like they were saying they had no control over their mind. It's not the first time I've seen a post like this on here. I remember one where they said their mind tortured them every hour with things their parents had told them. This sounds like it's very hard to go through.
Have you ever felt this way? I know that I have often had times in my life where I felt like my mind was torturing me. When I was younger I think I had a form of PTSD. I had a pretty rough childhood. I know I also had bipolar. It often felt like I was on a horrible roller coaster ride. I had no control over my mind. The worst part is knowing I had some good opportunities in my life. My mind would sabotage these opportunities though. My mind hurt me academically when I was in school. My mind hurt my job performance. My mind ruined my relationships. My mind was always controlling me. I felt trapped by my mind.
This is how I used to feel about my mind.
The funny thing is that I recently realized that I actually could not relate to feeling like my mind was torturing me. I also could not say it seemed like my mind was controlling me. I don't even have thoughts that overwhelm me. I have a mind. But I'm not controlled by it. Does that make sense? Because it's true. It's like I'm talking about two different things when I'm talking about my mind now. I am not my mind. When I do have to think... I'm usually slow and deliberate in my thoughts. When I don't have to think... I simply turn my mind off. It stays silent. I haven't always been able to do this.
I'm definitely not saying I don't have problems. I do. I even contemplate suicide. But I was noticing how my mind had become somehow different. It doesn't control me.
It made me wonder... how did I get this way?
Is it because I don't have "crazy thoughts"? No. They're still there.
Is it because I don't have emotions? No. I'm bipolar. I've actually experienced some pretty wild shifts in my mood recently.
Is it because I don't have to deal with difficult people in my life? Unfortunately, no... I'm surrounded by crazy people.
Is it because I don't face stressful situations? No. I spent several years in a highly stressful career. Now I'm facing the stress of unemployment.
Somehow I've gained a certain kind of calm detachment from my mind. It's like I'm witnessing my mind happening. I don't know how else to explain that. It doesn't control me though. I actually do have peace. This only recently became obvious to me. I guess I take it for granted. This only became obvious to me when I started to realize this wasn't everyone else's experience.
So... How did I get this way? The answer seems to simply be because I practiced meditation.
When I was twenty years old I used to be obsessed with Buddhism. I was simply mystified by this religion and I would spend hours studying about it. I remember how I also used to spend hours alone listening to guided meditations. I would even spend long periods of time where I simply chanted buddhist mantras.
I realize this is kind of a weird confession because I normally wouldn't share this with most people. It sounds boring. It also sounds weird. Who would want to do this? But I'm actually glad I had these experiences. Because I can tell that doing these things have actually helped me. I wanted to share this because I hope it will inspire someone else who feels controlled by their mind. Someone who might actually benefit from meditation.
Do you have to study Buddhism to gain the benefits of meditation? No. But I do think it helps. I've learned a lot of helpful things from studying Buddhism. Better ways to think is one of them. You don't actually have to become Buddhist though. I think it helps to study philosophy though. As an example, I've recently gained appreciation for Greek philosophers who practice something called "stoicism". One of my favorite philosophers is a man named Marcus Aurelius. I have also found that listening to contemporary authors such as Eckhart Tolle has helped me gain better control over my mind. He's pretty down to earth and easy to relate to.
Meditation itself is a simple practice though. It doesn't require study. You don't need to learn a bunch of fancy concepts.
One of my favorite meditation teachers is a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk named Thich Naht Hanh. If you're new to meditation you should start out by practicing for only ten or fifteen minutes at most. Once or twice a day. You won't notice huge changes at first. But it does have an effect. I've found it has helped me to actually listen to guided meditations. Here is a good one to start out with...
For what it's worth, Thich Naht Hanh is also an excellent teacher of Buddhist philosophy. One of my favorite talks of his is one in which he discusses something called the "Avatamsaka Sutra". If you ever get a chance to hear him talk about this I recommend it. It's pretty profound. But... again... you don't have to study Buddhism to practice meditation. Meditation isn't about studying philosophy. It's simply learning to sit and observe your mind.
Have you ever tried to practice meditation? What did you do and how was your experience?
Have you ever felt this way? I know that I have often had times in my life where I felt like my mind was torturing me. When I was younger I think I had a form of PTSD. I had a pretty rough childhood. I know I also had bipolar. It often felt like I was on a horrible roller coaster ride. I had no control over my mind. The worst part is knowing I had some good opportunities in my life. My mind would sabotage these opportunities though. My mind hurt me academically when I was in school. My mind hurt my job performance. My mind ruined my relationships. My mind was always controlling me. I felt trapped by my mind.
This is how I used to feel about my mind.
The funny thing is that I recently realized that I actually could not relate to feeling like my mind was torturing me. I also could not say it seemed like my mind was controlling me. I don't even have thoughts that overwhelm me. I have a mind. But I'm not controlled by it. Does that make sense? Because it's true. It's like I'm talking about two different things when I'm talking about my mind now. I am not my mind. When I do have to think... I'm usually slow and deliberate in my thoughts. When I don't have to think... I simply turn my mind off. It stays silent. I haven't always been able to do this.
I'm definitely not saying I don't have problems. I do. I even contemplate suicide. But I was noticing how my mind had become somehow different. It doesn't control me.
It made me wonder... how did I get this way?
Is it because I don't have "crazy thoughts"? No. They're still there.
Is it because I don't have emotions? No. I'm bipolar. I've actually experienced some pretty wild shifts in my mood recently.
Is it because I don't have to deal with difficult people in my life? Unfortunately, no... I'm surrounded by crazy people.
Is it because I don't face stressful situations? No. I spent several years in a highly stressful career. Now I'm facing the stress of unemployment.
Somehow I've gained a certain kind of calm detachment from my mind. It's like I'm witnessing my mind happening. I don't know how else to explain that. It doesn't control me though. I actually do have peace. This only recently became obvious to me. I guess I take it for granted. This only became obvious to me when I started to realize this wasn't everyone else's experience.
So... How did I get this way? The answer seems to simply be because I practiced meditation.
When I was twenty years old I used to be obsessed with Buddhism. I was simply mystified by this religion and I would spend hours studying about it. I remember how I also used to spend hours alone listening to guided meditations. I would even spend long periods of time where I simply chanted buddhist mantras.
I realize this is kind of a weird confession because I normally wouldn't share this with most people. It sounds boring. It also sounds weird. Who would want to do this? But I'm actually glad I had these experiences. Because I can tell that doing these things have actually helped me. I wanted to share this because I hope it will inspire someone else who feels controlled by their mind. Someone who might actually benefit from meditation.
Do you have to study Buddhism to gain the benefits of meditation? No. But I do think it helps. I've learned a lot of helpful things from studying Buddhism. Better ways to think is one of them. You don't actually have to become Buddhist though. I think it helps to study philosophy though. As an example, I've recently gained appreciation for Greek philosophers who practice something called "stoicism". One of my favorite philosophers is a man named Marcus Aurelius. I have also found that listening to contemporary authors such as Eckhart Tolle has helped me gain better control over my mind. He's pretty down to earth and easy to relate to.
Meditation itself is a simple practice though. It doesn't require study. You don't need to learn a bunch of fancy concepts.
One of my favorite meditation teachers is a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk named Thich Naht Hanh. If you're new to meditation you should start out by practicing for only ten or fifteen minutes at most. Once or twice a day. You won't notice huge changes at first. But it does have an effect. I've found it has helped me to actually listen to guided meditations. Here is a good one to start out with...
For what it's worth, Thich Naht Hanh is also an excellent teacher of Buddhist philosophy. One of my favorite talks of his is one in which he discusses something called the "Avatamsaka Sutra". If you ever get a chance to hear him talk about this I recommend it. It's pretty profound. But... again... you don't have to study Buddhism to practice meditation. Meditation isn't about studying philosophy. It's simply learning to sit and observe your mind.
Have you ever tried to practice meditation? What did you do and how was your experience?